If you are looking for a real, long-term,
exclusive, serious relationship, you
need to find out if the woman you
are dating thinks it is okay for her to
have "guy friends" even when she is in
a relationship.
And to make a long story short, if she
DOES think it is okay for her to have
"guy friends" even when she in a relationship,
then she will be a DISASTER if you choose
her to be your girlfriend.
Does this mean that a woman in a relationship
with you cannot have any association with
any man besides you?
OF COURSE NOT.
She may have male colleagues at work.
She may have male relatives.
She may have some rare emergency situation
that requires her to have some guy call
her or to meet some guy.
But in GENERAL, if a woman is having men
calling who are her "friends" who call her
up, who email her, who text her, it is
ultimately going to be DISASTROUS for the
relationship.
Now, here is the BIG thing to understand.
A lot of women will defend this "friendship"
B.S. by saying that if someone, be it a guy
or a girl, will not accept their partner
having an opposite-sex friend, then it must
be a sign of JEALOUSY.
This statement is not only wrong, it is actually,
in some (not all) cases, quite devious and disrespectful.
The bottom line is that human beings have
REASONS for doing things. They don't do
things for NO REASON. They might not always
be CONSCIOUS of the reasons, but they damn
well do have reasons.
There's a saying that "nobody does anything for free."
Well, I agree, but I also think nobody SHOULD.
It's irrational. Even if the thing that motivates
someone is simply a FEELING, that too is a thing.
So, when a guy calls a woman, he WANTS something
from her.
And the vast, VAST, VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST
majority of guys are NOT looking for FRIENDSHIPS
from women, ESPECIALLY not super attractive women,
and especially not as their ORIGINAL reason for
wanting to get to know the woman.
So it MIGHT be that a guy tried to get a woman
interested in him, and it did not work out,
so he sort of remained FRIENDS with her, but
this is ONLY as a result of REALLY being interested
in her for a very PHYSICAL reason, which still has
some vestiges of that desire whether or not he
admits it in his "friendship" stage with that woman.
It's important to remember a study made on a university
campus, where basically a guy went up to a TON of women,
and propositioned them for sex, and the vast VAST
majority of the women said a clear NO.
The study also reversed the roles, and had a woman
go up to a bunch of men, and TONS of men said YES.
Now, of course, both men and women have very
strong physical desires, but men are ready
to get physical IMMEDIATELY with almost
ANY attractive woman, and sometimes she
does not even have to be attractive.
So, just on that level alone, any woman who
thinks that some guy is JUST calling her for
friendship, is actually DENYING THE PHYSICAL
REALITY that the guy would JUMP into bed
with her given the chance.
So, again, just on that level alone, the very fact
a woman will think it is OKAY to have guys who
are "friends" in her life while she is in a
relationship with another guy, is being
DISRESPECTFUL to that guy who is her boyfriend,
even if she NEVER plans to sleep with that guy
friend.
She is basically encouraging the "guy friend"
to keep on trying.
The whole "friend" thing when it comes to
women having "guy friends" is a crock of
horseypoo.
It assumes that, unlike a situation at work,
where a woman may have a male boss or employee
or co-worker, where there is a REASON for
having an association with that person within
the limits of the workplace, there is almost
NO legitimate reason for having a "friendship"
with some guy JUST FOR THE SAKE OF BEING
FRIENDS--WHEN ALSO IN AN ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP
WITH A BOYFRIEND.
It is one thing when a woman is single, and
just trying to meet guys. In that situation,
she may very well have guy friends because
even though she knows the guy friends may
very well be interested in her, at least
she is not disrespecting her boyfriend
since she does not HAVE a boyfriend.
But in a relationship, it is different.
Noboby does anything for no reason.
There HAS to be something they are
getting out of it, and the VAST majority
of guys are NOT trying to get FRIENDSHIP
from some attractive woman.
It is FAR, FAR easier to get a genuine friendship
with a member of the SAME sex, because you share
so many more commonalities by the very fact you
are NOT interested physically in another guy.
The ONLY things left to be interested in, are the
COMMONALITIES, including of course, the common
interest in WOMEN.
And even in the ODD chance that a woman has
some MALE FRIEND who really has so much in
common with her, it STILL is not a good enough
reason to KEEP THE SAME LEVEL OF INTENSITY
IN THE FRIENDSHIP once that woman is in a
serious relationship with a guy.
And the REASON for this is because if you
TRULY AND MASSIVELY VALUE a relationship, you
do not do things to COMPROMISE that relationship.
And one of the BIGGEST compromising things
a man or woman can do to a relationship is
to FOSTER intimate friendships with members
of the opposite sex that have the SERIOUS
potential of turning into something romantic.
So, this is why the LESS ACTUAL reasons
that are NOT friendship are part of the
equation, i.e. relatives, work, emergency,
the GREATER the potential for damage.
So, for example, someone who is a WORK
colleague may very well be limited to
only interacting in a way that is directly
tied to WORK. So the interactions are all
WORK-RELATED, in the WORK-ENVIRONMENT, unless
of course the person decides to intentionally
betray that understanding and actually turn
it into a cheating situation.
But that would at least mean it was CLEAR
AND INTENTIONAL cheating.
What makes the "friendship" stuff much
more dangerous is that it is NOT regulated
by any other force, it has nothing to do
with work, nothing to do with being a
relative, etc. It is this airy undefined
b.s. called "we're just friends" which
really means it could be ANYTHING.
And, because MEN understand other MEN,
any man who RESPECTS another man will
NOT call that man's girlfriend up to
be "good friends" with her without
FULLY REALIZING how disrespectful that
is to the GUY.
And, any woman who RESPECTS her boyfriend
will not allow that to happen, so she will
mostly SHUT DOWN the "friendship" with that
guy who is "just a friend".
Sure, she might SEE the friend by sheer
ACCIDENT somewhere, and say hello to him,
but she will not FOSTER some kind of regular
ongoing "friendship" with that guy.
But allow me to get to the MOST IMPORTANT
part of all of this.
The real truth is, that I do believe
that most women who have this "guy friend"
thing going on while still being in a relationship
with another guy, are not TRYING to cheat.
However, every relationship will have its
ups and downs over the course of its duration,
which, hopefully, lasts a lifetime and is a
happy one.
But during those DOWNS, the relationship is
more VULNERABLE. Just like NOTHING in life
is always PERFECT and at its BEST, so too
relationships are not always PERFECT and
at their BEST.
But just because something is not always
PERFECT does not mean that we don't value it.
We don't all just go and KILL OURSELVES
because life is not perfect, right?
No, instead, we TRY to fix situations,
we try to PREVENT problems.
We don't THROW out our TV sets because
we don't always get PERFECT reception, right?
And we don't PLAN on disaster, but we
DO buy INSURANCE, right?
And we tend to put ON seat-belts even though
we are not EXPECTING disaster, right?
In fact, ALL of the things that we DO
value, we put in an EFFORT to protect
those things against situations where
things might not go perfectly.
So, too, with RELATIONSHIPS, we VALUE
them, so SMART people try to PROTECT
them, long term, by NOT putting themselves
in situations that may COMPROMISE the
relationships.
So even if 99 times the "platonic" interaction
is safe, is it worth it if the 100th time
she meets that "platonic" friend, something
fishy happens that DOES screw up the relationship?
Of course it is then not worth it.
And over the span of a LONG TERM relationship,
if a woman thinks it's fine for her to have
these "platonic friendships with guys" there
will then be HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of
such interactions with those guys, which
actually makes the chance of something bad
eventually happening a mathematical and
ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY.
If a woman VALUES her relationship,
her marriage, her children, and having
her children raised in a cohesive family,
she will GLADLY turn down the DIAL on
the B.S. "platonic friendships" from
other guys.
And if she CAN'T do this, it is a message
she is saying LOUD AND CLEAR, and the
message is THIS:
"RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT SACRED TO ME."
And that is all you need to know about her
in order to DUMP her IMMEDIATELY.
Also, I must remind you, that the STRONGER
you become in your convictions about this,
the MORE a woman will pursue you, and you
will start to DOUBT yourself when a beautiful
woman tries to convince you why you should
be okay with all her platonic guy friends.
It won't be easy as you see her gorgeous
body, and you drink in the scent of her
perfume, and you gaze at her beautiful
lips.
YOU HAVE TO BE STRONG.
Do NOT give in to the LOW-HANGING fruit
just because it is there.
CONTINUE THE SEARCH and get yourself
a GREAT woman who already UNDERSTANDS
every last word of this message.
And if you're serious about finding and
keeping the RIGHT woman, I suggest you get
start with two of my books:
The first is THE DATING WIZARD.
This book is the foundation for ATTRACTION,
and it's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Wizard.html
The other book is GET A GREAT GIRL,
which is all about understanding the fine
nuances of getting and keeping a truly
great girlfriend.
It's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Samples.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
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