Monday, July 25, 2011
Approaching Women: Clubs Vs. "Daytime" Places
Today, I'm going to share with you a ton of crucial
points on the differences between meeting women
in clubs and normal everyday places like bookstores
and coffee shops.
The most important distinction to understand is that
bars and clubs are DESIGNED for singles to MEET
This is really the whole POINT of these places.
It's not some kind of secret or conspiracy.
Women who go out to these places usually WANT
to meet men.
Factor in the alcohol, the music, the atmosphere,
and the fact it's the weekend, and you have a
FANTASTIC opportunity to meet women
The women are HOPING that men will approach them,
if the men have their basic act together.
So, when you approach a woman, or a group of women,
at a bar or night club, it makes SENSE to go in with
a very fun attitude, with your vocal projection loud
to overpower the music, and it also makes sense
that you can establish a lot more physical contact
WHAT ABOUT THE ONE NIGHT STAND?
I'm not into the one night stand myself, for a
vast amount of reasons, including the fact
that there is no way to know if a woman is
free of STD's and STI's no matter WHAT
she says, and condoms aren't perfect.
On top of that, there are enough ways to
meet a lot of women, and get to know them
over time, so that you indeed have a huge
pool of women at your fingertips at any
time if this is what you really desire.
And on top of all that, I honestly don't
enjoy getting physical with a woman
if I don't also know she is a really
cool person as well.
I don't like rewarding beauty if it has no character.
But I know that this is still an area that a lot
of men are curious about, or want to know
about, so I'll just answer it right here,
as IGNORANCE is never bliss, and
KNOWING the reality actually makes
people less needy for it:
There is a CERTAIN percentage of women
at a nightclub or bar on any given night, that
indeed ARE looking for a one night stand.
The exact percentage depends on the place
and the time, but let's just give a very rough
estimate of 15%-30% of the women at the
bar or nightclub.
They aren't usually going to have a HUGE
SIGN on their shirt or face that SAYS they
are looking for a one night stand, or that
SAYS they want to go home with some guy
that night, but you can find out pretty fast how
receptive a woman IS to a one night stand or
to go home with you that night, by escalating
to the physical level of kissing and making out
relatively quickly in the pick-up.
And if she isn't up for that, you would be
wise to move on to the NEXT woman
who IS- IF you are into that sort of thing.
Now, even the women who ARE looking for
a one night stand, usually aren't going to just
JUMP into your car or cab the moment you
make it clear that you are up for it.
Not at all.
It's pretty normal even for the women who are
indeed up for a one night stand to basically
slow you down. She might stop the making
out, she might decline the suggestion to
go home with you right then and there-
but at the same time she will make it
clear that she is really into you and
she is not leaving your side.
And to ALL of this, if you just permanently
stop, you will not get anywhere.
Instead, you just chill out with her, then
attempt to escalate again with her a few
minutes later, and see if she is up for it
And this process can repeat itself several
times till she is totally up for it and she is
smiling about it and nodding and gesturing
to get with you right then and there.
Also, this physical escalation may not happen
in the actual club. It might happen when you
both leave the club for a bite to eat, at the
cafe/fallafel/pizza joint, for example.
It might happen as you are walking to your
place, which, if you want a one night stand,
better be close by the club or bar, as driving
for three hours in your car or in a cab makes
it a lot harder for a woman to stay in the state
of mind that is conducive to the one night
stand thing or the same-night sex thing.
The hard-core physical escalation might not
happen till you are both alone in your place
or her place.
But the main thing, if a guy wants to have
sex with a woman the same night he met
her at the club, he is going to have to
escalate and progress the interaction at
every opportunity, since there is no time
to just let the pickup stay in "one stage"
for too long, as there are only so many
hours till the night is over.
So you have to keep progressing the
interaction forward as much as possible
and not STALL out of fear of rejection
And you have to sense if SHE is into it as well,
so that you are not wasting your time. And if
she IS, you may STILL have to be persistent.
And for the love of humanity, at the very least,
MAKE SURE TO USE A CONDOM and
use it PROPERLY.
So that's the women who want to get physical
and want to sleep with a guy on the same night
they met him at the club.
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL WOMEN IN THE CLUB!
So, from my perspective, the one night stand
thing is a lot of work, for very little reward,
and in fact you are opening yourself up to
a host of potential problems as well.
Plus, like I said, I don't like the idea of
rewarding a woman just because she is
beautiful. I find it contributes to the
problem of certain women thinking
that they can get by just on their
Plus, you can get to know a lot of QUALITY
women over time, who are attractive and have
the character as well, so that if getting physical is
what you want, you will have plenty of options
at any given moment.
So, that's where the other women come into context.
Some of the women in the club/bar/lounge/pub
really are there to meet men, but not to
neccessarily go home with them that night.
And in fact, if a guy keeps on trying to
escalate with a woman who clearly is
NOT into that, he rightfully deserves
to get his ass thrown out the door.
There's a lot of women, just like a lot of men,
who want to actually MEET the right person,
and since the regular ways of meeting haven't
worked out, they are trying the clubs avenue.
By and large, in clubs, you don't have to worry
about how to CALIBRATE your OPENING.
You can open up a conversation with almost
BUT HOW ABOUT MEETING IN "REGULAR" PLACES?
Meeting women in "normal" places like bookstores and
coffee shops and even on the city bus or city commuter
train, and right on the street, require MORES calibration
than a club.
So you might be asking, "Then why bother with
And the answer is that, unfortunately, usually in the
clubs, the most attractive women tend to be smokers,
drinkers, and wannabe actresses/singers/dancers.
Now, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be
an actress, singer, or dancer. And a drink now
and then can be healthy.
HOWEVER, it's not a COINCIDENCE that
so often, the ATTRACTIVE girls decide they
want to become actresses, etc.
It seems to them to be the "easy way" to get
by and to get what they want in life.
"I'm hot, so therefore I will leverage THAT
and will not bother with hard work, developing
my mind, developing my character."
Now, obviously, there ARE some really hard
working actresses who are massively talented,
like Meryl Streep. But I can assure you that
most of the wannabe actresses at clubs who
are smoking it up and drinking it up and dressing
to the nines aren't USUALLY going to be
Seriously, a lot of these women WILL sleep with
any guy who can get them ahead, and will cheat
on any guy at the slightest chance of hooking up
with some other guy who they think will get
I also left one other reason why some women
go to clubs: BECAUSE THEY ARE JUST
HORNY, JUST LIKE GUYS!
So, meeting these women, is very different from
meeting women who have potential to be an actual
Now, this doesn't mean that all the women you
meet in the REGULAR places in life are going
to have great potential for being a girlfriend.
It just means that the fantastic women who ARE
great girlfriend potential have to get out and about
and do all the things that everyone has to do,
like getting groceries, going shopping, getting
a Starbucks, and enjoying the weather.
In addition, the attractive women who also have
the OTHER quality traits of CHARACTER tend
to not be too addicted to the clubs, because
they already KNOW that clubs tend to bring
out the wrong guys to them, and these women
certainly don't need to go to clubs in order
to get ATTENTION from men.
They get plenty of attention ANYWHERE they
go anyway, so the last thing they need to do
is spend the night in a place full of guys who
are drunk and who think they have a license
to now do anything they want.
This is why, I think clubs might be a good place
to PRACTICE for beginners, but the "real world"
is the better place to actually meet the kinds of
women that are the "total package".
And, getting back to my original point, meeting women
in regular places requires MORE CALIBRATION
of your skills.
For example, if a woman is reading a book in the
aisles of a bookstore, and you just go right up
to her head-on, without warning, you will often
catch her off-guard in a way that is NOT cool
and will seem a little creepy.
However, if you first establish your presence there
so she can see you with her peripheral vision,
and you allow a moment or two for her
subconscious or her conscious mind to
detect that you are there, and THEN
you approach her, this is much wiser.
Also, you would be wise to GRADUALLY
build up the proximity and the body language,
and this is NOT because you are trying to
play a "game" on women, but because it
could CREEP her out if you come on too
strong in an environment that is not ESPECIALLY
about socializing. It's a bookstore, not a club.
So, for example, you might be facing the books
yourself, and she would be to your side.
And rather than turning your whole body to
face her, you would just turn your face toward
her. Your chest and the rest of your body
would still be facing the stacks of books.
When you start talking to her, she will turn
to see you, and subconsciously she will
feel that you are not some wierdo who
spends his whole day just barging up
on women everywhere.
On top of this, you also want to make your
approach and interaction as LOW-KEY as
possible. And what I mean by this, is that
you want to ELIMINATE anything from
the interaction that can make it seem in
any way NOT NORMAL.
So, you should be acting as if what you are
doing is the most NORMAL thing in the
world. If you overcompensate for nerves
with talking too quietly (because you
don't want anyone to hear you do
this 'pick-up') or if you speak too loudly
because you are overcompensating out
of the fear of not seeming manly enough,
all that will do is make it all seem
If you come into the conversation with
too much of a party attitude, that will
seem out of place as well.
You have to not only calibrate for your environment,
(i.e. a bookstore being quiet and calm, versus
meeting on a loud train) but you have to also calibrate
your "pick-up" around the fact that this is NOT a club,
this is NOT a place designed for meeting.
So since she is not particularly expecting to be
approached at the bookstore, her GUARD is
a bit more on.
At the same time, however, if you DO calibrate
properly and you don't trip her "CREEPY GUY
WARNING ALARMS", well then now you
actually have a much STRONGER chance of
actually getting this woman than you would
at a club, because of the very fact that meeting
at a club is EASIER, and women may be
much more OPEN to chatting, but not
neccessarily that much more open to
ACTUALLY HOOKING UP WITH
A GUY THEY MEET A CLUB.
Things balance out:
In a club, because it's normal to socialize there,
women will be OPEN to chatting.
However, they also give you LESS credit for
the mere fact you approached them to chat,
because that's what all the guys are doing
in the club.
Mind you, most of the guys in the club are doing
it wrong, but most of them ARE trying to meet
So there's a bit of "inflation" when it comes to
making the approach in a club. In a club,
you better do a REAL GOOD JOB because
there's a lot of guys doing the clubs.
Getting back to the bookstore example, you
would only turn to actually FACE her fully
once SHE is really facing you fully first.
This way, she feels more COMFORTABLE
and NOT creeped out by you, since you
are NOT coming on strong, and are thus
NOT putting her under any pressure.
By removing the pressure, you remove the
need for her to have to RESIST your
interaction with her.
In both cases though, whether you meet
a club or in a bookstore or cafe or anywhere
else that is "normal", it's crucial that you
LISTEN to whatever she says in her
response to what you said.
THIS gives you something to PING-PONG
off of, and to reply back to her based on
what SHE said.
By focusing on the PROCESS, and by
LISTENING to her, you become more
RELAXED plus you get to actually
get more INSIGHT into who she is,
so you can have better communication
And ultimately, the highest compliment
you can give a woman is when you
really understand her and you can
QUALIFY her for a particular character
trait or accomplishment of hers.
So if for example, she is courageous to
go into a field that is dominated by men,
or she is working on making the world
a better place, or even if she is just
the kind of person that is at peace with
herself and the world, all these things
are cool things to compliment her on-
IF you can back it up with evidence
based on what you have learned
SPONTANEOUS "SITUATIONAL" OPENER,
OR MEMORIZED "CANNED" OPENER?
A lot of guys want to know what's better,
to use a "canned" memorized opener to
start the conversation, or to just actually
find something SITUATIONAL, i.e.
about the SITUATION, the context
of the situation, i.e. if she is in the bookstore
reading in the international relations and
politics section, and you comment to her
how unusual it is to find a woman in
The truth is that it IS better to use a SPONTANEOUS
conversation starter that is about the SITUATION,
i.e. something she is doing, or something else
about her or even about the immediate environment
around her, this is always better because it
shows you are not using the same line on
every woman you meet.
Plus, because it IS real about the situation, you
actually WILL sound congruent to it, you won't
sound like a liar because you aren't lying.
Now, at the same time, I realize that sometimes
the act of approaching a woman who is a stranger
can seem OVERWHELMING.
So, it's FINE to use something MEMORIZED.
Use a real true story that actually happened to
you, something interesting and hopefully upbeat,
or at least intriguing, to tell her, and then comment
on whatever SHE says as her REACTION to your
This gets the ball rolling in the right direction,
and you can playfully tease her on anything
she says back to you.
Just make sure to STOP the memorized speech
as soon as possible in the interaction. Once she
is commenting on it to you, you really have the
conversation started and you don't really need
Plus, you will see as you go along that if you
keep on approaching women, using the
memorized story, you will be so calm
because you already KNOW what to
say to get things started, that you now
will finally be in the state of mind to
actually REALIZE AND NOTICE
all the SPONTANEOUS AND
"SITUATIONAL" openers that you
could use instead as your conversation
TONALITY VS. CONTENT
Obviously, what you SAY does matter to a
degree. If it's interesting, captivating, etc.
But HOW you say it matters a TON.
Now, I'm especially talking about the very
OPENER, as once you are both in a deep
conversation, then you naturally tend to
speak about things in the right tonality
since you are so comfortable.
But the OPENER is a different story.
It's just an OPENER, so what you are
REALLY trying to get across is that
there is POTENTIAL here.
The most important things, therefore, are that
you are not a creep, that you are confident,
that you are in a good state of mind, that
you are masculine, that you are playful,
So, technically, you can EASILY get away
with even the supposedly "nice-guy" words
of "you are beautiful", if your voice tonality
suggested that you were stating this as a
matter of FACT rather than as a DESPERATE
HOPE SHE WILL LIKE YOU because
you said those words.
In fact, you can say the words "you are
beautiful" in such a way to show flirtyness,
a sense of playfulness, confidence, and
even dominance. Dominance, because
you can say the words in such a way
that it is implied that because YOU
said the words, YOU feel that it is
a GREAT COMPLIMENT because
it comes from YOU, a person of
Tonality is a MAJOR influencing factor,
and in fact, the use of tonality can allow
you to say something very HONEST
and even "nice" and make you NOT
come across as "needy" but rather
as a man who is CONFIDENT,
who is GENUINE, and who she
can let her own guard down with,
and she can let such a man IN.
Now, what you've just read, as detailed
as it is, is just the TIP of the ICEBERG.
I want to show you how to do all this MASTERFULLY,
by coaching you IN PERSON, in real time, on real women.
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on women who have no clue that you are
This is all the absolute real thing, at all times.
I would have given ANYTHING to learn these
skills back in the days when I used to hopelessly
PRAY, often for YEARS on end, that some girl
that I was all obsessed about would reciprocate
ALL that came from NOT knowing the MASSIVE
ABUNDANCE of women that can be at one's fingertips,
if he just masters the SKILLS of how to meet and
I was coming from a scarcity mentality, that really
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but really RUINS one's life.
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time, the wasted emotions, and time to start getting
the ABUNDANCE with women into your life.
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Full details are at:
Till next time,
P.S. To find out about ALL my programs
for skyrocketing your success with women,