Congruency And Why It RULES

There is a concept in attraction known as CONGRUENCY. Congruency

simply means that you are consistent on every channel of your

communication, so that means your body language, your words, your

expressions on your face, your tonality, and EVERYTHING else about

you is CONSISTENT.

So if a guy goes up to a girl and tries to show off in an attempt to

convey that he is desirable, the irony is that the very INSECURITY

that feels the need to show off actually ends up manifesting itself

in many ways- the look on the guy’s face, the tonality he ends up

using, etc.  Those things are INCONGRUENT with true confidence, true sense of security, etc.

And the incongruence can be TINY, it can be the most subtle thing, an

inflection of the voice, a particular crinkle of the eyebrow, something

that a guy doesn’t even REALIZE he is doing- to TOTALLY DESTROY HIS APPROACH AND HIS SUCCESS. 

This is because human beings in general are VERY SKILLED at noticing tiny subtleties in facial expressions and in body language and tonality.

And women, for some reason, tend to be even BETTER at detecting and noticing these things, possibly from experience, and it is possible that women needed to be better at picking up social cues as an adaptive tool for survival since the beginning of human history.

Bottom line is, humans are really damn good at “feeling out” the way another person is feeling, even if they are not CONSCIOUSLY aware of what those things are, the fact is people get a certain VIBE from someone, and this vibe is the reaction to the other person’s signals being sent out on all the various channels, such as body language, tonality, and all the rest.

By the way, as PROOF of just how tough it is to fake it, notice how

even with the most advanced CGI graphics that exist today in even the

most lucrative billion-dollar movie franchises, we STILL haven’t

managed to fully create and animate the HUMAN face in a totally

believable way. So, for example, in the film AVATAR, did you notice

the creatures are BLUE?

A super-cool friend of mine enlightened me to this.  Human beings

innately sense the subtleties of another human face and human

expression.  Even NEW-BORN babies are gifted with what almost seems like SUPERHUMAN abilities in this regard. 

And because humans can tell these subtleties in another human, even

the most advanced special-effects teams so far still haven’t yet

attained the skill to create a fully-believable human animated face, so what they do is make the characters a little OFF from human- such as the blue characters in Avatar.  

It’s far easier to make some blue alien look real because we have no REAL-LIFE REFERENCE point for a “real” blue alien, so we can thus feel that the alien looks realistic.  There is no proof in our mind to COUNTER what we see on the screen of the blue alien.

Now, we may eventually GET THERE, (James Cameron keeps pushing things to the limit and maybe his team will be the first to do it) to the degree that we can create a fully believable animated human face, but my point is how MASSIVELY DIFFICULT IT IS TO FAKE, even with BILLION DOLLAR BUDGETS BY THE MOST ADVANCED SPECIAL-EFFECTS TEAMS IN THE WORLD!

So if even billion-dollar companies still find it impossible to fake,

let's try an EASIER way to come across right- by actually NOT

FAKING, and instead learning to be COMFORTABLE in our own

skin rather than putting on an act as an instinctive defense

mechanism.

So what this means when it comes to you approaching women is that you have to make DECISIONS on what you really WANT, and on what values are the most important to you, and you must make sure you don’t have conflicting goals, and though this is especially true regarding what you want with women, it’s also true in general for all of what you want in life, as it all shows in your demeanor.  

So, for example, you are far better off being CONGRUENT and a little

less "MR. COOL" than trying to pull off being "MR. COOL" but not being truly CONGRUENT WITH IT.

Yes, a character like Han Solo is cool.

But the truth is, and this the mind-blowing part, a character like

“Mr. Rogers” (from the TV show) can ALSO be cool.

A guy like "Mr. Rogers" could do AMAZING with most women---IF he is truly cool with himself and does not put on an ACT with women.  

Most men suddenly start to “PUT ON THE ACT” in front of women- even if the men don’t WANT to, they can’t HELP it; they feel they MUST. 

Not only does the "act" tend to ruin a guy's efforts with women, but it also destroys the chances of him having long-term success, because no one can keep up an act forever.

And even if a guy manages to get lucky with pulling off an act, he will feel nervous about the fact that the woman doesn't even know the real him, she only knows the act. 

So he will feel insecure. And not only is that a miserable feeling, but also the insecurity causes a man to say and do and think the wrong things, as insecurity distorts one's perception of things.  

So unless a guy doesn’t understand how to treat people with respect, he really shouldn’t put on an ACT.

And if you want to learn the "how-to" regarding all this- how to stay cool and truly be yourself with women, and if you want to learn the most effective, natural ways to go about the process-from seeing a woman, approaching her, chatting with her, taking things to the next level, and much more-it really helps to get your coaching from an instructor who is CONGRUENT himself.

Congruency is ABSOLUTELY VITAL to me. 

I know full well you can’t be in two OPPOSITE places at once. If you

want a woman who is going to be faithful, who is going to treat you

right, who keeps herself in shape, etc., etc., that is a very

DIFFERENT thing than just how to get physical with a promiscuous or

naive woman quickly.

Most companies won’t tell you that. They will tell you they are the

perfect choice no matter WHAT your goal with women is- and that

should be your FIRST SIGN that in fact they are NOT congruent.  And

the more a woman IS actually a woman who CARES about things like

ethics, honesty, loyalty, and all the rest, the more SHE will be

INSTINCTIVELY SENSING WHETHER YOU ARE CONGRUENT OR NOT.

She will be doing this because it is of PARAMOUNT significance to her

that she does NOT invest in a guy who lacks the proper character traits.

There are even some instructors out there who try to imitate me in

some respects- which would be cool except they then try to imitate

the OPPOSITE as well, and they then tell you messages more along

the lines of "Heh-heh, see how we got her to make out, heheh,

check out her bod, heheh, we are so cool, can't you see how

cool we are? Check out her a.b.c.d.e.f.g... " and so on and so forth.

All this seems to be pretending one thing:

That these women are somehow being "gamed"

when in reality we are living in a time when women

are so promiscuous, there is no need for any games

at all.

I still can’t understand the obsession with being impressed by

getting a woman to act loose with a man quickly. This stuff is so

easy in a society obsessed with the superficial, that I could teach

the entire content of EVERYTHING regarding that stuff in just TEN

MINUTES- and that is NOT an exaggeration.

If a promiscuous woman was being honest with you, she

would tell you the truth- she already made the decision

to sleep with someone new very soon, and the first

guy that seemed even remotely reasonable and didn't

sabotage his own luck would be it.

There’s so LITTLE to know, because these women are already RARING TO GO, there is NOTHING to teach except how to just LET THE WOMEN DO WHAT THEY WANT, and any pick up artist who is HONEST will tell you the SAME THING. 

It’s one of life’s ironies that in my quest to learn about women who

would make for great girlfriends and wives, I ended up initially

learning the OPPOSITE.  How did I learn this? Well, it’s simple

really.  Since I had ZERO interest in women who lacked the character

traits I was seeking, I was completed UNATTACHED TO THE OUTCOME, so I really didn’t try to make anything happen.

My state of mind was calm because there was very LITTLE AT STAKE once I found out what these women were like by listening to them speak.

This not only made it easy for me to have things to say, but my lack

of neediness also made the women feel VERY RELAXED around me, which made THEM provide INSANELY EASY OPENINGS and OPPORTUNITIES as they tried to make it EASY for me to pick them up.

And while most guys would RUIN the moment and the chemistry by then DESPERATELY LUNGING for the opportunity, I didn’t jump at all, in fact you might say I was trying to SLOW THINGS DOWN.  I wanted to know more about who they really were before going further.

Almost like a woman might do- I was “stealing the woman’s frame” –

the frame that most women use on men, of being hard to get, but I

wasn’t trying to play a game. I really MEANT it- I was CONGRUENT.

Now, don’t forget, I DID make the approach, and I DID get things into

motion, which showed them that clearly I was willing to go for what I

wanted. I was still being a man about the whole process.  

This just made the women even CALMER-and for the first time in a long time these women were now with a guy who could actually keep the interaction feeling smooth and normal and not cheap and dirty-and yes, even the most promiscuous woman wants to feel respected, especially since the men who are with them feel it is totally cool for them to do it.

So that’s all fine and good, but when it comes to attracting a different kind of woman, it takes more.

It takes more connection.

It takes more congruence.

It takes you being the best man you can be and getting rid of the

inner blocks in your mind holding you back.

And that’s what really it’s all about- men and women, through

attraction, motivating each other to be the best they can be.

So, do you want an instructor who is genuine?

Do you want an instructor who is congruent?

Do you want an instructor who understands that each man is DIFFERENT, and therefore requires a DIFFERENT approach to learning these skills?

Do you want an instructor who has over TEN YEARS experience teaching men of all types of levels of experience?

Do you want an instructor who is never satisfied with his OWN learning? Who CONSTANTLY seeks to FURTHER the entire FIELD when it comes to this topic called dating, attraction, and relationships?

And do you want to meet a really GREAT woman, who will never take you for granted? Who will RESPECT you always?

Then I’d love to be your instructor for this important part of your life, through a process known as bootcamp. 

In my live, exclusive, in-person, bootcamp program, I do two things.

First, I take care of the whole INTERNAL side of things- how to get

your inner state of mind to be at PEAK form- and that includes how to

be CONGRUENT.

The next thing I do is teach you the best way to actually APPLY ALL

THIS in your interactions with women in the form of DIRECT

APPROACHES. I actually demonstrate this for you, and then guide you

along every step of the way so that you can do it as well.

By "DIRECT APPROACHES" here, I mean you approach women you see ANYWHERE- women who are TOTAL STRANGERS, and you go right up to them and get them attracted and connected on a deep level.

It gets even better- you will learn how to do all this in a way that

LASTS.  You will not have to learn any gimmicks, you will not be

using any lies, you will not be doing anything that is inconsistent

with who you really are. This way, you will be able to USE what you

learn and master in bootcamp for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH ALL THE WOMEN YOU MEET.

Congruency is a HUGE priority for me, both in my own approaches and

in the way I teach men to acquire these skills and in the way men USE

these skills.

Since the things you learn and master will be CONSISTENT WITH YOUR PERSONALITY, you will feel COMFORTABLE using them on women for the rest of your life.  

And of course, the results will be better too, since women can sense the difference in a man who is congruent.

My work has not only been featured in the biggest newspapers in

the country, but my students' success with women has been

OBSERVED by major journalists that FOLLOWED UP on their

progress after being coached by me-and the majority of the reports 
are OVERWHELMINGLY GLOWING-you can check them out on
my website.

For a bootcamp with me, you can email me your request or your

questions at: michaelmarks@getagreatgirl.com

Or you can visit my bootcamp page at:

http://www.getagreatgirl.com/bootcamp-sign-up.html

Till next time,

Michael Marks