and in particular in turning women ON, include
conveying DOMINANCE sexually, as well as also
understanding the importance of SENSUALITY,
and finally mastering the art of making a woman
feel massively DESIRED in an erotic sense.
1. The Importance Of DOMINANCE.
One of the CRAZIEST things about the past
few decades is that although it is GREAT
that women have made progress in our society,
one thing that has happened is that a lot of
men have been BRAINWASHED to think
that being DOMINANT in the bedroom is
somehow immoral, or a form of harassment,
or something else that is to be ashamed of,
when in REALITY there are MANY, MANY
women who LOVE it when a man is dominant
in the bedroom.
I don’t have EXACT numbers, but I can tell you
that in my own experience, I haven’t met any
women who didn’t at least enjoy SOME degree
of male dominance in the bedroom.
Here’s the OTHER irony:
The very fact that women HAVE made progress
in our society, the very fact that women, for example,
comprise about 60% of the student population of
universities compared to only 40% men, and the
very fact that women today have more equality
than ever, means that MANY women actually
have just about NO OTHER PLACE EXCEPT
THE BEDROOM to enjoy having a man DOMINATE!
By the way, I'm not saying that women don't enjoy
sometimes being the dominant one in bed, and
that's cool and can be fun too, however I think
that most men DON'T REALIZE how many
women ENJOY it when YOU are the one
who is dominant, and many men in fact
are afraid they might be considered as doing
something that is "sexual harassment" or even
worse, rape.
So it's important that you take BABY steps
when going into the land of dominance, and
that you gauge her reaction to all this.
There’s more to this picture as well:
If you want to enjoy being dominant in the bedroom,
you should actually show TOTAL RESPECT for
a woman in every way OUTSIDE the bedroom.
It’s OKAY to be a gentleman, it’s GOOD TO BE
a gentleman. But you can still LEAD the show,
so to speak, even long before you get her to
the bedroom. It’s in the way you confidently
start a chat with her, in the way you aren’t afraid
to playfully tease her a bit, YET AT THE SAME
TIME YOU ARE LISTENING TO HER SO THAT
YOU CAN UNDERSTAND HER FULLY AND
CONNECT WITH HER on a DEEP level regarding
her values, her passions, her aspirations, etc.
In fact, the more a woman feels that you RESPECT
her, the MORE she will NOT feel as if she is giving
up her DIGNITY by allowing herself to GIVE HERSELF
OVER TO YOU FULLY IN THE BEDROOM.
On the other hand, if you are the kind of person who
is constantly behaving in ways that are CONTROLLING
outside of the bedroom, if you are behaving in ways
that are needy and insecure, then she is only going to
feel that any “dominance” from you in the bedroom
is a result of your insecurity, as opposed to the kind
of dominance she REALLY wants, the kind that
flows from your genuine CONFIDENCE and
having ZERO neediness or insecurity.
It’s very important to understand that for many,
many women (I can’t say all since I haven’t
dated every woman on Earth), the fantasy of
the man being dominant in the bedroom is
very much an EROTIC thing but it has
nothing to do with her feeling one drop of
lack of self-esteem.
If she senses that you seek ‘dominance’ out of
INSECURITY, it’s a total turn off. On the other
hand, if it comes from CONFIDENCE, then
it’s usually a MASSIVE turn on.
It’s also important to understand that for all
of this women’s equality stuff, the fact is, that
women STILL want to be SEDUCED by men.
The VAST majority of women do NOT want to
be the ones who have to initiate the approach,
the chase, etc.
So, in a very fundamental way, a woman actually
has to "SUBMIT" to your approach, your seduction,
your masculinity. And it sure as heck is a lot more
FUN for her and SEXUALLY GRATIFYING for her,
to do this when you are behaving in a way that is
assertive and dominant, without being a controlling,
insecure jerk.
It’s important to note that what I am saying is not
just interesting reading material, but rather is being
PROVEN by the facts in our society. For example,
one of the latest, best selling books amongst women
today is 50 Shades of Grey, a romance novel that
features a leading man who is absolutely dominant.
And by the way, this book itself is based on ANOTHER
SUPER POPULAR AMONGST WOMEN story of
dominance known as the Twilight movie series.
50 Shades of Grey was conceived originally as the love affair
from Twilight, but set in modern times.
In the author’s own words, Grey is a man who is
"independent", "brilliant", yet also "intimidating".
And although he tells the woman he wants her, it’s
clear it must be on "his OWN terms".
Independent. Intimidating. He wants her on his OWN terms.
Hmmm, this should be sending every man a clear message
about what MOST women want.
Here’s a paragraph from the book:
“His arms are wrapped around me, and he’s pulling
me to him, hard, fast, gripping my ponytail to tilt
my head up, kissing me like his life depends on it …
He drags the hair tie painfully out of my hair, but
I don’t care. He needs me, for whatever reason,
at this point in time, and I have never felt so
desired and coveted.” (Page 478.)
And one more, just in case you think I’m exaggerating:
“Before I know it, he’s got both of my hands in his
vise like grip above my head, and he’s pinning me
to the wall using his lips … His other hand grabs
my hair and yanks down, bringing my face up,
and his lips are on mine … My tongue tentatively
strokes his and joins his in a slow, erotic dance …
His erection is against my belly.” (Page 78.)
The female character in the story finds Grey to be a man
whose erotic tastes are shocking yet thrilling, a man
who absolutely takes control in the bedroom, allowing
her to explore her own deepest desires.
THIS is the book that is all the popular rage amongst
so many ADULT women (not the Twilight crowd)
at this very moment, and yet, it’s the timeless tale of the
“savage beast” that is untamed but has a heart, that
women have swooned for since time immemorial.
Most women won’t get turned on or feel chemistry without
a man showing dominance, yet she has to ALSO feel SAFE
enough to allow a man to BE the dominant one. This means
you must establish a great degree of TRUST without becoming
a kiss-ass pansy, but rather through showing respect for her
boundaries and for learning to listen to her without bias as
you get to know her so that you can truly understand her.
Displays of dominance begins the first moment you see her,
and continue throughout the interaction.
Never ASK for a kiss or if it’s okay to kiss her.
At the same time, you don’t want to just do it
when it makes no sense either, so you wait
till you see some signs of her being INTERESTED.
This is why the saying, “kisses were meant to be
STOLEN” came about. You don’t ASK for them.
Similarly, with putting your arm around her and
going for it, not ASKING for it.
It’s also so very, VERY important to understand the
REAL meaning of something such as the rape fantasy
that many women have.
This DOES NOT, and I repeat, absolutely does NOT mean, that women want to be raped.
What it DOES mean, is that the FANTASY of it,
of living it out in a SAFE way, is something that
is highly appealing to a lot of women.
And you just can't expect women to go around
TELLING you this, for OBVIOUS reasons of
not wanting to be MISUNDERSTOOD.
The UNDERLYING theme that is crucial to understand
is that there is HUGE amount of erotic PLEASURE
for a woman to GIVE UP CONTROL and just give
in to feeling FULL sexual intensity without having
to feel guilt for it.
And it’s possible that in a world where women are
BOMBARDED with double standards of “not
being allowed to be sluts” while men are PRAISED
for having tons of women partners, that it might just
be that the only way for some women to feel PURE
SEXUAL GRATIFICATION without guilt is if it
is “not up to them”, i.e. it is forced, it is RAPE.
Remember, women didn’t ASK for the double standard
of behavior, where men are praised for having tons
of female partners, and women are punished and labeled
as sluts for having many male partners.
I’m not saying this is for sure the reason for the rape
fantasy, but it’s possible. Especially when you add
in the fact that it’s one way for a woman to feel
that you can be the totally ASSERTIVE one at the
same time.
It's just playing a ROLE the same way kids
play roles such as cops and robbers and
have great fun with that role-playing.
Now, obviously, you would have to take BABY
steps toward catering to such a fantasy with
a woman, and find out if she is into that or
if she really wants that, but even with THAT,
it’s important to be the kind of man that helps
HER feel RELAXED to reveal all this to you
in direct or even indirect ways. And most likely,
it would start with smaller revelations of what
types of DOMINANCE she enjoyed.
But the goal with dominance is to keep it
SAFE and CONSENSUAL without turning
it into ZERO DOMINANCE by asking her
a billion questions like, “Is this okay? Do you
like this?” which turns you back into the
submissive.
One way to go about this also is to speak
and discuss with her about what you might do
with her the NEXT time you two are in bed
together, so that the next time you and her are
together, you don’t have to ask questions, you
can just take control.
And when you are approaching a woman out
of the blue for the very first time, add more
DOMINANCE to your TONALITY, to your
mannerisms. If you’re playfully teasing her,
don’t have this big toothy grin across your
face. Instead, deliver it with a straight face.
If the chat is going well, don’t ASK for her
number, just TAKE it, tell her to write it
down for you. She will PREFER this to
the apologetic/desperate/ass-kissing style
that most men give as a result of brainwashing
by a culture that says the only way to get toward
sex with a woman is by kissing up and buying
her gifts, which is actually the way to LOSE
a woman’s interest.
You buy a woman a gift on her birthday
or something, NOT as a way to IMPRESS
her or attract her.
Okay, so let’s move on a bit from dominance.
2. PERSONALITY VS. LOOKS:
It's About Making Her FEEL Sensuality And
Making Her Feel INFINITELY SexyEven though I have spent YEARS discussing
this, I know that a lot of guys STILL think that
it’s all about LOOKS, that women are just like
men, and that the only way to get a woman who
is hot is to be a man that looks like a model.
And, the truth is, that there are SOME women
who are REALLY into a guy’s LOOKS, but
there are MANY, MANY women, often the
HOTTEST ones, in fact, who don’t put a man’s
LOOKS as the MOST important thing when
it comes to HOW THEY GET TURNED ON.
So I’m not JUST talking about the fact that
many women, just like many men, realize
that looks aren’t everything, but rather I
am actually saying that there are many women,
who, UNLIKE men, get turned on by a man’s
PERSONALITY AND BY HIS BEHAVIORS
IF HE IS EXHIBITING THE RIGHT PERSONALITY
AND BEHAVIORS.
This includes MORE than just dominance.
Here’s a quote from a real woman who went by the name "croemita" online on a dating site forum: (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts10577520.aspx)
"… women are aural, sensual creatures. Where
men are turned on by visual stimulus, women
tend to require more than just a pretty face and
a hot bod. Which is why the clever Casanova's of
the world have learned to progressively touch a
woman and speak to her in a tone of voice that
is simultaneously sexy but not necessarily saying
"sexy" things."
In other words, it’s not that you have to be speaking
about erotic things, but that tone of voice that includes
being SENSUAL, for example. And by sensual,
think of the way you might SLOWLY say the word
CHOCOLATE if you were really CRAVING chocolate.
You add a lot more SENSUALITY to your voice by
SLOWING your pace down, and by giving a more
'breathy' sound to the parts of the words that have
the 'breath' sound in them. For example, if you
were to say the word 'sensuality' right now, you
might add the breathy part "ahh" right in the "a"
of sensuality, saying the entire word slowly.
Give it a try right now, listen to how it sounds.
You can use this tonality even when you first
approach a woman, speaking about ANYTHING
interesting, and keeping it safe you can start with
something totally NOT to do with sex, yet you
will STILL be turning her on.
So the way you speak is ANOTHER way to turn
on a woman, just as powerful as the way YOU
get turned on by the SIGHT of a hot woman.
3. MORE STRATEGIES ON INCREASING SENSUALITY:
Similarly, gradually TOUCHING her more,
using TACTFULNESS, is a turn on to her.
So, if you are going for a walk with her on
a first date, and you guide her in away from
the sidewalk to protect her from traffic, but
you do this in a classy way by placing your
hand on her waist and guiding her toward
you, this would be quite erotic and yet
tasteful at the same time.
Also, by NOT constantly touching her, you
actually make her ANTICIPATE WHEN
you might touch her again, and also by
not constantly touching her, when you
DO touch her again, it AMPLIFIES the
emotional impact of that touch, and turns
her on even MORE.
Once you sense she is giving you receptive
signals, you can keep ESCALATING to
touching to less ‘safe’ zones and more
erogenous zones, from the inside of her
elbow, to her ear, to her inner thigh, etc.
WHISPERING in her ear is also another
turn on for her. You can whisper in her
ear that you know she is a bad girl that’s
good, and you can let her ponder that.
What’s even better, is to choose words that
create IMAGES in her mind. So, depending
on what stage you are at in the interaction
with her, you still want to use the most
powerful visual imagery you can create:
“My lips and tongue are going to make love
to every inch, every curve, every pore on your
body” or “You pack more sexiness in your
fingertips than most men could handle in a
lifetime” or “I’m imagining us as naked lovers
in the glow of a blazing wood fire, wine glasses
clinking.”
Here’s what another real woman who goes by the
name "Lil Brooker" has mentioned on the same
discussion:
“… you'd be surprised by the magnetism of mental
stimulation for women. This is where men, not so
blessed with physical attributes, can shine. What
comes out of his mouth, his attitude, his self-confidence,
his grounded assertiveness, the language of his eyes,
kindness, generosity, knowing how and when to treat
a woman like a lady and how and when to treat her
like she's the sexiest thing that has ever crossed
his imagination.
It's all about words for me; really good conversation will
cause me to toss my panties lickity split!
I can watch porn and feel very little and I'm just not all that visual until I care a hell of a lot. But I can read porn/erotica and lose my mind.
I can actually be having really good sex and still not feel 'over the top' aroused, but if he starts talking to me while he's doing me...I'm toast; he'll own me."
And regarding DOMINANCE, here’s what a woman who goes
by the name "amandaok" stated:
"I am a girl and am attracted to guys that have a
dominant personality. I was hanging out with this guy
the other day, and went to the beach with him and he
could not make a move on me and i was waiting a
longgg time for him to do something so i just lost
attraction. Then later, he actually ASKED if i would
let him touch my breasts…which was a big turn off..
I think it turns me on more if a guy just does it without
asking, it feels like he's in control over you and
dominating you.
Compared to another guy who i went on a movie date
with, he made the move to put his hand on my leg and
didn't even ask me, so i let him do whatever he wanted
with me because it turns me on when i guy is dominating you. But, with the first guy, I didn't let him do anything with me because I just wasn't turned on at all."
Again, in case anyone thinks I am making this up, this particular comment comes from:
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=142681641&page=1
And, because evidence is CRUCIAL to me, I even have
important research that shows MANY women are simply
NOT like men when it comes to how important LOOKS
are in making women feel attracted to a man:
(http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/471483/results)
When asked, "What best describes how you feel when you see a guy (hot guy-who you consider attractive) naked?", 32% of women said they "like" it, but that they were NOT turned ON by it.
In fact, seeing a naked WOMAN resulted in a SIMILAR
reaction, i.e. 25% of the women said they liked it, but
weren’t actually turned ON.
(And 35% of them said they WERE turned on, so you
have about as much to ‘worry’ about 'competition’
from a male model as you do from a WOMAN who she
thinks is attractive! i.e. It’s NOT a concern.)
And a full 42% of women don’t even get turned on
by the mere SIGHT of a ‘hot guy’. So while 57%
may indeed get turned on just by the sight of some
male model, that still leaves almost HALF of all
women who DON’T find a man’s LOOKS to be
enough to turn her on, no matter WHAT he looks like.
And here’s the two biggest ones of all, in my opinion:
When women were asked what they THINK about
when they masturbate, a full 67% checked
the FOLLOWING as their answer:
“Me feeling sexy, and myself being the object of erotic
admiration and sexual need....”.
They were also asked if they AGREE with the
following statement:
"A woman’s sexual desire is narcissistic - it is
dominated by the yearnings of self-love, by the wish
to be the object of erotic admiration and sexual need,
more than finding the male body arousing in itself."
Guess what?
A full 62% of women AGREED.
That means that it’s more important to a woman to
FEEL SEXY than it is to find the MAN sexy!
Most women (68%) will be MORE turned on by an
average looking guy who is being TURNED ON by
THEM, than by some ‘hot guy’ who she doesn’t really
feel is getting as turned on.
More than HALF of the women polled, they believed
the following statement:
“For women, being desired IS the orgasm.”
And a WHOPPING 82% of women polled agreed that
“the female orgasm is not a literal flip of what
makes the man reach orgasm. It has to do with
the women feeling sexy.....”
Remember that blurb from 50 Shades of Grey:
"...I have never felt so desired and coveted."
(Page 478.)
So, what have we learned in this newsletter?
We’ve learned EXACTLY how POWERFUL
DOMINANCE is to women, and at the SAME
time, we’ve learned how important it is for
a woman to feel SEXY.
This is why I have always said since day ONE
that attraction is NOT about trying to make a woman
feel LESS confident or LESS self-esteem in some
manipulative ploy, but rather to truly BE THE MAN,
and especially to be the MAN that makes her feel like
a WOMAN.
By the way, this is also why a lot of women, a lot
more than you think, even the "nice girls", and
"good girls" are TURNED ON by a certain amount
of sexual behavior even in PUBLIC.
It makes them feel MORE DESIRED and VINDICATED
from a sexual worth viewpoint, when the whole WORLD
bears WITNESS to the fact they are DESIRED.
Remember this, for making a woman feel DESIRED
is HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE.
One last time, I want to HAMMER home that blurb
in from 50 Shades of Grey:
“...I have never felt so desired and coveted.”
(Page 478.)
It’s not JUST the dominance, it’s the MIXTURE
of also being DESIRED.
This doesn’t mean to do the DEED outright in
public, but a hint of it is always hot.
I remember, long ago, a girl who was a straight
"A" student, great at science and all that logical
stuff, and who acted VERY conservative, one time
at the gym I saw her from behind and took one
look at her butt and loved it, I felt that animal
instinct, and rather than repress it, I followed it.
I was dating her, but things were a bit stop and go
in the romance department. Until then, I was
repressing my expressions of sexuality even
though she was my girlfriend, mostly because
she seemed so conservative.
I decided to surprise her from behind while she
was sitting on an exercise bench machine.
I "straddled" the bench and slid down the bench,
and began grinding against her butt from behind,
in a position that looked very sexual.
She immediately looked surprised and turned
her neck to see who it was.
I gave her a look that was ALL SERIOUS BUSINESS,
not joking around at all, totally dominant.
I didn't SAY anything sexy, but in a sensual
dominant yet whispery TONALITY, I said:
"Heyyy. How are you doin".
At that second, she could have slapped me
across the face, she could have said,
"What are you doing??? Everyone can see this!"
Instead, a WARM smile went across her face
and she actually moved tighter INTO me, allowing
me to grind even MORE.Not only didn’t she get upset, she became WARMER
She was ENJOYING this and ENJOYING the fact
that people could see this.
In fact, I was the one to stop doing it, not her.
I just decided that this was enough of a hint
for her of what was to come later.
This also opened up the pathways to a much
hotter time behind closed doors as well.
And this was a "GOOD GIRL" that wasn't out at
the clubs partying and getting drunk and
smoking cigarettes or taking drugs.
She was too busy studying and getting 99%
on all her science, math, and biology exams.
Never mistake good girls for not being
ULTRA sexual, by the way.
And the PUBLIC display of desire all makes
sense, because it feels like GREATER proof
of how sexy they are, they feel the whole WORLD
should know how desirable they are.
This is also why it’s GOOD to be A SUPER
GIVING LOVER, even as you do it in a dominant
sense, and if you are a good guy, you don’t have
to fear that somehow this makes you “weak” or
the bad version of “nice guy”, NOPE, it actually
is the BEST thing to do, and in fact going nuts with
passion in the bedroom is the BEST way to deliver the
message that you really DO love her.
So, the ball’s now in your court, you KNOW
that getting the women you want is ABSOLUTELY
and COMPLETELY within your grasp. The question
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Michael Marks
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