Just wanted to share a quick but important
letter on approaching a hottie before we get
into the article today:
***LETTER FROM A READER***
Hey Mike,
You know, the biggest thing I've learned
from your articles is the maturity that
a real man must show, that is, if he
wants to get what you call "a great girl",
and how maturity, charisma, and humor
all must combine when attracting a
quality woman.
While I occasionally have women give
me "looks", that's about it- if I don't
approach them, they won't approach me.
About one month ago, I saw this
meltingly beautiful twenty-something
brunette with glasses at the Starbucks
inside the bookstore, (smart
looking beautiful brunettes are my
weakness!) she was working on her
laptop, and looked up when I walked by-
I knew I caught her attention, because
I could see it in her eyes, but I
STILL didn't say anything, and she
just went back to her laptop, as if
I didn't exist.
This was the story of my life,
and I would only go for the women
that chased me- which happened
less often than winning the lottery,
and usually this was with girls
who had plenty alcohol in them.
I never really had women who were
attractive strangers approach me,
so I never had the power of choice
with women.
Women who are '10's never approach.
That would be like the bank giving
away money.
And so my confidence with women who
are strangers, like the girl at the
Starbucks inside the bookstore, isn't
that high. And yes, the bookstore
hottie, she was a 10, man.
I didn't want to let this particular
woman go, so after going through what
I would say to her for five minutes,
I finally said something, about her
laptop being good for the environment
because it had a green battery, but
all it got from her was a kind of
polite nod.
It's crazy man, because I could tell
from her face, that the "look" was
gone, it was clear that after 5 minutes
of thinking and thinking and doing
nothing, I had shown the opposite
of confidence.
Well, fast forward to last night-
I got on the subway train downtown and
saw a gorgeous brunette standing in
middle of the crowd, and I could
"hear" your message in my head,
about how the best women need the
combo of maturity, charisma, and
humor in the approach.
I took immediate action, walking
right up to her, not knowing
what to say but the first thing
on my mind was something I read
in your materials about not starting
with "pick-up" vibes, I remember
reading an article you wrote about
the "pick up that wasn't there
is the ultimate pick-up".
So I started talking to her about
how all of us in this crowded train
are helping the environment, and that
we should get reimbursed by the government
for all this.
Just like you said- don't start the
conversation as a pick-up about her.
This was great Michael, as she opened
up wonderfully from this, she replied
with "Yeah, tell me about it, meanwhile
the government probably gets limos!"
Then I playfully teased her on being
hired by the city transportation to
attract men to take the train, which
I know was a compliment on her looks,
but like you said, I didn't start with
this, and I also made it funny and
emotionally relevant because I accused
her of pretending to be this innocent
passenger just like the rest of us
working stiffs, but that in reality
she was this devious actress who
actually pollutes a lot and that
I would reveal her secret.
I transitioned to building a connection,
when she told me she actually quit
a modelling job because she'd rather
actually work with real people, and
I found out she's a nurse- and we
ended up chatting about all the
real heroes in this world who are
regular people and who aren't
famous like actors or actresses.
I had to keep reminding myself that
this woman was for real, as in my
mind any woman this attractive
had to be either a stripper or
an actress. It always blows my
mind to meet a woman who is
attractive and has the character
as well, a "genuine gem" like
you say.
It grew into an organic, authentic
conversation, because I liked her
now as a personality (in addition
to her being smoking hot) as well,
and asking for her number before she
got off was easy, because I could
feel there was a connection, and
she smiled and not only wrote it
down but also told me to call her!
So I owe this all to you Mike, thanks
and I'll definitely be getting your
new CD Set- I wish I had heard of
you ten years ago, I could have
had a great girl then with your help!
Peter T.
***MY COMMENTS***
Thanks first of all for the kind words,
and for sharing your experience.
You're absolutely right regarding the
first woman you mentioned- the comment
you said to her was fine, but by WAITING
for five minutes around her before
actually SAYING anything, you went
from being THE MAN to being something
a lot less cool.
Then, on top of that, there is the
issue of a woman not wanting to seem
EASY or 'cheap', so when she telegraphs
interest in you by even something as small
as looking at you, in a woman's world this
is all happening under a MAGNIFYING glass
because a woman's interest in a man gets
judged more than a man's interest in a
woman, because of the whole "it's men
who actively pursue" stereotype in
our culture, so a woman, in order to
fit in to the culture, always tries
to be more subtle.
This is CRUCIAL to understand.
Being able to understand the subtleties in
communicating with women is a huge part of
that 'maturity' that you are referring to.
You have to understand that she must be
subtle, and she would appreciate it if
you are subtle as well, that's why
it's important that the approach is
not so OBVIOUSLY a 'pick-up', and this
is also why the ATMOSPHERE, or the "vibe"
of the interaction is more important
than the actual words.
This doesn't mean words don't count,
it means that words are just one part
of the attraction/the approach.
So if she's sending signals, and a guy
doesn't get them IMMEDIATELY, then she
will often shut down, PLUS if the guy
is not responding because he's not
confident, that will actually turn
her off as well.
It's especially meaningful to hear that
you LEARNED from this experience, and
applied what you learned on the train!
BRAVO on the way you approached her,
the subtleties were excellent:
1. Starting very neutral and indirect
yet still interesting and spontaneous
with the comment about the crowded train
and the environment.
2. Slowly transitioning to the next level,
giving her a clear indication of your
interest and having a bit of a sexual
undertone to it, with the comment about
her being hired to get guys to take
public transportation, yet you also
made sure that you were:
3. NOT kissing up, by keeping the comment
playful rather than worshipping her, by
saying she in fact is this devious actress.
4. You then built a more meaningful, deeper
connection, with the perspective you shared
on the "hidden heroes" of this world, that
not only was meaningful on its own, but also
served as a genuine compliment to her actual
character, and also showed what kind of
person you are as well.
5. I also like the fact you weren't afraid
to refer to yourself as a "working stiff"
because when COMBINED with the obvious
confidence and guts and charm you showed,
by then showing that you were NOT arrogant
it actually then shows in a subtle way
that you have MASSIVE worth and that you
aren't arrogant about it.
This gets back to the opposite of being
the kind of guy who needs to overcompensate
for insecurities by saying how much of a
bigshot he is.
You IMPLIED GENUINE value by the whole
style of conversation, she already feels
there must be worth to you, and now because
you haven't actually said that MUCH about
yourself, you have also applied something
I speak about in Actions For Attraction,
which is using "MINIMUM GAME":
By not speaking more than you need to you,
and not talking too much about yourself,
(a little is important, but a lot is
too much of a good thing and works
against you) you then seem cooler and you
also leave some awesome MYSTERY about you.
So that was an excellent job you did.
Today's newsletter gets into this and
many other important points too.
One of the great things about conducting
bootcamps is that I’m constantly seeing
the TRUTH of what works and what doesn’t
with attracting the women you want.
Allow me to share again how to actually
DEMONSTRATE to a woman that you have
a deep inner core confidence and comfort
in your own skin, as well as compelling
personality, when you first APPROACH her:
1. NEVER START A DAYTIME APPROACH
WITH GOING IN “DIRECT”
The fact of the matter is that women are
conditioned to NOT appear to be “easy”.
It’s the worst insult it seems, for them,
to be even remotely considered as trashy.
(In private, when she knows you already,
this can be fun of course for you both!)
SO, if you walk STRAIGHT UP TO A WOMAN
and begin to go into “pick up mode” during
the daytime, i.e. whether she is at a bookstore,
coffee shop, etc, you will usually get STRUCK
down.
It can make you think that women are mean
or something, but it’s all because in reality
most women are actually trying to show you
they are classy!
This is because of CONDITIONING.
Going straight into “getting her” is
just “not something you do”.
There is a simple solution, however:
You must give a woman a PRETEXT for
the conversation, when you start out,
that has NOTHING TO DO WITH
“PICKING HER UP”.
This is why I say the best “pick-up” is actually
the pick-up that WASN’T THERE.
From her point of view, it must seem like
the whole interaction was just so natural
and it just unfolded in a way that LED to
getting to know you and wanting to know
you more.
It was a “natural progress”, rather than forced.
This is what she must be able to tell herself,
and in fact, this DOES make a lot of sense,
because it means she wants to KNOW who
you are rather than just jump into bed with
you without knowing anything.
That’s why it’s important to start the interaction
with something that has nothing to do with
picking her up or demonstrating interest in
her, or in getting something from her, as it’s
putting the cart before the horse and triggers
her alarms that this guy seems to be only
interested in one thing, and that also seems
desperate and a sign of being a low-value guy
as well, and definitely would make her low on
the totem pole of status in our society.
You can start the interaction with a million
things, as long as they are interesting so
that you even from the start are demonstrating
personality. For example, you can start with
a comment about the situation, whether it
is about the book she is reading, the greeting
card she is choosing, or whether it’s the long
wait for the bus at the bus stop you are at,
or whether it’s the long line-up at the bank,
or a playful remark on the the contents of her
grocery cart. I get into full details of this in
my materials.
The first thing you say doesn’t have to be
AMAZING, (it’s great if it is, but it doesn’t
have to be) it just has to be INTERESTING
and not something that is sexual.
All you are doing here is getting INTO the
conversation without getting shut DOWN.
Even the very WALK UP to her, should be
casual. In fact, when you walk up to her,
let’s say in the bookstore or coffee shop,
don’t go directly up to her which might
surprise her, instead let her sense your
presence for a moment or two, where
you can be checking out a book yourself
or sipping your beverage, and THEN
begin the interaction on the most casual
level, possibly with your body not even
facing her yet, just your face facing her.
2. STIMULATE HER EMOTIONS
NOW, once you are IN the conversation, even
just a MINUTE into it, you are now “IN A
CONVERSATION” so NOW you can start to
INCREASE the intensity.
You should be facing her with your body now.
You can start to playfully tease her on what
she replied to your comment. NOW is the time
to pull out your funniest, wittiest, most
intriguing comments.
All delivered in the right confident tonality.
As soon as she is emotionally engaged,
you are making IMPACT and she is
INSTINCTIVELY OPENING UP the opportunity
for you.
3. BUILD THE CONNECTION
After a few minutes of this, it’s time to get
DEEPER, and to learn more about her and for
her to learn more about you. She will be
asking you questions and revealing things
about herself, and possibly she will be trying
to impress you to by qualifying herself a lot,
which is a great sign of her interest.
You should be truly listening to her, and
paying attention to her body language as
well. Try to understand the core of what
she is really saying, because most people
actually communicate far more with their
body language than just with their words,
so her facial expressions and tonality will
tell you so much more about what she is
truly trying to communicate with you.
She could be telling you about her childhood,
but what she is really saying is that she likes
you, or what she is really saying is that she
values her family, etc, etc.
LISTENING in this deeper way is a virtually lost art,
and it’s one of the most important skills you can
have.
They say that Bill Clinton was (and probably still is)
a fantastic listener, and could make EVERY person
in the room feel like they were totally understood,
even if he disagreed with them.
4. AMPLIFY THE SEXUAL VIBE
At this point, you can amplify these "vibes"
by looking her over in a subtle way that still
shows class, by the tonality of your voice,
the subtle expression on your face, the
super confidence in your eye-contact
as you hold her hand for slightly longer
than normal, when saying “nice to meet you”,
etc.
And you can now FLIRT big time too.
i.e. If she says something like “what time
can I call you at night” you can say
“I’m an all night man” with a smirk.
Etc.
5. WHEN WORKING THE “CLUB” SCENE,
YOU CAN GO STRAIGHT INTO PLAYFUL.
In a club, the very CONTEXT itself is designed
for socializing, so you don’t need an excuse
to approach. A woman doesn’t feel like a
“slut” or “easy” for chatting to you in a club,
because it’s DESIGNED for chatting, and it’s
socially approved, and there are standards
for “coolness” in clubs (which is why clubs
work so hard to RETAIN their status as cool).
So you can skip the first step of making it
clearly not a pick-up. In a club, it’s fine
to be meeting strangers, but you MUST
do it with FLAIR, the standard of fun and
energy and flair is higher in a club. The
truth is, this is damn easy FUN, but the
hard part for beginners is learning to
GET RID OF FEELING SELF-CONSCIOUS
and to stop repressing themselves.
You have to let your FUN SIDE GO FREEEEE.
6. VOCAL TONALITY
The amazing thing is that your TONALITY is like
the DNA that indicates to a woman EVERYTHING
about what you are feeling at the moment.
And if you don’t feel sure or secure or confident
or playful, it will SHOW in your tonality.
So, for example, right now, can you say
“TWO PLUS TWO EQUALS FOUR” with
TOTAL CONVICTION?????????
The answer is probably YES, right?
Because you BELIEVE it’s true, you are
able to SAY it with total conviction.
There are no doubts or fluctuations in your tonality
when you say that sentence.
Well, you must speak with SIMILAR conviction
when chatting up a woman you want to attract.
Notice, how when you’re talking to a woman
you are interested in, your voice may suddenly
LOSE this ‘TWO PLUS TWO EQUALS FOUR”
level of conviction, level of ZERO self-doubt.
PRACTICE, even in the mirror, as if you are
chatting to a woman, and notice how you
go OFF from the “TWO PLUS TWO EQUALS FOUR”
level of conviction, and then SLAP YOURSELF
every time you go OFF that level of conviction,
and get BACK to that level of total belief in
what you are saying.
Women, especially attractive women, have
NO INTEREST in men who are not sure of
themselves.
This has sexual connotations, it has life skills
connotations, it has survival connotations, all
of them SUBCONSCIOUS and all of them
IMPORTANT if you want to attract a woman.
7. ALL ROADS LEAD TO FEELING GOOD
The cardinal rule of the interaction
is that it must feel good at all times.
Don't let anything destroy that vibe.
During your initial approach, you have to
expect that women will say and do all kinds
of what seems like strange stuff, and you
most not let this ruin the vibe.
Deep down, she is hoping you GET this.
Usually, her remarks of this sort just boil
down to her trying to show you she is somehow
“cool” or that she is “not easy”
That’s fine, and you should understand that.
As long as she is not DISRESPECTING you,
it’s all good. However, any sign of disrespect
and you should leave her to waste some other
guy’s time.
At the same time, when you are not feeling
secure, it’s easy to see lots of innocent things
as actually being an insult.
Let me give you an example:
Let’s say you approach a group of women at
a club with a playful opener, i.e. who would
make a better husband, Fred Flintstone or
Barney Rubble, etc, etc, and while most
women will totally get it and smile and
have fun with this, the occasional woman
might say something like this:
“This is good, do you ask this to all the women
you meet?”
Just realize she is not being mean, she is either
just being playful in her own way, or she is
trying to show you she is smart because she
knows what’s up, or whatever.
It could also be that she is trying to see if
all you have is that one “line” and you are
a “one trick pony” with nothing ELSE to
offer personality-wise.
It doesn’t matter, because ALL ROADS LEAD
TO HAVING A GOOD TIME, and ALL ROADS
LEAD TO YOU CONTINUING TO BE “THE MAN”
WHO IS UNSTOPPABLE.’
So what you should do to this kind of thing is
say “That’s awesome you got that! High five”
and then high five her and CONTINUE to
keep the fun conversation going on, i.e.
“Barney is the kind of guy that doesn’t show
off, yet he masterminds EVERYTHING, and
you know BETTY is having the wild nights
with him, that’s what they don’t show
on camera!”
The number one principle is to go WITH the
flow, there is no real debate, you instead
interpret it everything as something GREAT,
and then CONTINUE the interaction and
go further into attracting her.
This actually shows superior social skills and
shows confidence and leadership, all at once.
8. STATUS
A feeling of you holding status is another thing
that many women require in order to be with a
man.
Status has to do with a great many variables,
from the way you HOLD yourself, body language,
confidence, your career, salary, the social circle
you belong to, your ability to lead a group, etc.
So there is always a way to make IMPACT
in this department.
I don’t believe you should ever LIE, what
you should do though is give yourself JUSTICE.
So if a woman asks what you do, and it’s early
in the convo, and let’s say you are a teacher,
you might say “I BUILD THE FUTURE”.
And if she asks, “What you do you mean?”
You might reply with “I shape the minds of
our future, the scientists, Nobel prize winners
of tomorrow, the men and women of tomorrow,
the artists, the workers, the politicians, the
doctors, everyone”.
Being INDIRECT and giving DETAILS like this
add emotional IMPACT and DRAMA and mean
so much more than just saying the word
“teacher”.
The whole “game” of attraction is about
CONTROLLING THE PSYCHOLOGICAL FRAME
while being 100% HONEST and true to
yourself.
The truth is that most VALUE is arbitrary, it’s
all about who is better able to FRAME that
value. Look at cigarettes, they have ZERO
value, in fact they are destructive, but they
succeeded in making people think they are
COOL to millions of people.
And if you are reading this right now, you
can probably see that I am all about giving
you the steps for taking ACTION with women,
no matter where you meet them.
No hype, no gimmicks, just solid CONTENT.
If you want the FULL PICTURE on attracting
the highest quality women, I suggest you get
my 'Warrior Within' program on DVD.
It's JAM-PACKED with the most powerful
strategies on how to attract the very
best women, anytime, anywhere.
It’s over 8 HOURS of my best strategies
and insights on approaching, attracting,
and keeping a quality woman as your girlfriend.
It's at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
And if you'd like an introduction to my core
concepts, go here:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/Wizard.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
P.S.
To learn IN PERSON, go here:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/realworld.html
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