The RIGHT Way To Approach Quality Women

Let's get straight to the heart of the
matter regarding what is the RIGHT way
to approach a quality woman:

Email From A Reader:

"Hey Michael,

I know you're not a big fan of the nightclubs
for meeting a quality woman, but I think you'll
agree that what I have to say only proves your
point even more. All I can say is that I wish
I had your materials before this disaster went
down:

So this past weekend my buddies and I went
down to the club and near closing time, up
beside me comes this pretty little number that
I was chatting up inside with her friends and
just being playful in that innocent way you
describe. Let me backtrack on what happened
inside the club a bit-

I started the convo with some stuff that I took
directly from your book- telling her that the only
reason I was talking to her was because she
reminded me of Barney Rubble's wife-Betty,
from the Flintstones! And that she was so much
cooler than Wilma because Barney never had a
real job and that it was cool by her! She was
eating it all up, and then on top of that I
told her that if she was a good girl, I might
take her out for a Brontosaurus burger one
day because I know the only reason she
puts up with Barney is because she can't
cook! I had her playfully punching me in
the arm and grazing against me the whole
evening.

Everything was going great, I was following
the principles in your book and never trying
to prove how great I was or trying to get the
"upper hand", and keeping the vibe warm,
confident and playful, knowing that she could
never get insulted from a comment that the
cartoon version of herself could not cook.

And I also remembered your point in the book
about "the teasing cycle" and how important it
is to not just joke around but to naturally progress
into a real conversation to see where you share
important values in common- she's the kind of
person who appreciates life's little treasures
that most people overlook, and that's really
important to me because it means that you never
take life for granted.

But here's the thing, I refused to believe that
this was actually working because of what
you had taught, I kept thinking that it was actually
happening in SPITE of what you taught. After all,
this girl was gorgeous, and I mean head to toe,
and I started to let the fear creep in, that I needed
to show her that I wasn't kissing up to her. I started
to think that the reason for my success so far was
that I had the "player vibe" about me.

So let me fast forward - I decided to talk to
some other girls just to make sure that she
knew I wasn't desperate for her, and that this
would get her to chase me even harder.

Well, when I did that, she had this confused,
disappointed look on her face when I told her
I had to talk to some other friends, but she said
okay and then I never heard from her for the rest
of the night!

But I felt like since she wasn't chasing me, that
it would be even worse now if I came running
back to her. And I wasn't interested in any of
the other girls as much.

Anyway, the thing was that on my way out
of the club around closing time with my buddies,
I see her roll up beside me, her girlfriends not
far away, and she remembers our convo, saying
to me "How about that Brontosauraus burger?"

Michael, my heart was pounding, I wasn't sure
if she was joking or serious that she wanted to
join me, so I said, "sure Betty, but remember
I expect you to clean the house!" And then
I find myself with this knockout walking
beside me and my friends suddenly in luck
as her girlfriends are now talking to my
buddies.

We reach the burger joint, and I'm feeling
so much pressure and conflicting thoughts.
I'm thinking "Is this girl trying to use me
to buy her food? I'm not going to be abused
by those tricks just because she's got the
looks" and my mind just keeps thinking
worse and worse and worse thoughts about
her, that this is all just another way for her
to use men for a free meal or something.

And then it happens- we reach the cash
register, and I blurt out "I don't believe
in prostitution" to which she seems
really confused (of course, I totally get
it and understand why now). So I then
make it even worse by explaining
it all to her, telling her that women use
men all the time, and she starts to feel
defensive, telling me that I have some
issues against women, which makes me
even angrier, and now the whole vibe
is going to hell. And in my gut, I knew
I was destroying the whole thing, but
somehow I felt that otherwise, if I didn't
"show her that I was tough" she would
eventually take advantage of me.

The crazy thing Michael, is that I don't
even know she wasn't going to pay! It's
possible she would have. The whole
argument though made me seem petty
and before I knew it she was hailing a
cab and high-tailing out of there, gone
forever. And the other thing that drove
me nuts is that I realize looking back
that I actually showed weakness, not
toughness at all, but being so petty.

I was so pissed off about the whole thing,
I couldn't sleep all night. All I could think
about was how I let this fantastic creature slip
through my fingers, and how I had committed
an error so clearly explained in your book-
I had allowed black and white thinking to
let me turn a little question about this woman
into an indictment on her, and sentencing
her to the verdict of being guilty, all
because I could not take the uncertainty
of the pressure in that situation.

I took a perfectly good woman and turned her
into some type of threat that didn't exist."

Daniel T.,
Houston, Texas

My Comments:

First of all, thank you for the huge props
for my book and for your honesty. A lot
of the lessons in my book come from years
of misery and mistakes and from listening
to the advice of some really, really wise
people that I had the good fortune of
meeting.

Regarding the emotions you were feeling
when things were going well, I understand
them, as I used to make the same mistakes.

What happens is that we want to protect
ourselves, and we start to focus on how to
protect ourselves from the bad stuff, from
the pain, rather than focus on how to get to
the good stuff. So we become obsessed
with preventing pain- we focus on pain
avoidance.

That type of attitude feeds images in our mind 
of all types of horrible things, we start to think of
all the times we had bad experiences with
women, we start to think of all the horrible
possibilities, so we then revert to INSECURE
behavior.

So for example, how much does a burger
cost? Five bucks? It's trivial, unless the
woman gives you reason to believe she
is not respecting you in general. And
it's very possible she would have paid
it anyway, like you said.

The whole thing reminds me of something
that Wayner Dyer once articulated:
"All of us are like oranges. And just like
the only thing that comes out of oranges
under pressure is orange juice, the only
thing that pressure can bring out in you
is what's already there- you can't blame
some external source for what's bringing
it out in you".

So in other words, it's not that girl that was
making you feel all those horrible emotions,
those fears and insecurities were already there
inside, most likely made much WORSE by the
horrific advice out there, and SHE simply
created the moment of what you felt was the
"squeeze", even though this squeeze or pressure
was actually the product of something GOOD-
i.e. SHE LIKED YOU.

So the key is to realize that as soon as you
catch yourself wanting to give in to insecurities
you can always follow the principle of the
24 hour rule- don't react to the negative feelings
inside of you at the moment, you can always
do it 24 hours later- and guess what? 24 hours
later you almost ALWAYS realize there was
nothing to react to in the first place, and it
would have just made you seem insecure,
needy, and uncool.

The best part of this 24 hour training rule,
is that it actually MAKES YOU MORE SECURE
in the first place, it trains your mind and emotions
to not give in to fears.

The more you follow this 24 hour rule, the
FASTER you will see the truth about the
situation, the faster you will see that it
was actually a toxic negative emotion-
you'll start to get over these things
INSTANTLY. It won't take 24 hours
anymore.

Another good rule of thumb to remember
is that if you are feeling any type of EXTREME
reactionary feeling when a woman does
something, it's probably not an accurate
emotion, and certainly it's a mistake to
base your behavior on that extreme emotion.

The great thing though about this situation
is that you LEARNED from it.

It sounds like all you have to do is just
get back out there meeting women, and stick
to what you learn in my programs.

I look forward to hearing from you again.

Next Letter:

"Master Mike!!!

Do you realize what power you are giving guys?
I got your book almost two weeks ago, and couldn't
put it down once I started. And then my damn work
schedule kicked in- I've been really busy with work
lately, even working weekends, (I work in IT and
often have to be on call) but I made sure to read
your book during every break I had. And then this
past Friday I got the chance to leave work early
and that's when I had the opportunity to put your
stuff to the test:

I decided to relax and visit the bookstore on my way
home- as soon as I entered, I almost lost my breath
as I saw this gorgeous curly brunette, athletic looking,
in the section of the store selling gift-wrap.

Now, normally in the past, I would just stand there
and watch, tormenting myself on what to do. But
after reading your book, I realized what my pattern
always was - I would picture the absolute worse scenario
which to me was the idea of everyone looking at
me thinking I was a fool, or the idea of her thinking
to herself "why is this guy bothering me, I hate
it!"

It's amazing, that I never even realized I had this
pattern, and so I could never stop it, and I could never
stop the automatic feelings of indignity that followed.

And your book made me realize not only my pattern,
but also how I unconsciously was allowing this pattern
to create a guaranteed "failure to take action" response
every time, because I would let the pattern of thoughts
keep going and growing, and my conditioned response
to that was to prevent a disaster by not talking to her.

Of course, as you explain in your book, that never
really worked for long to make me feel any more secure,
it just gave me that momentary escape and relief from
having to take action, and the next time I would see
a woman the fear would be even worse, since I had
never had to actually stare it down.

This time, though, I was ready. I was ready with your
strategy- for the first time, I knew that any excuse I
would give myself would not only not bring me any
closer to this woman, but I also knew from your book
that in fact if I did not take action, I was actually
making it even harder for my emotions and brain
to take action in the future.

I made the decision that all the pain in the world
from her potential reaction was still better than a
life of fearing her reaction and never approaching
women.

So I went over to her and followed your advice
of not trying to be "mr. gangsta". Instead, I
focused on injecting some dominance, upbeatness,
and sensuality in my voice and gave her the
chance to "come into my world" as you say.
And I observed the situation so that what I
could say would be connected to the situation.

So instead of the put downs and arrogance,
I decided to genuinely give her some of the
infinite abundance of "good vibes" that I
have - and told her that someone who's thinking
that hard of the right wrapping paper must have
a really good friend! And I really said it with
a confident feeling, because I knew I was not
kissing up, I was genuinely complimenting
her on something that I thought was a sign
of her own goodness.

She seemed a bit surprised, I guess she didn't
realize I was right there, but she turned around
and gave me a warm smile and told me that she
was going to a friend's birthday and then I
couldn't even make out what she was saying
because my heart was pounding so hard and
all I could do was see her lips, her gorgeous
face.

I wanted to just say thanks and leave so badly,
because it felt so good to not have this thing
crash, but I knew that would be the wrong thing.
I managed to make out a few words that she
was saying, something about "she's a good friend"
and "helped her so much with rides to work"
so I just kept on sharing the vibe and actually
making a connection because I also really
value great and deep friendship, and I started
telling her that we are lucky if we have even
one great friend, and how what is the whole
point of life if we are just to enjoy it alone.

And that's when even though my heart was
still beating like crazy, I felt myself knowing
that this woman was enjoying being with me,
and it felt like a ton of bricks was being lifted
off my shoulder. Feeling that good, I started
to unleash the playful stuff, I knew it would
be interpreted right because it was coming
from a place inside of me that was real,
and because I knew she would know that
I meant it with love and not anger.

So I told her, "you know, we're having
a pretty good conversation here, and it's
all without being mean, nasty, or vulgar.
It's kinda nice, isn't it?" And she laughed
and said yes it was, and then she wanted
to know if I did this to "all the women in
the bookstore".

In the past, this would have been a major
catastrophe, as if I was "found out" and had
to cover my moves.

But now, after reading your book, I just
realized that women, especially a great woman
looking for quality connection with a man,
wants to know what type of guy she is dealing
with. This is a good thing in reality, otherwise
it would mean that no women had any standards.

So I was honest and secure, I told her calmly
that I didn't, but that we'd both be lucky if we
were to have these kinds of convos every day,
to which she of course agreed.

Man, Michael, this whole interaction was
beautiful, man. You really mean it when you
say that it's up to us to bring out the best
in a woman.

I got her number and when I called her on
Saturday afternoon, she didn't avoid the call
or play games, we spent 15 minutes on the
phone, and we're supposed to meet for coffee
this week.

Thank you man!!! This really is the stronger
way, the way of the truly confident, classy,
Man, and not the games of a boy who thinks
in terms of insecure, immature notions and
thinks of making love as "scoring" and whose
concept of interacting on a deep level with a
woman is either putting her down, acting
arrogant, or on the other extreme, kissing up
to her with superficial compliments.

You'll be hearing from me this week for a
consultation, because I want to ace this!"

Matthew S., New York.

My Comments:

There's nothing like seeing guys who have
taken the words I have written down and truly
GET IT and are putting it into action. When
you really get it, you start to see results
IMMEDIATELY.

One key point I want to emphasize is the idea
that I teach that you applied brilliantly- and that
is the idea of bringing out the BEST in a woman.

This is the RIGHT way to approach a quality woman.

By leading the interaction from the very
beginning in a morally strong way, you led
the pathway to only lead to good places.
You started by talking about friendships,
and valuing them, and not about how men
and women cheat and who cheats more
or other negative stuff that some people
like to pretend are "cool".

In reality, no one thinks those things are
cool, but many men and women don't want to
appear uncool by being the one to stand up
against it. And yet, the very fact that you
STAND OUT as DIFFERENT from the
outset actually shows that you have more
courage.

This stuff is massively important, as the
reality is that the pain of other people is
never a joke, and when try to be cool by
appealing to that type of conversation
and gossip, you are destroying the fabric
of the interaction in terms of having
a foundation of trust. So even if the
woman does talk to you, she is in the
back of her mind feeling uneasy, and
sooner or later the whole thing falls
to pieces.

Without trust, what happens a few days or
weeks or months down the line, the woman
kicks the guy to the curb because she
resents his attitude.

If a woman senses she is being manipulated,
how much trust can that lead to? Without trust,
the whole thing is a fragile house of cards
that is certain to fall apart.

But what you did, was you LED the way,
you showed a totally different attitude.
This is what she REALLY WANTS and
can't find. She can either only find
pushover "nice guys" or guys who
overcompensate their insecurities
with extreme arrogance, when all she
really wants is a MAN. A man with
class and who is emotionally mature,
whose sense of what is cool does not
depend on what OTHERS think, no
matter HOW much the TV might try
to change his attitude.

Next Email:

"Hey Michael,

There's this girl that I met and I'm wondering
what to do. We went out once so far.

The first time we went out for coffee, and
I tried to keep the conversation light and relaxed,
but her cell phone rang three different times, and
she also noticed some guy inside at the coffee
shop she recognized and she went right over
to him and gave him a hug and I just felt the
whole thing was too much for me so I just
told her that I had to meet some friends and
cut the date short.

Now, here's my question, I read a lot of
dating guru advice and they all seem to say that
I should not have made a big deal to show
that it bothered me, and others say that I
should have ignored it and kept on escalating
the interaction and tried to take her home if
I could, and that once I slept with her, it
would make her treat me very differently.

The thing is though that even in the
conversation, it was a bit strange, I was
telling her that I could tell a lot about a
person from the way they talk about
things, and she said to me that she
can tell a lot about a guy's personality
from the way he is having sex with
her.

This whole thing seemed bizarre to
me. Was this woman testing me? Was
the way she went over to the guy to hug
him some kind of test?

Can you clear any of this up????"

Kevin R., Miami

My Reply:

Trust me, this woman has SERIOUS issues
and is the kind of person who will MESS
with your head big-time.

If you want to make your life miserable
from the hell this woman will unleash
on your life, then go right ahead and
"keep escalating" toward the physical.

Let me tell you the REALITY:
You should run like hell away from this woman,
and most likely this woman has had her own
heart torn to shreds and is now out taking
vengeance out on all kinds of innocent men
like you. She is hurting and needs guidance,
but it is not YOUR job to be HER therapist.

Trying to make her a decent person can take
you FOREVER, when meanwhile a FANTASTIC
woman is probably within a few MINUTES of
where you are RIGHT now, and you could
be enjoying life with THAT quality woman
instead.

The first red flag was when her cell phone went
off repeatedly while she was out on the date with
you. The fact it happened repeatedly is already
not good. The fact that she clearly did not make
a serious effort to APOLOGIZE for it just shows
how not serious she is, and shows how she is
simply playing around and seeing how far
she can push.

But don't think of this as a "test", she is not
testing anything any more than a bully tests a
victim. i.e. Yeah, it might be a test, but the only
way to WIN this test is to ERADICATE her from
your life, before you allow her to poison your
image of all women, including all the women
with fantastic morals, high self-esteem, and
integrity who are out there.

Think of this test as actually a woman showing
you her TRUE COLORS and so she is actually
FAILING a test- she is failing YOUR test of
a quality woman!!!!

And the answer to the question that I'm sure
is burning in your mind regarding "Would
she treat me differently if I just got
past the "sex" stage with her?" is NO.
She would NOT be different with you.

She would STILL be the same person
with the SAME attitude.

The NEXT red flag was this hug business that
she actually LEFT you to go and make sure to
do the big warm fuzzies to some dude while
out on a date to you, and again, apparently
she made NO EXPLANATION of this at all
to you.

The crazy thing, is that this would be super
obvious to you if you study my programs.

By allowing yourself to be with an abusive woman,
you actually DEGRADE your own self-esteem and you
eventually start to think that maybe you SHOULD
put up with this vile filth of messed up behavior.

Finally, you need to ALSO realize that
it's important that you DO NOT WASTE
energy on these kinds of women IF you
want a quality woman for a long term
healthy relationship: The reason is because
the only way you will have the strength
to BE the kind of man with great integrity
and with feeling secure is if you spend your
time in the company of good people.

Staying with or pursuing those with spoiled
values will only mess up your internal compass
of what is normal and what is not, and then when
you meet a GREAT woman, you will be doing
all the WRONG things. Things that might
be normal for those with inferior values, but
that are ABNORMAL for those with superior
values.

And one more thing- a great woman will want
to KNOW that you are totally clear on what YOU
want in life. She is not looking for a namby-pamby
insecure guy who is willing to buckle his own values
just for some approval from any woman with the
looks who comes his way.

It's very hard to truly mask your identity, it comes
out in tiny subtleties in your behavior and intonation
of voice and mannerisms, so if you ARE the kind
of guy that doesn't have his own values and self-esteem
together and WILL buckle under pressure and will
pursue the wrong type of woman, well then I
can assure you that a great woman will DETECT
this in you, and you will not stand a chance with
her.

On the other hand, if you are absolutely clear on
what you want, and you BECOME the kind of guy
that would never even THINK of putting up with
any woman that chips away at his self-esteem
no matter how beautiful she is, no matter how
slight that self-esteem damage is, then a great
woman will detect THIS and be far MORE 
attracted to you.

If you want to get a great woman, you need
to focus on that, and not on the WRONG women
that will drain you of everything precious -
your energy, your time, and your emotions.

And I can think of no better path for you to
take than by getting my most advanced program
on how to GET and KEEP a GREAT woman.

It's called WARRIOR WITHIN, and it's at:

http://www.getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html

And if you haven't yet got my ATTRACTION MASTERY
program, then do that FIRST, at:

http://www.getagreatgirl.com/Mastery.html

Till next time,

Michael Marks