It’s awesome seeing theory in ACTION, and
seeing exactly how a guy is applying the science
and art of attracting women successfully. To me
this is the “sweetest science of all”. In fact, it’s
not just a “means to an ends” for me, but it’s
actually FASCINATING in and of itself.
So I’m going to use a fresh letter that just came
in to help show the beauty in all this stuff. We'll
see how a guy pulled off an awesome job attracting
a woman, and then we'll take a look at it in slow-mo,
blow-by-blow, so you can really get a good look
at what's going on.
Of course, this is not only going to be fun as heck,
it’s also going to be one awesome learning experience
about how to be even more successful with creating
attraction and also understanding the dynamics
of female culture and psychology.
So hold on tight and get ready for some fun:
>>>LETTER<<<
Michael,
Hey we had a phone consultation last Sunday.
I appreciate the knowledge that you shared
with me and your personal story as well. I gotta
couple things to say and a few questions as well,
you can put 'em in the newsletter if you like.
Your recent newsletter was about the guy who
got divorced, took out a new woman and had her
eating out of his hand, how he kissed her hand
like Don Juan instead of on the lips and left
rather than going home with her. Of course
you remember, you wrote it.
Also, if you remember in our phone conversation,
you mentioned how, internally, your negative
experiences with women that were the result
of you behaving according to the brainwashed
culture, eventually made you reach boiling point,
and put you over the top, and you decided from
there to not give a *(&%, to start giving women
“a hard time” and you said BAM the results just
happened. Even though you later improved upon
this and found a way to get even better results
without being abusive.
I have to admit that after seeing these things and
being logical, I like to play devil’s advocate and
do things that are counter to what others tell me
are true...
So...since our talk I checked on a couple of other
dating sites, just to see what people say compared
to you, I wanted to see if it was all the same, or if
everyone thinks they have their own great idea that
only works for them, but doesn't work for anyone
else, etc. I found that a lot of the others, while not
advocating being "Nice" or a wuss, were advocating
being a charmer through compliments and romantic
things and looking deep into her eyes and flirting on
and on, just introducing yourself and saying hi with a
big smile on your face... I've always thought this
would be a better fit for my personality, but am/was/
willing to give your stuff a go if it is what gets results...
Since I read your stuff first, I've filtered the other
stuff through it and compared everything I see/read to
what you've said. So, I've found that usually your info
is different than the rest and I didn't know if that was
good or not:
Well, the CLINCHER happened the other night as I
was working on the computer. I was doing some stuff
and I always leave the TV on just for background noise.
(One Of The Famous Dating TV Shows) was on. It's a
show where they put two people on a blind date, give
'em a car and let 'em go to a park, a restaurant, and bar
or something along those lines.
They show that the dude, I will call him Mitch (for
privacy’s sake) an average looking dude with dark hair
and an athletic build who works as a bouncer is going
to be going on a date with a smokin' woman who looked
a little like Carmen Electra. For privacy’s sake, I’ll
call her Anita. She's a model who was featured in a
VERY famous televised lingerie show with kazillions
of viewers.
Anyway, the dude was a &*&^%$# pr*ck the whole
night. He shows up an hour late, makes a comment
like, "Damn, that's a short a%# skirt."
They get in the car, right away he says, "I've never been
on a blind date...”, she starts to say "Yeah, me neither...",
but before she can FINISH the statement, HE says,
"and I don't know if I will again." She looks at him, and
goes "oh my gawd," but she is SMIRKING and totally
turned on. She gives a playful roll of the eyes right.
Anyway, he busts her all night, she at one point says,
"I think you're a di*&." He laughs, gets close to her,
and says, "What you think...? You think...?" She says,
"Okay, fine, you ARE a di**." He just laughs.
Later he says, among many similar type things, "I thought
they would hook me up with someone who was pretty,"
– YES HE SAID THIS.
Later, when the date is almost over, she gets serious,
and says, " You know I think you may have a little
insecurity, you kind of take it too far sometimes, the
teasing, and I don't like it." He smirks, looks away,
and comes back with, "You know, I don't like sheep,
women that just do what others do, so I had to see if
you would stand up for yourself, be different and not
be a pushover, and you have (stood up)."
She gives him a sultry look, bites her lower lip, and
says, "So you do it on purpose?" (i.e. to see if a
woman is up to your standard) and he says, "Well
yeah, but also because I know women like it." She
rolls her eyes again and smiles and licks her lips
and says "yeah whatever" in a total I WANT YOU
voice.
So they cut to the car ride home, in a taxi, and
they're makin’ out. Later they cut to the outside
of the house as he is saying goodbye (he didn't go
in, he is standing at her door) and he's like, "Hey,
it was fun, maybe we can do it again." And she
says, "You have my number, use it."
In the post date interview he says, "Once I saw
that the girl was bangin’, I knew, I knew, I
couldn't be nice if I was going to get in with her,
and yeah it worked." She says, "Yeah, he was
a little rude, but I kinda like it when guys don’t
flatter me, I'll definitely go on a second date if
he calls, but he needs to know the games will
continue."
All I could say was, "Sh**... Sh**!!! ...
Michael is right, oh man, dude is so friggin right."
I said it out loud, only one in the room, it hit me
that deeply. I realized how well it worked.
You said that even the “Paris Hilton” types try
to act better than others but they have some
insecurity issues of their own. And this guy
played it perfect, he made her question whether
she was all that cool or skinny or beautiful and it
put the pressure on her to impress him.
She was the one trying to get his approval as
the night went on, she didn't feel like she was
a princess the way she would have around 99%
of other guys. And right when she couldn't take
it, or maybe she was just playing, it doesn't matter,
he gave her a little self-esteem boost to let her
know that she has passed some of his tests and
is showing potential in meeting his standards.
So, in parting, much props to you man, you know
what you're talkin' bout. And some curiosities
were sparked from our phone conversation as it
relates to being a "smart aleck":
You told me that the key is to determine if a girl
is (culturally) "beautiful" (like a 9 or a 10) or not,
because the gorgeous ones need to see you are
superior in order for them to feel the boost, but
the cute ones who are like 6, 7 and 8s on the 10
scale you can actually compliment them some
(not their body) and smile a little and be more
charming because they will appreciate the attention
of a sincere guy.
So onto the questions:
1)Does the jerk approach only work with girls that
are in the upper range, like the 9s and 10s? I mean,
what if a girl is real conservative, or a small-town
country girl, you know good values and stuff, maybe
never had sex or like only with one guy that she dated
for 6 years, maybe never dated anyone seriously, but
she's also real hot, won't she have more respect for
herself and be offended by the jerk approach?
2)Likewise, say a girl has been cheated on a bunch
and dated about 10 jerks in her life. When she
decides to "settle down," because she hears her
biological clock ticking, won't she have learned
that the jerks don't change and end up going for
maybe a little bit older, overweight, financially
secure guy that she will refer to as "her sweetie,
who is so good to her," or something to that effect?
3)My opinion is that a two-pronged approach
works best. Be the more intense busting
type with women who know they’re "commodities",
and be a teasing charmer (like you were in the
bookstore with the two women) with the girls who
are a little more level-headed, what do you say?
I appreciate you making it through this long email.
***MY REPLY***
First of all, thanks for the awesome props on my material
and on the coaching you received over the phone
( http://getagreatgirl.com/PrivateCoaching.html )
And my congrats to you, for putting in the mental work
and using the coaching to MAKE THE MENTAL
JUMP TO HYPERSPACE. This is a MASSIVE step.
Suddenly you see the whole world of women
completely differently. It’s going to hit you again
and again in many more situations with women,
each time it will be like a psychological tidal wave,
and each time it will hit a DEEPER realization.
Your letter is especially worth noting because the
girl was a genuine Electra-like “hot one” and that
he was an average looking dude with an athletic
build, in other words, his GAME is what brought
him out on top.
And how did he ATTRACT her?
Did he try to bring her CLOSER to him?
No, as you clearly observed, he:
1.“Was a &*&^%$# pr*ck the whole night.”!
2. He shows up an hour late.
3. He is SEXUAL.
He ESTABLISHES A SEXUAL
FRAME in a playful but naughty way that
is not TOO over the board:
"Damn, that's a short a%# skirt."
4. He TEASES her NON-MALICIOUSLY
and is GOOD at it so that she sees his
superiority but also LAUGHS and feels
GOOD.
He says, "I've never been on a blind date..” She
starts to say, "Yeah, me neither..." but before
she can finish the statement, he teases her with
"And I don't know if I will again."
She looks at him and goes, "Oh my gawd," but she is
smirking and totally turned ON.
5. When she TESTS his CONGRUENCY, he is
CONSISTENT WITH HIS IMAGE AND DOES
NOT MELT.
She tests him by saying, "I think you're a di*&".
He LAUGHS in response.
He gets close to her and says:
"What you think...? you think...?"
This then forces her to say:
"Okay, fine you ARE a d(*&."
He just responds with a LAUGH.
CLEARLY he implies he does not need her,
yet since the way he did it is funny, it’s not
coming across as a JERK either.
This also prevents an argument, since he
AGREES with her statement by reframing
her “insult” as an actual COMPLIMENT.
Doing this is a sign of superiority which is
attractive, and yet he did it in a way that is
also funny to boot, which gets her in a more
receptive mood to ALL his actions.
6. HE INTELLIGENTLY TEASES HER SOME MORE:
He later says, "I thought they would hook me
up with someone who was pretty."
Keep in mind she is CLEARLY attractive, and
thus would not be “ZAPPED” too hard by this,
since she KNOWS she is PRETTY, she just now
isn’t so sure anymore that she is Heaven’s gift to
mankind. (By the way, I hate using numbers
like 1 or 10 to indicate attraction levels, but in
this medium of cyberspace these numbers
often help us get to the point.)
7. HE KNOWS WHEN TO SHIFT GEARS.
When it’s clear that he indeed has her attracted
to him for quite a while, and she is obviously
no longer testing him but being genuine when
she tells him that his teasing is getting out of
hand, he is NOT A TOTAL MORON, he GETS
IT (the truth is, he should have gotten this a little
sooner and eased up on the teasing, but at least he
gets it when she POINTS IT OUT TO HIM, that’s
why I say he is not a total moron) and he realizes
it’s time “go a little more genuine" and give her
that validation, BECAUSE NOW SHE IS
ACTUALLY ATTRACTED TO HIM, AND SO
THEREFORE SHE ACTUALLY CRAVES HIS
VALIDATION. BEFORE SHE WAS ATTRACTED,
SHE COULD NOT CARE less about his validation.
So, now that he knows she VALUES his
interest in her, he first off smirks in a
SUPERIOR confident way, so that his next
words will not sound as if he is justifying his
behaviour, will not sound “wussish”, and he
REFRAMES all the prior teasing as HIM doing
it all to QUALIFY HER, when he says, “You
know, I don't like sheep, women that just do
what others do, so I had to see if you would
stand up for yourself, be different and not be
a pushover and you have.(stood up for yourself)".
This was almost GENIUS, if perhaps accidental genius.
You see, he ALREADY made her attracted and made
her feel those emotions toward him by the actions he
did before, including the teasing, but he later RELABELS
the same actions to serve a NEW purpose now:
You see, she is ALREADY attracted, it doesn’t matter
if he now retroactively uses that previous stuff he did to
accomplish a NEW goal: That goal is to now make her
feel that she has been SELECTED, that she has passed
his tests, which of course makes her fears of being labeled
“easy” go away, for this is no “ordinary situation”, it is now
SPECIAL because she has EARNED his validation and
she has passed HIS tests!!! He has made it seem like he
will not just sleep with any woman, regardless of how
attractive she is on the outside.
Ahhh, so now she can feel more TRUST and connection,
as WELL as all the attraction.
As you described:
"She gives him a sultry look, bites her lower lip, and
says "So you do it on purpose?" And he says, "Well
yeah, but also because I know women like it."
I think he fumbled the ball a bit when he said, “Also
because I know women like it”, it sounds a bit wussish,
but the truth is that even this “fumble” might have been
advantageous, because he may have been SO
AWESOMELY COOL in her mind AT THIS POINT,
that it might have made HER feel that SHE was
outclassed, so by lowering HIMSELF a bit, and
seeming a BIT like he was seeking her and women’s
validation, it made him seem more REALISITIC,
a bit vulnerable. A bit more IDENTIFIABLE, like
any compelling character in a great movie.
I’d have to be there to observe how he said it, because
the idea of saying he said it “because women like it”
can actually work in a different way as well, almost
in the opposite way but an attractive way nonetheless,
it can make him seem to be real “bastard that
women love” type, i.e. he is not emotionally hung up
on the whole thing, he just does what works, (“women
like it”) which can be kind of attractive as well, since
he clearly does not PERSONALLY feel that his
self-esteem depends on her approval, he simply does
what works.
The bottom line is that he took a problem and solved
it by UNDERSTANDING intuitively what the situation
needed. In other words:
8. HE CREATED JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF
SEXUAL TENSION, not too much not too little.
Which gets us to her, “Yeah whatever" in a total
“I WANT YOU” type voice.”
9. HE PHYSICALLY ESCALATED WHEN SHE
WAS COMFORTABLE ENOUGH FOR IT:
“So they cut to the car ride home, in a taxi, and
they're makin’ out.”
He didn’t act like he was not a sexual being, he
made it CLEAR and he ESCALATED physically,
and he didn’t do it too early, but he certainly didn’t
wait for the date to be over before taking action.
10. HE ENDS OFF BY SHOWING HER HE
ACTUALLY LIKES HER SINCE AFTER ALL
SHE NOW CLEARLY WANTS HIM. HE
LEAVES HER WITH HOPE.
He says, "Hey, it was fun, maybe we can do it again."
She of course responds, "You have my number, use it."
11. SHE VERIFIES THAT HE IS RIGHT ON TARGET.
She tells the interviewer, "I kinda like it when guys don’t
flatter me, I'll definitely go on a second date if he calls,
but he needs to know the games will continue."
I repeat:
"I kinda like it when guys don’t flatter me.”
And:
SHE LIKES THE GAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Not mean-spirited jabs at her self-esteem, but
playful comments made to a woman who KNOWS
she's desirable. It's VERY crucial to understand
the difference!)
So, your reading of the situation is right on.
As I said, even the hot “Paris Hilton” types try to
act better than others but they have some insecurity
issues of their own. In fact, I personally am attracted
to girls who are MORE secure because they tend to
be more emotionally stable and play less games, but
these emotionally secure girls are EXTREMELY rare.
Anyway, as you clearly understood, this dude “played
it perfect, he made her question whether she was all
that cool or skinny or hot and it put the pressure on
her to impress him. She was the one trying to get
his approval as the night went on, she didn't feel like
she was a princess the way she would have around
99% of other guys.
And right when she couldn't take it, or maybe she
was just playing, it doesn't matter, he gave her a
little self-esteem boost by validating her, to let
her know that she has passed some of HIS tests
and is showing potential in meeting his standards.”
Bravo.
And remember, all the while he is still keeping her
laughing so he is never seeming bitter or inferior
and plus the laughing keeps the mood and the
atmosphere FUN.
And finally, to answer your questions:
“Does the jerk approach only work with girls
that are in the upper range, like the 9s and 10s?
I mean, what if a girl is real conservative, or a
small-town country girl, you know good values
and stuff, maybe never had sex or like 1 time
with a guy that she dated for 6 years, maybe
never dated anyone seriously, but she's also
real hot, won't she have more respect for herself
and be offended by the jerk approach?”
>>>MY ANSWER<<<
The answer is that definitely for the 9's 10's, in
general you have to shake up their reality and
make them feel the challenge to their "identity
of superiority", make them work to try to get
YOU to validate THEM. And of course, the very
fact they are TRYING to get you to validate them
is proof of attraction. It IS attraction.
If she is really conservative, small town, etc, it's
POSSIBLE she MIGHT be a candidate for a slightly
softer approach, but still, not as "soft" as you
might think. These women know the score, and
they get “spoiled” fast. So you have to CALIBRATE,
(measure the degree to how hard/easy you have to go)
by testing her reactions to things, reading her reactions
to things such as what you say and do. You get better
at this with experience.
Your second question:
“Likewise, say a girl has been cheated on a bunch
and dated about 10 jerks in her life. When she
decides to "settle down," because she hears her
biological clock ticking, won't she have learned
that the jerks don't change and end up going for
maybe a llittle bit older, overweight, financially
secure guy that she will refer to as "her sweetie,
who is so good to her," or something to that effect?"
>>>MY ANSWER<<<
Ahhhh yes, very very often, AFTER SHE HAS
been with ten thousand guys and run the party
circuit to the ground and she is no longer a
prime commodity (okay I'm exaggerating a bit
for comedy effect here, but I want to make a point)
and she has been SUPPOSEDLY "hurt and dumped"
and the jerks would never have her, she "gets smart"
(she was “smart” ALL ALONG, in fact that’s why she
only “got smart” when her looks were fading and her
biological clock started ticking), and she goes for the
“nicer guy” that you described because that is what
she NEEDS to settle down, because the other jerky
fun guys would NEVER settle down with her, especially
because these guys sense the FULL EXTENT OF
THE TRUTH about her since THEY WERE THE
TYPES OF GUYS she was with.
So of course these guys can’t be fooled and aren’t
about to give SECURITY and RESPECT and
COMMITMENT and MONEY to a girl like that.
I mean, they are hardly likely to give it to anybody,
so for sure not to a woman who they know better than
she knows herself.
So these women have to find a nice naive guy to
take advantage of, and who will act SO HAPPY
to be with her. Almost makes you puke, huh?
Yeah, me too. Or it used to, to be accurate.
This is why it’s SO IMPORTANT TO HAVE
THE SKILLS, even if you are NOT a player.
In fact the skills I teach go WAY BEYOND
this, and teach you how to get the really GREAT
girls that will also be good for a long term relationship.
These skills are important for SO MANY reasons-
not only for attracting a woman, but also these skills
help you SENSE what’s really going on so you can
know the difference between a good girl and a girl
who is PRETENDING to be one.
Your skills enable you to DETECT this kind of
stuff a lot better than your average joe. And of
course, since the skills make you far more attractive,
you will not be so easily used by any woman, in
the skills help you make a woman WANT to treat
you well on her own accord.
Your final question:
“My opinion is that a two-pronged approach
works best. Be the more intense busting
type with women who know they’re "commodities",
and be a teasing charmer (like you were in the
bookstore with the two women) with the girls who
are a little more level-headed, what do you say?"
>>>MY ANSWER<<<
It's all about how DESIRABLE the girl thinks
YOU are and also how she feels about HERSELF.
So to a girl who doesn't think she is so great,
(but keep in mind that most girls think they
are SUPERIOR to most guys, especially guys
without the skills) then this lower self esteem
girl will feel that a guy who IS more of a “nice guy”
to be more valuable than a guy who is a massive
smartaleck because she feels the smartaleck IS
IMPOSSIBLE FOR HER TO GET, therefore
she CUTS OFF IN HER MIND THE POSSIBILITY
OF BEING WITH HIM, so she doesn't feel ANYthing
for him.
A woman with lower self esteem doesn't feel
"challenged" by a guy who is cool, she feels
STOMPED ON.
It's like a woman who is a 10 being MEAN
to a total nerd.
The nerd doesn't feel challenged, he feels
horrible.
But if she was NICE to him, he feels maybe it's possible.
So it's all about calibrating the woman in front
of you and knowing WHEN to use WHAT.
And if you would like to make that GIANT
leap into a whole new DIMENSION of success
with women and dating, then you owe it to yourself
to take action NOW by getting your hands on my
latest program: WARRIOR WITHIN.
This program is about how to get results by
taking ADVANTAGE of your NATURAL masculine self,
instead of trying to HIDE it. Women actually
DESIRE this, they just can’t tell you out loud!
This program contains 8 DVDs, crammed with most
advanced training of its kind, to GET YOU RESULTS
with the very BEST types of women, inside and out.
If you don’t take action, there will be plenty of
folks happy to KEEP YOU IN THAT SITUATION,
because it makes them feel good to have someone
they can feel superior toward. So you have to
ask yourself what YOU want, not what they want.
It’s up to you to change your life.
It's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
And if you haven't yet downloaded my very first
book, "The Dating Wizard", then do that immediately.
It's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Wizard.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
P.S. To find out about all my programs, including
personal consultations, go here:
http://getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.php
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