One of the biggest things when it comes
to approaching women and SUCCEEDING at it,
is something that is incredibly simple:
It has a lot to do with your smile, or rather,
the LACK of it.
This is something that can destroy your chances
before you even get out of the gate, because it
shows before you even say a word, so it’s important
to get this right.
This topic is one of those subtle yet vital
areas that can only come from REAL experience
approaching women in public. Before you can
even GET into attraction, you have to make
sure the woman is not FREAKED OUT with fear
or somehow thinking that there is something
"sketchy" going on.
Imagine approaching a woman at night on the
sidewalk when no one is around, and how
going in with an immediate "PICK UP" vibe
will just trigger all her "BEWARE OF DANGER"
ALARMS.
Now, what I’m about to explain is referring to
situations that are NOT a “party” or a dance club
situation, or anything like that, where the mood
is ALREADY all “party and happy times” etc.
In other words, I’m speaking about 99% of
real life situations where you see a woman
who is a total stranger.
The truth is, that most guys will be better off
NOT smiling when they start the conversation.
Keep this in mind, next time you’re about to
chat to a woman you want to meet who is
a total stranger.
The problem with smiling is NOT that you are
in a good mood, the problem is that:
1. Usually the smile is actually showing that you
feel she has higher worth than you do. So it’s
a form of submission.
2. Also, the reality is that most women are conditioned
to NOT talk to strangers in non “socially-endorsed”
environments.
In other words, if it’s not a club, or a party,
or some other situations where you are
both somehow all part of some “group”, it’s
quite typical for a lot of women to feel that
it’s not “normal”.
And the more the environment is NOT considered
"normal" for approaching women, the MORE
important it is to do the approach RIGHT,
with PROPER technique.
So when you are SMILING on top of all this, it
REALLY seems like it’s “not normal.”
After all, WHY are you smiling at her?
It must be because you LIKE her, right?
And so now you are trying to basically get
into FLIRT mode in a NON-SOCIAL environment.
So the gate comes SLAMMING DOWN on
the potential pickup.
SLAM! THE DOOR OF OPPORTUNITY SHUT.
You can’t get into FLIRT mode before FIRST
establishing that in fact you ARE an “exception”
to the societal rule of, “Don’t get social in
non-social environments!”
Now, we can argue till the cows come home
that these societal “rules” are stupid, but in
the meantime, if you IGNORE these rules,
you end up having to only go for the extremely
wild women who, on one hand may be cool in
the sense they don’t follow a lot of social rules,
but they usually ALSO tend to be DRAMA cases
without end. It’s all part of the chaos
that they love.
So, if you are trying to actually increase your
chances when it comes to meeting women,
start your interaction without smiling, and
in fact whatever you do talk about, start by
speaking about whatever it is that you decided
to speak about, with total CONVICTION, don’t
turn it into a big joke- not in the first SECOND.
Treat it all very MATTER OF FACT, make
the conversation very very NOT “PICK UPPY”.
This is the best way to actually get INTO a
conversation where she is genuinely LISTENING.
Otherwise, you will often get shut down in
her mind (i.e. even if she is letting you talk to her,
she’s may just be being polite and waiting for the
moment to say: “Thanks and goodbye.”)
Now, ONCE she is ENGAGED in the conversation,
THEN, it’s a GREAT idea if you can UNLEASH
HUMOR.
THEN, it’s NO PROBLEM if you smile some,
IF that smile is coming from a place of
confidence and not from feeling “MAN,
THIS IS AMAZING, I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!”
If it’s such a big deal to you, then that would
be a sign of LACK of confidence, right?
At this point, I’d like to take this entire newsletter
here to a HIGHER level.
The MORE important thing than asking whether
to smile or not, to compliment or not, to do anything
or not with a woman, is the EMOTIONS behind your
actions.
The question to ask yourself is:
“Which EMOTION triggered my action?”
If it was a WEAK emotion, then it’s the
WRONG action.
But since most people find it EXTREMELY
HARD to change their emotions, and to
be coming from the right emotional place,
so it seems “easier” to just adopt the superficial
things, i.e. the most RECOGNIZABLE
EXPRESSIONS OF CONFIDENCE.
By doing this, you are more likely to be giving
off the right messages from your body language,
facial expression, etc.
But it’s really a band-aid solution.
You want the DEEPER stuff, because it will
give you even better results, and it’s also the
only way to actually KEEP a woman attracted.
If you’re just an act, it will be a short-lived attraction.
So let’s take a LOOK at the EMOTIONS
behind the right expressions on your face, the
emotions that are really behind the right body
language, etc.
Here are some of the emotions that should be present:
*Absolute CONFIDENCE that you have tons of value.
*The feeling of truly not NEEDING her.
*Feeling very COMFORTABLE chatting to her.
*Feeling DOMINANT.
Now, if you are really FEELING those things,
why on earth WOULD you be smiling?
After all, you don’t even KNOW her.
Why are you so KEEN on flirting with this
TOTAL STRANGER?
It’s not even a party going on.
Now, unless YOU just won the lottery or
something, and you’re doing this with
everyone, it just doesn’t really make sense.
Once she is truly engaged in the conversation with
you, well now you are SOCIALIZING, and so it
makes SENSE to enjoy the social interaction if
at all possible. So NOW it makes sense to unleash
the humor skills, to smile if something funny is
said, or if she does something good to you, or
something to earn your interest or attention.
And, on an even DEEPER level, as you get
to know her even BETTER, and as you go
onto the first date, and the second, and ultimately
into a relationship, there will be ALL KINDS
OF ACTIONS that you will have to make
decisions on- when to kiss her, when to escalate
physically, when to be more giving, when to
stand up and if required put her in her place,
when to truly lower your guard, when to
go ALL OUT and truly give her your precious
time and energy.
And that’s just a partial list of actions and
decisions you’ll have to make.
In the meantime, if you do absolutely
NOTHING ELSE, then at least remember
to NOT smile in the BEGINNING of the
interaction, as long as you're not
in a club type "party" situation
or a situation where you're all
part of some group already.
(i.e. For example, even if you
are all students at the same
university, this in itself is
enough to make you part of
a group).
And if you're reading this right now,
and would like to become a MASTER when
it comes to the dating and relationships
part of your life, I suggest you get my
program called WARRIOR WITHIN.
This program goes DEEP, and is ROCKET FUEL
for your success with women.
It's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
And if you haven't yet downloaded my book,
"The Dating Wizard", then definitely do that
now at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Wizard.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
To find out about ALL my programs for
skyrocketing your success with women,
go here:
http://getagreatgirl.com
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