Today, I'd like to share with you
two instantly applicable and powerful
insights regarding attracting a
woman.
The first is regarding something known
as CONGRUENCY.
Ever notice how the best singers don't
always have the best voices, but they
always seem to TRULY BE singing from
the heart? They seem to TRULY be
emotionally engaged in whatever it
is they are singing?
This is an example of congruency.
Everything they are saying is also
backed up with body language and
tonality that is totally consistent
with the song.
One of the coolest things that you will
find extremely empowering is that you
DON'T have to pretend to be someone
else in order to attract a woman.
It doesn't matter if you are a party
animal, or a shy guy, you do NOT
have to try to adopt a character
or identity that is not you.
The key is to learn how to be truly
comfortable in your own skin.
99% of people are not this way,
they are the victims of endless
bad programming and bad conditioning
since childhood. So this 'being
comfortable in your own skin'
thing takes some know-how
if you are going to get it
right.
At the very moment of approaching
a woman who is a stranger, most men
tend to do the very things that show
the OPPOSITE of who they really
are. This even happens with
women we might already know,
if we are attracted to them.
So, for example, a guy who is really
NOT into the pop culture will pretend
that he is a real know it all about
Britney Spears, Madonna.
Or a guy who is actually not into
money, but feels INSECURE about it,
will try to show a woman he knows
a lot about money.
Similarly, a guy who may not really
be into academic stuff will pretend
that he reads a lot when in reality
he doesn't.
Or a guy who is not into dance clubs
and lounges will pretend he is by
name-dropping all the "hot spots"
in the city, the local clubs, etc.
The reality is that it's far more
important to be congruent with
who you really are, as long as
that person is coming from a
place of warmth and confidence.
So, if you want to start a
conversation with a woman
at the local bookstore, then
try starting the conversation
with your genuine thoughts
about something relevant-
such as the book she is
reading.
Then, when she gives you her
response, you should respond
genuinely with your feelings
and thoughts about what she
said, as long as your thoughts
are coming from a place of
warmth and confidence.
A woman can detect the inconsistencies
and incongruencies in your demeanor,
which means she will know something
is "sketchy" or untrue about you
if you lie or pretend to be someone
else.
On the other hand, if you are truly
congruent and consistent with your
real identity, and you are SECURE
with that identity, you will attract
her by showing her that you are
a man who doesn't need to play
games with her. This also gives
her the permission for HER to
be herself as well, and there
is nothing on earth like the
feeling of being yourself
and feeling GOOD about that.
I have always said that the
greatest gift you can give
a woman is greater self-esteem,
and by showing it in yourself
and by showing comfort in
your own identity, you help
inspire her to do the same.
I've had clients who have ranged
from extreme extroverts to extreme
introverts, and they have all done
well with women, by learning how
to unleash their true personalities
and getting rid of all the things
that we all do to BLOCK our identity
out of the fear that maybe that
identity isn't "cool" enough.
The irony is that BLOCKING our
identity is the very thing that
causes a woman's attraction to
shut DOWN.
So, from now on, I suggest you
take a conscious note of all
the things you tend to do in
conversations with a woman
that BLOCK what you really
feel and who you really are-
from showing off, from acting
too cool, from acting like
anybody that you're not.
And STOP doing those things.
So, stop talking too fast.
Stop trying to qualify yourself.
Start actually listening to her
rather than worrying if you
are coming across as cool or not.
Learn to be present in the moment.
All you have is the moment, nothing
else exists, so enjoy that moment,
and the next, and the next, etc.
The next key I want to discuss is DOMINANCE.
A lot of times you hear that women are attracted
to guys who are dominant. Most guys however,
misunderstand this and think it means being
a hard-ass.
The reality regarding this is that it has nothing
to do with that at all. It has to do with several
other things, though, and today I'll get into
ONE of those things, and that is the erotic
applications of this.
As you will see right now, being
dominant in the right way is actually
being KIND to a woman.
For better or for worse, the fact of the matter
is that women even today are still under the
influence of social programming, and even
though there is so much liberation, a lot of
women still feel guilty about sex, believe it
or not. Also, even if a woman has zero
guilt, what I am about to say enhances
attraction as well.
So, for example, let's say you meet a woman
in a dance club or a lounge or wherever,
even a coffee shop while in line. And you
begin a conversation with anything from
"Coffee is only the beginning of my
vices, how about you?" to teasing
her on the fancy bright pink martini she
has ordered and saying "You know that
drink would go better if you were wearing
pink shoes" The fact of the matter is,
at some time in the interaction, you
have to ESCALATE things. So for
example, you might have to get her
to sit down with you because it's
kind of silly to be standing there
blocking the line once you both
have your coffee or whatever drink
you both ordered.
Well, for many women, if you just ASK
her, "Would you like to sit with me over
there?" even a woman who may very well
have been feeling attraction for you, she
might now say "Ummm sorry, I have
to get going, but thanks."
Meanwhile, had you just said with DOMINANCE
the following statement rather than question:
"You need to take a break with the best,
come here and sit down for a sec" she
would have far more likely have not only
AGREED to do it, but also been
TURNED ON by the way you said it
with such dominance.
There are tons of reasons for this.
For one thing, it shows you are a man who
knows what he wants and has clarity. You
are showing that you aren't even considering
that she might say no, that you are so confident
that she will say yes. There are tons of
positive associations to this, it says you
are a winner, that you know what you
are doing, from survival in the wilderness
to having a fun romp in bed. It's all good
stuff.
And, there is another level to all this as
well- and that is the fact that if a woman
has to lead the show in the beginning, she
feels guilty sometimes. Whereas if YOU
lead the show, she can feel that you were
just "being a man" being a "guy", etc,
as if it was a man's role only to do this
stuff. And perception is reality, so the
fact is, if you DON'T lead the show,
if you are NOT dominant in leading
things and escalating the interaction,
she will feel you are not a man, she
will feel guilty for leading the show
herself, etc.
The more you lead, the more she can
ENJOY the interaction and not worry
or feel guilty about it. Now, of course,
if a woman clearly says no to anything, then
you OF COURSE leave her alone. The idea
though is that you must take responsibility
for escalating the interaction, and for doing
it with dominance.
It's a far bigger turn on, and it allows her to
also feel GOOD about the whole thing rather
than worry about being perceived as a "slut",
etc.
As you have seen above, dominance is a
crucial element to being successful with
women, but it must be done RIGHT.
If you'd like to get the full picture on
attraction, from the walk-up to a woman
all the way to getting her home with you,
to being able to spot a woman who would
be a fantastic girlfriend, to building a
fantastic connection with her, you owe
it to yourself to get my Mastery Program.
This program will take you into greater
depth on every area of attraction than
anything else out there on the planet.
For example, just on dominance alone
you will find over an HOUR'S worth of
pure gold, and on CD 8, tracks 5-10, you
will find exactly how to open a conversation
using dominance and how to continue
it this way.
And much, much more.
It's at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/Mastery.html
And if you haven't yet downloaded my eBook-
Get A Great Girl, then do that now. It's got
TONS of ideas you can start using to meet
and attract the best quality women right
NOW.
It's at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/Book.html
And for IMMERSION "Hands-On"
training in real venues where you will
GET the skills in ONE WEEKEND,
go to my BOOTCAMPS page at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/realworld.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
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