The Arousal-Safety Pendulum

One of the most MISUNDERSTOOD aspects of attraction is the whole BAD-BOY versus “CARING GUY” debate.  The real truth is that BOTH aspects are VITAL if you want a woman to be at MAXIMUM attraction and especially if you want the LONG-TERM success with a woman.

The reason for this is because if a woman feels you don’t care about her at all, then she can’t feel SAFE and COMFORTABLE with you, and that definitely includes her not feeling safe totally letting go and getting wild with you and letting all her inhibitions loose. 

The SAFETY feeling, ak.a. "the warm fuzzies" feeling, IS important.  

Let’s call this the “safety” part of the pendulum.

And YET, at the SAME TIME, if she feels you are SO CARING AND SO LOVING to the extent that you are totally SELFLESS, it can make her feel GUILTY about allowing HERSELF to truly ENJOY getting wild with you. 

This is because pleasure is obviously a SELFISH thing, but selfishness is not always a BAD thing, and in fact in the right place at the right time it can be the PERFECT thing. 

So when YOU demonstrate that YOU are not afraid or uncomfortable to be SELFISH in a sexual way, it allows her to feel FREE to also totally let go and experience that SAME level of pleasure as well.

PLUS, there is also something to be said about the pleasure a woman feels when she knows that you want to totally DEVOUR her and consume her with a SELFISH passion for her. 

She enjoys BOTH sides of your passion, the selfless and the selfish, but for now we are focusing on the selfish side because it is the less understood one in the context of how it is mutually beneficial for the man and the woman in this area. 

Let’s call this the “arousal” part of the pendulum. 

THIS is the reason so many so-called “bad boys” INITIALLY do well with women.  

It at first feels GOOD for a woman to have a man that is so LIBERATED to just BE his natural sexual self. 

It allows HER to indulge in her selfish desire for her man, without her feeling guilty or anything like that.

Also, it can make HER feel very DESIRED, since she feels she is the cause of the man's intense desire, instead of it being some kind of "charity" that the guy is doing for her. 

And, there is also the fact that women are attracted to men who convey "ALPHA-MALE" traits, which tends to mean being more dominant. 

The problem, though, is that EITHER one of these sides, the selfish or the selfless, ALONE, is NOT enough.   

Too much of the bad boy behavior and she will eventually start to feel UNLOVED, and so that can then make the sexual side of things become MEANINGLESS-and, even worse, it can make her feel CHEAP and it can lower her self-esteem. 

And self-esteem is the most PRECIOUS and POWERFUL force anyone has in this world. It must be CHERISHED and it must be RESPECTED.

Too much of the NICE GUY stuff, though, and she starts to feel like she now must be SUPER CAREFUL to please you and be super-nice to you, and then THAT forces her to STOP being able to truly ENJOY her OWN SELFISHNESS.

And again, to a degree, human selfishness is a GOOD thing, otherwise people wouldn’t do a thing to take care of themselves!  

So, the solution is to actually convey BOTH sides.  Things shift between AROUSAL and SAFETY, in what I call the Arousal-Safety Pendulum.

Show warmth in your voice, show empathy, but also show that you have no problems being assertive or comfortable with the sexual, and the way to do this is to playfully bring up the sexual in a conversation with her, once the conversation is going smoothly- but don’t LINGER on this topic either.

Also, when in a relationship with a woman, realize there is actually ROOM for ALL the aspects of your emotions- there are times when actually displaying a bit of jealousy can massively TURN ON a woman, if it is within control.  But if you get consumed with jealousy, it will make her feel CONTROLLED and make her feel she has to constantly attend to your needs more than hers.

There are times when you are going to have to do your UTMOST to restrain yourself from having an emotional reaction to her behavior.

There are times for being sensitive and supportive. And yet, sometimes, just for the EFFECT of letting her know she doesn’t OWN you and that you are still a selfish being, which ironically actually turns her on MORE, you should CONVEY that through your behavior.

For example, OCCASIONALLY, if she is complaining about her day, and it's not really a bad day, sometimes in this situation you might occasionally make a JOKE about it - which is the complete OPPOSITE reaction of what she was expecting--- and she might even say half-hardheartedly that you are so "mean", but then within MINUTES or even SECONDS later she will probably be even CRAZIER about you. 

And if it's seriously something bothering her, then OF COURSE you will be super-supportive- which is what you probably really want to do at INFINITE levels always if you are like a lot of good guys- and the hard part is actually realizing that the sexual dynamic is not the same thing as the regular dynamic you have with other people in your life.

This woman is not just another person, she's not just a female who is a friend.  This is not friendship, this is ATTRACTION.  

One of the toughest things to do here in a newsletter is put everything in context, which is why when you are in an actual boot camp or a private consultation it's so much easier since you get the full context.

Now, all this takes an IMMENSE amount of social intelligence and sensitivity to pull off properly, but the good thing about it is that you can GET THIS SKILL. 

Not only does this work in the initial approach, it gets even better in a long-term relationship, because you get to know a woman so well and if you truly love her and know her, you will KNOW by instinct when is a good time to do what. 

It just takes a little practice. And she will love you all the more for it.

Remember, a woman wants to feel LOVED, and she wants to give love, but she also wants to be able to feel uninhibited and not guilty about indulging in the SELFISH side of sexual feeling- this is an element of all human beings, not just women, of course.

She gets turned on by a man who is the SAME- a man who appreciates all elements of the physical and emotional sides of love, both giving and taking- a man who is not shy or afraid to be selfish and to indulge in his desires with her, and who is also at other times selfless and purely giving in these matters.

Let me show you how all this works in REAL LIFE when you attend my PRIVATE AND EXCLUSIVE boot camp.  You will learn from me how to do this, and you will see it all happening in front of you on real women.

Boot camp is PRIVATE and truly ONE-TO-ONE. That means just ONE student is allowed per boot camp, which means you get MAXIMUM ATTENTION, MAXIMUM CUSTOMIZATION and MAXIMUM EFFICIENCY in your learning.

In one weekend, learn how to attract women for the rest of your LIFE.

Bootcamp is at:

http://www.getagreatgirl.com/bootcamp-sign-up.html

For a private consultation, go here:

http://www.getagreatgirl.com/PrivateCoaching.html

And if you haven't yet downloaded my Attraction Accelerators program, then DEFINITELY do that NOW, at:

http://www.getagreatgirl.com/attraction-accelerators.html

Till next time,

Michael Marks