For some reason, before "Get A Great Girl"
existed, the PICK UP ARTIST focus was on:
"HOW TO GET A SMORGASBOARD OF WOMEN!!!"
"WHY WOULD YOU WANT JUST ONE WOMAN?"
"THE DESIRE FOR ONE WOMAN IS THE RESULT
OF SCARCITY THINKING!"
These days though, some of them
seem to ALSO be saying that what
they teach not only gets guys the
"playa" lifestyle, but ALSO gets
a guy a QUALITY WOMAN FOR A GREAT
LONG TERM EXCLUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.
Now here's the thing:
I want everyone to be happy and successful.
Really, I do.
Happy people make a better world.
And I even think that the general "have
fun and be confident" message is cool
no matter what kind of interaction
or relationship a guy is seeking
with a woman or with many women.
But that's where it ends.
You can't mix oil and water, and you can't
mix player strategies with the strategies
for being the kind of man who attracts and
keeps a woman for a long term relationship.
Getting "L-A-I-D like a PLAYA!" has virtually
nothing to do with keeping a woman attracted
long term in a great relationship.
That's because the players are concerned
with immediate 'ACTION', and guys seeking
relationships are concerned with long
term ATTRACTION.
A woman looking for long term attraction
is concerned with far more things than a
woman who is just looking for immediate
'action'.
Now, the reason for the existence of
'Get A Great Girl' is truly what it says-
a GREAT girl, the kind of woman who is
not only beautiful but is also a GREAT
person who does not play GAMES on you.
A woman who is HONESTY and LOYAL
and TRUSTWORTHY and KIND.
And ALSO the kind of woman who is
still STRONG and WISE and who can
see a sleazeball from a mile away.
And also, she is a woman who is
playful and has that SPARK of
fun and vitality to her.
Getting a great girl is very DIFFERENT
from just trying to get "l-a-i-d" by
many different women.
It's different because the truth is,
that no matter WHAT you do on a first
approach to a woman, it will NOT BE
ENOUGH to get her, if she is a quality
woman.
She has TOO MUCH AT STAKE to make an
instant decision on whether this will
be the man for her.
When it comes to a real long term relationship,
there are MORE emotions that must be met,
including far deeper levels of trust and
rapport.
See, this is part of why I am not limited
to the "pick up artist" view of attraction.
Pick up artists who are mostly concerned
with getting l-a-i-d by quantities of women
really tend to focus on a lot of nighttime
clubbing or other girls where they can
basically get physical fast.
This is not a sin or anything, as long
as both parties are being honest.
I've tried it myself. It can be fun if you're
in a certain stage, really, it's fine.
What's NOT cool though, is giving advice
to men and telling them that what works
to get physical fast with certain women
is the SAME thing as what it takes to
actually get and attract a great long
term girlfriend.
This is simply NOT THE CASE, because a woman
who is giving herself in a relationship is
giving FAR, FAR more of herself, her time,
her energy, her FUTURE, her EMOTIONS, when
it is something long term, perhaps a union
for life!
She needs to see the BIG PICTURE about a guy,
and although a FANTASTIC first impression is
IMPORTANT AS HECK, it's ALSO important that
the guy shows he indeed IS the man for her
over the course of the REAL "courtship"
which takes days, weeks, and months.
Even as a FIRST impression, the things you
want to convey if you are trying to attract
a woman who is looking for IMMEDIATE gratification
are very different than if you are looking
to attract a woman who is seeking the greater
picture long term.
And of course, ultimately, attracting a woman
long term is a WAY OF LIFE, the same way that
if you want to keep your PHYSIQUE, you can't stop
going to the gym.
So let me tell you:
First of all, you have to be SCREENING the
women you meet to make sure THEY are the
right women.
And when you DO meet a woman who IS the
right woman, you must not only behave
in a way that is ATTRACTIVE and sexy,
but you must ALSO show her that you are
TRUSTWORTHY, and that you have not been
corrupted by warped beliefs about all
women.
You have to be unshakeable in your noble
convictions. You have to be a leader.
You have to be calm. You have to be
passionate. You have to stand apart
from the crowd, yet you have to be
able to DRAW the crowd in as well.
Another thing you need are THE FACTS.
You see, once guy KNOWS a woman is no good,
usually he has no problem passing her by and
going on to the next woman to find someone better.
But because guys are so brainwashed, they
actually end up accepting into their lives
the kind of women that actually end up
messing them up. All because the guy
believes the hogwash the woman says,
who herself is often just repeating the
brainwashed messages she has had
implanted into her.
The woman is treating him horribly,
but the guy still doesn't get it, because
she has robbed him of any self-esteem,
so he can't even SEE how badly she
is treating him. It's as if he thinks
that life with her is soooooooo
IMPORTANT that it's worth
selling his SOUL AND HIS
DIGNITY to her.
I get TONS of email from guys about
"this one special woman" that in reality
is probably not so special. And the reason
I say this is because usually the man is pining
over her and she has done nothing for him.
So what makes her so special?
I feel like SHAKING THE GUY out of his
DELUSIONAL state.
This is why I say, "Get a GREAT girl!".
You have to get out of the "soup" of NEEDINESS
and jump into the other mode, which is more along
the lines of "I'm a man, and although I am a sexual
being, and although I fully understand the power of
a great relationship, and I can be the greatest guy on
earth in one, there's no way in hell I'm going to
settle for some woman who doesn't treat me as
I deserve and as well as I treat her."
Again, don't get me wrong:
It's GREAT to meet a woman who IS all
those good things, but the fact is, men are
being held HOSTAGE to a MYTH. The
MYTH that they NEED a woman's approval
so badly that they are wiling to be with the
WRONG woman.
And man, let me tell you something BIG:
SOME women are using this MYTH
to MILK guys for everything the guy has-
emotionally, financially, and taking all
the guy's TIME and ENERGY as well.
What these women are doing is PRETENDING
to be innocent and good, all the while
NOT being such a person. You see, it's
IMPORTANT for them to pretend, because
they know that a GOOD guy is not a STUPID
guy. They know that if the guy knew she
was no good, the guy WOULD in fact
dump her.
And not only would the guy dump her,
but he would then realize that a lot of
women are like this and he would
stop being such a target.
If all men did THIS, then you can bet your
assets that most women would be busting
their gut trying to EARN men's interest
rather than EXPECTING to get it for
NOTHING.
Of course, there are ALSO a LOT of really
warped GUYS out there. In fact, this is one
reason why I DESPISED much of what was
being taught as "advice for men" out there, because
the advice made a lot of GOOD MEN think
that all women were nuts, and that therefore
ALL women MUST be dealt with in GAMES
and manipulation.
This, in turn, led to a lot of INNOCENT women
being hurt by INNOCENT men who were really
thinking that this was the only way to communicate
with women!
These innocent women then became just as embittered
as the men, and these women probably started to think
that all MEN were nuts, and probably starting to act
in MANIPULATIVE ways to more men, creating
yet MORE embittered men in a never ending
DESTRUCTIVE cycle.
I WANT TO STOP THIS VICIOUS CYCLE.
At the same time, you cannot rationalize away
a woman's bad behavior. Just like a woman
should not rationalize away a guy's bad
behavior. You have to recognize a problem
and not think it's going to change, because
it won't, not unless the person owns up to
it and changes it themselves.
So what I'm going to do right here is
give you a few TIPS on how to know
if you're with a quality woman or not.
Because really, if a woman is not treating
you right, there's no reason on earth to
be with her.
1. If you constantly feel bad around a
woman, and she constantly claims to
not have a clue about what she's doing
to make you feel that way, chances
are that in REALITY she knows
EXACTLY what she's doing.
If your self-esteem was high enough,
you'd see it from a million miles away,
but since she has hacked away your
self-esteem since you met her, you
can barely recognize when someone
is abusing you anymore.
WAKE UP, my friend, if this is happening
to YOU.
If you ACCEPT this into your life, all
you will do is activate cognitive dissonance
in your own head and start to believe that
in fact somehow she is WORTH the abuse,
and that you are NOT worth more than this.
2. Here's another thing to beware of:
Abusive women ACCUSING YOU of what in
fact is THEIR "Modus Operandi".
Dishonest people love to accuse others
of what THEY are doing themselves, to
deflect attention off of their own guilt.
When a woman is doing something wrong
to you, and she knows it, and you bring
it up with her, the number one tactic that
all abusers to their victims is accuse them
of the very thing THEY ARE DOING TO THE VICTIM.
So, for example, if she is dishonest, she
will accuse YOU of dishonesty. If she
is making you feel confusion, she will
accuse you of making her feeling
confusion. Etc, etc.
So, if you see this kind of thing going
on a lot, it's not some kind of coincidence,
it's very much a part of her METHOD.
3. INCONGRUENCIES in their behavior.
You know how I always talk about actually
BEING "The Man" rather than faking it?
How I focus on your ACTUAL development
instead of on memorizing a pick up line?
It's because if you aren't REAL, it shows
anyway!
Similarly, if a woman isn't REALLY a
good person, it will SHOW no matter
WHAT she says about how great she
is as a person.
A lot of people lie to themselves and they
accept the excuses that another person
gives them, but ultimately, your GUT
tells you a lot about a person. Your
"gut" is really all the things you have
registered about the woman but that
you may not have formally recognized
or observed consciously.
Plus, if you look to see if she is consistent
or not, you will see if she is a good person
or not. Do her words really match her
behaviors? Forget about who she SAYS
she is "deep down". Does a good person
REALLY do and say the kind of things
she does and says?
By the way, words DO matter, they reflect
what's going on in her head. So words
AND actions count. But those words
really only count if the actions match
up.
Regarding her behaviours, ask yourself,
"Would a good person do this"?
4. Do they only respond to CONSEQUENCES?
If a woman only responds to CONSEQUENCES,
she's no good.
You are not there to be her kindergarten teacher
teaching her how to be a decent human being
and giving her "hard lessons".
FORGET such a woman, even if she RESPONDS
to your consequences.
When I meet a woman, the best thing she can
have going for her is the vibes she gives off
in the department of human respect RIGHT
FROM THE GET GO. And of course, she
gets it in return.
Any woman who has to be "punished" in
order for her to behave, is a woman who simply
is trying to get away with AS MUCH AS SHE CAN.
It's a woman who KNOWS what
good behaviour is, but will only
do it from CONSEQUENCES,
not from her own natural desire
to be decent.
5. If the only reason you are with a
woman is because she says she wants
to be with you, it's NOT enough. Plenty
of women can want to be with you
but still have no desire to treat you
right. Some women want to be with
a guy because they feel they can
control him. Not cool at all.
Okay, so those are some important
red flags to watch out for with a
woman, but as always, it's CRUCIAL
to me to be as ACCURATE as possible
about how things work and what's
going on.
There ARE some QUALITY women out there,
but they are as rare as it is for a great woman
to meet a QUALITY GUY. It may damn well
be even HARDER for women to meet a guy
that really has his act together and is cool
and is still a GOOD guy.
And before you can even KNOW if a woman
is good or not, you're going to have to MEET
her and ATTRACT this woman.
And that means while you can't be NAÏVE,
you also can't go around with a chip on your
shoulder. A lot of guys will hear the things
I have to say above, such as how so many
women can be so horrible, and then feel
like acting like TOTAL A-HOLES to
women.
But that's NOT going to work.
You can't have a chip on your shoulder, or
you will turn OFF even the women out
there who have great values and great
personalities.
But at the same time, acting TOO smiley
makes you seen NAÏVE, as if you are
easy prey for a woman to take advantage
of. Not cool.
This is part of the reason why going into an
interaction TOO "smiley" makes a woman
figure that you are either naïve or crazy.
Especially when you approach a woman
in a low key environment, i.e. a bookstore
as opposed to a dance club. The overly
smiley approach can make you seem
pretentious as well.
But you can't go in with a chip on your
shoulder either. Your past experiences
with women, if not positive, still do
NOT equal your future experiences
or the CURRENT experience that
you are having in the pickup at
that moment.
If you're looking to meet women, one way to
be in the right frame of mind is to focus on the
vibe of the MOMENT and totally forget about
thoughts of "Is this going to be my WIFE" or
anything extreme like that, because those kind
of thoughts will ruin any spontaneity and rob
your interaction of the natural fun that it
would normally be.
AFTER the interaction is OVER, then
at THAT point you can go over what
happened and see if you think she
has potential.
But in the moment of the interaction,
go in with FUN.
It doesn't have to add up to anything
beyond the moment, and that attitude
actually makes it more likely for that
moment to be a GOOD one, leading to
ANOTHER good moment.
Which leads to the next step, such
as having a coffee together and finding
out more about each other, and laughing,
which leads to holding her hands, which
leads to kissing, which leads to making
out hardcore, which leads to sex, which
leads to more sex, which may lead to
a relationship, etc etc.
Get the picture?
Step by step, as opposed to worrying
about the massive and often emotionally
overwhelming goal.
And, if at any point, she raises RED
FLAGS in your mind, you can STOP the
"courtship" in its tracks.
And by the way, when you do the 'pickup',
NEVER qualify yourself. It's sooooo
sucky. Most of the time, what happens
is that you feel the PRESSURE to
show her you are COOL and that
you have value. So you give into
temptation and you try to show
her you are cool by mentioning
things about yourself as if you
are selling yourself to her.
But in addition to understanding these
'strategies', you yourself have to become
the kind of man that IS what a great woman
is looking for.
And the FIRST place that you have to focus on
is INSIDE yourself, the BELIEFS you have about
women.
One of the MAJOR beliefs promoted by pick up
artists are that ALL women CHEAT.
Now, although it's important for guys who are
"nice guys" who are too naive and who think
all women are made from sugar and spice
(I myself used to think this, I used to think
that ALLwomen just really wanted to meet
a good guy) to WAKE UP TO THE REALITY
that there are many women who DO cheat,
it's important not to EXAGGERATE.
Believing that ALL women cheat pretty much
DESTROYS the chance of having any peace
of mind or any successful long term relationship.
If one believes that ALL women cheat, now even
the HONEST LOYAL WOMEN will be viewed
as the ENEMY who must be manipulated.
Since Get A Great Girl has been on the scene,
this message of "all women cheat" hasn't been
SHOUTED as loudly by them. It might be because
of my work, I can't prove it, but I think it
has something to do with it.
Before my work and Get A Great Girl came out,
where was ANYONE who was giving my message????
There was NO ONE, there was only the "nice guys"
advice, and the "pick up artist" advice, there
was nothing that really sought to see the
big picture for men who really wanted to
meet a great woman and keep her.
Who knows if this is a coincidence, but with
a quick search on google, you CAN prove that
the belief that 'ALL women cheat' is DEEP within
pick up artist history.
I myself got brainwashed by this belief,
and it wreaked havoc on my interactions
and relationships with women.
There was NO "attraction coach" dealing
with the TRUTH on how to get a girlfriend
for something LONG term. So I had to
learn it the hard way.
I was brainwashed to believe the lie that
"all women cheat", because it seemed to FIT
with all my experiences with women, but what
I didn't realize is that it only SEEMED this
way--not because it was REALITY--- but because I
MYSELF HAD CREATED A VIEW OF WOMEN THAT FIT INTO
SUCH A DESCRIPTION OF REALITY.
Ultimately, my own anxieties and experiences
made me VULNERABLE to believing these lies.
And it didn't help that I really WAS with
a woman who was pretty abusive and deceptive,
but that did not mean that ALL women were
this way!!!
However, our early experiences, just like
FIRST IMPRESSIONS, tend to really AFFECT
OUR EMOTIONS and really make us think
that our first impression IS the truth
about ALL of that reality.
Guess what else, though?
Most pick up artists these days will like to
cover their tracks and their image, especially
to the newspaper or media, by saying that they
are just about "self-development", and they
will sprinkle in recommendations of some
genuinely awesome authors such as Wayne Dyer,
or other great thinkers.
This is kind of how tobacco used to advertise
and sponsor FITNESS and SPORTS events, to link
cigarrettes with all these good things. This
is now illegal in many places.
But with the "bait and switch" tactics of
fooling people, even the New York Times will
get fooled.
Most journalists at newspapers unfortunately tend to
be more concerned with selling papers or with
promoting their own agenda, than with journalistic
integrity.
If you really DO want a great girlfriend
that is trustworthy as well as many other
good things, you simply CANNOT also believe
that all women are cheaters.
The belief that all women can be made
to cheat so easily will CORRUPT your
views on women and will make you feel
the need to PLAY GAMES on them.
These games will slowly RIP APART the fabric
of trust and playfulness that are so essential
in a healthy relationship.
This does NOT mean that all women are great!
Absolutely NOT!
That's why I created GET A GREAT GIRL, because
it's not only a METHOD, it's also a MISSION
to alert guys all over the world that they
should GET AWAY from the women who are abusing
them and move on to a BETTER woman!
Once the wrong woman gets a hold of your mind
and of your emotions, it can be TORTURE to
break free.
And then, once you finally do, you certainly
don't want to make the same mistake again,
and you certainly don't want to get caught
up with the WRONG woman.
Getting a fantastic LONG TERM girlfriend,
requires a VERY DIFFERENT approach than
being a player. In fact, it's two different
worlds.
If you want a fantastic relationship, then you
need to meet the right woman. You also need
to have the right INFORMATION about how to
attract and KEEP a great woman.
That's where I come in, and that's where
my book Get A Great Girl comes in.
It's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Book.html
The ADVANCED level, what I like to call
the "sequel" to that book, is my program
WARRIOR WITHIN, which can be found here:
http://getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
By the way, I really did learn the hard way,
and I really do believe with all my heart that
the material I teach is essential for any
man who really does want to get a great girl,
for something long-lasting.
Sincerely,
Michael Marks
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