The only way that attraction can have any
LONG LASTING impact, is if it is accompanied
by GOOD VIBES towards the woman you
are interacting with.
And that's not always an easy thing to
do, especially if you are in a scarcity
mindset when it comes to women,
or if you have some picture of all
women as being "bad" or "mean".
Even if you don't picture women as being
"mean", it's still easy to feel intimidated
because a woman of great beauty radiates
ENERGY and makes most guys MELT.
But good vibes are CRITICAL.
In fact, the need for these kinds of vibes
is PRIMAL, which goes contrary to
popular belief about how being a JERK
is supposedly primal and attractive
to women.
The REAL truth is that GOOD VIBES
are so important and primal for attraction,
that even many ANIMALS have this
‘GOOD VIBES’ stuff BUILT IN.
THAT'S how important it is.
There are a LOT of reasons I am bringing
up this point of giving off GOOD vibes, and
ONE of them is because SO MANY guys
TOTALLY warp the idea of what it means
to come across as "superior/excellent/vitality"
which is the essence of attraction. For
example, so many guys when they TEASE
a woman at the outset of the interaction,
they are just being MEAN.
They are not being PLAYFUL, they are
not being FUNNY. So their words are
coming across as MALICIOUS.
Look, no matter WHO you are, coming
across as MEAN is ALWAYS bad, because
it means that you are going to use WHATEVER
worth you have in a way to put her DOWN.
No one on earth wants that, aside from a few
sick people who you really should feel sorry
for rather than be sick yourself by trying to
exploit that.
When a guy is doing pickup, he should be
VERY CAREFUL not to let his INSECURITIES
filter his teases to sound MEAN.
This is often why a guy who is ALREADY
in a relationship where he is HAPPY so
often is able to unconsciously ATTRACT
so many women. It's because his sense of
SECURITY filters his behavior, so for
example if he teases a woman, it's
ALWAYS from a place of GOOD VIBES
and not BITTER vibes or MEAN vibes.
And women can TELL the difference, I assure
you.
But then the day his relationship ends, if it ends,
when he goes out to meet new women, and he
teases them, it's not working all of a sudden.
It's because his words are being filtered through
his own insecurities, so the message comes across
as defensive and not playful or "good vibes" at
ALL. And of course, this actually implies his
INFERIORITY, because a superior guy would
never need to behave in an insecure way.
So her potential to feel attraction SHUTS DOWN.
Instead, she feels revulsion.
Now, of course, if a guy has learned to not
base his entire IDENTITY and SELF-CONCEPT
on his relationship, he will NOT be so vulnerable
to such an internal crash if his relationship ends.
But if he did make that mistake, which is perfectly
normal when you are starting out, he then needs
to learn to get back his sense of security before
he can start to get his groove back and exude
again all the attractive energies of his game that
he once had.
Once he starts to get that back, very quickly
his game will start to skyrocket again.
Another thing I should mention is that a lot
of the bad advice out there is written by guys
that hate or CAN'T connect with ANYONE.
For some guys, it really IS hard to have
genuinely "good vibes", they have to fake it.
You see, some guys are so selfish, or so sick,
that they really don't have much of an ability
to bond or care about anyone besides themselves.
Wait, though, I can hear it now:
"So are you telling us to be NICE???""
"Isn't that how nice guys get ABUSED????"
"Don't nice guys get BURNED for being
"NICE"????"
"Don't you have to be a "Bad Boy" to
attract a woman?"
In fact, a recent email asks a similar
question, along with another question:
***LETTER FROM A READER***
I read your emails religiously.
I have two important questions to ask you
Michael. First of all, I know women go for
bad boys, players, and guys who challenge
them. But don't women want to get married
someday? I've always thought it was their dream
to get married. I've read somewhere that women
go for bad boys while their young. But while in
their late 20's they go for the good guys who's
willing to stay and commit to MARRY them.
Tell me the truth, Michael.
Is it true and tell me why?
PLEASE.
Question No.2
Why are lesbian women so sexual towards
other lesbian women. Why aren't straight women
as sexual lesbian women. I'm a man and i love it
when a woman express her sexuality. I think it's
unfair that straight women are not as sexual as
lesbian women.
Tom K.
>>>MY REPLY<<<
The reason why women want the "bad boy"
is because he's the only guy that doesn't
APOLOGIZE for BEING A MAN.
He's also not afraid to be HIMSELF.
And also, he's not afraid to reveal SEXUALITY.
And he does it in a stylish way without having
too VERBALIZE it too much.
VERBALIZING sexuality TOO MUCH
in the beginning of an interaction sets off
a woman's ALARMS and she goes into
AUTO-SHUTDOWN to prevent the
safe from being illegally opened.
You catch my drift here?
This whole "be a badboy" thing reminds me
a bit of that movie "The Mask" with Jim Carrey.
When he puts on the mask, his REAL
self comes out, and it's not a bad boy,
it's just a REALLY FUN guy, that is
CONFIDENT and full of LIFE.
And he's sexual as well.
And it's the guy's REAL personality.
It's all the cool stuff that is REALLY
inside of him.
In fact, when he is NOT wearing the
mask, in many ways THAT is the
only time he is being "fake".
I would argue that most guys are actually
being FAKE all day long!!! They are
not being the fun, unique individuals
they really are in any way - from the
way they dress, to the way they talk,
to the activities they do, to the way
they walk! They are SUBMERGED
into some kind of restricted, inferior
ROLE play! They feel they must
PLAY this role, and they practice
all day long till they get real
damn CONGRUENT being these
carbon copy cutouts!!!
And then, if a guy finally DOES get to
see a bit of the "light" about women
and shown to him, it's often from misguided
sources who turn him from a fakely NICE
guy into a fakely JERKO guy!
Which is just about equally unproductive.
You don't have to be the bad boy to attract
a woman, whether she is 21, or whether she
is older, and in fact you can do BETTER than any
"bad boy" if you take the effective stuff about
"bad boys" (which has nothing to do with
being "bad" per se) and THROW AWAY
THE USELESS stuff.
For example, their inability to emotionally
CONNECT. That would be an example of
something that is not only useless, but
counterproductive about "bad boys".
This is a big part of the problem, that guys
only get DISTORTED MESSAGES when
they even get a bit of the truth.
The learn from misguided experts who tell
him only the BAD stuff about some women,
how "all women are evil", and how it's all
about bossing women around and not actually
caring at all.
It's OKAY to WANT A WOMAN as long as
that "wanting" is not a DESPERATE kind
of want. A woman can know you LIKE
her, as long as you are still a challenge,
you are still PUSHING all the right
dramatic exciting fun playful and
sexual "buttons" at the right times.
A "confident" want is VERY different
from a "needy" want. In fact, this want can
even be flattering to a woman, since it's
backed up by massive self-worth, which
inherently is a compliment to HER, since
it implies you believe you have VALUE
to get whatever is great in life that you
want. So therefore SHE feels that SHE
must be great too.
I do need to say however that for SOME
women, they simply DO find it immensely
attractive when a guy does NOT want them.
I'm not saying this is MOST women, but
it is SOME. Obviously, a relationship with
such a woman would be VERY unstable,
unless it was something that worked just
in roleplay in the bedroom.
And regarding the marriage part, you
don't want a woman to be with you
simply because she knows you will
COMMIT: This is the problem with
the "nice" guy - he does only the
"practical" things, he doesn't do
The things that trigger her EMOTIONS.
And he does all his "nice" stuff,
EVEN IN HIS OWN MIND AS
WELL, as a form OF "COMPENSATION"
TO THE WOMAN, as if he alone is NOT
worth her affection. So he feels he needs
to do EXTRA stuff, like being willing to
commit EVEN if deep down he might
not commit if we wasn't so needy.
It's not the commitment of a guy who is secure.
So even that commitment that he offers her
is far less validating for her than if it were
from a guy who had many choices and wasn't
needy.
So she may even take him for granted,
and he STILL is willing to commit,
because he feels INFERIOR.
So all his commitment comes with creepy/needy
vibes instead of loving/giving/secure vibes.
So it's a totally different story if a guy
is not needy and he COMMITS to a woman
who clearly is COMMITTED to him and has
been committed to him all along as well.
Look, there are plenty of "bad" women,
but they don't have a monopoly on being
bad, plenty of men are just as messed
up and "bad" as those "bad" women.
(I put the word "bad" in quotes, because
seriously once you realize how ridiculous
and low self-esteem such "bad" behaviours
are, you really feel sorry for the "bad"
women. Cruel behaviours are ALWAYS
a symptom of insecurities. You just want
them to get emotionally healed. )
One of the biggest things that DOES
make women different from men is the
fact that women are taught (or maybe it's
biological, it doesn't matter) to be
more "hard to get" in order to not
be even REMOTELY labeled
"SLUTS".
Which brings me to the answer to your
second question, about wanting straight
women to be as sexual as lesbian women,
I can guarantee you some GOOD news:
Straight women ARE just as sexual!
They are MASSIVELY sexual!!!
But in general, unless you are dealing with
the wild party girl type, the sexuality MAX
only is going to happen if you properly
warm a woman up with the right vibes
beforehand, as I explain in my books and
in further depth in my DVDs and CDs.
If you want a woman to kiss her inhibitions
goodbye, all you have to do is make her
feel COMPLETELY psychologically
comfortable and TOTALLY able to trust
you.
This requires a combination of being sensitive
to her, listening to her, and yet also being A MAN
by taking responsibility for FULL ESCALATION,
so she can shirk off any feelings of guilt onto you!
(as in "HE was the one who made it happen" even
though of course they WANTED it to happen and
did everything in their passive power to make
it happen.)
Yeah, society is crazy for making women feel guilty
about sex, even when it's with the guy they LIKE!
But once again, let me assure you, straight
women very much are INSANELY sexual.
They just come with very sensitive "how to
heat and re-heat" instructions! ;)
Part of those instructions also means that when
you first approach a woman and you begin
chatting, you make sure not to get TOO
overtly sexual too fast, not too verbally sexual
too fast, or you will raise her ANTI-SLUT
ALARMS that cause her to go into
AUTO-SHUTDOWN. If she goes into
auto-shutdown, she will simply be
COMPLETELY unresponsive to any
further attempts to continue the pickup.
So if you just KNOW these things, you can
avoid these problems, and you will be able
to PROGRESS the interaction further, till
she has been properly warmed up psychologically
and she feels READY to go sexual to the max.
And while we're on that topic of good news
and good vibes, I have some other news:
You know how you hear all the bad news
about how horrible relationships are, and
how everyone is breaking up, and how
supposedly this is natural? Because
supposedly, we all have these "chemicals"
that make us selfish and hormonally
controlled?
Well, it's not exactly like that.
Because if it's CHEMICALS in our bodies
like hormones that they are referring to,
the reality is that there are OTHER
chemicals (such as oxytocin) in our bodies
that are JUST as PRIMAL, JUST as
"CONTROLLING" our behaviors and
just as "natural" that makes men and women
want to BOND and LOVE and treat other
FANTASTICALLY. LONG TERM.
A good friend of mine brought a great
book on this to me: Social Intelligence,
by Daniel Goleman.
I'm not going to reprint the book here,
but some amazing stuff is in there. In fact,
these "good vibes" are so PRIMAL that
they indeed exist even in ANIMALS,
not just in humans.
Monkeys would rather protect a fellow
monkey than get lots of food by pressing
a button that would also give an electric
shock to their fellow monkey. Yup,
they didn't want their friendly fellow
monkey to get zapped, even though
it meant sacrificing lots of free good
food. They preferred to protect the
monkey, and survive on far less
food.
And similar cool stuff with vampire bats,
and mice too! Vampire bats shared regurgitated
"food" with the "socially friendly" other bats
that were hungry, and the mice worked to
rescue a fellow mouse from a web on a line.
Also, long term relationship success it seems
can be PREDICTED with 90% accuracy,
and it's no surprise that the couples who
gave each other the most good vibes
were the ones who would almost certainly
have long term success.
In fact, because of the good vibes, what
happened was that even THINKING about
the other person was enough to trigger
oxytocin releases into the system.
And just BEING in each other's PRESENCE
would release oxytocin. (of course, it's
important not to SMOTHER each other,
that way, you both get to APPRECIATE
being with each other again.)
And of course this would result in each
of them genuinely validating each other,
raising each other's self esteem constantly,
and naturally unleashing the flood of great
feeling chemicals that ensues.
Can you imagine the NEVER ENDING
LOOP of positive bonding emotions that
go on in such a couple???
Over SEVEN ago, before all the
"official" research could back me up,
I already knew from my own research
and experiences that relationship
success was partially based on the idea
of having two people who took on the
perspective of appreciation and finding
EVER GREATER VALUE in the OTHER person.
I knew that this would trigger the
powerful emotions of desire and affection
simply by the THOUGHT of each other,
not only in the short term, but in the LONG
term as well, because in fact the more
it was done, the stronger the associations
would become linked between the thought
of that person and the chemical release.
You are what you think and do, and if two
people adopt this philosophy of seeking and
finding greater value in each other, they will
get better and better at finding value in each
other, and usually have a fantastic relationship.
And now, EVEN MORE evidence from
other researchers is pouring in to support
what I knew based on the couples I had
interviewed and met with.
By the way, people who had oxytocin blocked
became SELFISH and repulsive socially.
So jerks are either insecure or have a
serious deficiency of oxytocin in their
system. It's nothing to be proud of.
So you see, being a JERK and all "alpha bossy"
is just plain STUPID.
Don't be a JERK.
Don't be a NICE GUY.
Just be ONE HELL OF A MAN.
And if you'd like to learn EXACTLY how
to put it ALL together, from the first moment
you SEE her, to the actual APPROACH, all the
way to "getting physical", and beyond, into a
meaningful relationship if you so desire, then
you owe it to yourself to get the most powerful
resource on earth for achieving all this:
The Warrior Within Program DVD Set.
This special DVD Set contains all my most advanced,
revolutionary, real-world strategies and insights on
how to attract a FANTASTIC quality woman and
KEEP her attracted for as long as you want.
From the very first SECOND, you will see this program
is about making women feel GOOD.
It's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
And if you haven't already downloaded my eBook,
The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women,
then definitely do that NOW. This book is
especially important if you find yourself
constantly being "nice" in the WRONG way
that your gut knows is not right.
It's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Wizard.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
P.S. To find out about all my programs for getting
a great girl, go here:
http://getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.php
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