Have you ever approached a woman,
managed to work up the guts to SAY
something, and then the conversation
didn't LAST? Maybe you said some
comment about the book she was
holding, or the drink she was having,
or maybe it was a compliment.
She smiles, and then you have nothing
really POWERFUL to get her hooked
into wanting to talk to you more.
If this has happened to you, you are not
alone, it's one of the most common issues
when trying to approach a woman and get
her number, email, etc.
So let me show you how to solve this
problem.
Step One.
1. The first thing you want to do is to
realize that about 99% of the conversation
material can often come not from YOU but
from HER!
Step Two.
2. Yes, and the way this works is by truly
LISTENING to what she says in REPLY
to you. Listening not only with open
ears, but also with an open heart, meaning
that you GENIUNELY are listening to
hear her.
Step Three.
3.Now, the thing is, in order to prompt
a meaningful reply from her to your
original statement, you want to make an
opening statement that actually has some
MEAT in it, something that is worthy of
actually getting a reply.
The key for this to work BEST is to NOT
be FAKE about the topic you choose to open.
Choose something that YOU are genuinely
interested in, that is also upbeat, inspiring,
or meaningful.
You can go in with MANY different angles,
and there is absolutely an angle that is consistent
with your personality so that you are not acting
like someone else.
So, for example, if you were the kind of guy
who is very interested in living an inspired
life, in feeling that your life has meaning,
in making the MOST of everyday, etc,
then you might say something like this
to a woman in a bookstore: "Hi there,
can you answer this question- what
do you think of the phrase 'Don't die
with the song still in you' "?
NOW, if she asks you what you mean,
this is FANTASTIC, because it gives
you another chance to talk MORE but
more importantly it is you giving value
to HER, which is the name of the game.
So, you can continue with something like
this: "What if we all spent our lives doing
things that we didn't really love but we
thought we had to do, and then right
at the end we found out that all those
things were just LIE and we never let
our "song" out, the thing we were meant
to do?"
Now, THIS is meaty stuff, it's got tons
of potential. She can not only reply to
this in detail, but you can LISTEN to
what she is saying and really pay
attention and then be able to give
BACK meaningful conversation as
well.
The genius behind this is that now
you are LISTENING to HER, which
makes HER feel awesome, and yet
she is talking to you about something
that you care about, so none of this is
fake. You can can go on an on about
this for hours.
And this leads to DEEP connection,
which means mo more FLAKY number or
emails- girls only flake because
they don't feel a sense of connection.
That's why they don't answer emails
or phone calls or don't give out
numbers.
ANOTHER EXAMPLE WITH A DIFFERENT
TYPE OF PERSONALITY:
Now, let's say you are more of just
a happy go lucky guy that isn't really
that "deep" at least not in that way.
That's fine, it's all good. You can
THEN go in with a more humorous angle,
i.e. if you are in the supermarket
and you notice the same woman twice,
i.e. let's say you saw her in the fish
dept., then you see her in the cereal
aisle, you can give her this mischievous
look and say, "Hey, are you following me?
I'm getting nervous!"
And if she says, "Noooo, what makes you
say that??" You can reply with,"Well
for all I know you want to raid my
grocery cart here, I got all the low-fat
yogurt on special today and you just
want to take one out of my cart!"
Even here, in this situation though, the
key is to open with something that is
MEATY in the sense that you must light
the switches in her mind called
"INTERESTING and POSITIVE."
You can tell her that you bet she is one
of those healthy type women who is
all about good fitness and nutrition,
etc, which will either prompt her to
say that she IS or she ISN'T.
If she says she IS, then you can now
give her a sincere compliment for
that and tell her that with work or
school taking up so much time, it
takes a lot of discipline to do that.
And if she says she DOESN'T work
out or eat healthy, you can tease
her for not being honest, or you can
say she is being modest, and that she
can just open up with you, you are
just the official supermarket public
relations guy, and if she takes you
SERIOUSLY on that, that's even
MORE reason for you to have fun
and then you can pretend you are
asking her a serious survey question,
and then let her know you are totally
joking.
And THEN you can both get into
a "normal" conversation about things
like "what's your name" what do
you do, etc, because NOW she is
interested and you are interested
in knowing more about her.
As I'm sure you can see, this stuff is
what WORKS, and I'd LOVE to see YOU get
ALLLLL the results you deserve. What's
more, I know I can GET YOU to where you
want to be in this area of your life,
and I LOVE the thrill of making that
happen.
If you haven't yet downloaded my programs,
"Acing The Approach" and "Attraction Accelerators"
then definitely do that NOW.
These two programs are LOADED with pure GOLD
on how to approach ANY woman absolutely
ANYWHERE and get her attracted.
"Acing The Approach" is at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/acing-the-approach.html
"Attraction Accelerators" is at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/attraction-accelerators.html
These two programs are an absolute STEAL
at only $19.97 each. I'm not kidding.
The way I look at it, I have made cost
a NON-ISSUE. If I gave these materials
away for FREE it would be an INSULT
to the quality of these programs.
At 20 bucks, it's just enough to
prevent ABUSE of the system.
Trust me, these programs are AMAZING
and they WORK. If you don't AGREE
with me, just let me know and I
will refund your cost and you
don't have to EVER buy a thing
from me again EVER. Seriously,
I don't even WANT any orders
from guys who aren't THRILLED
with the quality of my programs.
Use these programs to SMASH through
ANY obstacles that are holding you
back from AMAZING success with women.
You will be getting at least a HUNDRED
times the value of your investment in
these programs, and you will start to
see the results with women IMMEDIATELY.
"Acing The Approach" is at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/acing-the-approach.html
"Attraction Accelerators" is at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/attraction-accelerators.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
Friday, August 31, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Attracting Women: The Overcompensation Paradox
Success with getting a true quality woman
inside and out requires that you destroy
any behaviors in you that are a form of
OVERCOMPENSATION.
Today, I want to share with you how a man has
used the "Get A Great Girl" materials to
change his LIFE in this way.
One crucial thing to keep in mind is that
when you actually start to GET results,
you will find that it comes from
TRUE DEEP LEVEL change--
something far greater and deeper than
learning superficial "lines" and "tactics."
Suddenly, you start to notice that you are
getting incredible reactions and results
from the highest quality women, without
even TRYING. But to GET to this level,
you have to get the knowledge, the insight,
and the maturity first.
Here we go:
LETTER FROM A READER:
Michael, it's a rare occasion when I decide to
sit down and share how my life has changed
because of some of your material.
When I was younger and inexperienced girls
actually flocked to me...before they knew
any better. I hit college bright-eyed and
thinking the world was my oyster. Then
I started getting rejection, after rejection,
and then started looking in the wrong places
and attracting girls that most would claim to
be less than virtuous.
I developed an attitude that women were
scandalous, indecisive game players. It was
like they had all the control, and there was
no such thing as a good woman left.
The one word that would sum up my behavior
during this time is OVERCOMPENSATION.
I tried to act so cool that it seemed I wasn't even
excited to talk to a nice girl. I held my cards so
close to my chest that eventually they lost interest.
It was a vicious cycle. I found material of other
"dating experts" that honestly caused me go
into a downward spiral, but then I found yours.
There is so much to say, and not sure where to
start, but one MAJOR thing I need to mention
is that your material allowed me to relax, to stop
pressuring myself, and I started to focus on having
a good time and meeting new people. And at the
drop of a hat girls really started noticing me.
I'm no longer getting blown off, at all. So now
I can do the choosing. It's almost so simple that
it makes me nauseated to look back at how
incorrect my previous approach was.
Being masculine is just natural for a guy, but
I was pushing it to ridiculous levels, and the
women could smell it from a mile away.
I also want to recommend something else that
has helped me immensely. Burt Goldman has a
website www.theamericanmonk.com, which
involves almost one hundred meditation exercises
that can help you overcome fears, become motivated,
view others as equals, and just gain a positive
outlook on life.
You both come from the set of ideals. There are
good people left in the world and like attracts like.
The only person who ever held me back was myself.
You and Burt have helped me realize this.
Specific examples of what I learned: The best example
is that I reached a point of desperation. Which women
certainly smell on you like a foul odor.
After having my heart ripped to shreds a few times
I decided to change my ways, so I read a few ebooks
from different people about dating. They said, in so
many words, to become Mr. Cool. I became a robot.
Never showing emotion. I overcompensated for my
own insecurities.
Every girl I approached could tell I was approaching
her for a reason. There was awkwardness dripping off
me. I was fearful in every approach, obviously because
I just knew I was about to face another rejection.
I really hit rock bottom. I found your material and
realized that I needed to work on myself first. Number
one was to stop being so hard on myself. Number two
was to learn how to have a good time and take as
many people with me as possible. Trying to be the best,
or funniest, or best looking, or smartest, is just plain BS.
I am who I am, and now I'm perfectly okay with that.
It's not about what you say to a woman, within reason
of course, but more about being sure of yourself and
comfortable with yourself. Being open and honest,
because THEN you gain the confidence to make
eye contact and say things with conviction.
The greatest part of all is that my once huge EGO
is now just a tiny voice. I don't approach women
anymore, things just sort of happen. Single women
are always scanning and they notice me and my
friends having a great time, relaxed and free.
One specific example is at a wedding reception I
got to the bar at the same time as one of the bride's
maids and said "Paper, rock, scissors" to see who
would get to order first. We've had several dates
since then. She has never blown me off, and never
will because I have hidden nothing from her.
She trusts me. When a woman trusts you it really
opens up a whole other realm of connection that
I never got to with women before, because in the
past I was too busy hiding my feelings from them.
My attitude has become very positive and it radiates
from me. I've noticed at work and among friends that
people pay more attention to me when I speak and
laugh more when I'm around. I no longer concentrate
on the details of an encounter with a woman, I just
let myself go, because honestly it's about NOT
GIVING A F&#@ what anybody thinks about you,
but not in an angry way, in a peaceful way.
I think I've rambled on enough michael. I apologize
if I didn't give you enough details, but I honestly just
changed my entire perspective, my entire paradigm
of reality. It's not so important that the next girl I meet
is the one I marry, or is my girlfriend because everyone
else around me has one.
It's about meeting new people and enjoying the
experience. You would be surprised how many people
will give you the reassurance you need just by the
look in their eyes when they are around you.
It's important to remember that we are all equals as
humans, just because you are the new cool guy
on the block doesn't make you any better than
anyone else. Cocky is fake, cocky is crap, arrogant
is just plain retarded. A woman wants to be
loved by a real man who knows that it's just
plain alright to be himself.
Thanks, J.M.
Louisiana
MY COMMENTS:
Thank you for sharing your experiences in
applying the materials- what I love best
is how now you are truly CHANGED on
a massive, DEEP level, a level that is truly
YOU that has changed, so that everything
you do now flows from who you have
BECOME, and it all comes out PERFECT.
So you don't need lines, you don't need
to fake, you don't need to do anything
now. You have gone through the
TRUE transformation.
And this makes you extremely RARE.
And of course, this makes you more
VALUABLE.
Women are even better than men at reading
body language, and this ESPECIALLY applies
to a quality woman who is on the lookout for
a REAL MAN who has all the right personality
traits as well.
This is backed up by evidence in a book called
The Definitive Book of Body Language by
Allan and Barbara Pease. One very revealing
and interesting point stated inside the book is
that women are much more perceptive about
body language than men. He reasons that this
is so because women have a much more heightened
awareness about body language and facial
expressions because it is a necessary skill for
mothering.
Because infants obviously cannot speak, their
mothers have to be able to read them to know
whether they are happy, cranky, or in distress.
The author goes on to state that this skill is
inherent with women and is used also in
general socializing situations as well, whereas
men tend to be more oblivious to this skill.
So you can see just how MASSIVELY important
it is that you are not a "player" who PRETENDS
or "plays" that he is some type of person that
he is really not, or who is anything other than
an real man of strength, of integrity, of courage.
To paraphrase and slightly adjust a line from
Braveheart: Human beings follow COURAGE.
And women ESPECIALLY so.
And it takes courage to tell a woman how you
feel, just as it takes courage to also stand up
for what is the RIGHT thing to do, to calmly
SHOW a woman the RIGHT way to behave,
and it takes courage to WALK AWAY from
the WRONG woman, no matter how tempting
it might seem to be.
And yet, you MUST be this type of man, if
you want to attract a woman of EQUAL
courage, of equally strong character, of
true integrity. She is TESTING you to
see how much of a man you are in the
most MEANINGFUL sense of the word-
and this has nothing to do with learning
cheesy lines, magic tricks, or "pick up
artist" routines.
Learning how to have the right body language
is about a lot more than learning "body language"
moves, contrary to popular belief.
It has to do with the way you LIVE, the way you
THINK, the way you FEEL. ONLY by doing it
this way will your body language TRULY show
that you are THE MAN in the greatest sense.
I also want to say a big thanks to Alex regarding
this point- you know who you are!
And another thing she is testing for is to see
how DEVELOPED you are in your ability to
actually listen and understand another person-
not just her but people in general.
It really is amazing how AWFUL most people's
listening skills are- without even realizing it,
most of us are not even properly HEARING other
people's sentences, because we subconsciously
allow our own biases to BLOCK out the words.
There is an incredible experiment where people
in white shirts and black shirts are passing a
basketball, and the group watching is told
to watch for how many passes the white shirted
people are making. Because they are so busy
watching the white shirts, at least 50% of the
people don't even NOTICE that a guy in a
GORILLA suit is walking right AMONGST
the people passing the ball!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Most people have no clue of how biased their
perception is and how they have "tunnel vision".
Now, factor in things like fear, and fear of being
burned by a woman, and things like a bad
experience with one or two women, and now
imagine how MASSIVELY that will distort
your communication with a woman, even if
she is AWESOME.
And imagine now much that will cause you to
REPEL just about all women, but ESPECIALLY
the very best of women who have worked on
this part of themselves and who realize how
damaging this is to any future relationship!!!!
Such a quality woman will have zero tolerance
for this lack of communication skill.
I also want to quickly zero in on an important
insight regarding that total destroyer of
chemistry: OVERCOMPENSATION.
Yes, overcompensation is EXACTLY what
most people and most guys tend to do for any
insecurity, and the irony is that it actually
INCREASES the chance that that very fear
will come true, because overcompensation
behavior tends to attack the other or to
attack yourself:
So by not showing a woman any emotion, you
are showing that you don't trust her, and she
feels this, and now senses that therefore she
shouldn't trust you either.
And if you overcompensate in the other direction,
i.e. "kissing up" well then you are showing that
you have no value, and you are delivering that
message to your own mind and that makes you
very insecure and that leads to you destroying
your natural charisma. And that destroys
your ability to generate humor, to be cool
on every level.
In, fact, black and white thinking, which I
explain in detail in my program, is a form of
OVERCOMPENSATION.
In order to create SIMPLICITY and to protect
ourselves from pain and risk, we come up with
these crazy OVER-SIMPLIFICATIONS, that
i.e. "all women are like this" or "all women
are like that". "If you don't learn pick up
artist tactics, then all women will abuse
you and she will cheat with a pick up artist"
which is a favorite FEAR TACTIC the many
so called "experts on attracting women" love
to use on innocent men--of course, this FEAR
that is bred into men by these supposed experts
actually DESTROYS these men's charisma.
Black and white thinking (also known as
"all or nothing" type thinking) is ALWAYS a sign
that a person is OFF the right track. Real life
is never black and white.
And in fact, a great woman will RECOGNIZE
"black and white" thinking patterns in you
if you are exhibiting them- whether they be
black and white perspectives on religion,
on women, on ANYTHING.
All this is a part of MATURITY and of having
the courage to not need to hide under a
psychological blanket of lies that pretends
you can protect yourself if you just tell
yourself "all women are the same" and
thus supposedly avoid all risk.
In real life, there are all kinds of women,
and if you want to get a GREAT woman,
then you have to become a GREAT man,
and you have to be able to detect who is
a quality woman and who isn't.
And if you want to do that, then I suggest
you get my most advanced program on this
IMMEDIATELY.
It's called WARRIOR WITHIN.
This program will show you the things you
need to know to actually GET a quality
woman, and nothing less. And it will
do all this by actually enriching who
YOU are. It has nothing to do with
changing women at all, it has nothing
to do with learning "tactics" to get
a woman to change - that never works.
It has to do with making you about a billion
times more powerful in understanding her,
in unleashing your natural charisma, in
your ability to instantly get people to feel
FANTASTIC in your presence. As the man who
wrote in says, it's about taking as many
people WITH you psychologically UP to a
fantastic place where the truth is,
EVERY HUMAN WANTS TO BE.
It's at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
To find out all my programs for skyrocketing
your results with women, go here:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.php
And I'll see you again here soon.
Till next time,
Michael Marks
inside and out requires that you destroy
any behaviors in you that are a form of
OVERCOMPENSATION.
Today, I want to share with you how a man has
used the "Get A Great Girl" materials to
change his LIFE in this way.
One crucial thing to keep in mind is that
when you actually start to GET results,
you will find that it comes from
TRUE DEEP LEVEL change--
something far greater and deeper than
learning superficial "lines" and "tactics."
Suddenly, you start to notice that you are
getting incredible reactions and results
from the highest quality women, without
even TRYING. But to GET to this level,
you have to get the knowledge, the insight,
and the maturity first.
Here we go:
LETTER FROM A READER:
Michael, it's a rare occasion when I decide to
sit down and share how my life has changed
because of some of your material.
When I was younger and inexperienced girls
actually flocked to me...before they knew
any better. I hit college bright-eyed and
thinking the world was my oyster. Then
I started getting rejection, after rejection,
and then started looking in the wrong places
and attracting girls that most would claim to
be less than virtuous.
I developed an attitude that women were
scandalous, indecisive game players. It was
like they had all the control, and there was
no such thing as a good woman left.
The one word that would sum up my behavior
during this time is OVERCOMPENSATION.
I tried to act so cool that it seemed I wasn't even
excited to talk to a nice girl. I held my cards so
close to my chest that eventually they lost interest.
It was a vicious cycle. I found material of other
"dating experts" that honestly caused me go
into a downward spiral, but then I found yours.
There is so much to say, and not sure where to
start, but one MAJOR thing I need to mention
is that your material allowed me to relax, to stop
pressuring myself, and I started to focus on having
a good time and meeting new people. And at the
drop of a hat girls really started noticing me.
I'm no longer getting blown off, at all. So now
I can do the choosing. It's almost so simple that
it makes me nauseated to look back at how
incorrect my previous approach was.
Being masculine is just natural for a guy, but
I was pushing it to ridiculous levels, and the
women could smell it from a mile away.
I also want to recommend something else that
has helped me immensely. Burt Goldman has a
website www.theamericanmonk.com, which
involves almost one hundred meditation exercises
that can help you overcome fears, become motivated,
view others as equals, and just gain a positive
outlook on life.
You both come from the set of ideals. There are
good people left in the world and like attracts like.
The only person who ever held me back was myself.
You and Burt have helped me realize this.
Specific examples of what I learned: The best example
is that I reached a point of desperation. Which women
certainly smell on you like a foul odor.
After having my heart ripped to shreds a few times
I decided to change my ways, so I read a few ebooks
from different people about dating. They said, in so
many words, to become Mr. Cool. I became a robot.
Never showing emotion. I overcompensated for my
own insecurities.
Every girl I approached could tell I was approaching
her for a reason. There was awkwardness dripping off
me. I was fearful in every approach, obviously because
I just knew I was about to face another rejection.
I really hit rock bottom. I found your material and
realized that I needed to work on myself first. Number
one was to stop being so hard on myself. Number two
was to learn how to have a good time and take as
many people with me as possible. Trying to be the best,
or funniest, or best looking, or smartest, is just plain BS.
I am who I am, and now I'm perfectly okay with that.
It's not about what you say to a woman, within reason
of course, but more about being sure of yourself and
comfortable with yourself. Being open and honest,
because THEN you gain the confidence to make
eye contact and say things with conviction.
The greatest part of all is that my once huge EGO
is now just a tiny voice. I don't approach women
anymore, things just sort of happen. Single women
are always scanning and they notice me and my
friends having a great time, relaxed and free.
One specific example is at a wedding reception I
got to the bar at the same time as one of the bride's
maids and said "Paper, rock, scissors" to see who
would get to order first. We've had several dates
since then. She has never blown me off, and never
will because I have hidden nothing from her.
She trusts me. When a woman trusts you it really
opens up a whole other realm of connection that
I never got to with women before, because in the
past I was too busy hiding my feelings from them.
My attitude has become very positive and it radiates
from me. I've noticed at work and among friends that
people pay more attention to me when I speak and
laugh more when I'm around. I no longer concentrate
on the details of an encounter with a woman, I just
let myself go, because honestly it's about NOT
GIVING A F&#@ what anybody thinks about you,
but not in an angry way, in a peaceful way.
I think I've rambled on enough michael. I apologize
if I didn't give you enough details, but I honestly just
changed my entire perspective, my entire paradigm
of reality. It's not so important that the next girl I meet
is the one I marry, or is my girlfriend because everyone
else around me has one.
It's about meeting new people and enjoying the
experience. You would be surprised how many people
will give you the reassurance you need just by the
look in their eyes when they are around you.
It's important to remember that we are all equals as
humans, just because you are the new cool guy
on the block doesn't make you any better than
anyone else. Cocky is fake, cocky is crap, arrogant
is just plain retarded. A woman wants to be
loved by a real man who knows that it's just
plain alright to be himself.
Thanks, J.M.
Louisiana
MY COMMENTS:
Thank you for sharing your experiences in
applying the materials- what I love best
is how now you are truly CHANGED on
a massive, DEEP level, a level that is truly
YOU that has changed, so that everything
you do now flows from who you have
BECOME, and it all comes out PERFECT.
So you don't need lines, you don't need
to fake, you don't need to do anything
now. You have gone through the
TRUE transformation.
And this makes you extremely RARE.
And of course, this makes you more
VALUABLE.
Women are even better than men at reading
body language, and this ESPECIALLY applies
to a quality woman who is on the lookout for
a REAL MAN who has all the right personality
traits as well.
This is backed up by evidence in a book called
The Definitive Book of Body Language by
Allan and Barbara Pease. One very revealing
and interesting point stated inside the book is
that women are much more perceptive about
body language than men. He reasons that this
is so because women have a much more heightened
awareness about body language and facial
expressions because it is a necessary skill for
mothering.
Because infants obviously cannot speak, their
mothers have to be able to read them to know
whether they are happy, cranky, or in distress.
The author goes on to state that this skill is
inherent with women and is used also in
general socializing situations as well, whereas
men tend to be more oblivious to this skill.
So you can see just how MASSIVELY important
it is that you are not a "player" who PRETENDS
or "plays" that he is some type of person that
he is really not, or who is anything other than
an real man of strength, of integrity, of courage.
To paraphrase and slightly adjust a line from
Braveheart: Human beings follow COURAGE.
And women ESPECIALLY so.
And it takes courage to tell a woman how you
feel, just as it takes courage to also stand up
for what is the RIGHT thing to do, to calmly
SHOW a woman the RIGHT way to behave,
and it takes courage to WALK AWAY from
the WRONG woman, no matter how tempting
it might seem to be.
And yet, you MUST be this type of man, if
you want to attract a woman of EQUAL
courage, of equally strong character, of
true integrity. She is TESTING you to
see how much of a man you are in the
most MEANINGFUL sense of the word-
and this has nothing to do with learning
cheesy lines, magic tricks, or "pick up
artist" routines.
Learning how to have the right body language
is about a lot more than learning "body language"
moves, contrary to popular belief.
It has to do with the way you LIVE, the way you
THINK, the way you FEEL. ONLY by doing it
this way will your body language TRULY show
that you are THE MAN in the greatest sense.
I also want to say a big thanks to Alex regarding
this point- you know who you are!
And another thing she is testing for is to see
how DEVELOPED you are in your ability to
actually listen and understand another person-
not just her but people in general.
It really is amazing how AWFUL most people's
listening skills are- without even realizing it,
most of us are not even properly HEARING other
people's sentences, because we subconsciously
allow our own biases to BLOCK out the words.
There is an incredible experiment where people
in white shirts and black shirts are passing a
basketball, and the group watching is told
to watch for how many passes the white shirted
people are making. Because they are so busy
watching the white shirts, at least 50% of the
people don't even NOTICE that a guy in a
GORILLA suit is walking right AMONGST
the people passing the ball!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Most people have no clue of how biased their
perception is and how they have "tunnel vision".
Now, factor in things like fear, and fear of being
burned by a woman, and things like a bad
experience with one or two women, and now
imagine how MASSIVELY that will distort
your communication with a woman, even if
she is AWESOME.
And imagine now much that will cause you to
REPEL just about all women, but ESPECIALLY
the very best of women who have worked on
this part of themselves and who realize how
damaging this is to any future relationship!!!!
Such a quality woman will have zero tolerance
for this lack of communication skill.
I also want to quickly zero in on an important
insight regarding that total destroyer of
chemistry: OVERCOMPENSATION.
Yes, overcompensation is EXACTLY what
most people and most guys tend to do for any
insecurity, and the irony is that it actually
INCREASES the chance that that very fear
will come true, because overcompensation
behavior tends to attack the other or to
attack yourself:
So by not showing a woman any emotion, you
are showing that you don't trust her, and she
feels this, and now senses that therefore she
shouldn't trust you either.
And if you overcompensate in the other direction,
i.e. "kissing up" well then you are showing that
you have no value, and you are delivering that
message to your own mind and that makes you
very insecure and that leads to you destroying
your natural charisma. And that destroys
your ability to generate humor, to be cool
on every level.
In, fact, black and white thinking, which I
explain in detail in my program, is a form of
OVERCOMPENSATION.
In order to create SIMPLICITY and to protect
ourselves from pain and risk, we come up with
these crazy OVER-SIMPLIFICATIONS, that
i.e. "all women are like this" or "all women
are like that". "If you don't learn pick up
artist tactics, then all women will abuse
you and she will cheat with a pick up artist"
which is a favorite FEAR TACTIC the many
so called "experts on attracting women" love
to use on innocent men--of course, this FEAR
that is bred into men by these supposed experts
actually DESTROYS these men's charisma.
Black and white thinking (also known as
"all or nothing" type thinking) is ALWAYS a sign
that a person is OFF the right track. Real life
is never black and white.
And in fact, a great woman will RECOGNIZE
"black and white" thinking patterns in you
if you are exhibiting them- whether they be
black and white perspectives on religion,
on women, on ANYTHING.
All this is a part of MATURITY and of having
the courage to not need to hide under a
psychological blanket of lies that pretends
you can protect yourself if you just tell
yourself "all women are the same" and
thus supposedly avoid all risk.
In real life, there are all kinds of women,
and if you want to get a GREAT woman,
then you have to become a GREAT man,
and you have to be able to detect who is
a quality woman and who isn't.
And if you want to do that, then I suggest
you get my most advanced program on this
IMMEDIATELY.
It's called WARRIOR WITHIN.
This program will show you the things you
need to know to actually GET a quality
woman, and nothing less. And it will
do all this by actually enriching who
YOU are. It has nothing to do with
changing women at all, it has nothing
to do with learning "tactics" to get
a woman to change - that never works.
It has to do with making you about a billion
times more powerful in understanding her,
in unleashing your natural charisma, in
your ability to instantly get people to feel
FANTASTIC in your presence. As the man who
wrote in says, it's about taking as many
people WITH you psychologically UP to a
fantastic place where the truth is,
EVERY HUMAN WANTS TO BE.
It's at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
To find out all my programs for skyrocketing
your results with women, go here:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.php
And I'll see you again here soon.
Till next time,
Michael Marks
Monday, August 27, 2012
The Shocking Truth About "Nice Guys" And Attracting Women
One of the most MASSIVE realizations I had
when it came to women was that a lot of things
are not what they appear to be.
So, for example, have you ever heard how
"nice guys" don't attract any women?
Maybe you've even wondered why things didn't
work when you treated women "very nicely".
This kind of thing happens to MILLIONS of men,
so you are not alone.
However, the problem is that the answer is NOT
to act like a jerk or try to act like a player. If this
actually worked, the problem would have been
solved for all men a long time ago.
There is a reason why both being a "nice guy" and
being an arrogant or cocky guy or being a player
BOTH don't work. It's because the best kind of
women are attracted to STRENGTH of character.
In fact, even women who are messed UP are often
ALSO attracted to strength of character as well!
Now, when a man takes on the act of being a player
or being arrogant he is actually conveying MASSIVE
insecurity.
So why does the "nice guy" stuff not work either?
Well, the reason is because the truth is that "nice guys"
actually are NOT that nice, as I will show you:
to them, the closest in fact: THEMSELVES.
So, for example, a man who keeps on calling a
woman who does not return his calls, or a man
who even spends too much time THINKING
about a woman who is not giving him HALF
the amount of energy that he is putting into
chasing her, well this man is very MEAN
actually.
He is MEAN to himself.
He is basically telling himself and saying that he
is NOT WORTH treating any BETTER than this.
Have you ever had a woman that you chased
really HARD, and that you thought was somehow
a SPECIAL person for some reason?
Usually, there IS no reason, we just FEEL that there
is, but these feelings are the result of BAD CONDITIONING.
They can be overcome.
Women ARE attracted to strength of character, AND
to goodness, but there is nothing strong and nothing
GOOD about being a guy who allows himself to
be abused, and even if he just doesn't respect himself
enough.
This is why I have decided to use the term "REINVENTING
THE GOOD GUY" so that we stop thinking of GOOD
as being something "nice" or weak, because in reality
GOODNESS is the result of STRENGTH, and it's
NEVER self-abusive or self-hurting.
So the RIGHT way to be thinking about being CONFIDENT
and CHARISMATIC is not to come to it from a "I AM
THE BOSS OVER A WOMAN" angle but rather from
true goodness, starting with being good to yourself.
And NOT from having to boss around a woman.
In fact, the whole, "I have to CONTROL a woman"
vibe always ends up showing up to a woman as
insecurity and fear and looks very much like
"wuss" behavior to her.
If a woman disrespects you, and you are dating
her, DUMP her.
It is amazing how some good guys will allow
certain women to get away with all kinds of
behaviors that these same women would never
tolerate from men.
The mere BELIEF itself that this is OKAY,
that it's OKAY for you to accept LESS
than TOTAL RESPECT, is in ITSELF a problem.
A woman can detect these fears and thoughts from
the way you behave, in the same way you can
often tell what your best friend is thinking or
feeling before they even tell you, simply because
you can tell and read his or her body language.
Well, women are good at reading body language
because even as children they spend more time
developing these skills whereas boys develop
other skills better.
So it's really a waste of time to try to fake it
with a woman, it's far better to actually DEVELOP
the right behaviors, and perspectives- this way a
woman KNOWS you are for real.
I recently heard a radio show where a man
who sounded like a really DECENT guy,
who was in a relationship, called in to
this woman who was giving advice on the
radio.
He said he wanted to settle a debate he was
having with his girlfriend (I think it was
a girlfriend, not a wife), where he thought
it was WRONG for her to ACCEPT drinks from
other guys when she went out occasionally
on a 'girls night out', and his girlfriend
felt it was 'harmless'.
The woman radio host said that she agreed
with him that it was wrong of her to do
this, but the radio host wanted him to
TAP DANCE AROUND THE REAL ISSUE and tell
his girlfriend that it was wrong to
LEAD ON some other guys by accepting
their drinks.
This radio host was SO CONCERNED about not
offending the guy's girlfriend, that she
didn't come right out and just say the
TRUTH, which is that it is downright
DISRESPECTFUL to the boyfriend for her
to do this.
It's so POLITICALLY INCORRECT to just
call CRAP BEHAVIOR what it is: CRAP.
I also don't BLAME this innocent guy for
being CONFUSED in feeling that he needs
to SETTLE the debate with another opinion,
or maybe he actually DID know fully the
right decision, but he wanted his girlfriend
to hear it from a woman.
So again, I COMPLETELY DON'T JUDGE ANY
GUY WHO IS CONFUSED when it comes to
women, because I used to be the KING
of being ENSLAVED to the approval of
a woman.
I used to think that all women were
made from sugar and spice and that
all women just wanted a good guy
for a relationship, and I thought
that any problems in the relationship
had to be something that I could
solve, since after all, it was
supposedly that all these women
wanted was genuine love and
commitment.
Now, I want to PUKE when I think of
some of the abuse I went through,
but it was all worth it because
it taught me so much, to the point
that some guys actually thought I
was a NATURAL with women when
I was running the group bootcamps.
Some of the guys actually thought that
I was a natural, that I didn't have to LEARN
all this stuff, including even the easy stuff
like picking up women at clubs.
To any guys who are out there who want
to learn, please remember this stuff
CAN be learned, I was not a natural at all.
I also learned to CALIBRATE
a woman's personality and values
VERY QUICKLY so that I stopped
wasting time on the WRONG women
and only rewarded the ones who
already HAD the right morals
built in.
Anyway, back to this dude from the show,
near the end of the conversation with the
radio show host, he mentioned that he told
his girlfriend that she should imagine what
SHE would feel like if the tables were turned,
i.e. if HE was at a bar with a group of women,
and a woman decided to buy HIM a drink.
Apparently, THIS got the girlfriend to
understand the basic issue, but STILL
the guy was talking about how many
women including at least some of
her friends (I don't remember every
detail of the show) thought that he
was being JEALOUS.
This kind of thing is not about jealousy,
just like the reverse situation is not about
jealousy, i.e. a woman not wanting her
boyfriend to accept free drinks from
a woman at a bar .
It's not about jealousy, it's about
RESPECT, the real true foundation of
any GENUINE relationship.
But in order to get respect from others,
FIRST you must have LOADS of it for
YOURSELF.
So, make sure to first have a firm belief in your
OWN value, not out of arrogance, but out of
being your own best FRIEND. A woman, on an
subconscious level, wants to see some PROOF
that you are valuable, and if YOU don't value
yourself, how can she feel you have value?
Not only that, but if you believe that good people
have value, if you REALLY believe that, then
why would you ever allow yourself to chase
after a woman who didn't show any particularly
great characteristics of her own?
When you stop obsessing with the superficial for
REAL, you really DO show that you value character,
and now two things happen- you suddenly find that
more women are attracted to you, (because you
are proving that there are other things of value
besides the superficial and that you are one of
those valuable people ) and you also find that you
really ARE less obsessed now with the superficial-
because actions become emotions, and your
new lifestyle has given you new perspectives
and new appreciation for the bigger picture.
Don't get me wrong, of course you will want and
you SHOULD want physical attraction in a woman,
but you will be in the right balance to truly be a cool
guy with all women. A MAN, not a boy playing
"pick up artist".
So the best combination is to be a GOOD guy with women,
but also to be a good guy to YOURSELF and never, EVER
do anything below your dignity to try to earn a woman's
approval - besides, chasing after her in itself is what will
destroy her attraction to you. It's like you are saying,
"I don't feel I have value, but could YOU please treat
me really well out of PITY?"
And this is EXACTLY the kind of reaction that
is generated in a woman for a guy who is not
truly good, but is just "nice" in a weak sense-
she might feel PITY for him, but not ATTRACTION.
And you of course also end up ruining your own
"internal game" this way because your actions are
telling your brain that you are pathetic.
Now, I'd like to share a letter with you to show
just how powerful this stuff is, to the point that
you often don't even have to DO anything because
you are giving off all the millions of subtle signals
through your demeanor and values and beliefs.
LETTER FROM A READER:
Hi Michael, hope you're doing well.
A few ridiculously relevant things have popped up
in my life pretty much at the exact same time you've
released this new line of material. Great stuff so far...
haven't had time to finish the book yet, but it's the
next level for sure.
Quick background on me - most of my life, suffered
from all that brainwashing you talk about and was
extremely unsuccessful with women. After slowly
but surely letting you lead me out of that sh**hole
with your materials, this "inner game" stuff is sinking
in exponentially. There's evidence for this. over the
last year, I have been easily... a little too easily...
attracting women who are extremely hot. sometimes
it's obvious, other times, you just know from the
way they keep on acting around me.
anyways, as a result of my inner game getting
really tight thanks in no small part to you, I've been
getting lots of attention from hot girls without really
even doing anything "special" at all.... including this
girl at work has been hitting on me like crazy over
the past month.
Actually, more than hitting on me. whenever I walk
by, or whenever I interact with her, she ALWAYS has
to twist the topic into something that obviously states
how bad she wants to have sex with me (eg."I want
to have sex with you"). she laughs and jokes when
she says it, but that's what the subject matter leads
to all the time.
Now, in my humble opinion, this girl is OFF THE
CHARTS HOT, with a caveat: married with two kids.
anyways, this flirting thing continued, and my last
day at that site, she got my email in a very sneaky
way (pretended that her hotmail was down, and
while she got me to log onto mine to "see if it was
just her hotmail or all of hotmail that was messed
up", she snuck a peek at my email address and
emailed me that night).
ok, now I was like... whoa. I literally thought I
was just an outlet at work for some possible marital
dissatisfaction, and I didn't think she'd take it to the
next level. anyways, I still somehow gave her the
benefit of the doubt that she didn't really mean
business b/c I just couldn't believe people cheat this
easily and that people were this weak (even though
I was just as weak once but in another way).
I only responded to one out of every 3 or 4 of her
emails... just for fun really... and I thought it was
all benign until today... when in a brief email she
just said it: "so, are you into booty calls?".
This is when a revelation happened. My immediate
answer was "not with a married woman, thanks",
but I wasn't mean about it and felt terribly sorry
for her, so I padded her ego a bit.
don't get me wrong, "physiologically" I wanted to
have so much physical with her that I couldn't walk
for a while, but my standards and principles are
getting clearer. this time, mind won over body.
infidelity is something I just don't support at all.
anyways, realizing I had this clarity and the fact
that the decision was so easy and that I could care
less what anyone thought is the most empowering
thing ever. really. when I was weaker in the past,
even though I never believed in infidelity, I may
have thought about doing it out of sheer weakness
and lack of self value (that I better take what I can
get), or "man, people would think I'm such a loser
for passing this up".
not anymore. me: 1 insecurity: 0
But then, I started talking to friends about it, cuz
it kind of disturbed me. and maybe I really need
a wake up call, but what some of them said shocked
me. an acquaintance of mine told me, "man, what
are you doing? that's the safest sex out there.
married women are often the most discrete", and
this same person said he regularly has booty call
sex with married women, and even more routinely
takes home girls in the bar who have boyfriends".
although other people were not as extreme in their
opinions regarding this, they told me... "geez, maybe
I would have done it... and everybody seems to be
doing that these days anyway".
Even one of my best friends (and honestly Michael,
my best friends are people I am very proud of as
they really are awesome guys) said that when he
was younger he actually slept with a married woman
(he does regret it though).
Now, I know this has no effect on my principles, and
my principles stand, no matter what anyone says....
and I realize that those people who say "don't worry
no one will find out" don't get the freakin point at all
- it's not about getting away with it versus getting
caught, it's about selling your soul or not. but all
this new info about the world was truthfully
DEPRESSING.
I thought, THIS IS THE F*****G WORLD WE LIVE
IN????? The value of marriage, or even relationships,
has plummeted this low???
Of course, not all men and women are like this, but
it's the trend that I find exceedingly disturbing now
that I'm truly awake to it. Most people get caught
up in the "*** ** *** ***" mentality to women that
you allude to (that show is a CLASSIC example of
those moron "experts", don't even get me started as
to how misleading I think that show is).
It's amazing that it's so easy to justify participation
in infidelity these days as just another honest sleazy
act by just saying to yourself "all's fair in love and war".
and I just can't see why so many people buy into it.
Sleeping with a married chick (or a chick with a boyfriend)
just isn't congruent with someone who perceives that he
has true inner value. If you know you have value, the
whole idea is absurd - analogous to eating off of someone
else's plate when you're at a buffet (you KNOW you
have unlimited food at the buffet, so why eat someone
else's).
But more important than that. This little incident
allowed me to reflect on the whole "how to get a great girl"
theme of yours, and totally made things clear.
You attract what you are, so if you want to attract a
scummy girl, do scummy things. If you don't want
a cheating girl in your life, or even better, if you
WANT a girl who vomits at the idea of cheating and
has kick ass values, she will likely value a guy that
has those values.
Plus, you become stronger yourself with every
hard/monumental decision you make in life because
each decision seems to add to the makeup of your
"juice", as you say, in the middle of an orange.
(that analogy where pressure on an orange will
bring out whatever juice is inside the orange).
that juice = the real YOU.
So the YOU that you are constructing with each
decision you make (whether by direct effect or by
the messages that the decision sends to your brain) will
ultimately be brought out at some point because
life's pressures always exist, and that great girl
at some time I believe WILL see that real you
and either love it or hate it. so better make a good
you with good cumulative decisions.
As well, I'm realizing that I actually value relationships
to a high degree. and I just realized that by making
decisions such as participating in cheating (whether you
are the cheater or the one she is cheating with), you
REDUCE how much you value relationships/marriage
whether you are aware of it or not.
I learned this by the opposite effect, as after making
my decision, I noticed how my value for relationships
/marriage actually INCREASED. it just did.
I agree by leading in this way is a rare and special
form of attraction to a special woman that she is
likely not going to see much of in this ridiculous
world. when one day you put a ring on the finger
of that deserving woman, that ring means as much
as the decisions you've made in this regard up
until that day (i.e., the promise of marriage has as
much value as the amount that you value marriage).
you'll know it, and I think, at least subconsciously,
so will she.
anyways, peace.
Robert T.
Miami
MY COMMENTS:
Awesome stuff. You illustrated so many points-
the first one is that as you escalate in your own
internal development, THAT is when you will
find that those who are not like you will suddenly
notice the change even more, and yet at the SAME
time, the reality also is that as you become
a MASTER, a woman like her will already
SENSE that she is barking up the wrong tree
and won't even TRY. Of course, the fact you
didn't give in to external social/cultural pressure
makes you that much CLOSER to that development.
Also, you have done something else very powerful
The fact that you have PROVEN to yourself that
you can stick to your values shows you that it IS
possible, and that there are women out there just
like you as well.
It's interesting how I noticed that all the people
and supposed experts who tried to scare the hell
out of everyone by saying that with their "skills"
they could get any woman to cheat, well guess
what? It was THESE GUYS THEMSELVES
who were cheaters, and since they could not
trust themselves, of course they could not trust
women- so they go and label all women as
cheaters.
There are cheaters and there are people who won't
cheat for a billion dollars. When you are not naive,
when you are intelligent and you are a person of
integrity, you are then able to also far easier detect
OTHERS who have the SAME level of integrity
and intelligence.
There actually ARE enough men and women with
great integrity and character, but until
you bring yourself up, you can't notice
them, the same way that if you aren't
conscious of say, a red Honda car, you
won't notice them, and then when you are,
you'll see lots of them.
Similarly, when you yourself have changed,
as you are doing right now, you will start
to notice them as well, because you will
gravitate towards different people,
who lead to others with similar values.
This is part of what Tony Robbins would
call "sensory acuity" - your senses and
your mind become super-attuned to where
to get what you want, because you have
BECOME the very same thing yourself.
You have already started the process,
as you have explained, you are
experiencing internal changes already
and have barely had the new book
for a week...
And of course, when a person is a cheater who has no
integrity, he will then hang out with similar types.
The other thing of course is that a fantastic woman
who has HER act together will expect that this
test of character you went through should be
super EASY for you in the future. Because she
already has this stuff worked out in her mind
and she's not going to invest her fantastic
character and emotions in just any guy.
TRUST is key, and again, this is where much of
even the mainstream culture really is not equipped
to handle this level of trust. That stuff is designed
for emotionally low level interactions, it's not
designed for the kind of interaction that can serve
as a real foundation for the future.
So now that you have passed THIS level, you
have now opened the doors to a far more ELITE
level woman- not just any girl, but a GREAT girl.
You already could have had all the booty calls
on earth, with women who are smoking hot,
and all without DOING anything, no pick
up artist games or gimmicks.
This is NOT a coincidence- it's a direct result of
your skyrocketing internal development that you
have applied from what you learned.
And by the way, even SOCIAL PROOF then begins
to work in your favor, as women start to see OTHER
women responding to you, and suddenly you start
to get women trying to PROVE to you how they have
GOOD MORALS rather than trying to prove to you
how quick they can get in bed with you, that part
(the women wanting to get in bed with you) is
already certain.
Because you have "socially proven" the value of
yourself and your morals, now suddenly yourself
and your morals and values feel MORE precious
in these women's eyes, but I personally would
not go for a woman that I had to INFLUENCE
in this way. When it comes to morals, I only
want women who already HAVE them.
Way to go! And keep in touch as you continue
to improve!
And if you are reading this right now and would like to
meet a fantastic woman that will cherish you forever,
then I seriously suggest you get my most ADVANCED
and powerful program on this topic.
It's called "Warrior Within", and it is VITAL if
you want to get and keep a GREAT woman in your
life. It will show you how to approach her and how
to build a GENUINELY powerful connection as
well as create a deep attraction in her.
This is not some re-hashed info here, it's the most powerful,
modern tools on EARTH for meeting a great woman and
building a QUALITY future with her.
It will also show you how to rid your mind of the fears
that plague you right at that very moment that you
want to approach her, and this program will show you to
smoothly handle "getting physical" in a way that
is comfortable and classy. And it will show you
how to keep the attraction going strong long into
the future, and much, MUCH more.
It's at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
when it came to women was that a lot of things
are not what they appear to be.
So, for example, have you ever heard how
"nice guys" don't attract any women?
Maybe you've even wondered why things didn't
work when you treated women "very nicely".
This kind of thing happens to MILLIONS of men,
so you are not alone.
However, the problem is that the answer is NOT
to act like a jerk or try to act like a player. If this
actually worked, the problem would have been
solved for all men a long time ago.
There is a reason why both being a "nice guy" and
being an arrogant or cocky guy or being a player
BOTH don't work. It's because the best kind of
women are attracted to STRENGTH of character.
In fact, even women who are messed UP are often
ALSO attracted to strength of character as well!
Now, when a man takes on the act of being a player
or being arrogant he is actually conveying MASSIVE
insecurity.
A woman who is already confident, can smell this
insecurity from far away. She knows that a man who
is secure would not need to OVERDO things so much.
So why does the "nice guy" stuff not work either?
Well, the reason is because the truth is that "nice guys"
actually are NOT that nice, as I will show you:
"Nice guys" are very MEAN to ONE person.
In fact, they are mean to one person VERY CLOSEto them, the closest in fact: THEMSELVES.
So, for example, a man who keeps on calling a
woman who does not return his calls, or a man
who even spends too much time THINKING
about a woman who is not giving him HALF
the amount of energy that he is putting into
chasing her, well this man is very MEAN
actually.
He is MEAN to himself.
He is basically telling himself and saying that he
is NOT WORTH treating any BETTER than this.
Have you ever had a woman that you chased
really HARD, and that you thought was somehow
a SPECIAL person for some reason?
Usually, there IS no reason, we just FEEL that there
is, but these feelings are the result of BAD CONDITIONING.
They can be overcome.
Women ARE attracted to strength of character, AND
to goodness, but there is nothing strong and nothing
GOOD about being a guy who allows himself to
be abused, and even if he just doesn't respect himself
enough.
This is why I have decided to use the term "REINVENTING
THE GOOD GUY" so that we stop thinking of GOOD
as being something "nice" or weak, because in reality
GOODNESS is the result of STRENGTH, and it's
NEVER self-abusive or self-hurting.
So the RIGHT way to be thinking about being CONFIDENT
and CHARISMATIC is not to come to it from a "I AM
THE BOSS OVER A WOMAN" angle but rather from
true goodness, starting with being good to yourself.
And NOT from having to boss around a woman.
In fact, the whole, "I have to CONTROL a woman"
vibe always ends up showing up to a woman as
insecurity and fear and looks very much like
"wuss" behavior to her.
If a woman disrespects you, and you are dating
her, DUMP her.
Think to yourself, would SHE tolerate the
same disrespect if you treated HER that way?
It is amazing how some good guys will allow
certain women to get away with all kinds of
behaviors that these same women would never
tolerate from men.
The mere BELIEF itself that this is OKAY,
that it's OKAY for you to accept LESS
than TOTAL RESPECT, is in ITSELF a problem.
A woman can detect these fears and thoughts from
the way you behave, in the same way you can
often tell what your best friend is thinking or
feeling before they even tell you, simply because
you can tell and read his or her body language.
Well, women are good at reading body language
because even as children they spend more time
developing these skills whereas boys develop
other skills better.
So it's really a waste of time to try to fake it
with a woman, it's far better to actually DEVELOP
the right behaviors, and perspectives- this way a
woman KNOWS you are for real.
I recently heard a radio show where a man
who sounded like a really DECENT guy,
who was in a relationship, called in to
this woman who was giving advice on the
radio.
He said he wanted to settle a debate he was
having with his girlfriend (I think it was
a girlfriend, not a wife), where he thought
it was WRONG for her to ACCEPT drinks from
other guys when she went out occasionally
on a 'girls night out', and his girlfriend
felt it was 'harmless'.
The woman radio host said that she agreed
with him that it was wrong of her to do
this, but the radio host wanted him to
TAP DANCE AROUND THE REAL ISSUE and tell
his girlfriend that it was wrong to
LEAD ON some other guys by accepting
their drinks.
This radio host was SO CONCERNED about not
offending the guy's girlfriend, that she
didn't come right out and just say the
TRUTH, which is that it is downright
DISRESPECTFUL to the boyfriend for her
to do this.
It's so POLITICALLY INCORRECT to just
call CRAP BEHAVIOR what it is: CRAP.
I also don't BLAME this innocent guy for
being CONFUSED in feeling that he needs
to SETTLE the debate with another opinion,
or maybe he actually DID know fully the
right decision, but he wanted his girlfriend
to hear it from a woman.
So again, I COMPLETELY DON'T JUDGE ANY
GUY WHO IS CONFUSED when it comes to
women, because I used to be the KING
of being ENSLAVED to the approval of
a woman.
I used to think that all women were
made from sugar and spice and that
all women just wanted a good guy
for a relationship, and I thought
that any problems in the relationship
had to be something that I could
solve, since after all, it was
supposedly that all these women
wanted was genuine love and
commitment.
Now, I want to PUKE when I think of
some of the abuse I went through,
but it was all worth it because
it taught me so much, to the point
that some guys actually thought I
was a NATURAL with women when
I was running the group bootcamps.
Some of the guys actually thought that
I was a natural, that I didn't have to LEARN
all this stuff, including even the easy stuff
like picking up women at clubs.
To any guys who are out there who want
to learn, please remember this stuff
CAN be learned, I was not a natural at all.
I also learned to CALIBRATE
a woman's personality and values
VERY QUICKLY so that I stopped
wasting time on the WRONG women
and only rewarded the ones who
already HAD the right morals
built in.
Anyway, back to this dude from the show,
near the end of the conversation with the
radio show host, he mentioned that he told
his girlfriend that she should imagine what
SHE would feel like if the tables were turned,
i.e. if HE was at a bar with a group of women,
and a woman decided to buy HIM a drink.
Apparently, THIS got the girlfriend to
understand the basic issue, but STILL
the guy was talking about how many
women including at least some of
her friends (I don't remember every
detail of the show) thought that he
was being JEALOUS.
This kind of thing is not about jealousy,
just like the reverse situation is not about
jealousy, i.e. a woman not wanting her
boyfriend to accept free drinks from
a woman at a bar .
It's not about jealousy, it's about
RESPECT, the real true foundation of
any GENUINE relationship.
But in order to get respect from others,
FIRST you must have LOADS of it for
YOURSELF.
So, make sure to first have a firm belief in your
OWN value, not out of arrogance, but out of
being your own best FRIEND. A woman, on an
subconscious level, wants to see some PROOF
that you are valuable, and if YOU don't value
yourself, how can she feel you have value?
Not only that, but if you believe that good people
have value, if you REALLY believe that, then
why would you ever allow yourself to chase
after a woman who didn't show any particularly
great characteristics of her own?
When you stop obsessing with the superficial for
REAL, you really DO show that you value character,
and now two things happen- you suddenly find that
more women are attracted to you, (because you
are proving that there are other things of value
besides the superficial and that you are one of
those valuable people ) and you also find that you
really ARE less obsessed now with the superficial-
because actions become emotions, and your
new lifestyle has given you new perspectives
and new appreciation for the bigger picture.
Don't get me wrong, of course you will want and
you SHOULD want physical attraction in a woman,
but you will be in the right balance to truly be a cool
guy with all women. A MAN, not a boy playing
"pick up artist".
So the best combination is to be a GOOD guy with women,
but also to be a good guy to YOURSELF and never, EVER
do anything below your dignity to try to earn a woman's
approval - besides, chasing after her in itself is what will
destroy her attraction to you. It's like you are saying,
"I don't feel I have value, but could YOU please treat
me really well out of PITY?"
And this is EXACTLY the kind of reaction that
is generated in a woman for a guy who is not
truly good, but is just "nice" in a weak sense-
she might feel PITY for him, but not ATTRACTION.
And you of course also end up ruining your own
"internal game" this way because your actions are
telling your brain that you are pathetic.
Now, I'd like to share a letter with you to show
just how powerful this stuff is, to the point that
you often don't even have to DO anything because
you are giving off all the millions of subtle signals
through your demeanor and values and beliefs.
LETTER FROM A READER:
Hi Michael, hope you're doing well.
A few ridiculously relevant things have popped up
in my life pretty much at the exact same time you've
released this new line of material. Great stuff so far...
haven't had time to finish the book yet, but it's the
next level for sure.
Quick background on me - most of my life, suffered
from all that brainwashing you talk about and was
extremely unsuccessful with women. After slowly
but surely letting you lead me out of that sh**hole
with your materials, this "inner game" stuff is sinking
in exponentially. There's evidence for this. over the
last year, I have been easily... a little too easily...
attracting women who are extremely hot. sometimes
it's obvious, other times, you just know from the
way they keep on acting around me.
anyways, as a result of my inner game getting
really tight thanks in no small part to you, I've been
getting lots of attention from hot girls without really
even doing anything "special" at all.... including this
girl at work has been hitting on me like crazy over
the past month.
Actually, more than hitting on me. whenever I walk
by, or whenever I interact with her, she ALWAYS has
to twist the topic into something that obviously states
how bad she wants to have sex with me (eg."I want
to have sex with you"). she laughs and jokes when
she says it, but that's what the subject matter leads
to all the time.
Now, in my humble opinion, this girl is OFF THE
CHARTS HOT, with a caveat: married with two kids.
anyways, this flirting thing continued, and my last
day at that site, she got my email in a very sneaky
way (pretended that her hotmail was down, and
while she got me to log onto mine to "see if it was
just her hotmail or all of hotmail that was messed
up", she snuck a peek at my email address and
emailed me that night).
ok, now I was like... whoa. I literally thought I
was just an outlet at work for some possible marital
dissatisfaction, and I didn't think she'd take it to the
next level. anyways, I still somehow gave her the
benefit of the doubt that she didn't really mean
business b/c I just couldn't believe people cheat this
easily and that people were this weak (even though
I was just as weak once but in another way).
I only responded to one out of every 3 or 4 of her
emails... just for fun really... and I thought it was
all benign until today... when in a brief email she
just said it: "so, are you into booty calls?".
This is when a revelation happened. My immediate
answer was "not with a married woman, thanks",
but I wasn't mean about it and felt terribly sorry
for her, so I padded her ego a bit.
don't get me wrong, "physiologically" I wanted to
have so much physical with her that I couldn't walk
for a while, but my standards and principles are
getting clearer. this time, mind won over body.
infidelity is something I just don't support at all.
anyways, realizing I had this clarity and the fact
that the decision was so easy and that I could care
less what anyone thought is the most empowering
thing ever. really. when I was weaker in the past,
even though I never believed in infidelity, I may
have thought about doing it out of sheer weakness
and lack of self value (that I better take what I can
get), or "man, people would think I'm such a loser
for passing this up".
not anymore. me: 1 insecurity: 0
But then, I started talking to friends about it, cuz
it kind of disturbed me. and maybe I really need
a wake up call, but what some of them said shocked
me. an acquaintance of mine told me, "man, what
are you doing? that's the safest sex out there.
married women are often the most discrete", and
this same person said he regularly has booty call
sex with married women, and even more routinely
takes home girls in the bar who have boyfriends".
although other people were not as extreme in their
opinions regarding this, they told me... "geez, maybe
I would have done it... and everybody seems to be
doing that these days anyway".
Even one of my best friends (and honestly Michael,
my best friends are people I am very proud of as
they really are awesome guys) said that when he
was younger he actually slept with a married woman
(he does regret it though).
Now, I know this has no effect on my principles, and
my principles stand, no matter what anyone says....
and I realize that those people who say "don't worry
no one will find out" don't get the freakin point at all
- it's not about getting away with it versus getting
caught, it's about selling your soul or not. but all
this new info about the world was truthfully
DEPRESSING.
I thought, THIS IS THE F*****G WORLD WE LIVE
IN????? The value of marriage, or even relationships,
has plummeted this low???
Of course, not all men and women are like this, but
it's the trend that I find exceedingly disturbing now
that I'm truly awake to it. Most people get caught
up in the "*** ** *** ***" mentality to women that
you allude to (that show is a CLASSIC example of
those moron "experts", don't even get me started as
to how misleading I think that show is).
It's amazing that it's so easy to justify participation
in infidelity these days as just another honest sleazy
act by just saying to yourself "all's fair in love and war".
and I just can't see why so many people buy into it.
Sleeping with a married chick (or a chick with a boyfriend)
just isn't congruent with someone who perceives that he
has true inner value. If you know you have value, the
whole idea is absurd - analogous to eating off of someone
else's plate when you're at a buffet (you KNOW you
have unlimited food at the buffet, so why eat someone
else's).
But more important than that. This little incident
allowed me to reflect on the whole "how to get a great girl"
theme of yours, and totally made things clear.
You attract what you are, so if you want to attract a
scummy girl, do scummy things. If you don't want
a cheating girl in your life, or even better, if you
WANT a girl who vomits at the idea of cheating and
has kick ass values, she will likely value a guy that
has those values.
Plus, you become stronger yourself with every
hard/monumental decision you make in life because
each decision seems to add to the makeup of your
"juice", as you say, in the middle of an orange.
(that analogy where pressure on an orange will
bring out whatever juice is inside the orange).
that juice = the real YOU.
So the YOU that you are constructing with each
decision you make (whether by direct effect or by
the messages that the decision sends to your brain) will
ultimately be brought out at some point because
life's pressures always exist, and that great girl
at some time I believe WILL see that real you
and either love it or hate it. so better make a good
you with good cumulative decisions.
As well, I'm realizing that I actually value relationships
to a high degree. and I just realized that by making
decisions such as participating in cheating (whether you
are the cheater or the one she is cheating with), you
REDUCE how much you value relationships/marriage
whether you are aware of it or not.
I learned this by the opposite effect, as after making
my decision, I noticed how my value for relationships
/marriage actually INCREASED. it just did.
I agree by leading in this way is a rare and special
form of attraction to a special woman that she is
likely not going to see much of in this ridiculous
world. when one day you put a ring on the finger
of that deserving woman, that ring means as much
as the decisions you've made in this regard up
until that day (i.e., the promise of marriage has as
much value as the amount that you value marriage).
you'll know it, and I think, at least subconsciously,
so will she.
anyways, peace.
Robert T.
Miami
MY COMMENTS:
Awesome stuff. You illustrated so many points-
the first one is that as you escalate in your own
internal development, THAT is when you will
find that those who are not like you will suddenly
notice the change even more, and yet at the SAME
time, the reality also is that as you become
a MASTER, a woman like her will already
SENSE that she is barking up the wrong tree
and won't even TRY. Of course, the fact you
didn't give in to external social/cultural pressure
makes you that much CLOSER to that development.
Also, you have done something else very powerful
The fact that you have PROVEN to yourself that
you can stick to your values shows you that it IS
possible, and that there are women out there just
like you as well.
It's interesting how I noticed that all the people
and supposed experts who tried to scare the hell
out of everyone by saying that with their "skills"
they could get any woman to cheat, well guess
what? It was THESE GUYS THEMSELVES
who were cheaters, and since they could not
trust themselves, of course they could not trust
women- so they go and label all women as
cheaters.
There are cheaters and there are people who won't
cheat for a billion dollars. When you are not naive,
when you are intelligent and you are a person of
integrity, you are then able to also far easier detect
OTHERS who have the SAME level of integrity
and intelligence.
There actually ARE enough men and women with
great integrity and character, but until
you bring yourself up, you can't notice
them, the same way that if you aren't
conscious of say, a red Honda car, you
won't notice them, and then when you are,
you'll see lots of them.
Similarly, when you yourself have changed,
as you are doing right now, you will start
to notice them as well, because you will
gravitate towards different people,
who lead to others with similar values.
This is part of what Tony Robbins would
call "sensory acuity" - your senses and
your mind become super-attuned to where
to get what you want, because you have
BECOME the very same thing yourself.
You have already started the process,
as you have explained, you are
experiencing internal changes already
and have barely had the new book
for a week...
And of course, when a person is a cheater who has no
integrity, he will then hang out with similar types.
The other thing of course is that a fantastic woman
who has HER act together will expect that this
test of character you went through should be
super EASY for you in the future. Because she
already has this stuff worked out in her mind
and she's not going to invest her fantastic
character and emotions in just any guy.
TRUST is key, and again, this is where much of
even the mainstream culture really is not equipped
to handle this level of trust. That stuff is designed
for emotionally low level interactions, it's not
designed for the kind of interaction that can serve
as a real foundation for the future.
So now that you have passed THIS level, you
have now opened the doors to a far more ELITE
level woman- not just any girl, but a GREAT girl.
You already could have had all the booty calls
on earth, with women who are smoking hot,
and all without DOING anything, no pick
up artist games or gimmicks.
This is NOT a coincidence- it's a direct result of
your skyrocketing internal development that you
have applied from what you learned.
And by the way, even SOCIAL PROOF then begins
to work in your favor, as women start to see OTHER
women responding to you, and suddenly you start
to get women trying to PROVE to you how they have
GOOD MORALS rather than trying to prove to you
how quick they can get in bed with you, that part
(the women wanting to get in bed with you) is
already certain.
Because you have "socially proven" the value of
yourself and your morals, now suddenly yourself
and your morals and values feel MORE precious
in these women's eyes, but I personally would
not go for a woman that I had to INFLUENCE
in this way. When it comes to morals, I only
want women who already HAVE them.
Way to go! And keep in touch as you continue
to improve!
And if you are reading this right now and would like to
meet a fantastic woman that will cherish you forever,
then I seriously suggest you get my most ADVANCED
and powerful program on this topic.
It's called "Warrior Within", and it is VITAL if
you want to get and keep a GREAT woman in your
life. It will show you how to approach her and how
to build a GENUINELY powerful connection as
well as create a deep attraction in her.
This is not some re-hashed info here, it's the most powerful,
modern tools on EARTH for meeting a great woman and
building a QUALITY future with her.
It will also show you how to rid your mind of the fears
that plague you right at that very moment that you
want to approach her, and this program will show you to
smoothly handle "getting physical" in a way that
is comfortable and classy. And it will show you
how to keep the attraction going strong long into
the future, and much, MUCH more.
It's at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
Sunday, August 26, 2012
The PROOF Of "Social Proof" In Attracting Women
When it comes to women, all I care
about are two things and those are:
1. What WORKS to attract women.
2. How to apply all this on getting
the best QUALITY women.
Today we are going to focus on the FIRST thing:
What WORKS to attract women.
And even though I have been teaching
this field for over ten years, and even
though I conduct REAL LIFE bootcamps
where men actually get to PROVE it
on women in front of their own eyes,
I STILL understand that if you’re new
to all this, it might STILL seem HARD
to believe.
So today, I am going to share with you
a MASSIVE proof of just ONE of the
techniques that I teach men to apply
on women in many different ways.
This technique is based on a proven
concept in psychology known as,
believe it or not, SOCIAL PROOF.
The word PROOF is actually part of the
NAME because that is how strong we FEEL
the power of social endorsement IS.
In a nutshell, SOCIAL PROOF means that
an individual will be INFLUENCED by
the opinions of OTHERS.
Those others can have power either through
being a LARGE group, or through simply
being even ONE other person, but a person
who is already RESPECTED by others.
So, for example, if a million OTHER people
say that person A is COOL, then it’s highly
likely that any random individual will be
highly INFLUENCED to FEEL that indeed
person A is COOL.
Similarly, if a person who is already well
RESPECTED endorses person A as being
cool, or if someone who is already considered
“cool” says that person A is also cool, then
most people will feel highly INFLUENCED
to GENUINELY feel that person A IS
indeed “cool”.
Now, I use this principle all the TIME in
bootcamps with guys as I teach them to
approach women in just about every
place you imagine.
Let me share with you a real-life example:
An attractive young woman was waiting for
the train at the subway station and I
mentioned to my client that he might
want to apply what he had been learning
earlier in terms of approaches for this
situation.
He asked for me to demonstrate, so I
approached her using all the detailed
concepts I speak about, but my main point
here is not to focus on me or that but
rather to focus on what happened.
She seemed to be a bit less relaxed, as
English was not her first language, and
it can be a bit intimidating sometimes
when two guys are so close to one woman
depending on the time of day, the amount
of other people there, etc.
Anyway, she was slowly getting more into the
conversation, laughing, but I could tell she
was still a bit uncomfortable, so I made it
clear that I was not there to take advantage
of the situation that she was by herself and
I let her walk in the train as she was still
smiling, and I did not follow her.
As my client and I got in the train, I sat down
beside this other attractive girl, totally laid
back and began a conversation with her, again
using all the principles I speak about.
Now this girl was totally relaxed with it,
smiling and laughing and having a great time.
Well guess what happened next?
Suddenly, from HALFWAY ACROSS THE TRAIN,
the original woman from the subway platform
starts leaning in toward us from her seat
and joins in the conversation, giving her
opinion about something I had been talking
to her about five minutes earlier!
Normally that would have been a dead
conversation by now. But no, there she is,
smiling and speaking loudly as if we had
never stopped chatting, even though the
whole train could probably hear her. And
trust me, she was not some psycho. She
had just gone from being a shy slightly
nervous woman to wanting to GET WITH
THE PROGRAM!
Pretty soon, we had both women in conversation
with us, competing playfully for our attention,
going from complete strangers to discussing
things like who would be the better girl to
marry depending on which girl was a better
cook and had more money or ambition and was
better with kids had the better education
and who was just more fun to hang with. LOL.
ALL BECAUSE SHE SAW THAT WE
WERE NOT TAKING ADVANTAGE OF
HER, THAT WE WERE NOT DESPERATE,
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, THAT
ANOTHER WOMAN THOUGHT WE
WERE COOL AND FUN TO BE WITH.
This is the power that comes from both
YOU knowing that you have choices, and
from WOMEN knowing that you have choices.
In the example above, by seeing another
woman feel comfortable and trusting us and
having a great time, the original woman felt
a SURGE in all those emotions of attraction
and trust.
And by the way, if getting two women who are
total strangers not only to you but to each
other, can all be having a great time with you
within 5 minutes, think about what can be done
in a longer time frame in malls, bookstores,
cafes, and don't even get me started about
the massive ease of what to do in a club!!!!
I also use social proof all the time when I
or a buddy of mine happen to be the first
one to approach a group of women.
So let’s say I approach the group of women
first, and I get things revved to high power,
and then my buddy rolls up, often all I have to
do is say “this is my friend, he’s a great guy”
and that’s IT, he’s TOTALLY IN and he really
doesn’t have to do ANYTHING anymore
because I’ve already "socially proven" him.
All he has to do is not screw it up.
And vice versa, if he opens up the group and
does a great job attracting them, all he has to
say if I roll up, is, "This is my friend”, and
by process of being SOCIALLY PROOFED
by him, I’m already in, I don’t have to DO
anything except not royally screw it up.
Here’s another element of social proof:
A lot of times, guys get insecure, and they
actually try to somehow put DOWN the
other guys they are with when they are
in front of women, because the guys
feel they are COMPETING with each
other.
This is really sad, because as far as the
women are concerned, on a subconscious
level all that is happening is they are feeling
you are getting NEGATIVE social proof
from these guys who you keep implying are
NOT cool, so then why are YOU in their
circle? If you say they are uncool, and they
are part of your circle, that must make you
uncool as well.
So NEVER do that.
In fact, the smartest way to apply social proof,
if you are ever with your buddies, is to socially
proof EACH OTHER and say great things about
each other.
Here’s ANOTHER way to use social proof,
if you are ever at a massive party with tons
of women you don’t know. Just approach
individual groups and have MINI chats
with them, and then say, “Hey, it was
nice meeting you, I’m going to say
hi to some friends!”
This way, you can not only approach the
ENTIRE place and chat with every woman
in the joint, but since the place is so busy
NO ONE will know that you didn’t
ALREADY know everyone!
Instead, they will feel you must be THE MAN
because every woman is chatting with you!
Plus, because you are keeping each chat
BRIEF at the beginning, you also show
that you are not needy and that you are
there to have FUN, which in itself is a
sign of a guy who is not NEEDY or
desperate, it’s a sign of a guy who
ALREADY HAS tons of women
at his fingertips.
Now, once you have ALREADY circulated
and met EVERYONE including EVERY
woman in the place, you can then GO
BACK to whichever woman you wanted
to chat to in the first place, but now you
are ENRICHED with MASSIVE social
proof, which will make things go INSANELY
easy at this point!
And remember, that initial brief chat could
Have been as casual, as, “Hey, what’s up!
Isn’t this party awesome!!??”
When at a party, it’s THE VIBE that counts,
the fact that you are in a great FUN mood.
Let me share with you YET ANOTHER
massive proof of the power of social proof:
Just DAYS AGO, a dude in New York City
put this principle into PRACTICE for himself.
It’s important to remember, this was a REGULAR
DUDE and there is filmed proof of what happened
as well, and I will provide the link for you so you
can see it for yourself.
In a nutshell, all he did was WALK around Times
Square with two bodyguards, two assistants, and
photographers pretending to be paparazzi.
From the original source, I quote:
“While the assistants and photographers waited
for Brett to exit the 49th street marquee at NBC
Studios, they started a buzz that a "big star" was
about to walk out, thus making it worth their while
to wait and get a picture.”
They NEVER actually said he was ANYONE
in particular. He wasn’t pretending to be
Tom Cruise, Robert Pattinson, or anyone else.
All they said was that he was a BIG STAR.
In other words, all they said was that he was,
in essence, someone who was POPULAR and
SOCIALLY PROOFED.
What is AMAZING is how the crowds just
kept getting BIGGER and BIGGER.
How girls suddenly were so HAPPY to get
their picture with him. Even totally STRAIGHT
GUYS were saying that he was a cool guy with
talent.
By the way, I don’t blame girls for being
ATTRACTED to him, and guys for thinking
he is a cool guy with talent, because this stuff
gets to the HARD WIRING of the human psyche.
If it wasn't for the fact that this just happens to be
an area that I have specialized in for over ten years,
I would probably have the SAME reactions as all
these other people.
In fact, social proof still works on me in many ways,
and I have to CONSCIOUSLY REMIND myself of
what is actually happening to stop it from taking over
my emotions.
And that's WITH already knowing about how social
proof works and with spending so many years in this
field, I STILL need to work hard to remind myself
to not let it take over!
This stuff is HARD-WIRED.
A woman can’t HELP but feel attraction
when the right switches are pushed.
It attracts women.
It wins the respect of men.
It’s UNIVERSALLY powerful.
Check out this video for PROOF of how SOCIAL PROOF works to get women MADLY attracted:
Make sure to check out the GROUP
of chicks surrounding him at 2:15,
including when the HOTTEST one of
them all is kissing him!
And at 2:17, how the girls are so excited
about him, you’d think this guy was FOR
SURE the next SUPERSTAR that makes
women melt.
Remember, this dude is a REGULAR DUDE,
he’s doesn’t actually HAVE anything that any
other dude doesn’t have.
And of course, social proof ITSELF builds
even MORE social proof, as each time
people joined the CROWD, the crowd got
LARGER and created even MORE powerful
social proof, making the crowd even LARGER
and larger in a never ending cycle of growth,
until he HIMSELF decided to end the experiment.
Here’s one final point I want to add:
When you ATTRACT women, they don’t
ASK questions, they ALREADY are attracted
and they THEMSELVES fill in the answers
with whatever answer FEELS right to them
based on what they are FEELING about you.
So, for example, if a woman feels you must
be the most talented, confident guy who is
a great lover and who all women want, they
aren’t going to ASK you if you are these
things, they will just want to know how to
GET a chance to be with you.
What I mean by this is let’s say you tell her
that you are unemployed, that you are a jerk,
and that you are not interested in spending
money on women.
Well, now that she is ALREADY attracted,
she may just figure that you are either so
desirable that you are trying to GET RID
of her because you already have too many
women, so she will now just work even
HARDER to get you.
Or, she might figure you are some type of
genius who is too good for regular boring
jobs, or she might figure you are loaded
and just trying to test to see if she is
a gold-digger, or she might just figure
that she is so lucky to have a chance to
have met you when you are still POSSIBLE
to get before you become IMPOSSIBLE due
to you being too PERFECT and her feeling
too insecure and feeling that a perfect guy
like you would never truly love her.
BOTTOM LINE is that it doesn’t matter
what you SAY, because she is ATTRACTED
and everything you do now gets interpreted
in some sort of POSITIVE way.
Now, what you have just read is just the
TIP OF THE ICEBERG of what you will learn
in my programs.
My ATTRACTION MASTERY program not only
goes into SOCIAL PROOF, but it also shows
you TONS of other PROVEN strategies for
attracting women ANYWHERE you see them.
And not only does it show you how to
approach women, but it even gives you
EXACT INSTRUCTIONS on how to take
things from the very first moment you
walk up to her, all the way to making out,
and all the way to all-out wild times in bed.
This isn’t just hyperbole here.
This program is going to be one of the greatest
investments you’ve ever made in your LIFE.
This program is absolutely vital if you want
to get the experience under your belt with
women before going on to settle down with
one fantastic amazing woman for life.
Get the women you want by downloading this
important program NOW at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Mastery.html
And if you haven’t yet downloaded my very first
book, ‘The Dating Wizard’, then do that now at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Wizard.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
about are two things and those are:
1. What WORKS to attract women.
2. How to apply all this on getting
the best QUALITY women.
Today we are going to focus on the FIRST thing:
What WORKS to attract women.
And even though I have been teaching
this field for over ten years, and even
though I conduct REAL LIFE bootcamps
where men actually get to PROVE it
on women in front of their own eyes,
I STILL understand that if you’re new
to all this, it might STILL seem HARD
to believe.
So today, I am going to share with you
a MASSIVE proof of just ONE of the
techniques that I teach men to apply
on women in many different ways.
This technique is based on a proven
concept in psychology known as,
believe it or not, SOCIAL PROOF.
The word PROOF is actually part of the
NAME because that is how strong we FEEL
the power of social endorsement IS.
In a nutshell, SOCIAL PROOF means that
an individual will be INFLUENCED by
the opinions of OTHERS.
Those others can have power either through
being a LARGE group, or through simply
being even ONE other person, but a person
who is already RESPECTED by others.
So, for example, if a million OTHER people
say that person A is COOL, then it’s highly
likely that any random individual will be
highly INFLUENCED to FEEL that indeed
person A is COOL.
Similarly, if a person who is already well
RESPECTED endorses person A as being
cool, or if someone who is already considered
“cool” says that person A is also cool, then
most people will feel highly INFLUENCED
to GENUINELY feel that person A IS
indeed “cool”.
Now, I use this principle all the TIME in
bootcamps with guys as I teach them to
approach women in just about every
place you imagine.
Let me share with you a real-life example:
An attractive young woman was waiting for
the train at the subway station and I
mentioned to my client that he might
want to apply what he had been learning
earlier in terms of approaches for this
situation.
He asked for me to demonstrate, so I
approached her using all the detailed
concepts I speak about, but my main point
here is not to focus on me or that but
rather to focus on what happened.
She seemed to be a bit less relaxed, as
English was not her first language, and
it can be a bit intimidating sometimes
when two guys are so close to one woman
depending on the time of day, the amount
of other people there, etc.
Anyway, she was slowly getting more into the
conversation, laughing, but I could tell she
was still a bit uncomfortable, so I made it
clear that I was not there to take advantage
of the situation that she was by herself and
I let her walk in the train as she was still
smiling, and I did not follow her.
As my client and I got in the train, I sat down
beside this other attractive girl, totally laid
back and began a conversation with her, again
using all the principles I speak about.
Now this girl was totally relaxed with it,
smiling and laughing and having a great time.
Well guess what happened next?
Suddenly, from HALFWAY ACROSS THE TRAIN,
the original woman from the subway platform
starts leaning in toward us from her seat
and joins in the conversation, giving her
opinion about something I had been talking
to her about five minutes earlier!
Normally that would have been a dead
conversation by now. But no, there she is,
smiling and speaking loudly as if we had
never stopped chatting, even though the
whole train could probably hear her. And
trust me, she was not some psycho. She
had just gone from being a shy slightly
nervous woman to wanting to GET WITH
THE PROGRAM!
Pretty soon, we had both women in conversation
with us, competing playfully for our attention,
going from complete strangers to discussing
things like who would be the better girl to
marry depending on which girl was a better
cook and had more money or ambition and was
better with kids had the better education
and who was just more fun to hang with. LOL.
ALL BECAUSE SHE SAW THAT WE
WERE NOT TAKING ADVANTAGE OF
HER, THAT WE WERE NOT DESPERATE,
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, THAT
ANOTHER WOMAN THOUGHT WE
WERE COOL AND FUN TO BE WITH.
This is the power that comes from both
YOU knowing that you have choices, and
from WOMEN knowing that you have choices.
In the example above, by seeing another
woman feel comfortable and trusting us and
having a great time, the original woman felt
a SURGE in all those emotions of attraction
and trust.
And by the way, if getting two women who are
total strangers not only to you but to each
other, can all be having a great time with you
within 5 minutes, think about what can be done
in a longer time frame in malls, bookstores,
cafes, and don't even get me started about
the massive ease of what to do in a club!!!!
I also use social proof all the time when I
or a buddy of mine happen to be the first
one to approach a group of women.
So let’s say I approach the group of women
first, and I get things revved to high power,
and then my buddy rolls up, often all I have to
do is say “this is my friend, he’s a great guy”
and that’s IT, he’s TOTALLY IN and he really
doesn’t have to do ANYTHING anymore
because I’ve already "socially proven" him.
All he has to do is not screw it up.
And vice versa, if he opens up the group and
does a great job attracting them, all he has to
say if I roll up, is, "This is my friend”, and
by process of being SOCIALLY PROOFED
by him, I’m already in, I don’t have to DO
anything except not royally screw it up.
Here’s another element of social proof:
A lot of times, guys get insecure, and they
actually try to somehow put DOWN the
other guys they are with when they are
in front of women, because the guys
feel they are COMPETING with each
other.
This is really sad, because as far as the
women are concerned, on a subconscious
level all that is happening is they are feeling
you are getting NEGATIVE social proof
from these guys who you keep implying are
NOT cool, so then why are YOU in their
circle? If you say they are uncool, and they
are part of your circle, that must make you
uncool as well.
So NEVER do that.
In fact, the smartest way to apply social proof,
if you are ever with your buddies, is to socially
proof EACH OTHER and say great things about
each other.
Here’s ANOTHER way to use social proof,
if you are ever at a massive party with tons
of women you don’t know. Just approach
individual groups and have MINI chats
with them, and then say, “Hey, it was
nice meeting you, I’m going to say
hi to some friends!”
This way, you can not only approach the
ENTIRE place and chat with every woman
in the joint, but since the place is so busy
NO ONE will know that you didn’t
ALREADY know everyone!
Instead, they will feel you must be THE MAN
because every woman is chatting with you!
Plus, because you are keeping each chat
BRIEF at the beginning, you also show
that you are not needy and that you are
there to have FUN, which in itself is a
sign of a guy who is not NEEDY or
desperate, it’s a sign of a guy who
ALREADY HAS tons of women
at his fingertips.
Now, once you have ALREADY circulated
and met EVERYONE including EVERY
woman in the place, you can then GO
BACK to whichever woman you wanted
to chat to in the first place, but now you
are ENRICHED with MASSIVE social
proof, which will make things go INSANELY
easy at this point!
And remember, that initial brief chat could
Have been as casual, as, “Hey, what’s up!
Isn’t this party awesome!!??”
When at a party, it’s THE VIBE that counts,
the fact that you are in a great FUN mood.
Let me share with you YET ANOTHER
massive proof of the power of social proof:
Just DAYS AGO, a dude in New York City
put this principle into PRACTICE for himself.
It’s important to remember, this was a REGULAR
DUDE and there is filmed proof of what happened
as well, and I will provide the link for you so you
can see it for yourself.
In a nutshell, all he did was WALK around Times
Square with two bodyguards, two assistants, and
photographers pretending to be paparazzi.
From the original source, I quote:
“While the assistants and photographers waited
for Brett to exit the 49th street marquee at NBC
Studios, they started a buzz that a "big star" was
about to walk out, thus making it worth their while
to wait and get a picture.”
They NEVER actually said he was ANYONE
in particular. He wasn’t pretending to be
Tom Cruise, Robert Pattinson, or anyone else.
All they said was that he was a BIG STAR.
In other words, all they said was that he was,
in essence, someone who was POPULAR and
SOCIALLY PROOFED.
What is AMAZING is how the crowds just
kept getting BIGGER and BIGGER.
How girls suddenly were so HAPPY to get
their picture with him. Even totally STRAIGHT
GUYS were saying that he was a cool guy with
talent.
By the way, I don’t blame girls for being
ATTRACTED to him, and guys for thinking
he is a cool guy with talent, because this stuff
gets to the HARD WIRING of the human psyche.
If it wasn't for the fact that this just happens to be
an area that I have specialized in for over ten years,
I would probably have the SAME reactions as all
these other people.
In fact, social proof still works on me in many ways,
and I have to CONSCIOUSLY REMIND myself of
what is actually happening to stop it from taking over
my emotions.
And that's WITH already knowing about how social
proof works and with spending so many years in this
field, I STILL need to work hard to remind myself
to not let it take over!
This stuff is HARD-WIRED.
A woman can’t HELP but feel attraction
when the right switches are pushed.
It attracts women.
It wins the respect of men.
It’s UNIVERSALLY powerful.
Check out this video for PROOF of how SOCIAL PROOF works to get women MADLY attracted:
Make sure to check out the GROUP
of chicks surrounding him at 2:15,
including when the HOTTEST one of
them all is kissing him!
And at 2:17, how the girls are so excited
about him, you’d think this guy was FOR
SURE the next SUPERSTAR that makes
women melt.
Remember, this dude is a REGULAR DUDE,
he’s doesn’t actually HAVE anything that any
other dude doesn’t have.
And of course, social proof ITSELF builds
even MORE social proof, as each time
people joined the CROWD, the crowd got
LARGER and created even MORE powerful
social proof, making the crowd even LARGER
and larger in a never ending cycle of growth,
until he HIMSELF decided to end the experiment.
Here’s one final point I want to add:
When you ATTRACT women, they don’t
ASK questions, they ALREADY are attracted
and they THEMSELVES fill in the answers
with whatever answer FEELS right to them
based on what they are FEELING about you.
So, for example, if a woman feels you must
be the most talented, confident guy who is
a great lover and who all women want, they
aren’t going to ASK you if you are these
things, they will just want to know how to
GET a chance to be with you.
Plus, when a woman is ATTRACTED, anything
YOU say to her about yourself gets FILTERED
through the most ATTRACTIVE prism.
What I mean by this is let’s say you tell her
that you are unemployed, that you are a jerk,
and that you are not interested in spending
money on women.
Well, now that she is ALREADY attracted,
she may just figure that you are either so
desirable that you are trying to GET RID
of her because you already have too many
women, so she will now just work even
HARDER to get you.
Or, she might figure you are some type of
genius who is too good for regular boring
jobs, or she might figure you are loaded
and just trying to test to see if she is
a gold-digger, or she might just figure
that she is so lucky to have a chance to
have met you when you are still POSSIBLE
to get before you become IMPOSSIBLE due
to you being too PERFECT and her feeling
too insecure and feeling that a perfect guy
like you would never truly love her.
BOTTOM LINE is that it doesn’t matter
what you SAY, because she is ATTRACTED
and everything you do now gets interpreted
in some sort of POSITIVE way.
Now, what you have just read is just the
TIP OF THE ICEBERG of what you will learn
in my programs.
My ATTRACTION MASTERY program not only
goes into SOCIAL PROOF, but it also shows
you TONS of other PROVEN strategies for
attracting women ANYWHERE you see them.
And not only does it show you how to
approach women, but it even gives you
EXACT INSTRUCTIONS on how to take
things from the very first moment you
walk up to her, all the way to making out,
and all the way to all-out wild times in bed.
This isn’t just hyperbole here.
This program is going to be one of the greatest
investments you’ve ever made in your LIFE.
This program is absolutely vital if you want
to get the experience under your belt with
women before going on to settle down with
one fantastic amazing woman for life.
Get the women you want by downloading this
important program NOW at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Mastery.html
And if you haven’t yet downloaded my very first
book, ‘The Dating Wizard’, then do that now at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Wizard.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
Friday, August 24, 2012
Crucial First Moments With A Woman aka "Breaking The Ice" With Women
The first few moments you meet a woman who
is a stranger are your moments of GREATEST
OPPORTUNITY, because you are starting with
a clean slate.
Unfortunately, though, most guys DESTROY
their potential power in these moments
by doing all the wrong things and creating the
wrong impression.
But right now, you are going to get some
MASSIVE pointers so you can not only
make a great impression, but even get a
woman to be asking YOU out before the
conversation is done.
Yes, that's right, the woman actually is
so attracted that she is the FIRST ONE to
suggest to meet again for coffee or a drink!
The first thing that you need to do in an
interaction is capture a woman's interest
as fast as possible. This doesn't mean
that you have to be some super clown
or some super hero, but you do have
to establish that you have a vibrant
personality. In other words, she has
to FEEL compelling and positive
emotions in your presence.
The way to do this is to first open up a
conversation with something LIGHT but
But then you must quickly transition to something
INTERESTING or fun or playful or intriguing.
So right now, I want you to right down
something that has happened to you since
the day you were born till today, SOMETHING
that is interesting, or funny, or compelling.
There is no way on earth that you have
NOTHING true that is funny, interesting,
intriguing or playful to say that has
happened to you or that you have seen
or experienced somehow, or at least
that you HEARD about or READ
about something that is funny or
a funny perspective on things.
Now, remember I said that the very FIRST
thing you say should not be the most
POWERFUL thing, as it can look and
seem like you are trying too hard. It's
much better to TRANSITION to the
more emotionally compelling thing.
And it's also a particularly great idea to
get a woman LAUGHING or chuckling
as part of this emotional experience.
So, for example, I might start a conversation
in a neutral manner, using the right confident,
playful, and upbeat tonality in the voice, and
say, "Hi there, there's been something on my
mind all day and I was wondering if I could
get your take on it." (This is the light part
of the conversation, it's not funny or anything,
but it allows me a way to smoothly transition
into the emotional/playful stuff.)
So she will nod, and say, "Sure, go ahead".
Then I will keep the pretend serious face,
and say, "If you were to marry Fred Flintstone
or Barney Rubble, who would it be?"
It will take a second for it to sink into her,
and then she'll laugh and probably say
something like,"Fred I suppose" and I
will say something back like, "Fred???
Fred was too regular of a guy, working
9 to 5, I'm much more of a Barney guy,
this relationship here would never work
out between the two of us."
Then she might start to laugh some more,
and I'll carry on, saying, "Nooo seriously,
Betty Rubble was a cool woman, because
she let Barney do whatever he wanted all
day! After all, what did Barney do all
day anyway? He was in the car with
Fred, but we never saw him working!"
From HERE, I can then transition into
more REAL conversation, where I can
give a meaningful compliment to her
on something like the answer she gives
me to what kind of qualities she really
respects in a man, etc.
And at that point, I'm working on developing
a real connection with a woman, where it's
all about my listening skills and really paying
attention and helping her feel understood and
validated.
The example above is just an example,
I personally never use memorized openers
but I thought it would help give a picture
of what the conversation flow should
look like.
The point is not to tease a woman for the
sake of teasing, the whole point here is
to make a serious and powerful emotional
connection, and to actually take a woman
through a whole range of emotions, from
laughter to deeper emotional connection
as well. It's just that there is a practical
and effective way of going about this,
and that's what you need to do when
you are trying to get a chance with
a woman who is a total stranger.
And when you do this with a woman
who had not known you ever before,
she is MESMERIZED because you
have created more emotional impact
and connection with her in five minutes
than every other guy she has EVER known.
Notice that there is a range of emotions
in the example above, it starts normal
enough so as not to raise her defenses,
then evolves toward getting her laughing
which makes her now far more RECEPTIVE
to being approached and chatted to, and
then works on getting into a deeper level
of connection- because before you can
go into a deep connection you need to
have some lighter stuff first.
Here are some other important tips:
2: IF YOU'RE SHY, THEN STAND CLOSER
I say this because if you're shy, chances are
you are standing too far away from her.
3: DON'T BE AFRAID TO "REVEAL" INTEREST
Too many guys are trying to spare any form of
rejection and trying to make sure they don't
ruin things - so they don't show ANY real
interest in the woman.
It's one thing to not call a woman ten times a day.
It's something else to NOT let a woman who is
a STRANGER know that you are interested,
because otherwise there is NO way to move
forward, since right now she doesn't even
know you.
You have to reveal some interest in her, and you
don't have to worry about coming on as "desperate"
since it's NOT desperate to make it clear one
time that you are interested in taking ACTION
with her.
Besides, the woman knows how you feel from all sorts
of things in your body language, and it's better
to be confident about showing your interest in
a woman rather than fearing what the reaction
will be- HOWEVER the thing is that your
interest in her MUST be coming from
a place of CONFIDENCE, not desperation.
This makes all the difference in the world.
It's okay to LIKE a woman, it's just not cool
to be needy for her. And the truth is, neediness
really has nothing to do with how "great" a
woman is, it has to do with your own perception
of yourself, which is a huge part of the "inner
game" dimension that I teach as well.
4: BE MORE FLIRTATIOUS
Don't be afraid to give her a sexual look,
or to be more playful, you have to make
it clear that this IS indeed as verbal foreplay
to other things.
Again, failure to do this is also often traced
to inner game issues, which gets me to my
next point:
5: INTERPRET EVERYTHING AS A COMPLIMENT
Insecurity is the devil. Insecurity is evil.
Insecurity is the source of all problems.
So, the opposite is true as well, even if it starts
with you FORCING yourself to behave this
new way.
If a woman says something to you and you're
not sure if it was a sign of interest in you, just
interpret it as if it is.
If a woman says something to you and you're
not sure if it is an insult or a compliment, interpret
it as a compliment.
It's AMAZING to me when I see in person how
often women are giving a guy HUGE SIGNALS
of interest, and the guy is not picking up on it.
I will often signal to a guy that he already
HAS the woman in DEEP, she is really,
really into him, yet for some reason he
feels that maybe she isn't into him enough
for him to ask for her number or email, etc.
So I will give the hidden signal to him to go
for it when I KNOW it's clear, and then the
woman will HAPPILY not only give her contact
info to the guy, but actually TELL him to
call him!
So often, we are our own worst enemies,
and we need to learn how to overcome
OURSELVES, not anything that women
are doing to us.
So, to overcome this, take BABY STEPS,
but KEEP ON PROGRESSING. So for
example, start with making EYE CONTACT
with women, then go to playfully teasing,
then go to approaching GROUPS of women,
then go to approaching women in the
craziest of places like busy subway
stations or lingerie stores, learn to
EMBRACE the challenge and THRIVE
off of it!
The human mind and human emotions are
INFINITELY powerful, they just need to
be STIMULATED, and once you start to
train them, you will see there is no limit
to what you can do, and nowhere is this
more impressive than with attracting
the best quality women on the planet.
Let me also give an example here of
"internal" game:
EMAIL FROM A READER:
"Hope your weekend went well...I was on
this date last night with a very pretty and
smart girl and things are going well (actually
very very well). I couldn't believe it was
flowing that smoothly (of course thanks
to your training) but I also knew the true
test will come when the bill arrives - you
teach us that when on a first or second date
and the bill comes we should split it or at
least not making her feel cheap and.
So the bill comes and i made a funny comment
to the waitress on how funny it is that she
puts the bill on my side of the table, then
my date looks at the bill and says "Let me put
some money in" so I said "well its not that
much if you want to contribute you can
pay the tip".
This whole thing came from a "non-needy" place,
I really didn't want to disrespect her by paying
for her company. My issue with this is that
when my friend who set us up called me
this morning, she says that the only issue
she had was that i had her pay the tip or
put money in! What the hack happened
there!!?? Let me also mention that this is
not stopping her from seeing me again but
I also know this wasn't ME -
How do I correct this? I obviously wont go
on a second date and start paying for everything
JUST because i got a bad feedback...so how do
I take this little mistake (or is it a mistake) and
make it a home run?
Feel free to post this on your newsletter."
Dan T, Chicago.
MY RESPONSE:
Great letter! This is a good question and there's
a good answer. I can 99% bet that this whole issue
is really NOTHING, but the thing is that since
you want to make sure you don't get taken
advantage of, there was some tension in your
body language and delivery when you made
the comment about how the waitress leaves it
on your side. And in fact, the whole comment
probably itself was triggered by thinking about
the whole "women paying their share" issue.
So the truth is, it sounds like everything went fine,
she even offered to pay, but the bottom line is that
when it comes to dating, many, many women,
even some of the good ones, really do expect the
guy to show that he will pay.
The way to avoid all this is not to go to expensive
places on first dates. It's actually sensible anyway,
to get to know a woman first in a low key
environment so that you can have a relaxed
conversation where you are both being yourselves
and getting to know each other rather than
feeling a bit more of the formal vibes of a
dinner date.
So the key is if you do go to a restaurant on a
first date, then just pay, and if she offers, say thanks,
but don't actually bite the bait and let her pay.
Now, the thing with me is that I don't want
to invest money in a woman I have no idea
I'm really interested in, so I won't go to a
restaurant with a new woman. I'll just go for
a Starbucks, etc. Once I know her, and I like
her, then it's cool to go to a restaurant, and after
a few times of going out, if she is a good woman,
she will offer to pay, or at least to pay some of the
time, i.e. proportionate to her income, etc.
So the best thing is to avoid big money dates on
those first few dates, and more importantly
to realize that the whole issue came about
because of wanting to prevent pain- and
truly understand that as I went through
absolute hell with a few women, and for a
while I thought that all women were like
that, but then I realized that this had created
a false picture of reality, and it had created
an insecurity that was ruining it now for
all the GREAT quality women who were
beautiful both inside and out.
Insecurity is the devil, and the key is to learn
how to keep our interactions, and our mind,
clean of this devilish enemy within our selves.
That's why playfully teasing a woman must
never be about trying to make her feel bad,
rather it should be about you conveying
that you are SUPER COMFORTABLE
with her and that you feel like a million
bucks about yourself.
And if you are reading this right now and
would like to get the kind of results like
the guys in my bootcamps who have women
suggesting FIRST that they should meet up
again for drinks or coffee, then I suggest
you get my ATTRACTION MASTERY program
immediately.
This program is the IN-DEPTH program for
MASTERING the skill of "pick-up" when it
comes to attracting the most gorgeous
women on Earth.
It's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Mastery.html
If you're ready to meet, attract, and
settle down with ONE GREAT WOMAN, then
go HERE:
http://getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
And to learn the art of PICK UP, LIVE,
in BOOTCAMP, go HERE:
http://getagreatgirl.com/realworld.html
To take advantage of ALL my programs for
skyrocketing your success with women,
go here:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
is a stranger are your moments of GREATEST
OPPORTUNITY, because you are starting with
a clean slate.
Unfortunately, though, most guys DESTROY
their potential power in these moments
by doing all the wrong things and creating the
wrong impression.
But right now, you are going to get some
MASSIVE pointers so you can not only
make a great impression, but even get a
woman to be asking YOU out before the
conversation is done.
Yes, that's right, the woman actually is
so attracted that she is the FIRST ONE to
suggest to meet again for coffee or a drink!
The first thing that you need to do in an
interaction is capture a woman's interest
as fast as possible. This doesn't mean
that you have to be some super clown
or some super hero, but you do have
to establish that you have a vibrant
personality. In other words, she has
to FEEL compelling and positive
emotions in your presence.
1: START LIGHT
The way to do this is to first open up a
conversation with something LIGHT but
not DORKY. Light, so that so you don't
seem like you are BARGING in with
a forced conversation.
But then you must quickly transition to something
INTERESTING or fun or playful or intriguing.
So right now, I want you to right down
something that has happened to you since
the day you were born till today, SOMETHING
that is interesting, or funny, or compelling.
There is no way on earth that you have
NOTHING true that is funny, interesting,
intriguing or playful to say that has
happened to you or that you have seen
or experienced somehow, or at least
that you HEARD about or READ
about something that is funny or
a funny perspective on things.
Now, remember I said that the very FIRST
thing you say should not be the most
POWERFUL thing, as it can look and
seem like you are trying too hard. It's
much better to TRANSITION to the
more emotionally compelling thing.
And it's also a particularly great idea to
get a woman LAUGHING or chuckling
as part of this emotional experience.
So, for example, I might start a conversation
in a neutral manner, using the right confident,
playful, and upbeat tonality in the voice, and
say, "Hi there, there's been something on my
mind all day and I was wondering if I could
get your take on it." (This is the light part
of the conversation, it's not funny or anything,
but it allows me a way to smoothly transition
into the emotional/playful stuff.)
So she will nod, and say, "Sure, go ahead".
Then I will keep the pretend serious face,
and say, "If you were to marry Fred Flintstone
or Barney Rubble, who would it be?"
It will take a second for it to sink into her,
and then she'll laugh and probably say
something like,"Fred I suppose" and I
will say something back like, "Fred???
Fred was too regular of a guy, working
9 to 5, I'm much more of a Barney guy,
this relationship here would never work
out between the two of us."
Then she might start to laugh some more,
and I'll carry on, saying, "Nooo seriously,
Betty Rubble was a cool woman, because
she let Barney do whatever he wanted all
day! After all, what did Barney do all
day anyway? He was in the car with
Fred, but we never saw him working!"
From HERE, I can then transition into
more REAL conversation, where I can
give a meaningful compliment to her
on something like the answer she gives
me to what kind of qualities she really
respects in a man, etc.
And at that point, I'm working on developing
a real connection with a woman, where it's
all about my listening skills and really paying
attention and helping her feel understood and
validated.
The example above is just an example,
I personally never use memorized openers
but I thought it would help give a picture
of what the conversation flow should
look like.
The point is not to tease a woman for the
sake of teasing, the whole point here is
to make a serious and powerful emotional
connection, and to actually take a woman
through a whole range of emotions, from
laughter to deeper emotional connection
as well. It's just that there is a practical
and effective way of going about this,
and that's what you need to do when
you are trying to get a chance with
a woman who is a total stranger.
And when you do this with a woman
who had not known you ever before,
she is MESMERIZED because you
have created more emotional impact
and connection with her in five minutes
than every other guy she has EVER known.
Notice that there is a range of emotions
in the example above, it starts normal
enough so as not to raise her defenses,
then evolves toward getting her laughing
which makes her now far more RECEPTIVE
to being approached and chatted to, and
then works on getting into a deeper level
of connection- because before you can
go into a deep connection you need to
have some lighter stuff first.
Here are some other important tips:
2: IF YOU'RE SHY, THEN STAND CLOSER
I say this because if you're shy, chances are
you are standing too far away from her.
3: DON'T BE AFRAID TO "REVEAL" INTEREST
Too many guys are trying to spare any form of
rejection and trying to make sure they don't
ruin things - so they don't show ANY real
interest in the woman.
It's one thing to not call a woman ten times a day.
It's something else to NOT let a woman who is
a STRANGER know that you are interested,
because otherwise there is NO way to move
forward, since right now she doesn't even
know you.
You have to reveal some interest in her, and you
don't have to worry about coming on as "desperate"
since it's NOT desperate to make it clear one
time that you are interested in taking ACTION
with her.
Besides, the woman knows how you feel from all sorts
of things in your body language, and it's better
to be confident about showing your interest in
a woman rather than fearing what the reaction
will be- HOWEVER the thing is that your
interest in her MUST be coming from
a place of CONFIDENCE, not desperation.
This makes all the difference in the world.
It's okay to LIKE a woman, it's just not cool
to be needy for her. And the truth is, neediness
really has nothing to do with how "great" a
woman is, it has to do with your own perception
of yourself, which is a huge part of the "inner
game" dimension that I teach as well.
4: BE MORE FLIRTATIOUS
Don't be afraid to give her a sexual look,
or to be more playful, you have to make
it clear that this IS indeed as verbal foreplay
to other things.
Again, failure to do this is also often traced
to inner game issues, which gets me to my
next point:
5: INTERPRET EVERYTHING AS A COMPLIMENT
Insecurity is the devil. Insecurity is evil.
Insecurity is the source of all problems.
So, the opposite is true as well, even if it starts
with you FORCING yourself to behave this
new way.
If a woman says something to you and you're
not sure if it was a sign of interest in you, just
interpret it as if it is.
If a woman says something to you and you're
not sure if it is an insult or a compliment, interpret
it as a compliment.
It's AMAZING to me when I see in person how
often women are giving a guy HUGE SIGNALS
of interest, and the guy is not picking up on it.
I will often signal to a guy that he already
HAS the woman in DEEP, she is really,
really into him, yet for some reason he
feels that maybe she isn't into him enough
for him to ask for her number or email, etc.
So I will give the hidden signal to him to go
for it when I KNOW it's clear, and then the
woman will HAPPILY not only give her contact
info to the guy, but actually TELL him to
call him!
So often, we are our own worst enemies,
and we need to learn how to overcome
OURSELVES, not anything that women
are doing to us.
So, to overcome this, take BABY STEPS,
but KEEP ON PROGRESSING. So for
example, start with making EYE CONTACT
with women, then go to playfully teasing,
then go to approaching GROUPS of women,
then go to approaching women in the
craziest of places like busy subway
stations or lingerie stores, learn to
EMBRACE the challenge and THRIVE
off of it!
The human mind and human emotions are
INFINITELY powerful, they just need to
be STIMULATED, and once you start to
train them, you will see there is no limit
to what you can do, and nowhere is this
more impressive than with attracting
the best quality women on the planet.
Let me also give an example here of
"internal" game:
EMAIL FROM A READER:
"Hope your weekend went well...I was on
this date last night with a very pretty and
smart girl and things are going well (actually
very very well). I couldn't believe it was
flowing that smoothly (of course thanks
to your training) but I also knew the true
test will come when the bill arrives - you
teach us that when on a first or second date
and the bill comes we should split it or at
least not making her feel cheap and.
So the bill comes and i made a funny comment
to the waitress on how funny it is that she
puts the bill on my side of the table, then
my date looks at the bill and says "Let me put
some money in" so I said "well its not that
much if you want to contribute you can
pay the tip".
This whole thing came from a "non-needy" place,
I really didn't want to disrespect her by paying
for her company. My issue with this is that
when my friend who set us up called me
this morning, she says that the only issue
she had was that i had her pay the tip or
put money in! What the hack happened
there!!?? Let me also mention that this is
not stopping her from seeing me again but
I also know this wasn't ME -
How do I correct this? I obviously wont go
on a second date and start paying for everything
JUST because i got a bad feedback...so how do
I take this little mistake (or is it a mistake) and
make it a home run?
Feel free to post this on your newsletter."
Dan T, Chicago.
MY RESPONSE:
Great letter! This is a good question and there's
a good answer. I can 99% bet that this whole issue
is really NOTHING, but the thing is that since
you want to make sure you don't get taken
advantage of, there was some tension in your
body language and delivery when you made
the comment about how the waitress leaves it
on your side. And in fact, the whole comment
probably itself was triggered by thinking about
the whole "women paying their share" issue.
So the truth is, it sounds like everything went fine,
she even offered to pay, but the bottom line is that
when it comes to dating, many, many women,
even some of the good ones, really do expect the
guy to show that he will pay.
The way to avoid all this is not to go to expensive
places on first dates. It's actually sensible anyway,
to get to know a woman first in a low key
environment so that you can have a relaxed
conversation where you are both being yourselves
and getting to know each other rather than
feeling a bit more of the formal vibes of a
dinner date.
So the key is if you do go to a restaurant on a
first date, then just pay, and if she offers, say thanks,
but don't actually bite the bait and let her pay.
Now, the thing with me is that I don't want
to invest money in a woman I have no idea
I'm really interested in, so I won't go to a
restaurant with a new woman. I'll just go for
a Starbucks, etc. Once I know her, and I like
her, then it's cool to go to a restaurant, and after
a few times of going out, if she is a good woman,
she will offer to pay, or at least to pay some of the
time, i.e. proportionate to her income, etc.
So the best thing is to avoid big money dates on
those first few dates, and more importantly
to realize that the whole issue came about
because of wanting to prevent pain- and
truly understand that as I went through
absolute hell with a few women, and for a
while I thought that all women were like
that, but then I realized that this had created
a false picture of reality, and it had created
an insecurity that was ruining it now for
all the GREAT quality women who were
beautiful both inside and out.
Insecurity is the devil, and the key is to learn
how to keep our interactions, and our mind,
clean of this devilish enemy within our selves.
That's why playfully teasing a woman must
never be about trying to make her feel bad,
rather it should be about you conveying
that you are SUPER COMFORTABLE
with her and that you feel like a million
bucks about yourself.
And if you are reading this right now and
would like to get the kind of results like
the guys in my bootcamps who have women
suggesting FIRST that they should meet up
again for drinks or coffee, then I suggest
you get my ATTRACTION MASTERY program
immediately.
This program is the IN-DEPTH program for
MASTERING the skill of "pick-up" when it
comes to attracting the most gorgeous
women on Earth.
It's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Mastery.html
If you're ready to meet, attract, and
settle down with ONE GREAT WOMAN, then
go HERE:
http://getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
And to learn the art of PICK UP, LIVE,
in BOOTCAMP, go HERE:
http://getagreatgirl.com/realworld.html
To take advantage of ALL my programs for
skyrocketing your success with women,
go here:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
Thursday, August 23, 2012
The RIGHT Way To Approach Quality Women
Let's get straight to the heart of the
matter regarding what is the RIGHT way
to approach a quality woman:
Email From A Reader:
"Hey Michael,
I know you're not a big fan of the nightclubs
for meeting a quality woman, but I think you'll
agree that what I have to say only proves your
point even more. All I can say is that I wish
I had your materials before this disaster went
down:
So this past weekend my buddies and I went
down to the club and near closing time, up
beside me comes this pretty little number that
I was chatting up inside with her friends and
just being playful in that innocent way you
describe. Let me backtrack on what happened
inside the club a bit-
I started the convo with some stuff that I took
directly from your book- telling her that the only
reason I was talking to her was because she
reminded me of Barney Rubble's wife-Betty,
from the Flintstones! And that she was so much
cooler than Wilma because Barney never had a
real job and that it was cool by her! She was
eating it all up, and then on top of that I
told her that if she was a good girl, I might
take her out for a Brontosaurus burger one
day because I know the only reason she
puts up with Barney is because she can't
cook! I had her playfully punching me in
the arm and grazing against me the whole
evening.
Everything was going great, I was following
the principles in your book and never trying
to prove how great I was or trying to get the
"upper hand", and keeping the vibe warm,
confident and playful, knowing that she could
never get insulted from a comment that the
cartoon version of herself could not cook.
And I also remembered your point in the book
about "the teasing cycle" and how important it
is to not just joke around but to naturally progress
into a real conversation to see where you share
important values in common- she's the kind of
person who appreciates life's little treasures
that most people overlook, and that's really
important to me because it means that you never
take life for granted.
But here's the thing, I refused to believe that
this was actually working because of what
you had taught, I kept thinking that it was actually
happening in SPITE of what you taught. After all,
this girl was gorgeous, and I mean head to toe,
and I started to let the fear creep in, that I needed
to show her that I wasn't kissing up to her. I started
to think that the reason for my success so far was
that I had the "player vibe" about me.
So let me fast forward - I decided to talk to
some other girls just to make sure that she
knew I wasn't desperate for her, and that this
would get her to chase me even harder.
Well, when I did that, she had this confused,
disappointed look on her face when I told her
I had to talk to some other friends, but she said
okay and then I never heard from her for the rest
of the night!
But I felt like since she wasn't chasing me, that
it would be even worse now if I came running
back to her. And I wasn't interested in any of
the other girls as much.
Anyway, the thing was that on my way out
of the club around closing time with my buddies,
I see her roll up beside me, her girlfriends not
far away, and she remembers our convo, saying
to me "How about that Brontosauraus burger?"
Michael, my heart was pounding, I wasn't sure
if she was joking or serious that she wanted to
join me, so I said, "sure Betty, but remember
I expect you to clean the house!" And then
I find myself with this knockout walking
beside me and my friends suddenly in luck
as her girlfriends are now talking to my
buddies.
We reach the burger joint, and I'm feeling
so much pressure and conflicting thoughts.
I'm thinking "Is this girl trying to use me
to buy her food? I'm not going to be abused
by those tricks just because she's got the
looks" and my mind just keeps thinking
worse and worse and worse thoughts about
her, that this is all just another way for her
to use men for a free meal or something.
And then it happens- we reach the cash
register, and I blurt out "I don't believe
in prostitution" to which she seems
really confused (of course, I totally get
it and understand why now). So I then
make it even worse by explaining
it all to her, telling her that women use
men all the time, and she starts to feel
defensive, telling me that I have some
issues against women, which makes me
even angrier, and now the whole vibe
is going to hell. And in my gut, I knew
I was destroying the whole thing, but
somehow I felt that otherwise, if I didn't
"show her that I was tough" she would
eventually take advantage of me.
The crazy thing Michael, is that I don't
even know she wasn't going to pay! It's
possible she would have. The whole
argument though made me seem petty
and before I knew it she was hailing a
cab and high-tailing out of there, gone
forever. And the other thing that drove
me nuts is that I realize looking back
that I actually showed weakness, not
toughness at all, but being so petty.
I was so pissed off about the whole thing,
I couldn't sleep all night. All I could think
about was how I let this fantastic creature slip
through my fingers, and how I had committed
an error so clearly explained in your book-
I had allowed black and white thinking to
let me turn a little question about this woman
into an indictment on her, and sentencing
her to the verdict of being guilty, all
because I could not take the uncertainty
of the pressure in that situation.
I took a perfectly good woman and turned her
into some type of threat that didn't exist."
Daniel T.,
Houston, Texas
My Comments:
First of all, thank you for the huge props
for my book and for your honesty. A lot
of the lessons in my book come from years
of misery and mistakes and from listening
to the advice of some really, really wise
people that I had the good fortune of
meeting.
Regarding the emotions you were feeling
when things were going well, I understand
them, as I used to make the same mistakes.
What happens is that we want to protect
ourselves, and we start to focus on how to
protect ourselves from the bad stuff, from
the pain, rather than focus on how to get to
the good stuff. So we become obsessed
with preventing pain- we focus on pain
avoidance.
That type of attitude feeds images in our mind
of all types of horrible things, we start to think of
all the times we had bad experiences with
women, we start to think of all the horrible
possibilities, so we then revert to INSECURE
behavior.
So for example, how much does a burger
cost? Five bucks? It's trivial, unless the
woman gives you reason to believe she
is not respecting you in general. And
it's very possible she would have paid
it anyway, like you said.
The whole thing reminds me of something
that Wayner Dyer once articulated:
"All of us are like oranges. And just like
the only thing that comes out of oranges
under pressure is orange juice, the only
thing that pressure can bring out in you
is what's already there- you can't blame
some external source for what's bringing
it out in you".
So in other words, it's not that girl that was
making you feel all those horrible emotions,
those fears and insecurities were already there
inside, most likely made much WORSE by the
horrific advice out there, and SHE simply
created the moment of what you felt was the
"squeeze", even though this squeeze or pressure
was actually the product of something GOOD-
i.e. SHE LIKED YOU.
So the key is to realize that as soon as you
catch yourself wanting to give in to insecurities
you can always follow the principle of the
24 hour rule- don't react to the negative feelings
inside of you at the moment, you can always
do it 24 hours later- and guess what? 24 hours
later you almost ALWAYS realize there was
nothing to react to in the first place, and it
would have just made you seem insecure,
needy, and uncool.
The best part of this 24 hour training rule,
is that it actually MAKES YOU MORE SECURE
in the first place, it trains your mind and emotions
to not give in to fears.
The more you follow this 24 hour rule, the
FASTER you will see the truth about the
situation, the faster you will see that it
was actually a toxic negative emotion-
you'll start to get over these things
INSTANTLY. It won't take 24 hours
anymore.
Another good rule of thumb to remember
is that if you are feeling any type of EXTREME
reactionary feeling when a woman does
something, it's probably not an accurate
emotion, and certainly it's a mistake to
base your behavior on that extreme emotion.
The great thing though about this situation
is that you LEARNED from it.
It sounds like all you have to do is just
get back out there meeting women, and stick
to what you learn in my programs.
I look forward to hearing from you again.
Next Letter:
"Master Mike!!!
Do you realize what power you are giving guys?
I got your book almost two weeks ago, and couldn't
put it down once I started. And then my damn work
schedule kicked in- I've been really busy with work
lately, even working weekends, (I work in IT and
often have to be on call) but I made sure to read
your book during every break I had. And then this
past Friday I got the chance to leave work early
and that's when I had the opportunity to put your
stuff to the test:
I decided to relax and visit the bookstore on my way
home- as soon as I entered, I almost lost my breath
as I saw this gorgeous curly brunette, athletic looking,
in the section of the store selling gift-wrap.
Now, normally in the past, I would just stand there
and watch, tormenting myself on what to do. But
after reading your book, I realized what my pattern
always was - I would picture the absolute worse scenario
which to me was the idea of everyone looking at
me thinking I was a fool, or the idea of her thinking
to herself "why is this guy bothering me, I hate
it!"
It's amazing, that I never even realized I had this
pattern, and so I could never stop it, and I could never
stop the automatic feelings of indignity that followed.
And your book made me realize not only my pattern,
but also how I unconsciously was allowing this pattern
to create a guaranteed "failure to take action" response
every time, because I would let the pattern of thoughts
keep going and growing, and my conditioned response
to that was to prevent a disaster by not talking to her.
Of course, as you explain in your book, that never
really worked for long to make me feel any more secure,
it just gave me that momentary escape and relief from
having to take action, and the next time I would see
a woman the fear would be even worse, since I had
never had to actually stare it down.
This time, though, I was ready. I was ready with your
strategy- for the first time, I knew that any excuse I
would give myself would not only not bring me any
closer to this woman, but I also knew from your book
that in fact if I did not take action, I was actually
making it even harder for my emotions and brain
to take action in the future.
I made the decision that all the pain in the world
from her potential reaction was still better than a
life of fearing her reaction and never approaching
women.
So I went over to her and followed your advice
of not trying to be "mr. gangsta". Instead, I
focused on injecting some dominance, upbeatness,
and sensuality in my voice and gave her the
chance to "come into my world" as you say.
And I observed the situation so that what I
could say would be connected to the situation.
So instead of the put downs and arrogance,
I decided to genuinely give her some of the
infinite abundance of "good vibes" that I
have - and told her that someone who's thinking
that hard of the right wrapping paper must have
a really good friend! And I really said it with
a confident feeling, because I knew I was not
kissing up, I was genuinely complimenting
her on something that I thought was a sign
of her own goodness.
She seemed a bit surprised, I guess she didn't
realize I was right there, but she turned around
and gave me a warm smile and told me that she
was going to a friend's birthday and then I
couldn't even make out what she was saying
because my heart was pounding so hard and
all I could do was see her lips, her gorgeous
face.
I wanted to just say thanks and leave so badly,
because it felt so good to not have this thing
crash, but I knew that would be the wrong thing.
I managed to make out a few words that she
was saying, something about "she's a good friend"
and "helped her so much with rides to work"
so I just kept on sharing the vibe and actually
making a connection because I also really
value great and deep friendship, and I started
telling her that we are lucky if we have even
one great friend, and how what is the whole
point of life if we are just to enjoy it alone.
And that's when even though my heart was
still beating like crazy, I felt myself knowing
that this woman was enjoying being with me,
and it felt like a ton of bricks was being lifted
off my shoulder. Feeling that good, I started
to unleash the playful stuff, I knew it would
be interpreted right because it was coming
from a place inside of me that was real,
and because I knew she would know that
I meant it with love and not anger.
So I told her, "you know, we're having
a pretty good conversation here, and it's
all without being mean, nasty, or vulgar.
It's kinda nice, isn't it?" And she laughed
and said yes it was, and then she wanted
to know if I did this to "all the women in
the bookstore".
In the past, this would have been a major
catastrophe, as if I was "found out" and had
to cover my moves.
But now, after reading your book, I just
realized that women, especially a great woman
looking for quality connection with a man,
wants to know what type of guy she is dealing
with. This is a good thing in reality, otherwise
it would mean that no women had any standards.
So I was honest and secure, I told her calmly
that I didn't, but that we'd both be lucky if we
were to have these kinds of convos every day,
to which she of course agreed.
Man, Michael, this whole interaction was
beautiful, man. You really mean it when you
say that it's up to us to bring out the best
in a woman.
I got her number and when I called her on
Saturday afternoon, she didn't avoid the call
or play games, we spent 15 minutes on the
phone, and we're supposed to meet for coffee
this week.
Thank you man!!! This really is the stronger
way, the way of the truly confident, classy,
Man, and not the games of a boy who thinks
in terms of insecure, immature notions and
thinks of making love as "scoring" and whose
concept of interacting on a deep level with a
woman is either putting her down, acting
arrogant, or on the other extreme, kissing up
to her with superficial compliments.
You'll be hearing from me this week for a
consultation, because I want to ace this!"
Matthew S., New York.
My Comments:
There's nothing like seeing guys who have
taken the words I have written down and truly
GET IT and are putting it into action. When
you really get it, you start to see results
IMMEDIATELY.
One key point I want to emphasize is the idea
that I teach that you applied brilliantly- and that
is the idea of bringing out the BEST in a woman.
This is the RIGHT way to approach a quality woman.
By leading the interaction from the very
beginning in a morally strong way, you led
the pathway to only lead to good places.
You started by talking about friendships,
and valuing them, and not about how men
and women cheat and who cheats more
or other negative stuff that some people
like to pretend are "cool".
In reality, no one thinks those things are
cool, but many men and women don't want to
appear uncool by being the one to stand up
against it. And yet, the very fact that you
STAND OUT as DIFFERENT from the
outset actually shows that you have more
courage.
This stuff is massively important, as the
reality is that the pain of other people is
never a joke, and when try to be cool by
appealing to that type of conversation
and gossip, you are destroying the fabric
of the interaction in terms of having
a foundation of trust. So even if the
woman does talk to you, she is in the
back of her mind feeling uneasy, and
sooner or later the whole thing falls
to pieces.
Without trust, what happens a few days or
weeks or months down the line, the woman
kicks the guy to the curb because she
resents his attitude.
If a woman senses she is being manipulated,
how much trust can that lead to? Without trust,
the whole thing is a fragile house of cards
that is certain to fall apart.
But what you did, was you LED the way,
you showed a totally different attitude.
This is what she REALLY WANTS and
can't find. She can either only find
pushover "nice guys" or guys who
overcompensate their insecurities
with extreme arrogance, when all she
really wants is a MAN. A man with
class and who is emotionally mature,
whose sense of what is cool does not
depend on what OTHERS think, no
matter HOW much the TV might try
to change his attitude.
Next Email:
"Hey Michael,
There's this girl that I met and I'm wondering
what to do. We went out once so far.
The first time we went out for coffee, and
I tried to keep the conversation light and relaxed,
but her cell phone rang three different times, and
she also noticed some guy inside at the coffee
shop she recognized and she went right over
to him and gave him a hug and I just felt the
whole thing was too much for me so I just
told her that I had to meet some friends and
cut the date short.
Now, here's my question, I read a lot of
dating guru advice and they all seem to say that
I should not have made a big deal to show
that it bothered me, and others say that I
should have ignored it and kept on escalating
the interaction and tried to take her home if
I could, and that once I slept with her, it
would make her treat me very differently.
The thing is though that even in the
conversation, it was a bit strange, I was
telling her that I could tell a lot about a
person from the way they talk about
things, and she said to me that she
can tell a lot about a guy's personality
from the way he is having sex with
her.
This whole thing seemed bizarre to
me. Was this woman testing me? Was
the way she went over to the guy to hug
him some kind of test?
Can you clear any of this up????"
Kevin R., Miami
My Reply:
Trust me, this woman has SERIOUS issues
and is the kind of person who will MESS
with your head big-time.
If you want to make your life miserable
from the hell this woman will unleash
on your life, then go right ahead and
"keep escalating" toward the physical.
Let me tell you the REALITY:
You should run like hell away from this woman,
and most likely this woman has had her own
heart torn to shreds and is now out taking
vengeance out on all kinds of innocent men
like you. She is hurting and needs guidance,
but it is not YOUR job to be HER therapist.
Trying to make her a decent person can take
you FOREVER, when meanwhile a FANTASTIC
woman is probably within a few MINUTES of
where you are RIGHT now, and you could
be enjoying life with THAT quality woman
instead.
The first red flag was when her cell phone went
off repeatedly while she was out on the date with
you. The fact it happened repeatedly is already
not good. The fact that she clearly did not make
a serious effort to APOLOGIZE for it just shows
how not serious she is, and shows how she is
simply playing around and seeing how far
she can push.
But don't think of this as a "test", she is not
testing anything any more than a bully tests a
victim. i.e. Yeah, it might be a test, but the only
way to WIN this test is to ERADICATE her from
your life, before you allow her to poison your
image of all women, including all the women
with fantastic morals, high self-esteem, and
integrity who are out there.
Think of this test as actually a woman showing
you her TRUE COLORS and so she is actually
FAILING a test- she is failing YOUR test of
a quality woman!!!!
And the answer to the question that I'm sure
is burning in your mind regarding "Would
she treat me differently if I just got
past the "sex" stage with her?" is NO.
She would NOT be different with you.
She would STILL be the same person
with the SAME attitude.
The NEXT red flag was this hug business that
she actually LEFT you to go and make sure to
do the big warm fuzzies to some dude while
out on a date to you, and again, apparently
she made NO EXPLANATION of this at all
to you.
The crazy thing, is that this would be super
obvious to you if you study my programs.
By allowing yourself to be with an abusive woman,
you actually DEGRADE your own self-esteem and you
eventually start to think that maybe you SHOULD
put up with this vile filth of messed up behavior.
Finally, you need to ALSO realize that
it's important that you DO NOT WASTE
energy on these kinds of women IF you
want a quality woman for a long term
healthy relationship: The reason is because
the only way you will have the strength
to BE the kind of man with great integrity
and with feeling secure is if you spend your
time in the company of good people.
Staying with or pursuing those with spoiled
values will only mess up your internal compass
of what is normal and what is not, and then when
you meet a GREAT woman, you will be doing
all the WRONG things. Things that might
be normal for those with inferior values, but
that are ABNORMAL for those with superior
values.
And one more thing- a great woman will want
to KNOW that you are totally clear on what YOU
want in life. She is not looking for a namby-pamby
insecure guy who is willing to buckle his own values
just for some approval from any woman with the
looks who comes his way.
It's very hard to truly mask your identity, it comes
out in tiny subtleties in your behavior and intonation
of voice and mannerisms, so if you ARE the kind
of guy that doesn't have his own values and self-esteem
together and WILL buckle under pressure and will
pursue the wrong type of woman, well then I
can assure you that a great woman will DETECT
this in you, and you will not stand a chance with
her.
On the other hand, if you are absolutely clear on
what you want, and you BECOME the kind of guy
that would never even THINK of putting up with
any woman that chips away at his self-esteem
no matter how beautiful she is, no matter how
slight that self-esteem damage is, then a great
woman will detect THIS and be far MORE
attracted to you.
If you want to get a great woman, you need
to focus on that, and not on the WRONG women
that will drain you of everything precious -
your energy, your time, and your emotions.
And I can think of no better path for you to
take than by getting my most advanced program
on how to GET and KEEP a GREAT woman.
It's called WARRIOR WITHIN, and it's at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
And if you haven't yet got my ATTRACTION MASTERY
program, then do that FIRST, at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/Mastery.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
matter regarding what is the RIGHT way
to approach a quality woman:
Email From A Reader:
"Hey Michael,
I know you're not a big fan of the nightclubs
for meeting a quality woman, but I think you'll
agree that what I have to say only proves your
point even more. All I can say is that I wish
I had your materials before this disaster went
down:
So this past weekend my buddies and I went
down to the club and near closing time, up
beside me comes this pretty little number that
I was chatting up inside with her friends and
just being playful in that innocent way you
describe. Let me backtrack on what happened
inside the club a bit-
I started the convo with some stuff that I took
directly from your book- telling her that the only
reason I was talking to her was because she
reminded me of Barney Rubble's wife-Betty,
from the Flintstones! And that she was so much
cooler than Wilma because Barney never had a
real job and that it was cool by her! She was
eating it all up, and then on top of that I
told her that if she was a good girl, I might
take her out for a Brontosaurus burger one
day because I know the only reason she
puts up with Barney is because she can't
cook! I had her playfully punching me in
the arm and grazing against me the whole
evening.
Everything was going great, I was following
the principles in your book and never trying
to prove how great I was or trying to get the
"upper hand", and keeping the vibe warm,
confident and playful, knowing that she could
never get insulted from a comment that the
cartoon version of herself could not cook.
And I also remembered your point in the book
about "the teasing cycle" and how important it
is to not just joke around but to naturally progress
into a real conversation to see where you share
important values in common- she's the kind of
person who appreciates life's little treasures
that most people overlook, and that's really
important to me because it means that you never
take life for granted.
But here's the thing, I refused to believe that
this was actually working because of what
you had taught, I kept thinking that it was actually
happening in SPITE of what you taught. After all,
this girl was gorgeous, and I mean head to toe,
and I started to let the fear creep in, that I needed
to show her that I wasn't kissing up to her. I started
to think that the reason for my success so far was
that I had the "player vibe" about me.
So let me fast forward - I decided to talk to
some other girls just to make sure that she
knew I wasn't desperate for her, and that this
would get her to chase me even harder.
Well, when I did that, she had this confused,
disappointed look on her face when I told her
I had to talk to some other friends, but she said
okay and then I never heard from her for the rest
of the night!
But I felt like since she wasn't chasing me, that
it would be even worse now if I came running
back to her. And I wasn't interested in any of
the other girls as much.
Anyway, the thing was that on my way out
of the club around closing time with my buddies,
I see her roll up beside me, her girlfriends not
far away, and she remembers our convo, saying
to me "How about that Brontosauraus burger?"
Michael, my heart was pounding, I wasn't sure
if she was joking or serious that she wanted to
join me, so I said, "sure Betty, but remember
I expect you to clean the house!" And then
I find myself with this knockout walking
beside me and my friends suddenly in luck
as her girlfriends are now talking to my
buddies.
We reach the burger joint, and I'm feeling
so much pressure and conflicting thoughts.
I'm thinking "Is this girl trying to use me
to buy her food? I'm not going to be abused
by those tricks just because she's got the
looks" and my mind just keeps thinking
worse and worse and worse thoughts about
her, that this is all just another way for her
to use men for a free meal or something.
And then it happens- we reach the cash
register, and I blurt out "I don't believe
in prostitution" to which she seems
really confused (of course, I totally get
it and understand why now). So I then
make it even worse by explaining
it all to her, telling her that women use
men all the time, and she starts to feel
defensive, telling me that I have some
issues against women, which makes me
even angrier, and now the whole vibe
is going to hell. And in my gut, I knew
I was destroying the whole thing, but
somehow I felt that otherwise, if I didn't
"show her that I was tough" she would
eventually take advantage of me.
The crazy thing Michael, is that I don't
even know she wasn't going to pay! It's
possible she would have. The whole
argument though made me seem petty
and before I knew it she was hailing a
cab and high-tailing out of there, gone
forever. And the other thing that drove
me nuts is that I realize looking back
that I actually showed weakness, not
toughness at all, but being so petty.
I was so pissed off about the whole thing,
I couldn't sleep all night. All I could think
about was how I let this fantastic creature slip
through my fingers, and how I had committed
an error so clearly explained in your book-
I had allowed black and white thinking to
let me turn a little question about this woman
into an indictment on her, and sentencing
her to the verdict of being guilty, all
because I could not take the uncertainty
of the pressure in that situation.
I took a perfectly good woman and turned her
into some type of threat that didn't exist."
Daniel T.,
Houston, Texas
My Comments:
First of all, thank you for the huge props
for my book and for your honesty. A lot
of the lessons in my book come from years
of misery and mistakes and from listening
to the advice of some really, really wise
people that I had the good fortune of
meeting.
Regarding the emotions you were feeling
when things were going well, I understand
them, as I used to make the same mistakes.
What happens is that we want to protect
ourselves, and we start to focus on how to
protect ourselves from the bad stuff, from
the pain, rather than focus on how to get to
the good stuff. So we become obsessed
with preventing pain- we focus on pain
avoidance.
That type of attitude feeds images in our mind
of all types of horrible things, we start to think of
all the times we had bad experiences with
women, we start to think of all the horrible
possibilities, so we then revert to INSECURE
behavior.
So for example, how much does a burger
cost? Five bucks? It's trivial, unless the
woman gives you reason to believe she
is not respecting you in general. And
it's very possible she would have paid
it anyway, like you said.
The whole thing reminds me of something
that Wayner Dyer once articulated:
"All of us are like oranges. And just like
the only thing that comes out of oranges
under pressure is orange juice, the only
thing that pressure can bring out in you
is what's already there- you can't blame
some external source for what's bringing
it out in you".
So in other words, it's not that girl that was
making you feel all those horrible emotions,
those fears and insecurities were already there
inside, most likely made much WORSE by the
horrific advice out there, and SHE simply
created the moment of what you felt was the
"squeeze", even though this squeeze or pressure
was actually the product of something GOOD-
i.e. SHE LIKED YOU.
So the key is to realize that as soon as you
catch yourself wanting to give in to insecurities
you can always follow the principle of the
24 hour rule- don't react to the negative feelings
inside of you at the moment, you can always
do it 24 hours later- and guess what? 24 hours
later you almost ALWAYS realize there was
nothing to react to in the first place, and it
would have just made you seem insecure,
needy, and uncool.
The best part of this 24 hour training rule,
is that it actually MAKES YOU MORE SECURE
in the first place, it trains your mind and emotions
to not give in to fears.
The more you follow this 24 hour rule, the
FASTER you will see the truth about the
situation, the faster you will see that it
was actually a toxic negative emotion-
you'll start to get over these things
INSTANTLY. It won't take 24 hours
anymore.
Another good rule of thumb to remember
is that if you are feeling any type of EXTREME
reactionary feeling when a woman does
something, it's probably not an accurate
emotion, and certainly it's a mistake to
base your behavior on that extreme emotion.
The great thing though about this situation
is that you LEARNED from it.
It sounds like all you have to do is just
get back out there meeting women, and stick
to what you learn in my programs.
I look forward to hearing from you again.
Next Letter:
"Master Mike!!!
Do you realize what power you are giving guys?
I got your book almost two weeks ago, and couldn't
put it down once I started. And then my damn work
schedule kicked in- I've been really busy with work
lately, even working weekends, (I work in IT and
often have to be on call) but I made sure to read
your book during every break I had. And then this
past Friday I got the chance to leave work early
and that's when I had the opportunity to put your
stuff to the test:
I decided to relax and visit the bookstore on my way
home- as soon as I entered, I almost lost my breath
as I saw this gorgeous curly brunette, athletic looking,
in the section of the store selling gift-wrap.
Now, normally in the past, I would just stand there
and watch, tormenting myself on what to do. But
after reading your book, I realized what my pattern
always was - I would picture the absolute worse scenario
which to me was the idea of everyone looking at
me thinking I was a fool, or the idea of her thinking
to herself "why is this guy bothering me, I hate
it!"
It's amazing, that I never even realized I had this
pattern, and so I could never stop it, and I could never
stop the automatic feelings of indignity that followed.
And your book made me realize not only my pattern,
but also how I unconsciously was allowing this pattern
to create a guaranteed "failure to take action" response
every time, because I would let the pattern of thoughts
keep going and growing, and my conditioned response
to that was to prevent a disaster by not talking to her.
Of course, as you explain in your book, that never
really worked for long to make me feel any more secure,
it just gave me that momentary escape and relief from
having to take action, and the next time I would see
a woman the fear would be even worse, since I had
never had to actually stare it down.
This time, though, I was ready. I was ready with your
strategy- for the first time, I knew that any excuse I
would give myself would not only not bring me any
closer to this woman, but I also knew from your book
that in fact if I did not take action, I was actually
making it even harder for my emotions and brain
to take action in the future.
I made the decision that all the pain in the world
from her potential reaction was still better than a
life of fearing her reaction and never approaching
women.
So I went over to her and followed your advice
of not trying to be "mr. gangsta". Instead, I
focused on injecting some dominance, upbeatness,
and sensuality in my voice and gave her the
chance to "come into my world" as you say.
And I observed the situation so that what I
could say would be connected to the situation.
So instead of the put downs and arrogance,
I decided to genuinely give her some of the
infinite abundance of "good vibes" that I
have - and told her that someone who's thinking
that hard of the right wrapping paper must have
a really good friend! And I really said it with
a confident feeling, because I knew I was not
kissing up, I was genuinely complimenting
her on something that I thought was a sign
of her own goodness.
She seemed a bit surprised, I guess she didn't
realize I was right there, but she turned around
and gave me a warm smile and told me that she
was going to a friend's birthday and then I
couldn't even make out what she was saying
because my heart was pounding so hard and
all I could do was see her lips, her gorgeous
face.
I wanted to just say thanks and leave so badly,
because it felt so good to not have this thing
crash, but I knew that would be the wrong thing.
I managed to make out a few words that she
was saying, something about "she's a good friend"
and "helped her so much with rides to work"
so I just kept on sharing the vibe and actually
making a connection because I also really
value great and deep friendship, and I started
telling her that we are lucky if we have even
one great friend, and how what is the whole
point of life if we are just to enjoy it alone.
And that's when even though my heart was
still beating like crazy, I felt myself knowing
that this woman was enjoying being with me,
and it felt like a ton of bricks was being lifted
off my shoulder. Feeling that good, I started
to unleash the playful stuff, I knew it would
be interpreted right because it was coming
from a place inside of me that was real,
and because I knew she would know that
I meant it with love and not anger.
So I told her, "you know, we're having
a pretty good conversation here, and it's
all without being mean, nasty, or vulgar.
It's kinda nice, isn't it?" And she laughed
and said yes it was, and then she wanted
to know if I did this to "all the women in
the bookstore".
In the past, this would have been a major
catastrophe, as if I was "found out" and had
to cover my moves.
But now, after reading your book, I just
realized that women, especially a great woman
looking for quality connection with a man,
wants to know what type of guy she is dealing
with. This is a good thing in reality, otherwise
it would mean that no women had any standards.
So I was honest and secure, I told her calmly
that I didn't, but that we'd both be lucky if we
were to have these kinds of convos every day,
to which she of course agreed.
Man, Michael, this whole interaction was
beautiful, man. You really mean it when you
say that it's up to us to bring out the best
in a woman.
I got her number and when I called her on
Saturday afternoon, she didn't avoid the call
or play games, we spent 15 minutes on the
phone, and we're supposed to meet for coffee
this week.
Thank you man!!! This really is the stronger
way, the way of the truly confident, classy,
Man, and not the games of a boy who thinks
in terms of insecure, immature notions and
thinks of making love as "scoring" and whose
concept of interacting on a deep level with a
woman is either putting her down, acting
arrogant, or on the other extreme, kissing up
to her with superficial compliments.
You'll be hearing from me this week for a
consultation, because I want to ace this!"
Matthew S., New York.
My Comments:
There's nothing like seeing guys who have
taken the words I have written down and truly
GET IT and are putting it into action. When
you really get it, you start to see results
IMMEDIATELY.
One key point I want to emphasize is the idea
that I teach that you applied brilliantly- and that
is the idea of bringing out the BEST in a woman.
This is the RIGHT way to approach a quality woman.
By leading the interaction from the very
beginning in a morally strong way, you led
the pathway to only lead to good places.
You started by talking about friendships,
and valuing them, and not about how men
and women cheat and who cheats more
or other negative stuff that some people
like to pretend are "cool".
In reality, no one thinks those things are
cool, but many men and women don't want to
appear uncool by being the one to stand up
against it. And yet, the very fact that you
STAND OUT as DIFFERENT from the
outset actually shows that you have more
courage.
This stuff is massively important, as the
reality is that the pain of other people is
never a joke, and when try to be cool by
appealing to that type of conversation
and gossip, you are destroying the fabric
of the interaction in terms of having
a foundation of trust. So even if the
woman does talk to you, she is in the
back of her mind feeling uneasy, and
sooner or later the whole thing falls
to pieces.
Without trust, what happens a few days or
weeks or months down the line, the woman
kicks the guy to the curb because she
resents his attitude.
If a woman senses she is being manipulated,
how much trust can that lead to? Without trust,
the whole thing is a fragile house of cards
that is certain to fall apart.
But what you did, was you LED the way,
you showed a totally different attitude.
This is what she REALLY WANTS and
can't find. She can either only find
pushover "nice guys" or guys who
overcompensate their insecurities
with extreme arrogance, when all she
really wants is a MAN. A man with
class and who is emotionally mature,
whose sense of what is cool does not
depend on what OTHERS think, no
matter HOW much the TV might try
to change his attitude.
Next Email:
"Hey Michael,
There's this girl that I met and I'm wondering
what to do. We went out once so far.
The first time we went out for coffee, and
I tried to keep the conversation light and relaxed,
but her cell phone rang three different times, and
she also noticed some guy inside at the coffee
shop she recognized and she went right over
to him and gave him a hug and I just felt the
whole thing was too much for me so I just
told her that I had to meet some friends and
cut the date short.
Now, here's my question, I read a lot of
dating guru advice and they all seem to say that
I should not have made a big deal to show
that it bothered me, and others say that I
should have ignored it and kept on escalating
the interaction and tried to take her home if
I could, and that once I slept with her, it
would make her treat me very differently.
The thing is though that even in the
conversation, it was a bit strange, I was
telling her that I could tell a lot about a
person from the way they talk about
things, and she said to me that she
can tell a lot about a guy's personality
from the way he is having sex with
her.
This whole thing seemed bizarre to
me. Was this woman testing me? Was
the way she went over to the guy to hug
him some kind of test?
Can you clear any of this up????"
Kevin R., Miami
My Reply:
Trust me, this woman has SERIOUS issues
and is the kind of person who will MESS
with your head big-time.
If you want to make your life miserable
from the hell this woman will unleash
on your life, then go right ahead and
"keep escalating" toward the physical.
Let me tell you the REALITY:
You should run like hell away from this woman,
and most likely this woman has had her own
heart torn to shreds and is now out taking
vengeance out on all kinds of innocent men
like you. She is hurting and needs guidance,
but it is not YOUR job to be HER therapist.
Trying to make her a decent person can take
you FOREVER, when meanwhile a FANTASTIC
woman is probably within a few MINUTES of
where you are RIGHT now, and you could
be enjoying life with THAT quality woman
instead.
The first red flag was when her cell phone went
off repeatedly while she was out on the date with
you. The fact it happened repeatedly is already
not good. The fact that she clearly did not make
a serious effort to APOLOGIZE for it just shows
how not serious she is, and shows how she is
simply playing around and seeing how far
she can push.
But don't think of this as a "test", she is not
testing anything any more than a bully tests a
victim. i.e. Yeah, it might be a test, but the only
way to WIN this test is to ERADICATE her from
your life, before you allow her to poison your
image of all women, including all the women
with fantastic morals, high self-esteem, and
integrity who are out there.
Think of this test as actually a woman showing
you her TRUE COLORS and so she is actually
FAILING a test- she is failing YOUR test of
a quality woman!!!!
And the answer to the question that I'm sure
is burning in your mind regarding "Would
she treat me differently if I just got
past the "sex" stage with her?" is NO.
She would NOT be different with you.
She would STILL be the same person
with the SAME attitude.
The NEXT red flag was this hug business that
she actually LEFT you to go and make sure to
do the big warm fuzzies to some dude while
out on a date to you, and again, apparently
she made NO EXPLANATION of this at all
to you.
The crazy thing, is that this would be super
obvious to you if you study my programs.
By allowing yourself to be with an abusive woman,
you actually DEGRADE your own self-esteem and you
eventually start to think that maybe you SHOULD
put up with this vile filth of messed up behavior.
Finally, you need to ALSO realize that
it's important that you DO NOT WASTE
energy on these kinds of women IF you
want a quality woman for a long term
healthy relationship: The reason is because
the only way you will have the strength
to BE the kind of man with great integrity
and with feeling secure is if you spend your
time in the company of good people.
Staying with or pursuing those with spoiled
values will only mess up your internal compass
of what is normal and what is not, and then when
you meet a GREAT woman, you will be doing
all the WRONG things. Things that might
be normal for those with inferior values, but
that are ABNORMAL for those with superior
values.
And one more thing- a great woman will want
to KNOW that you are totally clear on what YOU
want in life. She is not looking for a namby-pamby
insecure guy who is willing to buckle his own values
just for some approval from any woman with the
looks who comes his way.
It's very hard to truly mask your identity, it comes
out in tiny subtleties in your behavior and intonation
of voice and mannerisms, so if you ARE the kind
of guy that doesn't have his own values and self-esteem
together and WILL buckle under pressure and will
pursue the wrong type of woman, well then I
can assure you that a great woman will DETECT
this in you, and you will not stand a chance with
her.
On the other hand, if you are absolutely clear on
what you want, and you BECOME the kind of guy
that would never even THINK of putting up with
any woman that chips away at his self-esteem
no matter how beautiful she is, no matter how
slight that self-esteem damage is, then a great
woman will detect THIS and be far MORE
attracted to you.
If you want to get a great woman, you need
to focus on that, and not on the WRONG women
that will drain you of everything precious -
your energy, your time, and your emotions.
And I can think of no better path for you to
take than by getting my most advanced program
on how to GET and KEEP a GREAT woman.
It's called WARRIOR WITHIN, and it's at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
And if you haven't yet got my ATTRACTION MASTERY
program, then do that FIRST, at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/Mastery.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
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