The first is that ATTRACTING a woman is all about unleashing the positive PRIMAL emotions in yourself, which helps brings those SAME emotions out in her.
The more YOU are feeling sexual, confident, dominant, upbeat, and playful, as OPPOSED to feeling like a robot, or feeling worried about the outcome of the interaction, or feeling serious, the better your results will be.
Now the thing is, some guys will read that and take it out of CONTEXT.
They will go too far, or they won’t be intense enough.
It is important to OBSERVE the situation accurately, not only so you can GENERATE attraction, but also so that you can REALIZE an opportunity when you SEE it!
What is required for success is the proper CALIBRATION of those states of minds and actions, which means the proper amount and intensity of those things, depending on the situation and the woman, and depending on where you are at in the conversation.
So, for example, let’s say you are at a major mall and you see a woman carrying a bunch of shopping bags and she looks tired as she is plodding her feet along. You approach her and make a playful comment teasing her on how it seems she has done some real “work” today. Perhaps she smiles at you and chuckles and she says she’s done a lot of “damage” (i.e. to her finances from all the purchases).
Well, now that she is clearly OPENING UP TO YOU, you have to CALIBRATE properly. Do you decide to tease her FURTHER? And if so, how intense should the tease be, so that it doesn’t come across as mean-spirited?
A comment like, "You’re going to really regret it" is just MEAN and NOT FUNNY- unless you reallllly deliver it with the right tonality and expression.
A better comment from you in response to her mentioning how she has damaged her finances might be: "Hey, is the stuff you bought for you?"
This might be better, because let’s say she says that it is, you might then reply with, “Well that’s cool, you know that charity begins at home!”
And now she may smile AGAIN.
So now you have a woman that was a total stranger just moments ago, who has opened up to you, and revealed that she has possibly done something she lightly regrets, (and as such has now engaged in a subtle form of disclosure with you, which is an element you can use to build greater connection as you do the same as well to follow up), and you have gotten her to smile or laugh- all IN SECONDS from meeting her.
By saying something positive like that, you are keeping the conversation upbeat and rewarding her for talking to you, a total stranger. She might smile in response to the “charity begins at home” comment, or she might laugh, but no matter what she says, chances are it will be a positive reaction because you CALIBRATED properly.
But now at THIS POINT, now that you have got her a little more INVESTED in the interaction by mere fact that she is actually speaking with you, you might want to add a bit of SPICE to the conversation by introducing a touch of “positive/playful tension” i.e. not making it too easy for her to get you, otherwise she will likely feel the whole interaction went TOO FAST, and is thus somehow “not right”—this is because women are conditioned to expect there to be a certain amount of “the dance” (figuratively speaking) before she will actually escalate to the next stage with you.
It can happen pretty darn fast, but not TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fast, or it actually LOSES the very feeling of chemistry, of fun, of romance.
This is why, the IRONY of learning to attract women, once you get some experience at it, is actually about learning to SLOW THINGS DOWN, and NOT speed things UP.
I know that probably sounds strange, right? After all, most guys want to know how to SUCCEED, not how to SLOW THINGS DOWN EVEN FURTHER, right?
But yet success requires just a LITTLE BIT OF SLOWING DOWN for what actually is going to be a FAR MORE EFFECTIVE AND EFFICIENT result.
Think about it- what do most guys do?
They basically SKIP all the FUN, the vibing, the playful, the connection, and just want to get to “So, do you wanna go out sometime?” or they say something like, “Hey, you’re beautiful, what’s your number?” if they say anything at all.
This SKIPS the entire possibility for creating CHEMISTRY, for creating that VIBE where it’s all about building up the sexual tension, the playful ‘ping-pong’ of energy going back and forth between the two of you as you both engage in repartee, also known as “banter”.
Women UNDERSTAND THIS, WANT THIS, AND CRAVE THIS.
THIS is why a woman, if she LIKES you, will actually try even HARDER to slow it down, so that you actually DO have a chance, ironically.
She needs you to make it feel RIGHT to her- and it's really not hard to do, plus if you think about it, it's more fun for you as well, since it gives you a chance to feel out her personality before going further. Good things in life are never rushed.
All YOU have to do is UNDERSTAND this “mating dance before the mating dance” if you will.
Slow it DOWN, have some FUN, and yet also be AUTHENTIC.
Okay, but you probably are wondering how the heck can you do this when you are feeling NERVOUS about making the approach, right? How can you be PLAYFUL and all the other good stuff when you feel your heart is going to explode?
Well guess what? If your heart feels like it’s going to EXPLODE, that can actually be a GOOD thing as well, because it means you have PASSION, it means that you really LOVE women, it means that you have a lot of ENERGY in you that just needs to be TAPPED properly- and let me tell you something- PASSION is attractive to women.
Passion for love, for music, for art, for your hobbies, for learning, for sports, PASSION itself is attractive.
You can use that passion to MOTIVATE you.
Also, your passion for HER is something she may very well DETECT, and that is NOT a bad thing, it can be a very good thing.
And guess what? It’s OKAY to not be PERFECT in your approach, especially as a beginner, as every single guy HAS to start off LESS THAN PERFECT!!! Your first approaches might very well SOUND nervous, stammered, and you might not be able to keep the conversation going for more than a few seconds- THAT’S OKAY!
You will get BETTER with PRACTICE, you will get better at CALIBRATION.
And also, as I said before, if you are being AUTHENTIC at all times, and not telling her lies, and genuinely trying to connect, she will SENSE that, and it will HELP you.
In fact, this is something I realized that came out of something painful. Personally, I see no point to being with a woman unless there is an intense personal connection that is mutual, but I understand that not everyone is like this.
However, because connection really IS everything to me, it resulted in many relationships where I just felt the connection wasn’t strong enough, and so it wasn’t meaningful enough to me.
I used to think everyone else was crazy, but then I realized that actually I have this innate burning obsession for connection that goes far beyond what most people require or are even capable of- so although it made me feel super alone with almost every woman I ever met because the connection wasn’t strong enough, my burning obsession for intense connection DID result in me creating a connection that the WOMEN felt was super strong, and it wasn’t their fault that THEY couldn’t create the SAME feeling of connection- not most of them.
But my point to you is that connection and authenticity are VERY powerful, so powerful in fact that you will find it is the most important part of the interaction in terms of what you are doing actively. The rest- i.e. you being in the positive state of mind, takes care of most of the other aspects of the attraction.
If you have the connection part down, the rest is simply more about NOT RUINING a woman's natural attraction to you by doing something to WRECK the moment, than it is some major thing you have to actively do aside from the connection. Again, this is because a woman picks up on your state of mind subconsciously from your body language, tonality, facial expressions, all which flow from your state of mind.
The more you genuinely care about these things the better you will do with women.
Of course, learning under my coaching from my books and programs, and learning even FASTER by learning from me in PERSON, will get you to a HIGHER LEVEL OF MASTERY MUCH SOONER, but you can start right NOW with whatever level you are currently at this moment.
One of the KEYS is to realize that the conversation has to KEEP GOING for a certain amount of time, before enough minutes have gone by that you actually pass the “stranger zone” and are now someone she feels she actually HAS a real INTEREST in, whether that is because you managed to attract her so powerfully, or even if you just made a really damn good impression in general through your wit, your connection skills, and your general sense of control over yourself where you give off an air of masculinity and positivity and you make her feel safe and secure.
But TIME IS IMPORTANT, the conversation does have to continue for at least a few minutes, and I have found statistically from experience myself and the experience of the clients I’ve coached, that this is usually about 7 minutes to about 20 minutes.
Past 20 minutes, and you are usually reaching a point of diminishing returns, meaning that it’s not BAD to continue it, but you are not really attracting her much MORE beyond what you already did, nor are you enhancing the connection further, it tends to PEAK at about 20 minutes when everything is done right.
So, that means typically that she has been smiling, laughing, perhaps also moments of looking really seriously into your eyes, and just moment of chilling out being COMFORTABLE IN YOUR PRESENCE, as well as moments where you two are connecting over something shared that is meaningful, whether it is a shared experience, a shared value, a shared element of childhood, etc.
Also, during the interaction, it is important that indeed there IS a time when you are actually doing nothing but just having a nice quiet moment together, where she just feels good being with you, she as a woman with a man, and you just feeling that awesome feeling of being with a woman you like-no words need to be spoken.
So, ALL these things are important elements of a successful interaction, and yet they have one COMMON THREAD- and that is that they all HAPPEN VERY EASILY from you WHEN YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT STATES OF MIND.
And this is why when you put too much pressure on yourself to GO ATTRACT WOMEN, you actually end up often coming across as awkward and not natural at all. And it’s harder to be playful, and to truly be indifferent to the outcome.
And during these situations, it’s easy to end up OVERCOMPENSATING for feelings of anxiety or insecurity by going TOO far with the teasing so that it ends up coming across as hurtful and not playful, or you end up going TOO FAR with the connection stuff and it seems like you are desperately trying to grab at straws for something to share in common.
So here are some things to help you chill out and improve your success when you approach women:
1. Don’t make it the only focus of your activity.
This is why I suggest you include meeting women as part of your OTHER activities, like shopping, playing sports, going to the bookstore, getting a coffee, etc.
Just make sure these other activities are RELAXED or POSITIVE, so that you are ALREADY in state when the moment of opportunity rises.
This way, your mind was already occupied with something else positive, and now that you are seeing a woman you find attractive, you are ALREADY in state, and you haven’t had time to freak yourself out. You are psychologically ready to take IMMEDIATE action.
2. Regarding finding a connection, let’s start with the basics- MAN AND WOMAN.
So if you have started the conversation with an observational comment about something, (keep it positive), or you have playfully teased her, or even if you just went right up and gave her a meaningful compliment that was authentic, the fact is there IS ALREADY one connection you both have.
She is a woman, you are a man.
That’s enough of a reason to already BUILD something together, because as long as you are exuding positive energy and good vibes and you are in a good state, there is the PULL of sexual attraction, and the shared desire to be with each other on a very primal level, even though of course as a modern society we don’t have to ACT upon these feelings at all- but the fact of the matter is they are THERE.
If they weren’t there, there wouldn’t be a society at all!
So in the back of your mind, know this, to help you relax.
And when your mind is FREE to feel RELAXED, your CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS are now UNLEASHED.
THIS IS A SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN FACT. It is BIOLOGY.
When you are feeling PANICKED, your brain shuts down all the NON-ESSENTIAL skills for survival, and puts your body and mind into “FIGHT OR FLIGHT” mode.
This is where you get your heart beating fast, adrenaline pumping, and you are ready to fight, flee, or freeze.
Unfortunately, that is very BAD state to be in when you actually need your MIND to be FULLY AWAKE so that you can PROCESS all the data that flows from her in a conversation.
You want your mind in the most RESOURCEFUL state, where it can LISTEN well, PERCEIVE well, be able to be playful, witty, observe patterns in things she is saying or simply understanding her words, her body language, her tonality so that you can give her meaningful feedback, etc.
So chill out by knowing that it you already have something going for you—the fact that she is a woman who has been HARDWIRED and that you are a man who has been HARDWIRED to feel a certain way about the opposite gender.
THAT is a connection, whether it is SAID or not.
Also, realize that most people could use an ENERGY LIFT in their day, and the GREATEST BOOST in our emotions tends to come from our INTERACTIONS with others, and here YOU ARE, actually putting some POSITIVE ENERGY into HER DAY, making it more fun, sexual, and interesting.
That means there is a very GOOD CHANCE she will be RECEPTIVE to you.
The most AMAZING thing to me is that we are living in a society where you really CAN meet almost INFINITE women, all you need is to have the KNOW-HOW, and it can actually be EASY.
Now, there is a whole OTHER side, which is about how to work on yourself and how to SCREEN the women you meet so that you both are able to enjoy having an AWESOME relationship together long term, but that is a whole other discussion, one that I also teach and that is super-important as well.
But for now, let’s get the FIRST PART handled, shall we? How to GET the girl in the first place.
The BEST thing you can do is take a BOOTCAMP with me, in PERSON.
I will teach you EVERYTHING you need to know, by providing you with PRIVATE and PERSONALIZED coaching as you learn to approach and attract women in DOZENS of different venues from bookstores to coffee shops to public transit to supermarkets and just about everywhere else!
Learning from my books and audio and DVD programs is a FANTASTIC start, and taking my PERSONAL COACHING and BOOTCAMPS allow you to MAXIMIZE your success in these skills.
Every man is different, so the first thing I do is observe your interactions with women, so that I can find out exactly what it is YOU need to SKYROCKET your success.
You will notice a MASSIVE DIFFERENCE IMMEDIATELY upon using what I show you. I’m not just talking about AFTER bootcamp, you will even notice how things change IMMEDIATELY for the better with women for you, upon you putting into effect the things I teach you.
The results and the proof are simple. You take the program. You decide the women you want to attract, ANYWHERE. You see BEFORE YOUR EYES the results, and you be the judge yourself.
To learn more about my BOOTCAMP, go here:
http://getagreatgirl.com/bootcamp-sign-up.html
Remember, in bootcamp, you get PERSONALIZED and PRIVATE coaching. That means the bootcamp is EXCLUSIVE. All my time is spent on YOU and you only. This allows for you to have an ACCELERATED learning rate compared to bootcamps where your time with the instructor is divided amongst another couple of students, or another three students, etc.
And even more importantly, I am the guy who basically CHANGED THE ENTIRE PLAYBOOK for the field of how to approach and attract women. From getting rid of pick-up lines, to generating attraction in a more natural way, to learning how to screen for the kind of women who will treat you right, to raising the entire standard on “inner game”, and much more.
That means when you ask me a question, you are not getting a robotic answer, you are getting the answer from a man who has devoted his LIFE to helping men deal with the CRISIS inflicted upon them from a world where women have been brainwashed, men have been brainwashed, and where men are often made to feel BAD about even feeling DESIRE for a woman!
I understand just how much TORTURE it can be to feel HELPLESS in this area, to feel ALONE, to feel OVERWHELMED.
I truly GET IT.
And when you learn from me, you will learn not only how to attract women, but how to go about the entire endeavor in a way that is consistent with a holistic approach to life in general- you will learn to do it all in a way that is SUM-SUM. You win, the woman wins, and it LASTS.
Again, BOOTCAMP is at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/bootcamp-sign-up.html
And to find out about all my books, audio, and DVD programs, go here:
http://getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.html
Each one of these programs was made with painstaking effort and care, and I know you will benefit from all of them.
Till next time,
Michael Marks
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