Get ready to discover the ten biggest mistakes men make with the real quality women- women who are not only attractive, but also FAITHFUL and intelligent:
1. TRYING TO KEEP HER INSECURE
So much of the "pick up women" advice out there for men on the internet is all about how to make a woman feel LESS about herself, which stems from the fear that the woman feels she is too good for a guy.
Those strategies believe that if SHE feels insecure around a guy, then that GUY will then seem to her to be of more value than she feels SHE has, so supposedly she will now want him and be attracted.
Well, the reality is that this "make her feel less than you" concept not only usually fails to work even on the mean-spirited women who may very well DESERVE to be told off, but it is TOTALLY INSANE to use this type of tactic on a QUALITY woman who did nothing bad to you to begin with.
It's counter-productive because she will
usually catch on IMMEDIATELY.
Then, she will wreak vengeance and havoc
with your emotions to teach you a lesson.
At best, she will just immediately shut you
down and leave.
Even worse, what happens is that you
destroy your inner power this way,
because you are in effect telling
yourself that you don't have the
worth to keep her on your own,
and that you have to resort to
putting her down.
This actually makes you feel worth LESS
than you did before you ever used any
tactic like that, and the reality is
that your inner game ALWAYS shows
through, and she can detect how you
feel about your own worth.
She can detect it through your body
language that you display without
even thinking about it.
It's a result of how you are feeling
internally, and guess what? How you
feel internally ALWAYS ends up showing
in your mannerisms, in your expressions,
and in your vocal tonality.
I have a much BETTER solution to
all this- instead of putting her
down, you can bring BOTH OF YOU UP!
Just make sure you are NEVER doing this
from a weak, "KISSING UP" perspective,
which leads to my NEXT point:
2. THE MUTUAL COMPLIMENT
Most men NEVER use this, and that's
a HUGE mistake.
The mutual compliment is pure GOLD.
The mutual compliment means that
your message is saying something
cool and genuine about BOTH of you-
the woman AND yourself.
For example, let's say you are chatting with a
woman you just met, and you tell her that you
can see she has great taste in men. This is
saying something positive to her, but it's
also pretty damn confident of yourself to
say this as well, and it's funny too.
So you've done 3 things at once, all in a span
of just a few seconds and few words.
This is similar to, before kissing a woman, telling
her that you can tell a lot about a woman from the
way she kisses. When she asks "what do you mean"
you say, "Well, for example, you can tell if she
is really passionately into you, or if it's just about
the money."
Then, you proceed to kiss her, and when you pull away, you give her a mischievous grin and say, "Definitely, you're not about the money."
So again, you've said something cool about her,
and about yourself.
3. DON'T ACCEPT A SHRED OF DISRESPECT
This is a big one too. As soon as you play even
a BIT of the "head games" with a woman, or as
soon as you ACCEPT even a bit of this, it's
the beginning of the end of the whole connection.
The single greatest factor behind ALL these
head games is INSECURITY. Giving into it,
whether you decide to give her a taste of her
own medicine, or you accept it from her, it
all just FEEDS more of this insecurity.
There is no way to WIN with someone who
plays these games, the only way to WIN is
to get the heck out.
In my relationships, I NEVER play any games.
There's nothing like the TRUST that is built
upon this foundation. And any woman who
doesn't APPRECIATE this is going to be
a serious problem that you are best off
AVOIDING to begin with.
I learned these lessons the hard way because
my wrong behaviors and perspectives wreaked
HAVOC with my relationships.
And of course, the flip side to all this, is that
the lack of games is INSTANTLY appreciated
by the RIGHT kinds of women, because they
know how RARE this is.
And it's understood by these women as a sign
of your STRENGTH, because all games are
a sign of insecurity, and the lack of games is
a sign of massive strength and conviction in
yourself.
4. KEEP INITIAL COMMENTS ONLINE BRIEF BUT PERSONAL
I personally prefer to approach women
in the real world from regular life,
be it women you see at the bookstore,
coffee shop, supermarket, or anywhere
else, because this opens up the entire
UNIVERSE of women to you,
(http://getagreatgirl.com/realworld.html)
but if you are doing online dating,
then make sure to keep your initial
email BRIEF but PERSONAL.
Think about it from her perspective:
If she's an attractive woman, she probably
gets TOO MANY emails from guys, including
a lot of desperate guys.
She DOES want to meet the right guy, but the
first signal that goes off in her head from a
huge long email from some random guy is
that this guy is somehow desperate and can't
meet women in real life, so he's putting all
his eggs in one basket.
The other problem is when the email he sends
is not PERSONALIZED at all. It doesn't
indicate anything unique about his personality and
it doesn't indicate he actually read her profile
at all either. By the way, don't spend TOO
much time reading her profile unless it
really stands out herself, chances are she
said things like she enjoys traveling, and
other things that every single girl on the
planet says, that don't indicate anything
really important about her individuality.
And when I say to indicate your personality,
that means to create the FEELING of
what you are, don't just say you're a
funny guy, if you are funny, then make
a damn good joke. If you are a very
creative guy, then make your email
creative, don't just send a generic
email. From your subject line to
the description of yourself, to
all the rest of the profile, DEFY THE
STANDARD CONVENTIONS OF ONLINE DATING
while STILL getting the point across:
For example, you can write something as
a joke, i.e. writing that you were just
released from jail and not interested in
re-hooking up with your ex-wives and your
30 grand-kids, then say "just kidding",
and then write about who you really are,
etc.
5. TAKE ACTION RIGHT AWAY
This is another thing that seems to defy normal
logic. I'm not saying you have to sleep with women
right away, (in fact, I advise AGAINST it) but
rather the key is not to think, "Hmmm, I know
this girl, I'll chat to her for a few weeks, then
ask for her number, then, wait a week, then
call her, then maybe talk some more for a
few months, then maybe get to bed, then
maybe a relationship", etc, etc.
Reality doesn't work like that.
It's based on MOMENTUM.
So if you like a woman, GO FOR IT NOW,
get her number, go out for coffee THIS
WEEK, and if you like her and you share
things in common on a deep level, then
go to the next level.
If you meet a woman at a party, don't think,
"I chatted to her for a few minutes, so let's
not ruin this, I'll come back later for her
and then I'll ask for her number".
If you like her and she likes you, then get
her number NOW. If you're on a date
with her, and the vibe is great, then don't
wait till LATER to kiss her, you can kiss
her NOW.
Keep in mind, all this is coming NOT from
a needy sense, but from a sense of CONFIDENCE.
If you are truly delaying something because
you KNOW it will be better if you wait, that's
one thing, but 99% of the time, I see guys
HESITATING out of lack of belief, rather
than out of a true sense of making greater
impact by perfect timing.
A quality woman wants a man who TAKES
ACTION.
6. THINGS ARE NOT "ALL OR NOTHING"
To make things EASIER on ourselves, and to
spare ourselves from having to feel like we
need to take action, we LIE to ourselves by
painting things as "all or nothing."
"All or nothing" thinking is often
a sign of insecurity.
For example: "That party is stupid. House
parties are stupid. I'm not going to that
party, you can't meet ANYONE there."
This is also similar to how some people like to paint all women as being the same- i.e. that "ALL WOMEN WILL CHEAT ON YOU unless you do everything you can to control women."
Those kinds of MASSIVE over-generalizations, destructive beliefs, and false statements will prevent you from meeting and attracting quality women who DON'T cheat.
If you go to the bookstore one day and there
weren't a lot of women there, that doesn't mean
you can't meet women at the bookstore- it might
mean that you went to the WRONG bookstore
in a deserted area of town, or that you went at
the wrong time. Because you absolutely can
meet women at the bookstore. But telling
ourselves lies is a great way to rationalize
why we aren't doing anything to actually
take ACTION.
Things are also not always all or nothing
in your interactions with a woman - if she
said something that hurt your feelings, maybe
it's not exactly like you think. Maybe it is,
but maybe it's not. So remember, emotions
are dangerous, and when we feel we might
be hurt, we take ACTION to prevent that
pain.
That's what emotions do- they prompt us
to take ACTION.
Think about it- almost every time you actually
TAKE any action, it's EMOTIONALLY
fueled. Watching TV, feels good. Feeling
hungry? You go eat. Tired? You want to
go sleep. Feeling horny? You want sex.
What happens if you are feeling like
you might get REJECTED?
Then you make sure to take the action
that will SPARE you that rejection,
and the action that will spare you that
rejection is saying things like:
"All women are gold-diggers."
"You can't meet women anywhere."
"It's all a waste of time."
That way, you can make sure to never
take any action and be spared any
emotional pain.
So beware of how emotions are leading to
ALL OR NOTHING thinking, (also known
as "Black Or White" type thinking) because
it's one of the silent DESTROYERS, since
we don't even realize we are brainwashing
ourselves and telling lies to ourselves.
A quality woman also KNOWS full well
just how much strength it takes to
be the kind of man that does not
jump into black and white thinking.
It's one of those signs of being
a truly strong man in the greatest
sense of the words 'being a man'.
7. IF YOU'RE ONLINE, COME UP WITH A COOL NAME
The first thing besides your picture they'll
see, and if you have no pic then it's DEFINITELY
the first thing they'll see, is your online NAME.
So you need to stand out in a cool way.
One trick is to think of some good music albums
that haven't been OVERPLAYED recently in pop
culture, and then be a bit creative with that.
So for example:
"NO JACKET REQUIRED."
You might take that and go serious with that,
and follow with a profile that is all about
being yourself and being comfortable with
who you are and how you want a woman who
is the same, or you might take a comedic
route if that is your nature and jokingly
write:
"NO CLASS REQUIRED."
And then proceed to have a quick, but funny profile
saying what a caveman you are, that totally shows
you are NOT trying to qualify yourself, which
will get a lot of women laughing.
Then, after the playful bit, you might have a
few brief but powerful sentences that actually
gets down to business with what you like
and what you don't. i.e. You might say that
the one thing that IS required is HONESTY.
That you learned in cave-man school that
being HONEST is the one thing that counts,
in between sessions of eating mud-pies.
Another cool name would be something like "Spiritual Badboy" that combines two opposite yet attractive qualities that are so rare to find together.
The idea here is not that she will think
you are some kind of truly BAD person,
but rather she will get the playful
message that you are a man who has
depth AND who is also a fun, exciting
guy who she can picture herself with
in bed.
Just calling yourself a "bad boy" may very well just make a lot of women nervous, but a "spiritual bad boy" sounds intriguing and attractive at the same time.
8. IF YOU'RE INSECURE ABOUT SOMETHING,
DON'T BRING ATTENTION TO IT, AND DON'T
OVERCOMPENSATE.
For example, let's say you feel you are
too "old" for a certain woman.
Well don't try to pretend you're 18, and
don't lie about your age.
Doing those things would only make
you feel WORSE about yourself, because
you will feel the need to HIDE who you
are. And that emotion will ruin your
charisma.
Rather, be the coolest version of who you are
and use it to your advantage and don't act like
you have to hide who you are.
Don't obsess on it either, so for example,
a guy who keeps on saying he is young
at heart, etc, sounds similar to a guy who
has a non-prestigious job who keeps on
saying all the time that that money is
not a big deal.
If he wouldn't have brought it up, the woman
might not have even thought about it, but the
fact the guy is bringing this topic up shows
that it's clearly on HIS mind, it's clearly
an insecurity in HIS mind.
The first form of "social proof" you provide of how cool you are to a woman, is the social proof you provide from YOURSELF.
If you don't think you're cool, that's GUARANTEED to make sure the woman doesn't think you're cool either.
9. PLAYFUL CHILDHOOD REGRESSION
Natural primal communication is actually quite
CHILD-LIKE.
And the kind of communication that sparks attraction
and emotion often stems from allowing her to
enter this CHILD-LIKE STATE.
When we are in all ADULT AND FORMAL mode,
we BLOCK ourselves from actually feeling GOOD.
We're in LOGICAL mode.
But when you start to chat about FUN stuff that
links back to CHILDHOOD, it's an INNOCENT
way to actually get her to be more of an ADULT
in a flirty sense.
Devious, huh?
But all in a good way, when done responsibly.
You have to understand that you are trying to
achieve a lot in a little time with a woman who
is a total stranger, and to bypass all the logic
barriers that are normally in place.
So, for example, asking her who she'd rather
marry, Fred Flintstone or Barney Rubble,
and to give you the reasons why, or chatting
with her in the supermarket about how you
two can steal the cereal boxes and get all
the toys inside, will get her imagination
and mind into a more PLAYFUL state
and instead of looking at you as the next
psycho, you are now both playing.
And the reality is that great sexual chemistry is very much linked to playing as well, even when it gets aggressive, it's like aggressive playing.
It's saying the heck with all the "serious" stuff of the world and let's just enjoy and relax what comes naturally.
Of course, I get into all this on a way
deeper level in my materials.
In fact, you could playfully say to a woman
that if she doesn't know who Cookie Monster
is, or if she doesn't watch Sesame Street,
that she's too advanced for you.
This is a heck of a lot cooler than what
most guys do, trying so damn hard to
show how "cool" they are and how much
money they make, and what societies
they belong to, etc.
The great thing about being playful is
that it allows you to say things that are
true and yet not have to be completely
taken seriously. So it keeps the vibe
fun and honest rather than formal and
pretentious.
10. A WORD ABOUT ACTING "HARD TO GET."
The reality is that you shouldn't ACT.
Instead of trying to think, "Hmm, should
I do this "hard to get" behavior now?", you
should rather think to yourself why the
"hard to get" behavior became linked to
being attractive in the first place.
So for example, rather than thinking,
"Hmm, should I end this conversation with
her first so that she sees I'm not desperate?"
just realize where this behavior of ending
the conversation first came from for REAL.
It comes from KNOWING that you truly have
tons of choices with women.
Well, then, rather than play GAMES with
women, you should actually IMPROVE your
skills so that you DO have more choices.
THAT way, you can actually talk to her
for as long as you GENUINELY have time
for, without playing ANY games, and
then you will ALSO attract her rather
than playing games that sow the seeds
of mistrust.
Think of this as lifting weights- rather than
trying to LOOK like you're lifting weights
by getting FAKE weights that LOOK like
they weigh a lot, it's better to actually
TRAIN in the gym and BECOME stronger.
And if you're reading this right now and
would love to have the power of CHOICE
when it comes to getting the woman you
want, I suggest you get my WARRIOR WITHIN
program, at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
This program is ESSENTIAL and is designed
for men who are looking to meet and keep
a fantastic woman for a great relationship.
And to check out ALL my programs for meeting and attracting quality women, go here:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.php
Till next time,
Michael Marks
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