I'd like to give you some practical tips on how to be
successful with women, from pick up to dating to
relationships.
A lot of guys think that nice guys finish last.
The problem is that YES, if a guy is "nice" from a
place of WEAKNESS, he will finish last. And
so many guys DO behave in a submissive way
with women, so they DO finish last.
The thing is, as guys, we have been BRAINWASHED
by so many forces in our culture to actually think
that putting women on a pedestal is the right thing
to do, no matter what. We're told by our moms
that women love a guy who is all into them, who
will never take them for granted, etc etc. We're
told by movies, it seems that women love the
good guy, etc.
Well, the problem is that this is simply unbalanced
information. Women of course DO want to be
treated well, but it has to be by someone who is
a STRONG man. I don't mean with huge muscles,
although working out is always nice, I mean
that he is STRONG in the sense of not NEEDING
her, in the sense of having a SECURE identity,
in the sense of him having a secure sense of
humor, and in the sense of LEADING the show
in the interaction.
And since so many guys are NOT this way, the
JERKS often win by DEFAULT simply because
jerks have no apology, they lead the show, go
for what they want, and don't seem needy at all,
and have a life of their own. Yet none of these
things are jerky--it's only the ABUSE that's
wrong, it's not the JERKY stuff they do that's
attractive, it's the MANLY stuff they do that's
attractive, and you can do that AND be a good
guy and do better with women than any jerk.
So let's say you are taking a walk and reach
a stoplight and the light is red and there is
a woman you'd like to talk to standing there
near you. The longer you WAIT to say something
the WEAKER you seem because it becomes
obvious after 30 seconds of silence that you
were THINKING of the perfect opener, and
that means you were making a BIG DEAL
about the fact she is there. Why is she
such a big deal relative to who YOU ARE?
Making a big deal about a woman might SEEM
to be nice, but it's not, what it really is doing
is making YOU seem to be LESS than her,
so what is so nice about telling a woman she
should be with a guy who is LESS worthy
than SHE is???
Wouldn't it be NICER to be the guy who is
JUST as desirable if not MORE, who is
STILL interested in her? Wouldn't that make
her feel BETTER, THAT SHE IS GETTING
SOMETHING out of this too?
So, by starting the conversation RIGHT AWAY,
you are showing MORE VALUE about yourself,
more confidence in yourself, and this makes HER
feel better, as everyone wants MORE value in their
life, not less. You don't want a woman to be
NICE to you, you want her to WANT you.
You don't want her to have SYMPATHY, you
want her to feel ATTRACTION. So by relying
on being "nice" and submissive and coming across
as unworthy, you are relying on her SYMPATHY.
When you are coming across as VALUABLE,
you are triggering ATTRACTION.
So let's go through some common ways of
showing MORE value:
THE WAY TO BE PLAYFUL
So let's go back to the example of the woman
at the traffic light standing beside you.
You already know that you have to say something
right away, right?
And you know that kissing up is not cool either.
And you know that showing an awesome state
of mind is very cool.
So whatever the situation is, there is a way to
respond that is very cool.
Let's say it's raining LIGHTLY, and you have
an umbrella and she doesn't. You could in a
PLAYFUL way say to her "poor you, I feel so
bad for you, but not THAT bad to give you my
umbrella!".
THE RIGHT INTENT IN YOUR VOICE
If this is said with the right INTENT in your
voice, she will LAUGH because it's funny,
but she will also see that you are a cool guy
that is not NEEDING her so badly like
every OTHER guy. This is a sign of
STRENGTH, it's simply ATTRACTIVE.
This doesn't mean that later on when dating
her that you should not show her that you like
her- that's where a lot of guys make mistakes,
they don't realize that getting to know a
woman and the way you interact with her
is an evolving thing, it's not always the
same thing. And rewarding good behavior
is not the same as kissing up.
Let's say it's not raining, but you are both
waiting for the light. You can tease her
that she is JINXING the light to stay red
and not turn and that it must be her fault
because you are always at that light
and it never takes this long.
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
BY USING HER OWN RESPONSE
AS YOUR FUEL FOR YOUR RESPONSE!
And no matter what she says back to you,
you USE what she says as FUEL for
responding BACK to her, like a ping-pong
game. So if she says "How could I be
jinxing the light?? Why would I do that?"
You can then playfully respond with:
"Oh of course, the cover-up, you're an
EXPERT at this, with an alibi and totally
looking innocent and everything!"
INCORPORATE PLAYFUL ROLE PLAYING
She might then say something like
"haha" and then you use THAT by
saying "Don't think that laughing will
get you off the hook! You're like
a super villain here, using your
psychic powers or whatever to
control the traffic lights!"
SHIFT INTO A "REAL" CONVERSATION
Another thing is that you have to know when
to SHIFT GEARS. Too often, if a guy GETS
to the point that the girl is laughing and having
a good time, he doesn't want to STOP doing
the playful stuff, but it's important to MOVE
the interaction AHEAD into the zone of
actually having a conversation where you
both share real opinions, perspectives, etc.
Otherwise, she will feel she never got to know
you at all, and that you are ONLY playful,
and perhaps don't have a "deeper" side to you.
So, again using this example, as the light changes,
and you are both crossing the street, you can
shift gears into more rapport and you can
playfully transition by asking her if she
works in the area and makes a ton of money
so she can take you out to fancy places, etc.
She can then tell you a bit about what she does,
whether she is in school and what she's studying,
or whether she works and what she does or
wants to do in the future as her job.
If you are listening well, you can then tell what
she is passionate about, i.e. teaching children,
and if you share any of her passions, or anything
related, i.e. let's say you work with children,
or let's say you respect great teachers,
you can then have a meaningful conversation,
plus you can chat about your passions, etc.
DON'T SHOW OFF
So many guys though make the mistake of talking
about themselves in a way that shows they are
VERY insecure. For example, as soon as the
woman asks what the guy does, the guy goes
on a whole serious long answer about his
job in a way where he thinks he is being
subtle about how cool or rich or prestigious
or smart he is, and it's obvious what he's
doing, and it looks insecure.
Instead, it's better to talk about the REASONS
you love what you do. And if you don't
love what you do, then focus your convo
on something else. Also, it's always a
fun and playful and cool thing to first
answer the question to what do you do
with something outrageous, simply
because it shows you are not a slave
to that question and that you don't
take yourself so seriously.
So your first answer to what you do could be
something like "I jump out of cakes
at birthday parties" or "you work at
Disneyland as the big bad wolf" etc.
Once you are having a real conversation
and you are in rapport with her, from THERE,
you can take her number or email or sometimes
even go straight for the INSTANT date right then
and there if there is a coffee shop, just tell her
this is a good convo and that you should
both continue it over a coffee! It's all up
to YOU, it's YOUR JOB as the MAN
and she EXPECTS you to do your job,
and the worst is that she declines, perhaps
because she is really busy and late for
work, and in that case you can still take her
number or email and contact her later.
THE RIGHT INTENT
The key is for you to be having the right
INTENT, and that is that you are not being
a jerk, you are simply being a MAN who
is in FULL control of his emotions around
a woman who is attractive and you are not
about to hand over your dignity and life and
emotional stability over to a woman just
because she is there.
FOCUS ON THE MOMENT RATHER
THAN THE OUTCOME
Rather, you ENJOY the fact she is there, and
you ENJOY the moment with her, but you are
not WORRYING about her response-
that's NOT up to you, and you have
learned not to fear WOMEN'S reactions.
You must not be outcome dependent- rather
you must focus on how to enjoy that MOMENT.
It's not about showing her "who's boss" and
it's not about kissing up to her, it's about
you CONVEYING to her that you are in
a great state. And since most guys are in
a terrible state since she is so beautiful
that it makes them uncomfortable, it's
PARTICULARLY cool if you show
her that not only are you in a great state,
but also that you aren't NEEDY for her,
and yet you still may LIKE her all at
the same time.
CONTROLLING THE FRAME
Sometimes a woman will try to SHUT DOWN
your pick-up. This doesn't mean she hates you
or is mean or anything. Some women simply
feel it's their job to be a "good girl" by trying
to make it hard for you to get with her.
Embrace this fact, don't get pissed off about it,
but don't ACCEPT her frame either.
So on one hand, don't get pissed since
getting pissed off about it is EXACTLY
the reaction she has been told is the kind
of guy that just wants to take advantage of her.
So she will feel that you are fitting the stereotype
of a jerk, and feel that she did the right thing.
She expects you to UNDERSTAND that she
needs to act hard to get to be considered a
good girl, good woman, etc.
But at the same time, you can't accept what she
says either or you won't get anywhere, so if she
says something to you during the chat like "I'm really
busy with work, school, etc, I don't have time
to meet guys" don't say "ok".
Instead, PLAYFULLY REFRAME her statement
as a reason for why she SHOULD be chatting with
you.
Tell her, "Well then since you're so busy, clearly
you need a HEALTHY BREAK to be even
MORE productive. And what can be better than
chatting to a super cool guy like myself?"
Not only are you controlling the frame of the situation,
but you are also getting her laughing by this, changing
her internal state to make her even more receptive
to you.
If she says, "My friends would kill me if they
found out I gave number to a guy on the
bus/streetcar/intersection (or whatever else)!"
You can then say "Well, then, all the more
reason to do it! You get to be the NAUGHTY
one who does whatever she wants, and it will
be our seeeecret shhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
And so by starting the conversation RIGHT
AWAY, by looking for the playful angle,
by not kissing up, by not being outcome
dependent, and following all the OTHER
tips above, you are massively increasing
the odds that you are going to GET the
girl.
If you notice, NOTHING mentioned above
has ANYTHING to do with being A JERK.
It has to do with CONVEYING WHO
YOU ARE, and what you are conveying
with these tips is that you are secure,
you are strong, you are fun to be with,
you are witty, you are not needy, and
that you are masculine.
NONE of these things are jerky or "fake".
However, we don't always FEEL all those
cool things, and we don't always know the
best way to CONVEY those things about
ourselves.
But what if there was a way to understand ourselves,
to understand the STRUCTURE of all emotions,
and to understand WOMEN and the PHASES
of the pick-up, so that you could CONSISTENTLY
be READY to take advantage of all the opportunities
to meet women all around you?
What if there was also a way to know what to do
BEYOND the pick-up, to KEEP a woman attracted?
Well now there is a way, and it's all revealed
in perfect clarity and detail in my dating
success program called WARRIOR WITHIN.
This program goes DEEP, into the level of
the MIND for attracting women.
It's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
And if you don't already have my Attraction Mastery program, get that FIRST, at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Mastery.html
If you're just starting out and you haven't
yet downloaded my very first book, called
'The Dating Wizard', then do that NOW.
It's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Wizard.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
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