To attract a woman, ANYWHERE, you must "TAKE OVER THE MENTAL FRAME".
Allow me explain exactly what I mean by this. The perspective that most men have about approaching and attracting women, is that the women are supposed to give men some clear SIGNALS that it’s okay to approach them, and that the approach will be wanted, etc.
But these "signs of her interest in you" often only happen AFTER you take action, not BEFORE.
So men are looking for women's "signals" and women's signs of APPROVAL before the men even get STARTED into a real interaction with the women.
This ‘frame’ of reality is WRONG, and what's WRONG with it, is that it's allowing a man to get SWALLOWED UP by the WOMAN'S "FRAME", also known as "the woman's perspective"!
Men THINK that this is appreciated by women, but actually in truth, this is NOT the way attraction works. In fact, if a woman KNOWS that you need her APPROVAL to come over and talk to her or to know if what you say to her is "what she wants to hear", well THAT is what turns her OFF!
Your "frame" of the situation needs to weigh more of YOUR value in it, and YOUR needs, and less of you being swallowed up into HER FRAME and being so concerned about her reality and concerned about getting her approval before you have even spoken a single word to her.
And it goes further, in the sense that if, during the conversation, you are overly concerned with making sure you ‘fit’ into what she thinks is "cool" or what she wants, THAT will destroy attraction as well!
This doesn’t mean to TRY to argue with her, or anything like that, it means to truly let your OWN identity be FREE, and in fact to let that identity be so strong that OTHERS get sucked into YOUR "frame".
Women want men who are able to CONTROL their own "frame" over their own reality. They want man men who don't worry so much about getting the approval of others and making sure that they fit into everyone ELSE'S frame.
For example, most men, let's say they are at a party, and they see a woman they would like to talk to.
The FIRST thing that goes through their mind is, "Hmmm, I bet she is here with someone..." Or, if the woman is talking to someone, most men are looking for the perfect entrance to get into that conversation.
Or, if they DO start a conversation, and the woman isn't doing cartwheels of enthusiasm RIGHT AWAY, or if the other people in the conversation (let's say she's in a group) don't seem to be too excited by the new guy's entrance into the conversation, well most of the time this is enough to MELT "the new guy" and make most guys EJECT and leave the situation.
I say, f*** that!!!
ALL this kind of attitude comes from thinking that you need to have PERMISSION and APPROVAL not only to TALK to these women, but even in order to FEEL OKAY about talking to these women!!!
FORGET THAT ATTITUDE, IT'S 'KRYPTONITE' TO ATTRACTION!
There's a great little movie, called 'Take Me Home Tonight', and in it, there's this scene where this guy feels all uncomfortable approaching women who are strangers, even at a situation like a PARTY, which is actually even EASIER because a party is a social license to chat with people.
He ALMOST starts to chat with this one girl at this party, he goes close to her, looks at her, and she looks back at him.
And it’s amazing, because his look, even in that split second, is clearly ‘innocent’ but also it is clearly NOT DECISIVE about taking action.
And the girl he was looking at? Well, just like in the real world, she doesn't have a MEAN look on her face, but she doesn’t give him a “please talk to me” look either.
In the real world, women do NOT have sirens blaring off, flashing red, saying "PLEASE TALK TO ME".
If they DID behave that way, it would be NUTS with the amount of attention they would get from every single guy.
So anyway, in that split second, he then CONTINUES walking by her, and he loses the moment.
This is so typical of what happens for MOST men, and I know for sure this is what used to happen with me. I would be LOOKING for the ‘invitation to talk’ from a woman’s face.
But this is NOT the way it really works most of the time, for MANY reasons, including the fact that women are conditioned to not be ‘easy’ since men punish women by labeling them as ‘sluts’.
Now, here’s the part of the movie that really was important.
Because he feels so PISSED OFF at his own lack of ability to CONTROL THE FRAME that he ends up taking COCAINE and then coming BACK to the party minutes later.
Now, it’s just a movie, and OBVIOUSLY I think cocaine is destructive, but just stick with me here for a second:
When he comes BACK to the party, he is now CONTROLLING THE FRAME, not only in his OWN mind about who is "THE MAN" (he now feels HE is great, powerful, and cool, and that the party is definitely where HE is, that HE is the life of the party), but he completely OVER-RIDES and TAKES OVER the perspective, i.e. the ‘frame’, of everyone ELSE at the party as well.
He sees the same girl from before, and not only dances right up in her face, but he is so absolutely full of total conviction in his actions, that he is basically TELLING her to party with him, and there is zero doubt, not one milligram of doubt, in his tonality and his body language.
He is COMPLETELY RULING the place, in the sense of having fun, of dancing, of being confident, etc.
In the first second he goes up to her, for that BRIEF MOMENT, that INSTANT, once again, just like before, she had the SAME look, she wasn’t sure how she felt or not, but THIS TIME HE WASN’T LOOKING FOR HER DAMN APPROVAL!!!!!!!!!
And so, just like in REAL LIFE, she FLIPS over from mental state of “not sure about this guy”, to very quickly, “Let’s PARTY with this guy!”.
It all happens so FAST, yet it is a MASSIVE transition! In that INSTANT, that micro-second, there is that moment of NOT GETTING APPROVAL, and if you WAIT for the approval, it NEVER COMES.
However, if you TAKE OVER THE FRAME, then THE WOMEN COME TO YOU.
It’s as simple as that.
Now, the thing is, the ‘cocaine’ route is the WEAK path, and the path that doesn’t LAST. And he pays for it as we see in the film. But in REALITY, you don’t NEED cocaine. The reality, in fact, was that the woman didn’t CHANGE because of his cocaine, and HE didn’t change because of the cocaine.
The cocaine just made it EASY for him to temporarily LET GO OF ALL THE B.S. and all the artificial behaviors he was showing.
Yes, artificial, because he was NOT showing himself before, he was trying to make sure he fit into HER world. The irony is that he was taking the cocaine to actually let loose who HE really was all the time, and not just let loose, but to truly REVEL in his identity and to allow OTHERS to experience his presence at full force.
You have to have CONVICTION in yourself with complete force. You must not allow something like a woman not doing cartwheels for you at first glance to be a reason to EJECT from a conversation.
If you've approached a woman, and you're at the point about talking about meeting up or getting her number or whatever,and she says she can't because she's busy for the next few days or whatever, do NOT eject or think it's over.
Just tell her, "You're busy? Me too, so you understand I can't spend all my time with you. Now, give me your number."
THIS is the kind of attitude that sparks ATTRACTION and that makes a woman feels she now WANTS to know you. It's also crucial to understand that this comment of being busy, etc, is to be coming from a place of EMPOWERMENT, SELF-BELIEF, AND PLAYFULNESS, and not from some kind of needy desperate frame.
In other words, the desire to meet up with her is coming from a belief that you BOTH will enjoy it.
Now, if you don't believe me, that this is how attraction works, start asking around and you'll see that the MAJORITY of the time, the women who are with guys, especially if the women are attractive, were not so sure at first glance if they really wanted to be with this guy or not.
If you eject too fast, if you allow the frame of OTHERS to dictate your reality, you won't get ANYWHERE with women, especially the really gorgeous ones.
And if you're reading this right now, I SERIOUSLY suggest you download my "ATTRACTION ACCELERATORS" program IMMEDIATELY.
This program is PACKED with pure GOLD on what to do to attract women ANYWHERE you see them.
It's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/attraction-accelerators.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
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