The Beginner’s Mindset and The Happy Attractor

AN ABSOLUTELY VITAL, SUPER-IMPORTANT message
today regarding the truth about attracting women.

Before I get into the nitty-gritty, though,

there is something I need to tell you.

ACCURACY is important to me.

Not screwing guys up is important to me.

It is for this reason, that when I started out

in this field, I didn’t call myself the best

in the world.

After all, had I actually MET every guy in the

world, and truly compared myself to him?

That would be impossible, and so it would

be impossible to verify whether I was for

sure the best on the planet earth at this stuff.

It’s interesting, there have been studies showing

that the more QUALIFIED someone TRULY IS,

the less they actually tend to overestimate

their ability, and in fact they UNDERESTIMATE

their true value, their true ability, their true

proficiency.

On the other hand, those who actually are the

farthest from competent tend to OVERESTIMATE

their value, their proficiency at their skill, etc.

Allow me to explain to you one of the most

important guiding points of my life- it is called

KEEPING THE BEGINNER’S MINDSET.

At first glance, this might sound bad.

Beginner’s mindset?

Isn’t that a sign of low-self esteem?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

What it means, is that when you have the

“Beginner’s Mindset”, you NEVER stop learning.

You never take the attitude that you are already

so great, so perfect, that you don’t need to learn

as MUCH as possible.

And the truth is, all the best experts at anything

tend to LIVE by this attitude.

Speak to the greatest champion weightlifters or

bodybuilders, and they will usually tell you that

they are STILL learning things about the bench-press

or squat or some other exercise.

Speak to the greatest martial artist, and they will

usually display an attitude of humility regarding

their own skill, and be hungry to learn MORE.

In one of the greatest Rocky films, Rocky III,

we are introduced to the concept of the

EYE OF THE TIGER, the concept to “stay

hungry” to keep on DEVELOPING, to keep

wanting to get BETTER.

In the film, Apollo takes Rocky away from his

rich environment that he acquired from success,

and takes him back to a far more ROUGH training

area, far more close to his EARLY DAYS, where

all the other guys ALSO have the EYE OF THE TIGER.

NONE OF THEM feel they are already so perfect

that they don’t need to TRAIN HARD, TO LEARN,

TO PUSH THEMSELVES TO THE MAX.

 

Similarly, if you are learning how to play music,

but you start to feel you are so perfect, and you

start to feel so much like an expert, you then

LOSE the HUNGER, the desire, to KEEP ON

IMPROVING.

A bit of INSECURITY keeps you pushing yourself

to be your BEST.

I remember hearing some of the most famous and successful
film directors, including James Cameron (AVATAR) and
Steven Spielberg (JURASSIC PARK), and they mentioned
that they STILL feel some fear when they step on the set
of a new film they are making.

They also take on projects that challenge them in

new ways they haven’t been challenged by before.

SUCCESS IS ACTUALLY FUELED BY THE BEGINNER’S MINDSET.

And the thing is, I wasn’t TRYING to have the

beginner’s mindset as a path to excellence, it

was the GENUINE way I always felt. I NEVER

felt satisfied with what I learned, I always

wanted more, I never felt I knew as much as

these guys who kept saying they were the

best in the world and that they were a hundred

times better than anybody else- in fact, when

I heard that stuff from them, I figured I must

REALLY NEED TO WORK A HUNDRED TIMES

HARDER TO EVEN COME CLOSE TO THEM!!!!

This attitude of obsession in trying to learn, in

trying to improve, in trying to be accurate, is

why my work never ends, and never stops

developing, and why I never stop learning from

others.

It is also why it is a good idea to get personal

live coaching from me, because you are then

getting the absolute, most up-to-date developments

from my work, whether it is in how to approach

and attract women, or how to solve relationship issues

or how to detect a quality woman.

And make no mistake about it- my work is still

developing.  Although from day ONE, I have known

that the crucial issue is how men have been taught

to go against their own masculine instincts due to

the things they have been learning from a culture

that attacks masculinity and attacks men for being

men, in recent months thanks to the help of an

incredible friend of mine, it has become clear to

me that there is a very clear SOURCE of this problem.

Knowing the source, means knowing how to

avoid the problem.

So, not only is it important to CHERISH AND

CONVEY your masculinity, in all the ways you

will find in my materials and programs, but it

is also important to AVOID the women who

have been CONFUSED by feminism – confused

because on one hand, they are indeed attracted

to the men who convey masculinity, but they

STILL are also confused how to respect a

RELATIONSHIP, because feminism has taught

them perverted values- including arrogance,

promiscuity, and that career is more important

than family- in essence, it explains the destruction

of the family unit in our times.

Most men may very well have the desire for

infinite women, but they have an even stronger

desire for a good woman, and are willing to make

the trade-off.

Most men are looking for something more than

a woman who is willing to have sex with them,

but who is already off to the next dude before

she has even finished giving the guy her number.

One of the reasons the pick-up artist movement

has taken off is because they have discovered how

easy it is to get women to get physical- but this has

nothing to do with getting a woman to be the right

one for a relationship.  It has to do with the simple

fact that there are more promiscuous women than

ever, and since women tend to be the gate-keepers

on this, if women are promiscuous, then OF COURSE

most men will just line up for it.

Most people are weak.

They don’t want to accept the reality that maybe

finding the right person might require some CHANGES

in their lives, like having to be far more careful when

screening a woman for her values, and like having to

possibly do more searching, or having the strength

to TURN DOWN some women, even if they are

attractive, if they are not right for your values.

But you need to remember one thing:

The wrong woman will RUIN you faster

than any other force on earth, and the

short-term excitement she offers you

will not be worth the CYCLONE of

emotional destruction you face if you

end up thinking you can “make her”

see the light.

So, if you want advice from someone who

is NEVER satisfied with the progress he has

made, with someone who KEEPS ON STRIVING

to improve and to be as ACCURATE as possible,

then I do suggest you contact me.

I don’t guarantee you perfection, but I do

guarantee you that I will give you my absolute

best, that is based on over ten YEARS of relentless

obsession in this field.

Okay, onto the ADVICE part of this newsletter:

Have you ever wondered why a guy will
suddenly do better with ALL women
once he GETS a woman interested in him?

Maybe you thought that this is because
he suddenly now has CONFIDENCE.

This is true, but it actually goes DEEPER
than this.

What has happened is that he is also
HAPPIER (and confidence is PART of
being happy), and it is THAT EMOTION
that is a BIG part of what I am talking
about when I talk about the COMBINATION
of emotions that form the “magic mix”
to attract women.

One of the craziest ironies is that we are
living in a time that emphasizes the
INDIVIDUAL’S happiness.  So each
person is really busy focusing on themselves,
their career, their personal lives, etc.

As opposed to a long time ago when it
was all about getting married young,      
and focusing on love of family, country,
religion, etc.

And yet, people are no happier now that
they get to focus on themselves so much.

The reason is because HAPPINESS is
all about the EFFORT one puts into
doing the DEEP INNER WORK on
himself or herself.  And unfortunately,
people THINK that a good life is a life
where they don’t have to expend EFFORT,
and unfortunately people simply DON’T
BELIEVE the truth which is that a huge
portion of happiness comes from working
on one’s attitude.

The happier you are, the more POSITIVE

an experience a woman is going to have

when around you.

The following quote comes from:

http://family-psychology.com/ratios-predicting-divorce-and-marital-dissatisfaction/

“Psychologists have carried out substantial research over the past several decades trying to understand the secrets of why some couples are able to stay together and others are not.

For instance, John Gottman, Ph.D., at the University of Washington, has studied over 2,000  couples, and he has had remarkable success in predicting which couples will make it and which  will not. Contrary to popular wisdom, one of his findings is that increased sex does not necessarily improve a relationship. 

He also found that financial problems do not always imply trouble for a couple. 

One of Gottman’s major findings is that couples who fight are not necessarily on the road to a breakup. In fact, frequency and intensity of fights do not correlate with marriage (dis)satisfaction.

Gottman makes the point that arguments may be constructive in building a long-term relationship because they help us to clarify our needs and increase mutual respect between partners. But whether the arguments will lead to a breakup or not depends on how the couple resolves conflicts.

Couples counseling or marital counseling is not necessary to learn these but it is helpful in avoiding common pitfalls while developing and practicing new skills.

Ratios Predicting Successful Marriages/Relationships – 5:1 during conflict, 20:1 otherwise.

One finding to emerge from the research is that couples are likely to succeed if they have a healthy balance between positive and negative interactions.

In fact, strong relationships have a five to one ratio– five parts positive interaction to one part negative while discussing a conflict. Couples who break up, on the other hand, tend to have more negative than positive interactions.

For successful, contented couples, the ratio of positive to negative interactions when not in a conflict discussion averages 20:1.

Our ability to draw on the good will and positive experiences during a conflict maintains respect, trust, and connection during conflict, seeing us through to a resolution or at least to an agreement to carry us through until the issue comes up again.”

So, that’s a 5 to 1 ratio when IN CONFLICT,

so that even when in conflict, the ratio of

positive to negative massively must be on

the side of the positive.

And when NOT in conflict, the ratio of

positive to negative is TWENTY to ONE!!!!

There is no way on EARTH that a guy can

do this if he is not ALREADY in a GOOD MOOD.

If you are constantly in a negative frame of mind,

it will DISTORT your perception of everything,

and it will lead to ENDLESS conflict with the

woman you meet, no matter how good she is.  

There is a great book, called The How
of Happiness, that I suggest everyone
read. It is one of the ONLY books on this
topic that is not full of gimmicks but rather
has taken the SCIENTIFIC METHOD to
its approach. 

I was delighted to find out how INSANELY

MUCH it has in common with some of my

own content, because for example,  
I explain how you don’t have to be a
JERK to show you are tough, or to attract
women,  and you don’t have to manipulate
women to get them interested in you, and
that in fact the better you are able to
experience POSITIVE EMOTIONS,
the easier it will be to attract women.

The reason why this is, is because people
want to feel RELAXED around others,
they want to feel GOOD.

A lot of guys mistake this with KISSING
UP to a woman, but KISSING UP TO
A WOMAN is actually doing the opposite
because it reeks of DESPERATION.

The fact is, when a guy is really worshiping
a woman out of a scarcity mentality, out of
desperation, out of fear of not being able
to find another woman, out of fear of thinking
that SHE is the sole provider of his self-esteem
and happiness, he is ACTUALLY giving off
a horrifyingly REPULSIVE “vibe” where
a woman can FEEL all those negative emotions
in him- those emotions can be DETECTED,
and they don’t feel good to be around.

On the OTHER HAND, when a man can
STILL be good to a woman, but it’s all
coming from a sense of HIS OWN HAPPINESS,
his own calm, and NOT his DESPERATION
for her, or his need for her, THEN a woman
LIGHTS UP around him.

Now, the thing is, when FIRST approaching
a woman, in a non party environment, you CAN’T
just go up to her in TOTAL EXTREME HAPPY
mode on the surface, or she will think you are nuts.

And this is where a lot of guys get mixed up
and confused.

You can’t just go up to a woman in the
bookstore and be fully REVEALING that
you are EXPLODING WITH HAPPINESS.

The reason is that people like that are SO RARE,
that a woman will just think something is wrong
with you.

So, in that FIRST MOMENT, just be DEAD
SERIOUS in your expression on your face.

Not angry.  Just stoic.  Showing no emotion.

Say whatever it is that you are going to say,
as your conversation opener, in that super
stoic-style tonality.

BUT THEN, once she is starting to TALK
to you, you should THEN reveal and unleash
the FULL INTERNAL POWER of your
EXPLODING SUNSHINE.

Take the conversation to the most inspiring
place, the funniest place, the most meaningful
place, the kindest place, the most interesting
place, MAKE THE CONVERSATION
DAMN POSITIVE, AND MAKE SURE
YOU MEAN IT WITH EVERY MORSEL
OF YOUR SOUL.

Man, you do this, and you are going to
have so many women at your fingertips,
you are going to need a new program from
me called HOW TO STOP WOMEN FROM
CONTACTING YOU WHEN YOU HAVE
TOO MANY CONSTANTLY BEGGING YOU
FOR YOUR ATTENTION ALL THE TIME.

We are brainwashed to think that acting mean,
tough, negative, etc, is somehow “cool”, that
being depressed is stylish, while being happy
is cheesy and for idiots.

NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM
THE TRUTH.

It’s EASY to get depressed, to be negative,
to be pessimistic. THAT is why so many
people frame it as COOL, because they
HAVE BEEN DUPED by their own
negative emotions to think that negativity
IS the right emotion.

But it ain’t.
In fact, if you ever see a knockout of a woman
who is constantly single, it just might be because
she is a really negative person, so she drives away
any normal guy, and she herself is repulsed by the
negative desperate guys.

Negativity IS REALLY A REPULSOR, even
if a woman is gorgeous on the outside, and
even if a guy has EVERYTHING ELSE
going on for him on the outside. 

Also, it is VITAL to realize, and this
is pointed out in The How of Happiness,
that one's EXTERNAL circumstances ONLY
account for 10 percent of one's sense
of happiness.

Yup, 10 percent.
This is why it is so important, if you
want to KEEP a woman attracted to you,
that you learn how to STAY happy in
general, otherwise when the initial
excitement you felt from getting her
wears off, your happiness will go away.

If your entire sense of happiness
depends on her and if you think
that without her, life will be
pointless, you won't be happy,
and THAT will definitely push
her away.      

On the other hand, if you learn how
to be deeply positive in your own way,
and feel a deep sense of meaning in
your life, then you will actually
enjoy her more, because you are
not expecting her to be the source
of all your positive emotions,
and of course this superior state
of mind that you are in will
also ATTRACT HER MORE TO YOU.

So, let me give you some tips for CHANGING
your INTERNAL STATE:

ONE: REFRAME

What I mean by this, is FIND A NEW
perspective on things that you think
are NEGATIVES or WEAKNESSES
about yourself or your life.

So, if you think you are too old for
a woman, just remember that most
women complain that the guys they
meet are emotionally immature, and
that tons of women CRAVE older men.

If you think you are too young for a woman,
just remember how IMPRESSIVE it will
be if you show that you actually HAVE
the maturity of an older man WHILE ALSO
being super young.

If you think you are too short, just
think about how the vast majority of
heart throbs in Hollywood are actually
shorter than average.

If you think you are too tall, just remember
that plenty of women will find themselves
feeling very feminine in your presence
and crave that masculine polar opposite
feeling that you will give her.

If you think that you are not rich enough,
remember that money does not PHYSICALLY
attract a woman, so you can easier know if a
woman that is with you is genuinely attracted
to you or not.    

There is ALWAYS another perspective,
but it is up to YOU to put the ENERGY
into FEELING that perspective.

I can tell you that most people simply
DO NOT PUT ANY EFFORT IN
to actually doing ANY reframing
in their mind.

It is INSANE.

It is like going to the gym and expecting
to get BIG MUSCLES by SITTING
on the bench press machine or STANDING
with the squat bar on you, and the author
of that book gives a similar analogy.

TWO:  BE AWARE OF THE NEGATIVITY BIAS

Rick Hanson, Ph.D., psychologist and Senior

Fellow of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley,

has done great work on this important topic.

In a nutshell, it is crucial to remember that our

minds play a TRICK on us:  The human mind

tends to be more PESSIMISTIC than the reality

of most people actually warrants.

The reason for this is because a LONG TIME

AGO, when humanity was out on the Serengeti,

it actually DID make sense to have this attitude,

there really WERE that many immediate dangers,

so it WAS helpful to instinctively be that pessimistic.

But this hard-wiring no longer helps us.

So, be being AWARE that the human mind automatically   

latches onto the NEGATIVE perspective very easily,

you can help CATCH yourself when this happens to you.

This leads to step THREE:

THREE: SAVOR THE GOOD STUFF

Hanson also explains how we as humans tend to

DISMISS good things that happen to us, rather than

SAVOR them.

By SAVORING the good things that happen to us,

no matter how small, we actually INCREASE

our ENJOYMENT of ALL the good things that

happen to us, so we start to really be able to

SOAK IN THE MAXIMUM JOY, AND THUS THE

MAXIMUM OPTIMISM.

And all this not only feels good, and not only

makes women want to be around you a whole

lot more, and not only makes you far more

resourceful in turning any negative into a

positive, but you also are actually far more

CONSISTENT with reality- the hard-wiring

towards negativity is the REAL distortion.

FOUR: HAPPINESS DOESN’T HAVE TO MEAN

BURSTING WITH ECSTASY

Happiness can take many forms. Having a

sense of MEANING, for example, from something

or from some work that you do, from having

a hobby or a friendship – it can be different things

for different people -  the bottom line is that a

sense of meaning often gives people a very deep

and peaceful feeling even if that thing requires

a lot of work.

A sense of meaning also often gives you far more

energy for life as well.

FIVE: EXERCISE

As a former personal trainer, I can tell you that

EXERCISE is inextricably bound with your sense

of happiness and inner peace in a most PRIMAL

way.

The human body and mind are connected.

The body and mind were meant to work hard.

So, you MUST have exercise built into every day.

The biggest reason most people don’t exercise

is because they are too tired or they don’t have

time.

So here is what you should do if you are not

exercising and if those are the reasons why:

First of all, part of the reason you are tired is,

IRONICALLY, because you are not exercising.

Now, I am absolutely not saying that you should

go for some HARD-CORE workout if you are not  

getting enough sleep- which by the way, is also

important- get enough sleep- but my point is

that even a LITTLE exercise is A TRILLION TIMES

BETTER than no exercise.

Take a brisk walk around the block.

Go on a stationary bike.

Do some pushups, some standing squats.

Do SOMETHING- you will QUICKLY see how

MASSIVE of an effect this has on your sense

of inner peace, happiness, and you will see

how this improves your energy levels.

SIX: DO KIND THINGS FOR NO REASON
FOR TOTAL STRANGERS

The very ACT of doing this sends a
DIRECT SIGNAL to your brain that
YOU are living in ABUNDANCE,
that you are ABLE to do GOOD
for others.

It makes you feel POWERFUL and it
makes you feel GOOD.

It is a GREAT thing to do for your own
MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL STATE.

This is why I don’t like it when guys
say nasty things about women who
aren’t physically attractive, or who
will be rude or give the cold shoulder
to them.

It suggests a very DESPERATE state
of mind to one’s SELF, never mind that
is is kind of cruel.

Your MIND follows your ACTIONS.
Take the ACTIONS of a man who believes
he’s got it all, and the EMOTIONS of a man
that “has it all” then come as well.

This gets me to number seven:

SEVEN: PHYSICALLY CHANGE
YOUR BODY LANGUAGE

It sounds SOOOOOOOO CHEESY, but
doing things like SMILING actually DO
change your OWN emotions.

Now, like I said before, don’t START
your approach to a woman with a big
smile, but for your OWN self, in general,
DEFINITELY SMILE.  Do it for
YOURSELF, and then, of course, what
will happen is that your smile even when
around women will be the smile that
is from feeling good and not from
kissing up.

Don’t be like the masses who say and
think that this stuff is CHEESY.  

The very fact they think it is CHEESY
is why so FEW people MASTER these
skills even though they ARE THE VERY
SECRETS for MASSIVE SUCCESS.

Now, these are just SEVEN tips, and yet

they are just the tip of the iceberg of

what I can show you, ESPECIALLY as they
relate to approaching women, attracting
women, getting over fears, creating a
deep connection with women, and much,
much more.

Remember, when a woman experiences
what life is like with you in just a few
MINUTES of her first interaction with you,
she will then KEEP ON THINKING OF YOU
as she goes back to her regular life and her
regular social circle and keeps comparing
how much better she felt around YOU than
around ANYONE else.

And she will want you then more than EVER.

It all boils down to what is going on INSIDE
of you; it is about being the MASTER of
the internal emotions, especially as they
relate to interacting and attracting women.

And if you are reading this right now, and

want advice from someone who is not interested

in giving you the marketing slogans and the

b.s. but rather someone who has a BURNING

PASSION for the truth and for helping men

meet and attract a quality girlfriend for the

long term, send me an email letting me know

what it is you want:

Is it coaching on your inner game?

Is it advice on where to meet women?

Is it a question on how to approach women?

Do you want live coaching in a bootcamp?

Just let me know what it is you need, and I will

do my best to get back to you within 24 hours.  

You can check out my home study programs here:

http://www.getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.php

For live coaching, go here:

http://www.getagreatgirl.com/PrivateCoaching.html

And for my bootcamp program, go here:

http://www.getagreatgirl.com/bootcamp-sign-up.html

Till next time,

Michael Marks