when it came to women was that a lot of things
are not what they appear to be.
So, for example, have you ever heard how
"nice guys" don't attract any women?
Maybe you've even wondered why things didn't
work when you treated women "very nicely".
This kind of thing happens to MILLIONS of men,
so you are not alone.
However, the problem is that the answer is NOT
to act like a jerk or try to act like a player. If this
actually worked, the problem would have been
solved for all men a long time ago.
There is a reason why both being a "nice guy" and
being an arrogant or cocky guy or being a player
BOTH don't work. It's because the best kind of
women are attracted to STRENGTH of character.
In fact, even women who are messed UP are often
ALSO attracted to strength of character as well!
Now, when a man takes on the act of being a player
or being arrogant he is actually conveying MASSIVE
insecurity.
A woman who is already confident, can smell this
insecurity from far away. She knows that a man who
is secure would not need to OVERDO things so much.
So why does the "nice guy" stuff not work either?
Well, the reason is because the truth is that "nice guys"
actually are NOT that nice, as I will show you:
"Nice guys" are very MEAN to ONE person.
In fact, they are mean to one person VERY CLOSEto them, the closest in fact: THEMSELVES.
So, for example, a man who keeps on calling a
woman who does not return his calls, or a man
who even spends too much time THINKING
about a woman who is not giving him HALF
the amount of energy that he is putting into
chasing her, well this man is very MEAN
actually.
He is MEAN to himself.
He is basically telling himself and saying that he
is NOT WORTH treating any BETTER than this.
Have you ever had a woman that you chased
really HARD, and that you thought was somehow
a SPECIAL person for some reason?
Usually, there IS no reason, we just FEEL that there
is, but these feelings are the result of BAD CONDITIONING.
They can be overcome.
Women ARE attracted to strength of character, AND
to goodness, but there is nothing strong and nothing
GOOD about being a guy who allows himself to
be abused, and even if he just doesn't respect himself
enough.
This is why I have decided to use the term "REINVENTING
THE GOOD GUY" so that we stop thinking of GOOD
as being something "nice" or weak, because in reality
GOODNESS is the result of STRENGTH, and it's
NEVER self-abusive or self-hurting.
So the RIGHT way to be thinking about being CONFIDENT
and CHARISMATIC is not to come to it from a "I AM
THE BOSS OVER A WOMAN" angle but rather from
true goodness, starting with being good to yourself.
And NOT from having to boss around a woman.
In fact, the whole, "I have to CONTROL a woman"
vibe always ends up showing up to a woman as
insecurity and fear and looks very much like
"wuss" behavior to her.
If a woman disrespects you, and you are dating
her, DUMP her.
Think to yourself, would SHE tolerate the
same disrespect if you treated HER that way?
It is amazing how some good guys will allow
certain women to get away with all kinds of
behaviors that these same women would never
tolerate from men.
The mere BELIEF itself that this is OKAY,
that it's OKAY for you to accept LESS
than TOTAL RESPECT, is in ITSELF a problem.
A woman can detect these fears and thoughts from
the way you behave, in the same way you can
often tell what your best friend is thinking or
feeling before they even tell you, simply because
you can tell and read his or her body language.
Well, women are good at reading body language
because even as children they spend more time
developing these skills whereas boys develop
other skills better.
So it's really a waste of time to try to fake it
with a woman, it's far better to actually DEVELOP
the right behaviors, and perspectives- this way a
woman KNOWS you are for real.
I recently heard a radio show where a man
who sounded like a really DECENT guy,
who was in a relationship, called in to
this woman who was giving advice on the
radio.
He said he wanted to settle a debate he was
having with his girlfriend (I think it was
a girlfriend, not a wife), where he thought
it was WRONG for her to ACCEPT drinks from
other guys when she went out occasionally
on a 'girls night out', and his girlfriend
felt it was 'harmless'.
The woman radio host said that she agreed
with him that it was wrong of her to do
this, but the radio host wanted him to
TAP DANCE AROUND THE REAL ISSUE and tell
his girlfriend that it was wrong to
LEAD ON some other guys by accepting
their drinks.
This radio host was SO CONCERNED about not
offending the guy's girlfriend, that she
didn't come right out and just say the
TRUTH, which is that it is downright
DISRESPECTFUL to the boyfriend for her
to do this.
It's so POLITICALLY INCORRECT to just
call CRAP BEHAVIOR what it is: CRAP.
I also don't BLAME this innocent guy for
being CONFUSED in feeling that he needs
to SETTLE the debate with another opinion,
or maybe he actually DID know fully the
right decision, but he wanted his girlfriend
to hear it from a woman.
So again, I COMPLETELY DON'T JUDGE ANY
GUY WHO IS CONFUSED when it comes to
women, because I used to be the KING
of being ENSLAVED to the approval of
a woman.
I used to think that all women were
made from sugar and spice and that
all women just wanted a good guy
for a relationship, and I thought
that any problems in the relationship
had to be something that I could
solve, since after all, it was
supposedly that all these women
wanted was genuine love and
commitment.
Now, I want to PUKE when I think of
some of the abuse I went through,
but it was all worth it because
it taught me so much, to the point
that some guys actually thought I
was a NATURAL with women when
I was running the group bootcamps.
Some of the guys actually thought that
I was a natural, that I didn't have to LEARN
all this stuff, including even the easy stuff
like picking up women at clubs.
To any guys who are out there who want
to learn, please remember this stuff
CAN be learned, I was not a natural at all.
I also learned to CALIBRATE
a woman's personality and values
VERY QUICKLY so that I stopped
wasting time on the WRONG women
and only rewarded the ones who
already HAD the right morals
built in.
Anyway, back to this dude from the show,
near the end of the conversation with the
radio show host, he mentioned that he told
his girlfriend that she should imagine what
SHE would feel like if the tables were turned,
i.e. if HE was at a bar with a group of women,
and a woman decided to buy HIM a drink.
Apparently, THIS got the girlfriend to
understand the basic issue, but STILL
the guy was talking about how many
women including at least some of
her friends (I don't remember every
detail of the show) thought that he
was being JEALOUS.
This kind of thing is not about jealousy,
just like the reverse situation is not about
jealousy, i.e. a woman not wanting her
boyfriend to accept free drinks from
a woman at a bar .
It's not about jealousy, it's about
RESPECT, the real true foundation of
any GENUINE relationship.
But in order to get respect from others,
FIRST you must have LOADS of it for
YOURSELF.
So, make sure to first have a firm belief in your
OWN value, not out of arrogance, but out of
being your own best FRIEND. A woman, on an
subconscious level, wants to see some PROOF
that you are valuable, and if YOU don't value
yourself, how can she feel you have value?
Not only that, but if you believe that good people
have value, if you REALLY believe that, then
why would you ever allow yourself to chase
after a woman who didn't show any particularly
great characteristics of her own?
When you stop obsessing with the superficial for
REAL, you really DO show that you value character,
and now two things happen- you suddenly find that
more women are attracted to you, (because you
are proving that there are other things of value
besides the superficial and that you are one of
those valuable people ) and you also find that you
really ARE less obsessed now with the superficial-
because actions become emotions, and your
new lifestyle has given you new perspectives
and new appreciation for the bigger picture.
Don't get me wrong, of course you will want and
you SHOULD want physical attraction in a woman,
but you will be in the right balance to truly be a cool
guy with all women. A MAN, not a boy playing
"pick up artist".
So the best combination is to be a GOOD guy with women,
but also to be a good guy to YOURSELF and never, EVER
do anything below your dignity to try to earn a woman's
approval - besides, chasing after her in itself is what will
destroy her attraction to you. It's like you are saying,
"I don't feel I have value, but could YOU please treat
me really well out of PITY?"
And this is EXACTLY the kind of reaction that
is generated in a woman for a guy who is not
truly good, but is just "nice" in a weak sense-
she might feel PITY for him, but not ATTRACTION.
And you of course also end up ruining your own
"internal game" this way because your actions are
telling your brain that you are pathetic.
Now, I'd like to share a letter with you to show
just how powerful this stuff is, to the point that
you often don't even have to DO anything because
you are giving off all the millions of subtle signals
through your demeanor and values and beliefs.
LETTER FROM A READER:
Hi Michael, hope you're doing well.
A few ridiculously relevant things have popped up
in my life pretty much at the exact same time you've
released this new line of material. Great stuff so far...
haven't had time to finish the book yet, but it's the
next level for sure.
Quick background on me - most of my life, suffered
from all that brainwashing you talk about and was
extremely unsuccessful with women. After slowly
but surely letting you lead me out of that sh**hole
with your materials, this "inner game" stuff is sinking
in exponentially. There's evidence for this. over the
last year, I have been easily... a little too easily...
attracting women who are extremely hot. sometimes
it's obvious, other times, you just know from the
way they keep on acting around me.
anyways, as a result of my inner game getting
really tight thanks in no small part to you, I've been
getting lots of attention from hot girls without really
even doing anything "special" at all.... including this
girl at work has been hitting on me like crazy over
the past month.
Actually, more than hitting on me. whenever I walk
by, or whenever I interact with her, she ALWAYS has
to twist the topic into something that obviously states
how bad she wants to have sex with me (eg."I want
to have sex with you"). she laughs and jokes when
she says it, but that's what the subject matter leads
to all the time.
Now, in my humble opinion, this girl is OFF THE
CHARTS HOT, with a caveat: married with two kids.
anyways, this flirting thing continued, and my last
day at that site, she got my email in a very sneaky
way (pretended that her hotmail was down, and
while she got me to log onto mine to "see if it was
just her hotmail or all of hotmail that was messed
up", she snuck a peek at my email address and
emailed me that night).
ok, now I was like... whoa. I literally thought I
was just an outlet at work for some possible marital
dissatisfaction, and I didn't think she'd take it to the
next level. anyways, I still somehow gave her the
benefit of the doubt that she didn't really mean
business b/c I just couldn't believe people cheat this
easily and that people were this weak (even though
I was just as weak once but in another way).
I only responded to one out of every 3 or 4 of her
emails... just for fun really... and I thought it was
all benign until today... when in a brief email she
just said it: "so, are you into booty calls?".
This is when a revelation happened. My immediate
answer was "not with a married woman, thanks",
but I wasn't mean about it and felt terribly sorry
for her, so I padded her ego a bit.
don't get me wrong, "physiologically" I wanted to
have so much physical with her that I couldn't walk
for a while, but my standards and principles are
getting clearer. this time, mind won over body.
infidelity is something I just don't support at all.
anyways, realizing I had this clarity and the fact
that the decision was so easy and that I could care
less what anyone thought is the most empowering
thing ever. really. when I was weaker in the past,
even though I never believed in infidelity, I may
have thought about doing it out of sheer weakness
and lack of self value (that I better take what I can
get), or "man, people would think I'm such a loser
for passing this up".
not anymore. me: 1 insecurity: 0
But then, I started talking to friends about it, cuz
it kind of disturbed me. and maybe I really need
a wake up call, but what some of them said shocked
me. an acquaintance of mine told me, "man, what
are you doing? that's the safest sex out there.
married women are often the most discrete", and
this same person said he regularly has booty call
sex with married women, and even more routinely
takes home girls in the bar who have boyfriends".
although other people were not as extreme in their
opinions regarding this, they told me... "geez, maybe
I would have done it... and everybody seems to be
doing that these days anyway".
Even one of my best friends (and honestly Michael,
my best friends are people I am very proud of as
they really are awesome guys) said that when he
was younger he actually slept with a married woman
(he does regret it though).
Now, I know this has no effect on my principles, and
my principles stand, no matter what anyone says....
and I realize that those people who say "don't worry
no one will find out" don't get the freakin point at all
- it's not about getting away with it versus getting
caught, it's about selling your soul or not. but all
this new info about the world was truthfully
DEPRESSING.
I thought, THIS IS THE F*****G WORLD WE LIVE
IN????? The value of marriage, or even relationships,
has plummeted this low???
Of course, not all men and women are like this, but
it's the trend that I find exceedingly disturbing now
that I'm truly awake to it. Most people get caught
up in the "*** ** *** ***" mentality to women that
you allude to (that show is a CLASSIC example of
those moron "experts", don't even get me started as
to how misleading I think that show is).
It's amazing that it's so easy to justify participation
in infidelity these days as just another honest sleazy
act by just saying to yourself "all's fair in love and war".
and I just can't see why so many people buy into it.
Sleeping with a married chick (or a chick with a boyfriend)
just isn't congruent with someone who perceives that he
has true inner value. If you know you have value, the
whole idea is absurd - analogous to eating off of someone
else's plate when you're at a buffet (you KNOW you
have unlimited food at the buffet, so why eat someone
else's).
But more important than that. This little incident
allowed me to reflect on the whole "how to get a great girl"
theme of yours, and totally made things clear.
You attract what you are, so if you want to attract a
scummy girl, do scummy things. If you don't want
a cheating girl in your life, or even better, if you
WANT a girl who vomits at the idea of cheating and
has kick ass values, she will likely value a guy that
has those values.
Plus, you become stronger yourself with every
hard/monumental decision you make in life because
each decision seems to add to the makeup of your
"juice", as you say, in the middle of an orange.
(that analogy where pressure on an orange will
bring out whatever juice is inside the orange).
that juice = the real YOU.
So the YOU that you are constructing with each
decision you make (whether by direct effect or by
the messages that the decision sends to your brain) will
ultimately be brought out at some point because
life's pressures always exist, and that great girl
at some time I believe WILL see that real you
and either love it or hate it. so better make a good
you with good cumulative decisions.
As well, I'm realizing that I actually value relationships
to a high degree. and I just realized that by making
decisions such as participating in cheating (whether you
are the cheater or the one she is cheating with), you
REDUCE how much you value relationships/marriage
whether you are aware of it or not.
I learned this by the opposite effect, as after making
my decision, I noticed how my value for relationships
/marriage actually INCREASED. it just did.
I agree by leading in this way is a rare and special
form of attraction to a special woman that she is
likely not going to see much of in this ridiculous
world. when one day you put a ring on the finger
of that deserving woman, that ring means as much
as the decisions you've made in this regard up
until that day (i.e., the promise of marriage has as
much value as the amount that you value marriage).
you'll know it, and I think, at least subconsciously,
so will she.
anyways, peace.
Robert T.
Miami
MY COMMENTS:
Awesome stuff. You illustrated so many points-
the first one is that as you escalate in your own
internal development, THAT is when you will
find that those who are not like you will suddenly
notice the change even more, and yet at the SAME
time, the reality also is that as you become
a MASTER, a woman like her will already
SENSE that she is barking up the wrong tree
and won't even TRY. Of course, the fact you
didn't give in to external social/cultural pressure
makes you that much CLOSER to that development.
Also, you have done something else very powerful
The fact that you have PROVEN to yourself that
you can stick to your values shows you that it IS
possible, and that there are women out there just
like you as well.
It's interesting how I noticed that all the people
and supposed experts who tried to scare the hell
out of everyone by saying that with their "skills"
they could get any woman to cheat, well guess
what? It was THESE GUYS THEMSELVES
who were cheaters, and since they could not
trust themselves, of course they could not trust
women- so they go and label all women as
cheaters.
There are cheaters and there are people who won't
cheat for a billion dollars. When you are not naive,
when you are intelligent and you are a person of
integrity, you are then able to also far easier detect
OTHERS who have the SAME level of integrity
and intelligence.
There actually ARE enough men and women with
great integrity and character, but until
you bring yourself up, you can't notice
them, the same way that if you aren't
conscious of say, a red Honda car, you
won't notice them, and then when you are,
you'll see lots of them.
Similarly, when you yourself have changed,
as you are doing right now, you will start
to notice them as well, because you will
gravitate towards different people,
who lead to others with similar values.
This is part of what Tony Robbins would
call "sensory acuity" - your senses and
your mind become super-attuned to where
to get what you want, because you have
BECOME the very same thing yourself.
You have already started the process,
as you have explained, you are
experiencing internal changes already
and have barely had the new book
for a week...
And of course, when a person is a cheater who has no
integrity, he will then hang out with similar types.
The other thing of course is that a fantastic woman
who has HER act together will expect that this
test of character you went through should be
super EASY for you in the future. Because she
already has this stuff worked out in her mind
and she's not going to invest her fantastic
character and emotions in just any guy.
TRUST is key, and again, this is where much of
even the mainstream culture really is not equipped
to handle this level of trust. That stuff is designed
for emotionally low level interactions, it's not
designed for the kind of interaction that can serve
as a real foundation for the future.
So now that you have passed THIS level, you
have now opened the doors to a far more ELITE
level woman- not just any girl, but a GREAT girl.
You already could have had all the booty calls
on earth, with women who are smoking hot,
and all without DOING anything, no pick
up artist games or gimmicks.
This is NOT a coincidence- it's a direct result of
your skyrocketing internal development that you
have applied from what you learned.
And by the way, even SOCIAL PROOF then begins
to work in your favor, as women start to see OTHER
women responding to you, and suddenly you start
to get women trying to PROVE to you how they have
GOOD MORALS rather than trying to prove to you
how quick they can get in bed with you, that part
(the women wanting to get in bed with you) is
already certain.
Because you have "socially proven" the value of
yourself and your morals, now suddenly yourself
and your morals and values feel MORE precious
in these women's eyes, but I personally would
not go for a woman that I had to INFLUENCE
in this way. When it comes to morals, I only
want women who already HAVE them.
Way to go! And keep in touch as you continue
to improve!
And if you are reading this right now and would like to
meet a fantastic woman that will cherish you forever,
then I seriously suggest you get my most ADVANCED
and powerful program on this topic.
It's called "Warrior Within", and it is VITAL if
you want to get and keep a GREAT woman in your
life. It will show you how to approach her and how
to build a GENUINELY powerful connection as
well as create a deep attraction in her.
This is not some re-hashed info here, it's the most powerful,
modern tools on EARTH for meeting a great woman and
building a QUALITY future with her.
It will also show you how to rid your mind of the fears
that plague you right at that very moment that you
want to approach her, and this program will show you to
smoothly handle "getting physical" in a way that
is comfortable and classy. And it will show you
how to keep the attraction going strong long into
the future, and much, MUCH more.
It's at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
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