on how to get a quality girlfriend, starting from the
very first step, before you even know whether
or not she is a great girl because she is a total
stranger.
So this could be anywhere, the bus, the post
office, the bank, the pizza shop, or the gym.
STEP ONE: STOCK UP ON THE BACK-UP!
There's nothing more frustrating than seeing
a woman you'd like to approach and not
knowing what to say, right? Even if you've
done it successfully before, but then you've
been out of it for a few days, it can seem
tough if you aren't experienced.
The key to solving this is to COMBINE the
following two things:
Not only must you start approaching women
every day, but you must also build up a
repertoire of things to say that are NOT
cheeseball pick up lines that make her
feel cheap.
So, to make this process EASY, the first
step doesn't even require you to actually
HAVE TO VERBALIZE ANYTHING!
Yes, I want you to walk up close to her,
just to acclimate yourself to the IDEA
and get calm about it, but you don't
HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING NOW.
For one entire week, don't even worry about
actually SAYING ANYTHING to her, instead,
every time you see a woman, try walking
past her, and then WRITE DOWN on paper
something you could say to her. Even if
takes you ten minutes to figure out what
to say, or what you could have said,
WRITE IT DOWN!
And then take it a step UP by writing down
ALL THE DIFFERENT THINGS you could
say to her THAT HAVE SOME EMOTIONAL
RELEVANCE (read, are not BORING)
BUT ALSO DO NOT TRY TO PUT HER
DOWN EVEN A TINY NOTCH.
So if you're going to use humor, it
should be PLAYFUL, not mean-spirited
or trying to negate her self-esteem
even one tiny drop. (Yes, I'll give
you examples below!)
This might happen while going grocery shopping,
it may happen while you're at school, it may
happen while in line at the bank, while at the
post-office, it can happen ANYWHERE.
And EACH TIME you see a woman in a
different situation, you should write down
what you COULD have said to her.
So, for example, if she is filling up her car
with gas, and you're just walking by, you
can playfully tease her for polluting the
environment instead of being a good green
citizen like you who walks to save the earth.
(women tend to be MORE into saving the
environment than men, so she will NOT
get pissed, she will KNOW you are joking,
this will NOT hurt her feelings one drop.)
WRITE IT DOWN, so next time you know
what to say in that kind of situation.
In fact, WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING,
all the different things you could have
said to her.
Keep the things interesting, playful, and upbeat.
If she's at the pizza shop, you can playfully
congratulate her for taking the message of
the movie "Eat Pray Love" to heart! Tell
her you love a woman who isn't afraid of
carbs!
You'll be READY for these situations the next
time they happen!
You'll see that it's much EASIER to do this
SAY anything. In fact, you'll start to WANT
these situations to happen again so you can
TAKE ACTION because now you are
mentally PREPARED and have been
WANTING it to happen!
By doing this, you are also training your mind
to start becoming RESOURCEFUL and
FAST so that you in fact WON'T need
any "lines", you will become a TRUE
"James Bond" type, in the sense your
mind will have the ability to GENUINELY
use the actual situation and environment
with this woman to have an interesting,
meaningful, and charismatic conversation.
All skills involve STEPS, and this is a
first important step.
If you're at the post office, waiting in line
and you want to chat to the woman in front
of you or behind you, etc, then you can
say something like, "With the line up this
long, by the time we get to the clerk, the
cost of postage is going to go up."
Or you can say something like:
"Not sure if the person I'm sending
this letter to will have moved by the
time I get to the clerk handling my
letter here". Then you can ask her if
she can hold your place in line for a
sec as you get a drink from the store.
The key is to write all this stuff down, and
to make it CONSISTENT with your personality.
In a week, you will have DOZENS of perfect
things to get a conversation started, all that
make sense for the situation and that are
consistent with your personality- and guess
what?
You probably WON'T NEED TO USE THEM!
At the very LEAST, you'll need them LESS
AND LESS, TILL AFTER A FEW WEEKS YOU
DON'T NEED THEM AT ALL.
Your mind will be trained from doing this
so much that you will find you keep
getting faster and NOT needing anything
you had actually stocked up on!
TWO: LISTEN INTENTLY TO HER
Here's the cool side-effect of doing this-
by writing down all these conversation
starters as back up in case you don't know
what to say, you will NOT ONLY actually be
training your mind to come UP with MORE stuff
on the SPOT, because you are stimulating the
creative flow of your mind in this way,
But you will also notice something ELSE:
As a result of of knowing what to say,
you will be able to RELAX more, so
you will be able to focus on the two
things that REALLY COUNT to successfully
attracting a woman:
1. The DELIVERY of the words you say.
(Even more important than the actual
words themselves.)
2. You will also be able to focus on LISTENING
to HER more than on worrying about what to SAY
to get the ball rolling.
Yes, LISTENING to the woman's
responses to what you are saying is
far more important than most guys
will EVER realize- this is a huge key
in having a great conversation that
actually ATTRACTS a woman rather
than just getting a polite response.
Since you will be relaxed on the "What
do I say?" issue, you will stop worrying
about "picking her up", and instead you
will now instinctively begin to focus
more on picking up *ON* what she's saying.
So now, you can have an effective, meaningful
conversation where you actually understand
her better and can give better feedback to
what she says to you.
THREE: FOCUS ON THE EMOTIONAL CORE
OF THE CONVERSATION
This is the kind of thing that goes
beyond the "quick fix" mentality of
the "dating guru/pick up" scene:
When a woman tells you something, she wants
to feel understood. However, too often, as guys
we think that all we have to do is say, "Yeah,
me too, I did that too" to show we understand
it.
Let me illustrate with an example:
When a woman tells you that she was
born in a really tough country where
poverty was everywhere, the best thing
you can do is probably be quiet and just
let her keep explaining things.
If you just interrupt her before she's finished
and you interject that you had the same experience,
you're almost taking away from the pain of her
experience by making her feel like it's not special.
Now, this doesn't mean that you should not explain
what you went through, if you went through something
similar, it just means that you shouldn't JUMP to
saying something like that right away, because too
often that type of thinking comes from ego and
from self-validation rather than trying to make
the other person feel special. So let the other
person truly express themselves, and ask
questions to try to understand.
And those questions should get to the emotional
core. Let's take a more happy example, let's
say she says she used to be a singer- don't say,
"Oh I used to be a singer too," or, "Oh, I used to
play the drums in a band".
Instead, you should truly seek info to understand,
so for example a good question to ask might be:
"What did it FEEL like to sing?" or "What made you want
to sing?" "What were some of the most powerful
emotional songs that you ever sang- the ones you
really felt ALIVE on???"
This is what leads to her wanting to meet you AGAIN
and take things to the next level.
This type of conversation is infinitely better
than superficial questions such as:
"Where did you perform?"
"What kind of money did you get paid?"
"Did you tour on a bus?"
"Did you get a lot of fan mail?"
Etc, etc.
You want to get to the emotional CRUX of the situation.
FOUR: INTERPRET EVERYTHING AS A COMPLIMENT
Too often, we are our own worst enemies.
Our own insecurities make us see insults and
pain and mean behavior where it doesn't even
exist.
So for example, you might start a conversation
with a woman, the woman might say "I can't
believe they let you in this store with that
shirt you're wearing" and you might feel
the woman is making fun of you, when in
reality she might be saying that your
shirt takes so much guts to wear because
the message or logo or picture or
WHATEVER was too much for
most people.
So you AGREE with whatever she said
and INTERPRET this as a compliment-
by saying, for example:
"Yeah, with this shirt on, no girls will
read any books, they'll just be eyeing
me instead!" And then give her a
mischievous wink and smile.
The wonderful thing about this 'interpret
everything as a compliment' is that you
can NEVER go wrong with it:
If the woman was truly being innocent
and good to you, then you come across
as a guy who with a great sense of humor.
However, even if the woman was being a little
nasty with attitude it will make her get that
"deer in headlights" look that comes from
being shocked that you are so UNTOUCHED and
completely unaffected by her- and THIS IN
ITSELF will often attract her, which will
give you the confidence to know you
'HAVE WHAT IT TAKES' to ATTRACT.
This kind of confidence will allow you to
easily DROP this particular nasty one even
though she wants you, and you can MOVE ON
easily to a BETTER woman.
Knowing you have WORTH like this
helps you NOT go for just any
woman who shows she is attracted
to you, no matter how good looking
she seems.
Staying with a woman who chips away at
your self-esteem is NEVER a good idea,
and in fact it screws with your head
in such a way that you end up radiating
negative beliefs about women that you
end up showing to ALL women.
And that includes those women who
are the rare GEMS that are actually GREAT
quality women, and then from your
behavior, these quality women figure
you'll be nasty to them and so they run
away before you even get a chance to find
out what kind of quality women they
really are.
FIVE: CONGRUENCY AND CONVICTION
The reason most guys fail in their initial
conversations with women is NOT because
they aren't so funny or exciting, as a first
conversation doesn't always have to be
a big spectacle - a woman will sometimes
forgive all that, knowing that it's just
a first conversation, and that maybe she
needs to get to know you better.
HOWEVER, what you MUST do right away,
and do well, is be absolutely CONGRUENT.
This means don't pretend to be something
that you're NOT. If you don't have a healthy
lifestyle, don't pretend that you work out
everyday- she'll notice the cigarette box
in your pocket.
If you are a health nut, don't try to act
like you think drinking is "cool," and
don't pretend you drink at parties a lot
or that you visit the "hottest clubs",
just to show you are cool.
If you are going to say something, then
make sure you MEAN it, because if
you say stuff you don't really feel
in your heart, it will often SHOW up
as false from your body language
and from inconsistencies in your
stories, etc.
The inconsistencies will especially
make a quality woman sense a RED ALERT,
that is screaming out:"THIS GUY IS SKETCHY!"
The reason for this is because a quality
emotionally in a man, has a lot more at stake
than a woman who is not serious about a
relationship.
A woman who is not serious about a relationship
is not worried about getting emotionally hurt,
since she is not invested emotionally.
However, a woman who IS serious about a
relationship has so much at stake, so much
at risk, that she is going to pay particular
attention to how CONGRUENT (consistent) a
man's actions and words are, and if they
aren't congruent, she's going to be out
of there at light speed.
Be consistent with who you really are,
(most guys instinctively HIDE this and
it backfires with the best women) and if
you don't like who you are in terms of
the things you are doing, then CHANGE
those things.
You have no idea of the power of delivering
EVERY WORD you say with CONVICTION.
It's MASSIVE.
This is one reason why you should also
speak SLOWER and utter every syllable
of your words, don't swallow them or
rush them.
SIX: STOP ALL FIDGETY MOVEMENTS
When we are nervous, our body movements
are jittery. So take a deep breath and
consciously control your arms from
dangling around, stop tapping your
fingers nervously, stop your foot from
tapping nervously.
We are all created by the same Source,
so realize that you have every right and
every bit of worth to warrant calming down.
SEVEN: GIVE RICH PERSPECTIVES INSTEAD
OF ASKING "LEECHING" QUESTIONS
Too often, when trying to have a conversation
with a woman, it's almost an impulse to ask her
"leeching" questions- questions that just TAKE info,
questions that almost feel like an interrogation:
"What is your name?"
"Do you live around here?"
"What are you doing here?"
"How often do you come here?"
Why should a woman, especially a woman
who knows she has a lot to offer a guy,
want to give this info away when she
has received nothing from him?
Instead, start a conversation that sparks EMOTIONS:
You can comment playfully on what she is
reading. You can tell her a really interesting
thing that just happened to you a few moments
ago and THEN ask her for her opinion on why
these things keep happening to you.
The time to ask questions is once a woman
is already interested in you, because then
your questions are welcomed, and even then
your questions should be as described above,
they should help you understand her emotional
core much better.
I'm sure you can see that these are REAL-LIFE,
crucial strategies and insights for attracting
a quality girlfriend. To SKYROCKET your success
in getting a fantastic woman, you need to get a
copy of my "Actions For Attraction" CD Set.
These CDs are ALL NEW material, and they're
CRAMMED with the most effective insights
and strategies that are IMMEDIATELY relevant
for approaching, meeting, and keeping a quality woman.
Your success in attracting a quality woman as your
girlfriend is going to SKYROCKET with these CDs.
You can SAMPLE this program and check out all
the details at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/ActionsForAttraction.html
Be cool,
Michael Marks
P.S.
You can check out ALL my programs on meeting,
attracting, and keeping a quality girlfriend at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.php
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