When it comes to attraction, as men, we
can BUILD attraction. And yet, rather
than build attraction, most men DO
THE VERY THINGS THAT DESTROY THEIR
OWN "ATTRACTIVENESS" TO WOMEN.
In the film "She's Out of My League",
this guy meets this knockout, and the
one thing he has about himself is that
he doesn't try to impress the woman by
being someone ELSE.
So he authentically is not seeking approval.
He may be a bit insecure around the woman,
but he doesn't act like a jackass who needs
to show off to get attention.
Also, he has a bit of a sense of humor
regarding his own insecurities, which is
not as good as NOT having the insecurities,
but at least helps limit the damage of those
insecurities.
HOWEVER, the DISASTROUS thing he does,
is that he CAN'T BELIEVE THAT A WOMAN AS
ATTRACTIVE AS HER CAN REALLY WANT TO
BE WITH HIM.
So, based on this belief, he interprets EVERYTHING
as a reason why this girl will not want to be with him.
He then ACTS on his warped interpretation of
everything she does.
So, while the girl is initially getting more
attracted to him, there is a point where his
FEARS start to screw things up with her when
he starts to take actions based on his fears,
and one of the biggest examples is when she
finds out that he SERIOUSLY HOPES she has
some MAJOR FLAW, so that this way he can feel
she will more likely want to stay with him.
This whole thing reminds me a bit of the
certain styles of so-called "advice" that focus
on harming a woman's self-esteem with
'cleverly' disguised insults and back-handed
compliments in order to get her to feel
unworthy and insecure.
The idea behind that so called "advice" is that
it will supposedly make her feel like HE is a
great catch.
It is supposed to make her appreciate him
more since supposedly she will feel she
herself is no great catch anymore.
First of all, I find that type of behavior plain
old WRONG from an ethical point of view.
Having an intention to make an innocent
person suffer is plain old WRONG.
In ADDITION to this, is the fact that any
woman with a bit of self-esteem will
DETECT this kind of "trick" and it will
RUIN her attraction to the guy as she can
see the guy is so INSECURE that he needed
to do this. It will also not only ruin her
attraction, but also make her pissed off
as well as no one enjoys being attacked
in the worst way, since after all, our
self-esteem is the most important part
of our sense of "feeling good".
So, in the film, the guy is hoping that
some defect her ex mentioned to him will
be true.
Think about that for a second- why on
earth would a man who is attracted to
a woman who is treating him RIGHT, and
who is a KNOCKOUT, why would he WISH
that she actually had to have some
kind of DEFECT to her?
The answer is INSECURITY and NEEDINESS.
The insecurity says, "Well, if she has a flaw, then
maybe she will accept my flaws."
The NEEDINESS says that "I can't feel good without
her, so I must find some way to KEEP her regardless
of what's good for her or not, in fact let's start WISHING
she had some problems, some DEFECT in fact!!
YEAH, that would be perfect!"
And this is not just a movie thing, it's very common
to REAL LIFE. When feeling insecure and needy,
it's quite HUMAN to almost wish there was SOME
flaw to the "perfectness" of the other person, the
woman who we think is "OUT OF OUR LEAGUE".
Now, think about it from the woman's point of view:
How can she love a man who SERIOUSLY WISHES SHE
HAS OR WILL GET SOME DEFECT????????????????
Just because HE is afraid that he is not good enough for her.
The point of all this, is that INSECURITY AND NEEDINESS
can turn a guy who is slowly growing on a woman into being
a guy who went from being a 5 or 6 into being an 8, 9, or 10,
and then this INSECURITY AND NEEDINESS constantly
CUTS HIM DOWN BY ANOTHER "POINT".
Each time you RESIST the urge to give into insecurities,
your GAIN a point on the attraction scale.
But in this movie, he does the opposite, and each time he
allows himself to give IN to his insecurities, he LOSES another
point on the attraction scale to the woman.
And THAT is how he ends up as a "5", when he was
at one point more of a 9 on his way to being a TEN.
That is, until near the end of the movie, when he realizes
how SCREWED UP his own thinking has been and
how he IS indeed a "10"!
And here's the OTHER major news: EVEN THE GUYS
EVERYONE THINKS HAVE IT "ALL" ACTUALLY
VERY OFTEN HAVE MAJOR INSECURITIES AS WELL!!!!!!!!!!
And the movie actually reflects this reality, as the very
guy he is jealous of, who used to date the knockout
in the past, did JUST AS MANY INSECURE THINGS
as well!!!! He just puts on a show in front of the rest
of the world that he is really secure, but when it came
to being with the knockout, he screwed things up
just as bad, all because he thought the woman
would ultimately dump him.
This happens in real life all the time!!!
It doesn't matter if you're an A LIST ACTOR WHO
IS CONSIDERED THE MALE ICON OF RUGGEDNESS,
IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU'RE A MODEL OR
BILLIONAIRE, the bottom line is that EVERYONE
has insecurities, and if you let those insecurities
and neediness affect your ACTIONS, it will harm
the attraction a woman feels for you.
Yet the crucial thing to remember is that if you
RESIST the urge to give in to those insecurities,
you keep on RISING on the bar of attraction.
Now, speaking of MASTERING ATTRACTION and beating
insecurity and neediness, as well as learning
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For now, for tomorrow, and for always, be THE MAN.
Michael Marks
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