Approaching women successfully is
a SKILL, and you can learn to ACE
this skill!
A lot of GOLD today, so fasten your
seatbelts and let's get this party rockin'!
***LETTER FROM A READER***
Hope all is well good sir! I was wondering
in your email you gave an example of how
to approach a female. Now let’s just say if
she is really rude or nasty or just ignores
you and you feel like you made a public fool
of yourself.
What mental tactics can you play in your mind
to get you over that hurt feeling? And how did
you handle a rude female who exploded on you
even if you were being a gentlemen/ the MAN?
Jimmy B.
---Austin, TX
>>>ANSWER<<<
Thanks for your email! The BIGGEST thing here
is put the RIGHT FRAME onto this, and the
RIGHT FRAME is a combo of:
1. It’s ALL FUN.
2. DON’T EJECT SO FAST.
3. Use EVERYTHING in your environment
to your advantage.
I remember the FEAR of approaching women
when I first started out, and the truth is that the
FEAR is much worse than the actual REALITY
even if she DOES get pissed off!
I would feel MUCH WORSE if I did NOT approach
a woman than if I DID approach.
Even the WORST INSULT from actually
APPROACHING was way better than the
feeling of giving into fear and NOT approaching.
When I didn’t approach, I would feel HORRIBLE
with regret for HOURS, sometimes for DAYS.
And it almost never happens by the way, that a
woman really is ever really nasty or rude, but
yeah, in very RARE occasions it happens.
And when YOU know that you got over your
own fear by actually GOING THROUGH with
the entire approach and pushing yourself
through it, you often feel a natural HIGH
from overcoming your own internal obstacles,
that you really GENUINELY don’t care that
she got upset! And THIS attitude is what
actually ATTRACTS and often changes
the situation around!
Let me illustrate with what happened during
one bootcamp:
A client I was with asked me, while we
were on a subway train platform, if I could
approach this striking woman who was
about halfway down the platform.
So I rolled up to her, I don’t even remember
exactly what I said, it was something playful,
but she just didn’t reply---so in my mind, I
didn’t think this had anything to do with ME.
That’s the first step:
DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
I FIGURED SHE DIDN’T HEAR ME!
So I spoke LOUDER!
This time, I got a lukewarm response, she
just wasn’t being very talkative at all or
giving me much energy to work with.
Now, at this point, the train doors opened.
So I figured “I’ll let this one go, no problem,
there are other girls on this train.”
I immediately plopped down into a seat
across from another girl, even more
striking than the first one, and started
a playful conversation. The theme
was about how I was all for independent
women, in fact I wanted a woman who
not only worked and made a lot of money
but also took care of the home stuff too!
The playful angle was that I felt women
should do it ALL while I enjoy watching
TV!
Now THIS woman started eating it up,
getting right into it, saying that she liked
the fact I was cool with women being
empowered, but she said (playfully)
that it’s not fair that I get to stay on
the couch watching TV all day-
to which I told her “Hey, don’t ruin
this it was going so well! I’m gonna
have to divorce you and take half
your money! And how about the
KIDS???”
Now, this girl is laughing and having a blast,
and guess what?
Girl number ONE from the platform is suddenly
taking a keen interest, and even though
girl number ONE is sitting FAR AWAY, she
tries to JOIN THE CONVERSATION with
her point of view!!!
NOW, THERE IS DRAMA HAPPENING,
NOW GIRL NUMBER ONE FEELS ALIVE!!!!!
She starts actually GETTING INTO THIS WHOLE
DISCUSSION, and if anything SHE looks “weird”
now to the rest of the people on the train!!
When a woman is feeling EMOTION,
nothing else MATTERS.
Nothing else matters because emotions
make her feel more ALIVE than anything
ELSE. In fact, they are the ONLY thing
that makes her FEEL ALIVE.
Everything else, she might as well be asleep.
When she’s feeling emotions, she’ll even
do things EMBARRASING to herself, she’ll
even PUSH to do embarrassing things to
herself if she thinks it will lead to MORE
of these emotions that are so much powerful
than her feelings of what most OTHER people
think of her – she just cares what YOU think
of her!
Add to this, the fact that since she’s gorgeous,
she’s got the kind of confidence that often comes
with it and doesn’t care what most people think,
especially when it comes to her getting the man
that she WANTS!
So what happened here???
What happened was that:
1. I never allowed ANY of the initial interaction
to get SERIOUS. This was MY WORLD that
I was allowing girls into, and in MY WORLD,
the number ONE priority is HAVING AN
AWESOME TIME.
So, when the first girl didn’t seem to understand
or “get it” or “like it” or whatever, I didn’t feel that
this had much to do with ME.
I also didn’t feel like my happiness depended on it.
2. I PUSHED AHEAD even though I got no
reply the first time.
This indicated that I was NOT the kind of guy
who MELTED at the first sign of not getting
APPROVAL from her.
I didn’t NEED her approval, and in fact I
actually wanted to GIVE and not TAKE
here, I didn’t feel like I wanted to “get”
or “take” her approval of me.
I wanted to SHARE THE FUN VIBES I
was feeling within.
3. I also ended up using the tactic of
“SOCIAL PROOF” in a very genuine
way.
When girl number ONE saw girl number TWO
having a great time chatting with me, suddenly
a SWITCH got pulled in girl number ONE’S mind:
Girl number ONE, on a primal level, now felt that
it’s OKAY to talk to this total stranger, because
THIS OTHER ATTRACTIVE WOMAN felt
it was fine to do so.
Girl number ONE no longer had to worry about feeling
like she was “weird” if she talked to a total stranger,
and also girl number ONE probably also felt more
attraction as well, because girl number TWO was
“proof” that I had attraction value.
Was I looking to use girl number TWO to get girl
number ONE?
NOPE.
In fact, I couldn’t care all that much about getting
EITHER girl to be honest!!!!!!!!!!!
It was FUN, but not SERIOUS to my sense
of “I’m cool” or “If I don’t get her then I’m not
cool.”
And THAT inner strength actually SHOWS
on your EXTERIOR as well- it shows in
your tonality, your body language, your
expression on your face.
Girl number TWO was probably more confident
than girl number ONE, and girl number ONE
got “confidence” THROUGH girl number TWO,
and also got more attracted through the ‘social proof’
that girl number TWO was giving me.
So this is where PERSISTENCE MIXED
WITH GUTS, MIXED WITH SOCIAL PROOF
gave KICK-ASS RESULTS!!!!
At this point, I got my client into the conversation,
and what’s interesting is that now I was providing
social proof for my client, making the conversation
go even smoother.
All this was cool to witness up close in person
and provided a very valuable learning lesson.
One of the most IMPORTANT lessons here
is the MARCHING FORTH AND PERSISTING
THROUGH WHAT SEEMS LIKE TOUGH TIMES!
He who DARES with approaching women WINS.
It is ATTRACTIVE to see a man who believes
in himself so much that he is not in the slightest
shaken up by what a woman says or does.
I’m reminded of a great scene in ’Goodfellas’
where Ray Liotta’s character comes back home
late. As he’s rolling up the driveway in his car
with the top down, his wife as well as his wife’s
mother are YELLING LIKE NUTS at him.
For a moment, he just lets them do their thing.
Then, without leaving the car, he just starts
LAUGHING and pulls right out of the driveway,
and drives off happy as can be.
So, this way, he’s in a great state.
They get time to cool off.
He appears even cooler by not having
to yell and scream back at them.
It’s also ATTRACTIVE when a man PERSISTS,
not in a NEEDY way, but in a confident way.
So, trying forever to get the same girl, that’s
NEEDY. But being able to MOVE ON and
get ANOTHER girl, THAT’S confidence.
A woman SENSES on a deep subconscious
level that this kind of man is GOING PLACES
IN THIS WORLD. He’s moving UP.
He’s DRIVEN.
But she’s not consciously THINKING this.
She just feels, “This guy is a MAN”.
“A man that I WANT.”
Even “LOSSES” CAN BE TURNED AROUND
AND APPROACHES CAN BE RESCUED
FROM THE “JAWS OF DEATH” IF YOU
HANDLE IT RIGHT AND PERSIST WITHIN
THE INTERACTION!!!!!
So for example, you can chat to OTHER
women, you can also DISARM women
with humor. This is one of my favorite things
to do with my “Disarm and Charm” strategy.
If a woman is being resistant, sometimes
it has nothing to do with her not being
attracted- sometimes it’s just a matter
of TRUST, after all you are a total
stranger and she’s not sure who the
heck you are.
This is why it’s so MASSIVELY IMPORTANT
to be LISTENING without bias. By “without
bias” I mean without filtering in your OWN
feelings about reality that will end up
distorting your understanding of what
SHE is saying.
So, for example, if you believe most women
are mean, you will FILTER her words to
mean something nasty, as in the following
case:
Let’s say a woman says to you, when you,
you approach her in the mall (as I often do
and have clients do in bootcamp) with
something as casual as, "Hey, where do
you think you're going?"
The KEY here by the way, if you say that,
is to say it WITH AUTHORITY.
This is not because you have to have the entire
conversation being all authoritative, but in that
moment of taking her out of her regular world
and into yours, it helps to give it a bit of a boost,
since after all, she was in the middle of her own
reality till you came in.
The authority ensures that she steps in, and once
there and she experiences all the fun, she begins
to do all the work for you, as she begins chasing
you. But in the first moment, the authority in your
voice helps ensure that she feels it's the right thing
to do to enter YOUR reality, your world, and
hear what you have to say.
So, after hearing you, she may reply with:
“Do you do this to all the women in
the store???”
If you think she is being mean to you,
or that she is somehow trying to push
you away, you might become defensive,
angry, or just plain lose your “mojo”.
When in REALITY, if you are REALLY
listening to her entire message, including
her body language and her tonality, and
if you understand her reality of being
ogled by many guys who indeed may
not be very nice guys, then you understand
a very DIFFERENT message that she
is giving you.
For example, she might GENUINELY
want to know if this is some “act” you
put on to all the girls you try to meet,
or she might GENUINELY be trying
to be playful with you.
If you sense she is being playful with you,
you might reply with:
“I only approach women who look like they
could use a great conversation”
To which she will probably reply with something
like:
“Do I look like I could use a great conversation?”
And to that you can say something like:
“I bet it’s REALLY RARE for you to meet
a guy that can actually be fun, challenging, and
still have a meaningful connection, right?”
And the crazy thing is that you can't help
but be RIGHT about this, since it IS
rare for a woman to meet a guy who
is these things!
In bootcamp after bootcamp after bootcamp,
when clients have tested this out, the women
almost ALWAYS reply with:
"YES, IT IS RARE!!!”
Now, if I sense a woman is being genuinely
cautious, then I won’t use humor, I’ll just
be straightforward and say “I just wanted
to say hi and see if you might be an
interesting person inside as well.”
Another time, these two girls were
chatting with each other at a food
court, and I think one of them had
broken up with some guy or something
and she was pouring out her guts to
her friend.
At the time, years ago, I didn’t understand
the power of CALIBRATING, and I was
influenced by the arrogant pick up artist
tactics, and when she said “She’s been
through a lot, and she just wants privacy”
I said something insensitive, which REALLY
pissed her off, and then she stands up
and tells me she’s gonna call security.
And what did I say in response to THAT?
Well, at least I was in the playful state of
mind when I said:
"Tell me how you REALLY feel!!”
Honestly, I was LAUGHING to myself,
and this was definitely by FAR one of
the WORST situations EVER.
I mean MALL SECURITY?????
And in middle of an ENTIRE FOOD COURT??
And even THEN, back then many years
ago, I STILL marched on, to ANOTHER
table, and started a chat with two OTHER
girls, one of them was just INSANELY
GORGEOUS and the other was still
a decent contender, and within MINUTES
my client and I were in a great conversation,
and soon we started getting into deeper
connection with the girls:
For example, chatting about their hobbies
and future goals, we got well beyond just
the laughing stuff, and walked away with BOTH
their numbers.
All on the very same food court as the woman
who was going to call security!!!!
THAT’S the kind of attitude you want to
not only HAVE but also SHOW.
In some ways, over the years, I’m more
proud of these rare CRAZY situations
because you learn a LOT from them
including just how much BIGGER you
can be than these situations, which
if you look at it honestly, really ARE
funny!
Another time, with a client on bootcamp,
we were at a club, which I don’t think is
as good as a food court or bookstore
for meeting quality women, but it’s still
a place to practice.
We were on a patio on the roof of the club,
and these two knockouts there, and I
started chatting with one of the girls
and the other girl starts saying “It’s
my friend’s birthday and we’re supposed
to just spend time together”, etc, etc.
And I just playfully kept it going, because
I knew that in a club, playful is easy and
key, even though her friend INSISTED
that this girl would NOT talk to me.
Finally, after about FOUR MINUTES of
me not giving in, the ‘birthday girl’ who
was not supposed to talk to me, ended
up actually breaking free from her friend
and her first words were:
“Oh my god! You’re so RUDE!!!
I LOVE IT! “
And she comes OVER and embraces me!!
By the way, this has nothing to do with
ME- ANY GUY CAN DO THIS ONCE HE
“GETS” WHAT’S GOING ON IN THE
INDIVIDUAL SITUATION WITH THESE
WOMEN.
Here’s a few more things to keep in mind:
Realize that it's not always so easy being
an attractive woman in public, because a
lot of guys unfortunately have no class
and just ogle and don't do the whole approach
in a classy way, so these women have to
develop a bit of a "cold front" sometimes to
ward off most men.
Again, more evidence that it’s not PERSONAL.
She has no idea who I am, who you are, and
she is just generalizing about all guys.
The other thing is that I became desensitized to
this kind of thing from doing it so much, so the
honest truth is that I would find it FUNNY if a
woman ignored me, because it's actually kind
of funny knowing that a woman DID hear me
but is just pretending she didn't, when I know
in fact I'm a good guy!!!! :)
So it's important to LOOK for the FUNNY
stuff that is ALWAYS there in these situations
if you just look hard enough. You’ll find that
this perspective EMPOWERS you.
I also always ask myself, in a very constructive
way, "Hmmm….how can I have improved that
approach???" because I am an obsessive
type of guy, and I always am interested in
learning how I could have made it HARDER
for her to ignore me or be nasty, etc.
I really DO enjoy the very science of this whole
topic, so it is interesting for me to actually
use these kinds of situations to learn the most
from, as when things do not go perfectly I can
often learn more from those situations than when
they go perfectly.
It's also very possible that a woman
already has a boyfriend, and this is her way
of showing respect to her boyfriend by being
a bit of a beeeeyottch to all other guys, which
is kind of cool too :) It means she is very
faithful!!
Finally, ANOTHER HUGE THING is to not
only be listening with zero bias, but also
you should be listening for KEYWORDS
that she is saying or talking about.
So, for example, if she tells you when you
ask her what she likes to do in her spare
time, and her first thing is “socialize”, this
might not be the best indicator of her
personality. Why is this? It’s not because
socializing is not cool, it’s because a lot of
the women who are attractive simply enjoy
the VALIDATION that comes from just about
every single social encounter they get.
And if this is what she enjoys doing with
the vast majority of her free time, this is
not very cool.
On the OPPOSITE side of the spectrum,
let’s say you find out in the conversation that
she volunteers for some great cause and it’s
not for “resume points” to look good on a resume,
well then now if you truly appreciate the kind
of work she is doing, you can give her the
most authentic compliment in the world that
is specific to the nature of this personality trait.
For example, if she is helping children, that requires
a lot of patience and a great sense of humor, and
you might tell her that it’s a rare experience to
meet someone who can truly make the world
a better place, and make our planet’s future
a better place since these children are the future
of our world!
And if you happen to have some experience
that benefits our planet, or if you have worked
with kids, even if they are your relatives, all
this will help you CONNECT on a core level
in this specific example. It's just an example,
there could be infinite other characteristics
to build a core connection on with her.
By the way, nothing against travelling,
but girls who can only talk about their
love for socializing and travelling are
usually not a great catch, especially
considering that women who are
very attractive tend to like socializing
and travelling for the same reason:
MORE VALIDATION!
A friend and client of mine mentioned how
when women who are attractive travel, they
don't lose any status, because their LOOKS
are the source of their status, but a guy who
has BUILT his character up and has cool
friends and lifestyle, doesn't get the same
automatic status "travelability", he has to
DEMONSTRATE his personality and
then he gets back to high status again.
But with a woman who is attractive, it's
all there automatically on the surface, so
it's no wonder they like travelling, as they
don't have to speak a word of the language
either. Now, again, once you develop the
skills of CORE LEVEL CHARISMA
then even if you don't speak a word of
the language, your tonality itself speaks
97 per cent of your communication and
your charisma and attractive power radiates,
but this is something most men never develop
whereas an attractive woman just SHOWS UP
anywhere in the WORLD and has full power
even if she has zero personality, until she opens
her mouth anyway.
This stuff goes deep.
This is why I focus on how to get and detect
a QUALITY woman, and how to detect and
avoid the PROBLEMATIC women.
Pay close attention when chatting to
the women you meet!
Hope that helps!
***NEXT QUESTION***
Have you read or heard of the book
'I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell' and
'***holes Finish First'? I just came
across them in the bookstore the other
day.
Basically, the guy is a complete ***hole
and has no apologies about it and with
his New York Times BestSeller list status,
dozens of women email him every day
wanting to hook up with him.
One might argue it is the fame, not the
***holeness that is attracting these women
in droves, but he got to be famous by first
being an ***hole.
If you would be so kind, would you mind
breaking down this phenomenon for us in
a future newsletter?
Carl R.
---Chicago
>>>MY REPLY<<<
Ahh, the ever popular “DO JERKS REALLY
ATTRACT WOMEN OR NOT????”
I’ll answer this one easily:
The only reason why JERKS often get
results with women has nothing to do
with being a JERK, it has to do with
SELF-LOVE, and this is something
that good guys MUST learn.
I wish I had learned this back in high school:
Jerks often are EXPLODING WITH SELF-LOVE.
There are two kinds of jerks:
The SICK ones who really hate themselves and
go out of their way to make life difficult for others.
That is NOT attractive at ALL.
It’s REPULSIVE as hell.
Then there are the other kind of jerks:
The guys who don’t give a RAT’S ASS
about political correctness, about following
social norms just to fit in, etc.
They care far more about what THEY think.
They don’t care for society’s rules that say
you should not be so sexual.
They don’t care for being enslaved to boring
clothing, boring jobs, boring food, or boring
lifestyles.
They don’t feel the need to CENSOR their
PASSION for all things they ENJOY.
They are SELFISH and go for what they
want in an OBVIOUS way, they don’t hide
it like most people do.
So, when a woman sees a guy like that,
it’s a TURN ON, because deep down she
WANTS to be that way too!!!
She wants to release her sexuality.
She wants to laugh.
She wants to be excited.
She wants to FEEL ALIVE.
And since women are MORE pressured to
fit in and be “nice” compared to men, women
end up often being more REPRESSED.
And with more repression, comes MORE
DESIRE TO DO ALL THOSE THINGS
THAT THEY ARE BEING REPRESSED
FROM DOING OR FEELING.
So, along comes Mr. Jerk who says
I DO WHATEVER I WANT, I LOVE
SEXUAL STUFF, AND YOU CAN DO
WHATEVER YOU WANT EXCEPT YOU
CAN’T TELLL MEEEEEE WHAT TO DO!!
So now, this guy is giving her TONS of emotions
from his OWN lifestyle, PLUS he is giving her
the RARE emotion of being CHALLENGED
since most guys are so WEAK in terms of
how they feel in front of women, that THIS
challenging guy is the guy who gives her
ALL the emotions she craves!!!
So, ANY guy can be like this, it’s NOT
about being a jerk.
The problem is that POWER corrupts,
and when jerks see that they can get
so much leverage over women with this,
they often start to take women for granted,
and start to be inconsiderate, and then
of course they LOSE these girls over
the long term.
So the jerkiness is not attractive long term.
And the attractive things that jerks do are
not the JERKY things! They are the things
that involve THE COURAGE to REBEL
against RESTRICTIVE BORING RULES
AND BORING LIFESTYLES!!!!
And this is why, if you are a GOOD GUY
who ALSO is LIBERATED FROM THE
RESTRICTIVE BORING LIFESTYLES,
then you will truly RULE when it comes
to women, because it is SO RARE for
a woman to find a guy with this kind
of courage AND integrity.
***NEXT QUESTION***
Hey Michael,
I love the idea you mentioned of how
the brain is a sexual tool because its
creativity is attractive to women.
Can you give us any tips on being more
creative in our interactions with women?
Danny M.
---Leeds, UK
>>>MY REPLY<<<
Thanks for your question- absolutely,
as Denis Dutton has pointed out (by
the way, it was my best friend who pointed
out the presentation by Denis Dutton on this,
so I shouldn't take the credit for finding Denis
Dutton!) Darwinian theory of beauty, the whole
point of being able to create emotional impact
through anything like comedy, drama, music,
or any other form of skill or art, is actually to
attract the opposite sex.
It’s not necessary for most of survival from
the elements or for getting food- it’s a SOCIAL
thing that definitely IS appealing to women.
Obviously, I can’t explain the entire
range of emotional impacts that you
can create and how to create them
in one email, but here’s one quick
tip you can apply RIGHT AWAY:
Any time you see a MEDIA sign or
commercial, etc, with a catchphrase
like “Just do it” or “Harvey’s makes
your hamburger a beautiful thing”
try to come up with SEVEN DIFFERENT
WAYS OF SAYING THAT SAME THING!
Trust me, there is genius to this, it’s
just one of the many great ideas that
came up in the Warrior Within program.
Companies spend BILLIONS of dollars
a year devising these slogans and
campaigns, because they are
EMOTIONALLY EFFECTIVE AND
WORK TO GET RESULTS!
Practicing coming up with seven different
ways of saying these things will sharpen
your creative skills, especially your
SKILLS AT BEING SPONTANEOUS
WITH MORE CHARISMATIC
CONVERSATIONS!!!!!
Try to make the seven different ways
of saying these things as full of visual
imagery, and dramatic or comedic effect
as possible.
And if you want to get the FULL PICTURE
on attracting the very BEST women, then
I suggest you take advantage of my
WARRIOR WITHIN PROGRAM.
This program will show you the most
powerful way to approach women and
create a super strong CONNECTION
so they will be COMPELLED by attraction
to you and be putty in your hands.
In addition, you’ll be able to quickly detect
which women are the real GOLDEN catches,
and which women you’d be best to avoid
at all costs.
Personally, I think that NOT getting this program
is like saying “I’d rather NOT have the kind of
choice with women that I deserve, I’d rather
just leave it all up to CHANCE.”
This program isn’t just “nice material”, it’s URGENT
IF YOU ARE SEEKING A QUALITY GIRLFRIEND.
If you’re just looking for a one-night stand, then
definitely, this material is NOT for you.
But if you’re looking for a great woman, this is
THE ultimate program on the planet for achieving
this goal as efficiently as possible.
It’s at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
And if you haven't yet downloaded my book,
"The Dating Wizard", then do that now.
This book sets the FOUNDATION for being
the kind of man that women are attracted to.
It's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Wizard.html
For now, and for always – BE THE MAN.
Michael Marks
To find out about ALL my programs for
meeting and attracting fantastic women,
go here:
http://getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.php
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