Friday, February 24, 2012

Attracting Women: Validation And The Frame

Before I start this newsletter, I must
add a warning:  Success with women
is not just about the dynamics of
validation in the sense of being "nice"
or being "not nice".

Success when it comes to pick up and
attraction is about CREATING ALL KINDS
OF AWESOME EMOTIONAL IMPACT. 

From her feeling giddy, to laughing, to
excited, to sexually turned on, to
intrigued, etc.

The thing is, there is a way to use the
dynamics of validation and the way you
frame your own value and hers (including
knowing when and how to make HER
feel VALIDATED) to actually CREATE
all those emotions I just mentioned
above.

Keep this in mind as you read the article,
as understanding this stuff is also a big key
to ensuring that you never come across
as some kind of CLOWN, or some kind of
UNDERLING as you are giving women
these emotions. 

Ya feel me here?
OK, cool, let's begin then:  

Sex is great, but validation is even better.
And that has EVERYTHING to do with
being successful at pick up and long term
attraction.

The basic idea is actually quite simple to
understand. So before we get complex,
let's explain the fundamentals:

If you had women who were STRIKINGLY
beautiful knocking down your door every day,
I can GUARANTEE you that the ONE chick
that you'd be MOST CRAZY about would be
the ONE who DID NOT bang down on your door.

Why?

The answer is because those other chicks might
in REALITY be just as great, but because of the
way the mind works, you would wonder why the
heck you couldn't get the ONE who was NOT so
crazy about you.

It would eat at your soul.

You might start to ask "Am I not hot enough for
her?" or, "Does she find something about me
repulsive?" or, "Is she special or something?"
or, "What is her problem???!! I'm going to
MAKE her like me, damn it, if it's the last
thing I do!!!"

And you might go through great lengths to
get her. You might find out what she's into,
you might find out where she hangs out, etc.
All that time, you would be passing UP the
infinite sex you could be having with all the
hotties at your DOOR.

Because VALIDATION is GREATER than sex.
It's MORE fulfilling. You would most likely start
to feel there is something SUPERIOR about that
ONE chick, and you would feel the NEED to get
HER approval.

You would feel the need to get VALIDATED by her.

And almost the MOMENT you GOT that difficult
chick, (if you got her, because all that chasing, if
she found out, would turn her off!) you would
start to appreciate her LESS. You would start to
notice her faults, etc.

It might seem awesome at FIRST, and the sex
might even seem greater than it really is with
her, because you would be getting VALIDATED
by the act. At first. But once you got it, you
no longer need to get it, right?

If all this sounds hard to believe, trust me,
it's TRUE. It's hard for most guys to fathom
this, because it seems so far out of their
reality. But it's CRUCIAL to realize all this.

Now, if you just realize that for a hottie,
most of them anyway, they have spent
their LIVES getting validated based on
their looks alone.

That's why a guy that kisses up to them
based on their looks is so meaningless
to them. Yet at the same time, for a
woman, if a guy DOES NOT seem to be
into her looks, it's like pulling the earth
out from under her feet.

It's a totally INVALIDATING experience
for her, and for women who are attractive,
in general. Makes them feel like they are
not worthy to be on this earth.

Most hotties start to go nuts when
this happens. It's like you are shaking
apart their entire reality, the reality they
have so firmly believed for all of their
life until NOW.

This is SO DISORIENTING for most chicks,
that they will immediately start to try to
make reality "make sense again" by
trying to PLEASE you, so that you WILL
kiss up to them, so that things can go
back to "normal".

And in fact, a woman will AUTHENTICALLY
start to desire you, because she REALLY
does value your approval now!

Remember, VALIDATION is GREATER
than sex.

For many chicks, when they break up,
they are too lazy and spoiled to deal with
the negative emotion in a productive way-
They feel a lack of validation, and so they
go and hook up with a few guys immediately,
making almost ZERO effort at screening him
for quality values, simply because they want
to get VALIDATED as fast as possible.

I've spoken with lots of girls about this-
I'm not saying every girl is like this, and in
fact some arent, but in general, the typical
chick is, if she is hot, this is what she does,
and I quote the term for this: "shedding old
skin".  Especially true for the younger
hotties.

Yup.
Isn't that sweet.

These are really just euphemisms, or
rather CODEWORDS for: "DESPERATE
NEED TO BOOST LOW SELF ESTEEM"

AKA: Desperate need to get RE-VALIDATED.

Now, at this point, I want to make something
clear: I do not hold all women in contempt for
all of this.

Our society has allowed this to happen, a
combination of the fact that guys have
become slaves to beauty and forgotten
that character is just as important, guys
have forgotten their own value, most
guys have given over all their dignity to
women, guys have been brainwashed to
think that it's normal to kiss up to a woman
just because she is attractive, etc.

I also want to clearly point out that there
are a rare handful of women who are
exceptions, but they are EXTREME
EXCEPTIONS and not the rule.

Also, as guys, we definitely have our
share as well of bad apples, guys who
are dumbasses and abusers of women, etc.  

But in general, you must learn to DANGLE
the carrot of validation to a woman without
giving it to her completely. Once you give
it to her completely, she no longer needs
you and will stop treating you as she did
prior to getting validation from you.

This might sound Machiavellian, but
it's the truth.  At least in the beginning
of the "courtship". And to an extent,
even later.

A woman will tell you she is MADLY in
love with you, and MEAN IT, and be
the sweetest woman on earth. Then,
if you give her full validation, it will
quickly all disappear.

Also, once you have a woman in
private, better help her unleash
her repression!

This is REALPOLITIK.

Now, here's the thing.  This is all
sounds really harsh, right?

But here's the thing you have to REMEMBER:
ALL THIS STUFF ONLY FEELS STRANGE
because you have been put in a very
"UN-NATURAL"  position in today's
society with women: As a man, if you
accept the current PARADIGM of men's
roles, THAT is the real "un-natural" role.

Think about it:

MEN supposedly have to buy
women things, like dinner.

MEN are supposed to be  "gentlemanly".

MEN have to "prove" themselves and
their character over the dating process.  

MEN supposedly have a duty to show
that they are going to look out for
the chick's long term interest and
thus assure her that she will never
be dumped no matter what she does,
and also that they are available
at her beck and call at any moment.

MEN have to show they have financial
security, etc.

Okay, I have one question:

In return for any of this, or dare I say
ALL of this even, ALLL this stuff that
men have to do, what the *&^% do
WOMEN have to do?

Answer is, according to the social rules
of today: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

So, you see, THIS is the REAL insanity.

It pours into every aspect of your
interaction with a woman you are
picking up.

And THEREFORE, to COUNTER this
insanity, you have to do BALANCE
the forces to create some SANITY
out of it all.

THIS is why you need to withhold
validation, etc.

But it's NOT because you should
be MEAN.

First of all, I don't believe in being
"mean" anyway, but also because
being MEAN is actually a sign of
INFERIORITY. 

So all this withholding validation,
breaking rapport, etc, all this stuff
has to be done from a place inside
of you that is very calm, playful,
and feeling good, upbeat, and
dominant, and yes, sexual as well.

And yes, once a woman is attracted
after all this, you have to show that
you are genuinely interested, just
not that you are inferior or needy
in any way whatsoever.  

And without realizing it, most guys
ARE showing inferiority when they
think they are only showing genuine
interest, and that is because their
inner game is still plagued by
weak beliefs.  Those weak beliefs
generate actions and statements
that give off the vibe of inferiority.

Or to put it simply - he comes
across as boring, needy, and
a little creepy. 

So in fact, all we're doing by what
**I'M** advocating, is restoring the
BALANCE to the dynamics between
men and women. Helping fill in the
gaps (no pun intended) and actually
help women get some balance back
in THEIR lives.

A BALANCE that was lost in the last few
decades. (although there were a couple
of good things that happened too.) 

This BALANCE is what WOMEN need as
well to feel the JOY of attraction!!!!!!

BALANCE is always a good thing. I'm
not for causing pain to women, I'm for
causing harmony between men and women.

I must say it clearly again, once a woman
is attracted, it's important that you also
show kindness and respect.  You just have
to also know how to keep just the right
amount of sexual tension on. 

Keep the flame alive kind of thing.

Once a woman is ATTRACTED seriously
to you, THEN the GREATEST gift you can
give her is your validation- that you feel
she is WORTHY of you.

But guess what???
Most guys give this validation over to a
woman before the woman even CARES
about the GUY.

It's in guys' body language, and their tonality,
down to the most microscopic details, it's all
given away before they even approach the
woman.

Can you imagine that?
Giving over your GREATEST GIFT to a woman
before you even know a THING about her?????
And before she knows a thing about  you???
Before she could even VALUE your
validation????  

That's INSANE!!!

Of course, at one point or another, we were
all guilty of doing this, we had no idea what
was really going on. The world of women isn't
all like those cute Teletubbies on TV if you
know what I mean.

So let's talk a bit about the practical
side to all this:

As soon as you meet most women who are
attractive, I can GUARANTEE you that
she will be trying to CONTROL THE FRAME
between you and her. She will immediately
begin attempting to do everything on
HER TERMS.

And I DO mean AS SOON AS YOU MEET HER.

Yup.
And it really will never stop completely.

Let me give you some examples:
She might tell you where to sit if you've
invited her to join you for coffee.
She might tell you she doesn't give
emails or numbers out, but she'll take
yours.

She might tell you to "be a "sweetie"
and bring her x,y,z from the counter".

She might tell you SHE wants to do this
or that, and if you suggest something
else, she might put it down.

If you are have just approached her,
and started to chat her up, she might
tell you "are you a player?" i.e.
controlling the frame that she is
immaculate and you are a "dog",
or "a typical GUY", in order to
get you to become all apologetic
and kiss her butt type of thing.

That last one above is really funny,
because women hang out at clubs
and shake their butt and tell everyone
they just want to dance, and that
guys are pigs, meanwhile the reality
is that if there were no guys at the club,
women wouldn't ever go.

Because then there would be NO VALIDATION---
no guys to OGLE and WATCH them shake
their butts!!!!!

If you ever approach a woman in a club,
withhold all the validation stuff, instead
just strike up a fun conversation, or
tease her on her outfit, and in fact if she
seems to be treating you great, don't act
all so surprised and happy as if this never
happens to you.  If you act like she is
doing you a massive favor, you'll quickly
find yourself out of a conversation. 

And if she tells you that you could be a
real "sweetie" if you bought her and her
friends some drinks, you should just laugh
and tell her "you're not that type of guy"
but that she could buy YOU and YOUR
FRIENDS some drinks.  And you can
tell her, "of course, just because I might
accept the drinks for me and my buddies,
don't think we're going to hook up just
because of this".  ;)

But enough about clubs, because women
are EVERYWHERE. The fact is, no matter
where you meet a woman, and no matter
what stage you are in with her, you MUST
control the frame.

Ahhh, I can hear someone asking. "You mean
you can NEVER EVER EVER let a woman have
things her way?"

No, don't get paranoid, but in general, the
overall frame, yes, you should be a little
more dominant, because she is ALREADY getting
the validation and confidence PUMPED up in
her from all of the rest of society.

Especially when you are doing the pickup. 
Later on, you can divide up the responsibilities
if you ever get into some serious relationship.

When you finally give a woman what she wants,
create a NEW need for validation by showing her
in a fun way that you don't kiss up: i.e. you give
her the present she wanted, and then you bust
on her about something else.

Be smooth about taking control- women are
VERY smooth at ensuring they do get things
done their way, simply because they feel
it is so NATURAL for things to be that way.

I'll give you an example- let's say a woman
wants to go to x restaurant and you want to
go to y café. She might say something to
you like "So do you want to go to x
restaurant at 8 or at 7:30?" In other words,
a loaded question- she is pretending that
no other options exist.

Yeah, this happens all the time with
most women, if you are giving a
WEAK FRAME to begin with. 

It won't happen though nearly as often
if you just establish the right frame to
begin with.

You have to learn to speak UP, and STOP
smooth moves like this from surreptitiously
taking over your frame. You might think
that a woman would LIKE it when you give
her what she wants. You might think that
a woman would LIKE to be validated.

Well, she might like it, for a second,
but she is not ATTRACTED to the man
that feels the insecure NEED to give
her this validation in the hopes that
she will then like him more for it.

Guys forget that once someone HAS
something, they don't appreciate it.

AND once someone has something,
they tend to want MORE. So giving
women every trivial thing they want
so easily, only digs you deeper into
the abyss of abuse.

Not only that, but women are SICK
of guys who just want to do what
women want- because the reality is
that women who are hot often really
have never had a chance to think
about what they really want, since
everyone keeps GIVING them everything!

Ask a woman what she wants:
She'll tell you a nice guy. And then see
what type of men she has actually gone with.

These are the men who provide them with a
CHALLENGE, who are able to hold their OWN
self-esteem without the approval of any
woman.

Women need men who have very CLEAR ideas
of what the MEN want.

So be even SMOOTHER than women
are, for both women's benefit and
your own.

By the way, don't get me wrong:
I don't advocate being a JERK with
women. If you saw or heard me speaking
with a woman, you'd notice that both she
and I were probably laughing more than
anything, and also just having an interesting
conversation and sometimes just kicking
back and not saying anything at all.

It's impossible in the space of these
newsletters to convey all the subtle details
of how everything works. There is a ton
more that I explain in my book, and of
course in my advanced programs.

Let me wrap up by saying that I also believe
that guys need to learn to NOT REQUIRE
validation from anyone, ESPECIALLY not
from chicks.  I know this goes against the
whole notion of romantic fairy tales, but
then again those things kind of screwed
us all up, especially since THESE DAYS we
don't even get the nice feminine part of
romance. 

In the days of the romantic tales, women
gave men a certain amount of automatic
respect.  Romance today is impossible
until you regain more power.  And that
can only happen if you follow the stuff
I teach, seriously.

And if you would like to learn EXACTLY
how to reclaim your attractive power as
a man, and also learn how to MASSIVELY
SKYROCKET your INNER GAME, and also
learn EXACTLY how to APPLY this all when
you encounter women ANYWHERE, then I
seriously suggest you get my Attraction
Mastery program.

It's the finest program on this topic, anywhere.
The culmination of years of my exclusive
dedication to it.

And it can now be at your fingertips, 24/7.

It's at:

http://www.getagreatgirl.com/Mastery.html

For the BOOTCAMP experience, where
I will take you under my exclusive wing
and TRAIN you for TWO FULL DAYS AND NIGHTS
as we do it all on women in real time, go to:

 http://www.getagreatgirl.com/realworld.html

And if you haven't yet downloaded my latest
program, The Charismatic Man, then do that
now at:

http://getagreatgirl.com/charismatic-man.html

Till next time,

Michael

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