If you get a woman to chase you, you know
she's attracted to you.
On the other hand, if you start to chase HER,
you usually tend to LOSE the woman, as she
loses the attraction she felt for you.
The question though, a question I spent YEARS
figuring out the hard way, is:
How do you START a conversation with a woman
WITHOUT making it obvious that you are “chasing her”?
After all, the fact you started talking to her
makes it clear you have at least some interest
in her.
Well, some people like to think the answer is
to give women a series of backhanded
compliments, which is really a series of subtle
insults.
For example, the guy will say something
nice to the woman, like “nice smile” and then say
something like “but you have weird hair” or
whatever other insult they could come up with.
The idea behind all this, is that this way supposedly
you don’t validate her, so now she will pursue you in
her quest to get validated.
Unfortunately, this is NOT ENOUGH, for the simple
reason that a woman has to feel some ATTRACTION
to begin with, before she will care about whether you
are validating her or not.
So the REAL ANSWER to, “How do I approach
a woman without making it seem that I am chasing her?”
is to get her MESMERIZED with you as fast
as possible so that she stops THINKING about
the fact you approached her, and is instead more
more concerned with her OWN interest in YOU
and how to ensure that she gets YOU!
In her mind, the fact you approached her
only means that you are CONSIDERING her,
not neccessarily CHASING her.
Now, at that point, of course you can lean back and
chill out and let her chase you.
If she's attractive, you can be sure she will
enjoy chasing you, (don't go overboard, and
don't get abusive, ever, of course) since she
usually gets things too easily and that bores her.
So, instead of looking at value from a negative standpoint,
and giving women insults and then hoping they
will want to get validated by you, the best way to
go is to actually CONVEY REAL VALUE –
so that she WANTS to chase you.
By “real value” I mean getting her FEELING
A SERIES OF INTOXICATING EMOTIONS
THAT GET HER HEART PUMPING.
From a chemistry/romance/attraction point of view,
that’s the highest form of value you can give a woman.
In fact, women will become ADDICTED to you
if you can do this, because emotions are addictive,
and the more you can give her, the more she will
become obsessed with you.
This is when a woman doesn't just want you,
but wants you BAD!
As the rock group "Foreigner" said, she will
call you on the phone and tell you it's URGENT
that you meet her right now:
So now, I’m going to give you some of the WAYS
to convey value and attract her, all of which have
nothing to do with harming her self-esteem or
any other negative stuff.
ONE: THE PARTY IS WITH YOU
This was one of the first “holy *&^%” moments
when I discovered this. Basically, what this is,
is that you adopt the mentality that there IS
a party going on, a GREAT PARTY in fact, and
that you are the CENTER of this party!
And you do this no matter what the heck is
“really” going on- you behave like everyone
around you is VISITING this party or has
just arrived.
And, you behave as if they are all super-friendly
and admirers of you- wishing that you would chat
them up too, in addition to all the other cool people
who you were chatting to before them.
This means ANYWHERE you are, you now
have the LICENSE to do all kinds of fun
playful and even risqué stuff, because it’s
all perfectly fine in the name of the PARTY.
You could get away with more sexual comments,
you could make fun of anything, you could make
any joke, you could SAY anything, if you are really
FEEELING THIS PARTY VIBE.
The key to making this work, is to not even
leave your ROOM or the house or building
until you have gotten yourself into this PARTY
state of mind.
You need to do whatever it takes to get the
PARTY inspiration, but don’t use alcohol
or drugs obviously as that is not only not
healthy but will screw up your performance –
so I suggest you listen to PARTY MUSIC
that you love instead.
The other thing to making this work is that
you have to anticipate BEFOREHAND that
you might meet a woman ANYWHERE
and so this way you are READY for the
moment when the moment comes- whether
it be in the coffee shop, bookstore, elevator,
bus, or school, ANYWHERE.
You have to be ready BEFORE it happens,
not just when it happens, or it’s too late.
Say you’re getting off the elevator and a
gorgeous creature happens to be right in
front of you- you can do something like this:
Give her this look, up and down, and
DON’T DO IT WITH SHAME, do it
like a MAN, and then give her a bit of
a nod, as if you’ve just given her your
stamp that she qualifies, and you could
even say “the party is this way” and
gesture toward where you’re going,
or you could even say "The party is
HERE!" and point to yourself.
Again, this stuff requires you to be
in FULL party state, the reason it works
is because since YOU are in that state
and showing it, it makes it EASY for her
to join this state as well, because the reality
is that EVERYONE wants to be having
MORE FUN, no one wants to get more
depressed and formal and official, and
here you are having a great time ALREADY
and just inviting her to playfully join.
Again, the key is that you are ALREADY
in this state of mind BEFORE you meet her,
so this way she gets to actually feel MORE
comfortable to join your “party” since she
doesn’t have to feel it’s all about HER,
rather it’s about the chance to FEEL GOOD.
And guess what?
If a woman is feeling good and sexual around
you, and the other guys in her life are boring her,
guess who she’s going to BE with?
YOU.
This feeling GOOD stuff is so powerful, and
yet 99% of people prevent themselves from
feeling this by getting caught up in all kinds
of negative emotions.
Make yourself the one guy on earth who IS
her drug, the source of feeling intoxicatingly
awesome.
And the irony is that you will do this best by
NOT doing it for HER, but by already being
in this state BEFORE you bump into her.
Yeah, I know you might say it's the same
thing because you are doing it for her, but
once you do this, you will actually FEEL
way more awesome anyway, and you
really WON'T be doing it just for her!
This is why so many of the most beautiful
women in real life are with men who have
a LIFESTYLE that is compelling/fun/intriguing.
By LIFESTYLE, I mean they way they live
their lives from day to day, how much of that
time is spent feeling awesome emotions
compared to boring ones or negative ones.
You don’t have to be in this state 24/7, but you
definitely want to be in this state if you are out
trying to meet and attract women.
TWO: CHANGE YOUR WARDROBE
Clothing is something we all have to wear most
of the time – and it covers us from almost head
to toe- it’s LIKE AN ADVERTISING BILLBOARD,
but the “ad” that most guys are wearing is saying:
“I’m boring and not social and not looking to
have any fun, ever.”
So you should definitely be pushing the envelope
to find clothing that has STYLE, and that reflects
some of your OWN personality as well- whether
it’s leather with some shiny metallic on it,
whether it’s an unusual but cool denim,
you want to be STANDING OUT and not
wearing the thing that makes you blend in
as one of a billion other guys.
This is a huge topic in itself, but the key
is to remember that no matter what your
environment, whether it’s work or a club
or a party, you can always find the thing
that you can get away with that pushes
the envelope without being ridiculous
in each environment.
Another thing to remember is that most guys
tend to avoid upbeat colors, and it’s a good idea
to incorporate some more color, even if it’s just
a BIT of bright color to offset what is mostly
dark colors.
This was the hardest thing for me to do at first,
because I actually felt so gloomy and angry, I
liked dressing more like Batman, all brooding,
so it took a while for me to have some more range
with some color as well.
No one is saying you have to wear pink and yellow,
or look “gay”, there are a lot of other options besides
that.
You may want to ask the most attractive female
clerk at the clothing store for her help, and while
you’re at it, go for her number as well.
THREE: USE YOUR VOICE
Start things off RIGHT.
When you initially say the first WORD (and after
as well, but especially when you start, to get her
attention the first time) to a woman who is a total
stranger, it’s important that you don’t come across
as weak or without conviction in your decision to
talk to her.
Say it with FULL AUTHORITY in your voice,
whether it’s “Hi” or “Hey” or “I’m on my way to
the King Tut exhibit at the museum”, say it with
TOTAL AUTHORITY, and this way she won’t
question WHY you are talking to her and it will
also get her attention in a receptive way, so that
now you can actually get into the more juicy fun
or interesting stuff you were going to talk about
to her.
FOUR: THE WAY IT BEGINS IS THE WAY IT ENDS
Now, it’s important to realize regarding the above
things, that whatever you do in the beginning will
set up the DYNAMIC of how things will go till the
END.
If you set up the dynamic as highly sexual but without
any deeper connection going on, then your relationship
will likely become sexual but then explode and self-destruct
quickly.
If you tease a woman too much, she will end up
teasing you back hardcore as well, and this might
get out of hand and become annoying after a while.
If you keep the dynamic too “anti-septic” and safe
and free of sexual vibe, you will end up as friends only,
and you don’t want that.
If you play games too much in the beginning, the relationship
will end as a result of these games as well.
So you must strike the right BALANCE in your
interactions with women, and you must do this
right especially at the BEGINNING, so that
things are established immediately and flow
in the direction you want.
What you have read is just the tip of the iceberg
of ALL the incredible things you can do to
SKYROCKET a woman's attraction to you,
and if you would like to get the FULL PICTURE,
I suggest you get my MASTERY PROGRAM.
This program will show you in full detail
the MASTERY level for APPROACHING
WOMEN ANYWHERE and triggering
INTENSE ATTRACTION in women.
It’s at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Mastery.html
And if you haven’t yet downloaded my book
“Get A Great Girl”, do that now at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/Book.html
This book will show you the way to get a
GREAT GIRL for a LONG TERM relationship.
Most men out there would like to find
that one incredible woman and have a
fantastic relationship with her, and
this is definitely the book for that.
And if you are JUST STARTING out with
dating, then IMMEDIATELY download my
original book, “The Dating Wizard”, at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Wizard.html
This book is your foundation for attraction
and getting dates. It’s packed with dozens
of ideas you can use to meet women the same
day you get the book!
Till next time,
Michael Marks
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
How To Be A "Star" With Women
There are a lot of famous people out there.
They're not STARS though.
A star is both LOVED and FEARED at the same
time. That's because they are so cool and
inspirational that they are loved, and yet
their POWER to affect people in their own
way is so massive, it even stirs FEAR.
If Superman were to exist for real, you
can be sure people would love him and
also fear him.
There IS a thing that is REAL though,
that exists very much in your grasp,
that makes you stand out from other guys,
that compensates for ANY lacking you might
think you have, and that absolutely DOES
draw women to you, and it does it FAST.
This thing is called CHARISMA.
Lots of people out there who say they can
teach it, but then when it comes right down
to it, they give you get the same old thing-
some of them specialize in pick up lines,
others just lots of talk about confidence, etc.
But then the moment of truth comes-
the girl of your dreams is right in
front of you:
Now what?!
Suddenly, all that advice feels far
away, hard to translate into reality.
How the heck do we really UNLEASH charisma?
By REMOVING our own BARRIERS to it.
So let’s DETONATE this volatile force
called CHARISMA.
Charisma is often a double-edged sword,
because in real life, charismatic people are
usually both LOVED and they are also HATED.
The most famous and powerful people you
know are all loved and hated, guaranteed.
If you are a nice NOBODY, then you
will not be disliked by ANYBODY.
The MOMENT you start to succeed at
ANYTHING, you will notice that some
people like you and others are jealous,
or spiteful, or they fear you for being
different, etc, etc, etc.
Have you noticed that?
If you improve your body at the gym,
some people will want to congratulate
you, learn from you, other people you
know might make fun of you for being
a muscle-head, or they might even try
to tell you how unhealthy it is to
exercise!
If you improve yourself in any way,
including the action of approaching women,
you will notice some people love this
and others will dislike you for this.
And therein lies the contradiction that is
the KEY to charisma.
Charisma is born when you FREE YOURSELF
to truly EXPRESS WHO YOU ARE.
And that means accepting the fallout of this.
Most people are afraid of criticism, afraid of
failure, afraid of rejection.
Hey, it’s human.
However, there is something far WORSE to
fear- and that is a life of you not being YOU.
That’s like not living at all, but most people
don’t think about this.
Instead, they try their damn hardest to FIT IN.
And fitting in means not being made FUN OF.
Now, if you make sure to never do anything
to made fun of, you will succeed in this, and
always be SAFE.
You’ll wear the normal jeans everyone is wearing.
You’ll take up the hobbies that are normal.
You’ll have normal friends.
You’ll say the normal things.
You’ll spend your time thinking about normal things.
If anyone seems STRANGE, you’ll push them
away lest you be associated with a possible
weirdo.
You’ll find out what’s popular in music,
what’s popular and normal everywhere,
and get a normal job, etc.
You’re safe from being labeled as the weirdo.
The thing is, there is a very FINE line between
being the COOLEST guy around and being
a supposed “weirdo”.
The coolest people usually are considered weird
by a LOT of people, on the surface anyway, but
deep down these same people often actually WISH
they could be like this person, and of course everyone
else ADMIRES this person and gets inspired by
this person.
Now, if think about some of the coolest people that
come to mind, you’ll find that they defy the normal
rules but they are so cool that for some reasons it’s
“okay” for them to do this.
And the thing is, they never ASKED for this
permission, and nobody ever really GAVE
it to them either! They just DID it, and
eventually people accepted and admired!
Have you ever seen the show “American Idol”?
Unknown singers from across the country
compete to win a recording contract.
Most of the singers want to WIN so badly,
they LOSE for an ironic reason:
It’s because they try so hard to be
what they think everyone else WANTS!
A little while ago, a singer named Chris Daughtry
was REJECTED by Simon Cowell, who is the
most outspoken judge on American Idol.
Simon thought Daughtry "lacked charisma".
Did Daughtry change up his method?
Change his style?
NOPE.
So when one of the biggest names and most influential
people in the music biz told him he did NOT think
he had talent, Daughtry just IMMERSED HIMSELF
in being EVEN MORE HIMSELF.
And even though he may have lost the show, he won
in the real world- record sales and concerts, selling
millions of records. And his first hit song was all
about being true to himself and his roots- "HOME":
And last year was an even more extreme example
of someone who DEFIED the temptation to fit in,
in just about every way you can imagine possible-
and he wasn't doing it to piss anyone off, he was
just being HIMSELF in every way:
Adam Lambert TOTALLY defied criticism
from Simon, who said he was “too theatrical”
and "not current" with what is popular, and
what did Adam do?
He POURED on MORE theatrics- from his
presentation to the way he dressed and of
course the style in which he sang.
Now, I totally know he is not straight, but
the fact is he is a fantastic example of
being fearless in being yourself and
letting that be expressed in a cool way.
He truly cared more about expressing
HIS style of performing music, rather
than just WINNING. And that is
actually the ironic truth about
winning, you often win the most
when you are passionate about
the thing itself and not just about
the winning that comes from being
great at that thing.
This fearless attitude in expression
took his performances on the show
THROUGH THE ROOF- it’s not just his
voice, you could tell he was drawing on
his own pain, his own history, his own
perspectives, and it came through in
everything he was doing. If this guy
was straight, he’d have more girls than
a thousand harems could hold.
It's extremely rare that an artist can do a
cover from an already famous song
and truly do it justice and give it his
own spin that feels authentic.
He was FEARLESS in being himself.
That makes a man very powerful and dangerous
in a GOOD way- because it gives you the confidence
to really LET YOU RELEASE YOUR PERSONALITY
IN FULL FORCE, COME HELL OR HIGH WATER.
People say ‘be yourself’ but it’s NOT EASY.
Most people who say it are not even doing it themselves.
When you really BECOME yourself, as ironic
and weird as that sounds, you become something
EXTRAORDINARY, and this is the charisma
that exudes from your every pore when this happens.
It shows in everything you do, even the subtle
expression on your face.
So, the FIRST way to apply this when it comes
to your interactions with women and when it
comes to “approaching a woman” is this:
1. ASK YOURSELF IF YOU ARE INTERESTED,
AND IF THE ANSWER IS YES, ACCEPT ALL
CONSEQUENCES.
So if you see a woman you’d like to approach,
and you don’t see a wedding ring or something
like that, then just ask yourself- are you attracted?
If you ARE, then ACCEPT all the consequences
that you FEAR might happen.
ACCEPT them all, because the alternative is WORSE.
So whether you think you’ll be arrested for
talking to her (you won’t but you might still
fear that you will- accept it and move ahead),
whether you fear that she will make fun of you,
whether you fear that everyone else is looking,
ACCEPT IT ALL, because there is one thing
that matters MORE than all that- and that is
you being YOURSELF.
If you don’t go up to her, you are actually
DENYING your own IDENTITY.
See, the way I look at it, it’s not about
WINNING THE GIRL, it’s about
BEING ME.
And THAT is the irony, because the more
it’s about you doing your thing and NOT
seeking approval, the BETTER
she will like you, because you will not be
trying to impress her, you will not be trying
to be somebody else, you will not do the
same old thing that everyone else is doing.
And you will be more genuine and authentic.
STEP TWO: MOVE AHEAD
The second step is CONTINUING to talk
to her in a way that is consistent with your
values, perspectives, sense of humor, etc.
So for example, if you are at the gym
and you see a woman you want to chat to,
you can just go over to her and say ‘Hey
instead of staring at you a thousand times,
I figured I’d just come over and say hi”
and from there you can talk about
working out, you can ask her about her
workout, the main thing is keep it AUTHENTIC.
You can even say that you don't have
time to chat much since you have to
get back to your workout.
In your brain, the moment you ACCEPT
all the potential NEGATIVE FALLOUT
of you being yourself, is the moment you
are FREE to really EXPRESS YOUR
AUTHENTIC IDENTITY- you will then
start to say the right things, do the right
things, you’ll be funnier, more charming,
more dominant, in an authentic way she
can feel a million times more than
she would from a guy trying his luck with
some pick up lines or other equally
false approaches.
Forget all this talk about “winning”, instead
let everyone ELSE worry about trying to fit
into YOUR paradigm of the world rather than
the other way around.
This is why it’s so important that you HAVE
a point of view.
I’m not talking about ignorant opinions, but
rather informed, educated, passionate thoughts
about things.
THIS is contagious, this is cool, this is
what wakes her UP and is like a breath
of fresh air in a world of boring CLONES.
Don’t be afraid to ROCK THE BOAT, but
don’t rock the boat JUST FOR THE SAKE
of rocking the boat. That looks “try hard”
and it in fact IS “try-hard” because it’s not
authentic.
A woman will be able to tell rather quickly
when a guy is not being authentic, because
any time you FAKE something, that thing
you are doing actually requires many other
things for it to seem REAL, so for example
if a guy tries to act like he’s a martial arts
master when he isn’t, he’ll end up doing
something that just doesn’t “vibe”- i.e.
he might be acting all macho when in
fact most martial arts masters don’t act
that way at all, BECAUSE they are
so secure.
The thing is to EMBRACE who you are
and to EMBRACE whatever it is you want
to learn and do, and not fear it.
This includes approaching and chatting to
a woman you’re interested in!
THREE: COMMIT TO IT FULLY
Again, if you REALLY believe in yourself, then
you don’t suddenly SOFTEN UP on being your
HARD CORE SELF just because she starts to
LIKE you.
This often happens when a guy starts to learn
about being successful with women, and then
he starts to show his confidence, and charisma
and he really BECOMES the “man” as I say,
but then at the very moment it starts to WORK,
and the woman starts to show interest in him,
he is SO HAPPY he is GETTING somewhere
with her that he is now TERRIFIED OF LOSING
HER.
So what does he do?
He gives UP all this cool stuff about him, he gives
UP his conviction in himself and his identity, and
now he starts to become a kiss-ass.
And you already know I don’t advocate being
a jerk at all, I actually think being a good guy
is where it’s at, but this good guy must come
from CONVICTION in himself, not from kiss ass!!!!!!
By the way, the very SAME thing happens
sometimes to STARS, whether they’re actors
or singers, or rock stars, etc. They start to
get famous, and they get huge deals and the
companies promoting them or the studios now
want to ENSURE success, so they STOP
taking chances and only pursue ‘safe’ type
music and movies for the masses.
This kind of thing happened to Stallone, to Eddie Murphy,
and several other stars, where the ORIGINAL QUALITY
about themselves that made them SUPERSTARS got faded
as they strayed from their identities- Stallone was never
supposed to just be some “action star” - he was a genius
who wrote ROCKY that won best picture.
Eddie Murphy was a raw, cutting edge comedian, he wasn’t
just doing kids flicks and remakes of famous movies for
Disney. When Stallone finally went back to his roots, he
started to slowly regain his identity as an actor.
Don’t allow yourself to stray from who
you really ARE, not even for the most
attractive woman on the planet.
The irony of course is that trying that hard to "please"
a woman will only push her away because it was
the REAL you she was attracted to, not the you
that was seeking to remake yourself in her image!
If you have a wild sense of humor, don’t
HIDE it from her, instead SHOW IT.
A lot of guys who are actually very
cool people suddenly CHANGE in front of
women and they become different entirely-
and it's a shame because actually women
DO want the real you, but most guys never
show the real them, only the weak version
of themselves, and they show the same boring
version of a guy that every OTHER guy is showing,
and every other guy is doing this for the same
reason- to fit in, to not be made fun of, to be cool.
It’s very ironic, but the more you try to be
someone, the worse it will be. This doesn’t
mean you can’t change and evolve and
grow as a person with time, in fact that
kind of change is good, because it comes
from YOU.
FOUR: REMOVE PRESSURE
The other great thing about you truly
committing to who you really are
and embracing all the crazy possibilities
that your imagination fears will happen
from being yourself – is that the woman
can SEE you are not “chasing” her,
you are not being mean, but you are not
chasing her either, which means she
can RELAX and make the decision
of whether she wants to talk to you
on her own.
And as every great salesman knows, the
best sales are NOT THE “HARD SELL”
but rather the sell that comes from the
customer herself wanting and making
the decision – and the irony is that
by not chasing her, she now must face
the possibility of LOSS.
This is not a tactic to manipulate her, it’s
the TRUTH, she may very WELL lose you if she
doesn’t do something here as well- she knows
she can’t just let it be ALL you, because you
aren’t willing to go THAT FAR, i.e. you are
not willing to keep on chasing approval from
someone who doesn’t already appreciate you.
When you try too hard to be what SHE wants,
you actually push her away, because she can
sense this decision is not something you want
HER to make, and she feels the pressure
she might have to do something she doesn’t
WANT to do.
But when you simply go nuts on being YOURSELF,
you not only do a better job making a cool impression
but you also allow her to create her OWN pressure
on herself to want you, as opposed to running from
YOUR pressure.
The best way to remove resistance is to create
no FORCE. Instead, let your force flow from
you being YOU- not the you that kisses up,
but the you that you would be with women
if you were willing to ACCEPT even the WORST
FEARS you had about you being yourself.
Again, the rock star comparison, think about
how totally UNCOOL it would be if
Guns'nRoses had been sitting around all
day doing press conferences and trying
to figure out what would sell and what
everyone wanted to hear! Imagine Axl Rose
doing “market research”.
The “market” whether it’s music lovers or
WOMEN LOOKING FOR MEN, they ALWAYS
want SOMETHING COMPELLING AND
UNIQUE.
How much do you believe in yourself if
what you do is based on a survey seeking
her approval?
Now, when you DO GENUINELY want
to give a compliment to a woman and it’s
not because you need her to give you
something BACK, then it’s perfectly
fine, when it’s not coming from worshipping
her or with a need to get something back.
FIVE: MIX IT ALL WITH PASSION/LOVE
This is VERY DIFFERENT from having this
submissive smile that comes really from fear and
the need to seek approval.
They say “love conquers all” but it’s misunderstood.
It’s not just about relationships, it’s about LOVE
in all its forms, including SELF-LOVE.
Let the LOVE flow ENDLESSLY, for yourself,
for your IDENTITY, FOR WHO YOU ARE,
for the things you love, and YES, for the
woman as well!
When you do things you LOVE, your entire
body language changes.
So for example, if you have a wacky sense of
humor, but are afraid women won’t get it,
TRY IT ANYWAY on them!
If you have some passionate love for something
that you fear others will find “weird”, who cares
if some might find it weird???? It’s who you
ARE, and chances are if you really are passionate
about it, you will SPARK that passion in women
as well at the very least to the point of them finding
you INTRIGUING AND DIFFERENT.
SIX: LARGER THAN LIFE
Now, the reality is that ‘reality’ can SUCK- it all
depends on which reality you want to focus on.
When you meet a woman, it’s not a cool thing
that you just REINFORCE in her mind that
life can be cruel, boring, unfair, tough, painful,
sad, etc.
However, if YOU can bring more FUN, MORE
COURAGE, MORE PLEASURE, MORE HUMOR,
MORE ADVENTURE, into your OWN perspectives
of things, then you can SHARE this with women.
Some people might argue that this is just a FANTASY
rather than living in reality.
But reality is whatever you are EXPERIENCING,
and if you spend a lifetime laughing and loving
and having great adventures, is that less real
than a life where you allowed yourself to
be bored, tired, upset, depressed, etc?
Learn to make a woman FEEL cool emotions
by focusing on the cool side of things that YOU
see, and you will have her eating out of your hand.
Let me illustrate the power this way:
The movie AVATAR has adventure, has romance,
has exotic locations, forests, wilderness, excitement,
danger, and ultimately a happy ending that within
the movie all feels REAL.
This movie has made over 2 BILLION dollars.
Now, there is another movie, it's more serious and
deals with grim REALITY, and it’s called The Hurt Locker.
It's won tons of Academy Awards, including best picture.
But it hasn't earned even 2% of what Avatar has.
Now, these movies are very different, it's apples
and oranges, I'm not judging one over the other-
I'm just saying one thing:
If you want to get a chance with a woman, take her
to an emotional place that is AWESOME, not depressing
or disturbing.
This doesn't mean you have to always
IGNORE reality, sometimes in the midst of the
most GRIM realities is the most inspiring and
AMAZING emotional moments we can have
in life, IF you know how to see it.
The point is though, to take a woman somewhere
INTOXICATINGLY EMOTIONALLY POSITIVE.
Take her there by focusing the conversation on
the awesome perspectives you have, whether they
be funny, intriguing, or that help inspire or become
more at peace, or that are sensual without being vulgar.
And if you would like to learn the FULL picture on
how to do this and how to approach and attract a
GREAT woman, then I suggest you download
my book, ‘Get A Great Girl,’ at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/Book.html
This book will show you how to SKYROCKET
your results with the best kind of woman, and it
has nothing to do with pick-up lines or sleazy
tactics.
It will show you the way to really meet the
best kinds of women, spark attraction in them,
as well as how to build a SUPER STRONG
foundation from the beginning so that things
STAY SMOOTH long term as well.
For my ADVANCED program on meeting
and approaching women ANYWHERE,
you need my SEDUCTION MASTERY
program. This program goes in-depth
into every detail of the approach, INCLUDING
mastering your ‘inner game’ as well.
It’s at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Mastery.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
They're not STARS though.
A star is both LOVED and FEARED at the same
time. That's because they are so cool and
inspirational that they are loved, and yet
their POWER to affect people in their own
way is so massive, it even stirs FEAR.
If Superman were to exist for real, you
can be sure people would love him and
also fear him.
There IS a thing that is REAL though,
that exists very much in your grasp,
that makes you stand out from other guys,
that compensates for ANY lacking you might
think you have, and that absolutely DOES
draw women to you, and it does it FAST.
This thing is called CHARISMA.
Lots of people out there who say they can
teach it, but then when it comes right down
to it, they give you get the same old thing-
some of them specialize in pick up lines,
others just lots of talk about confidence, etc.
But then the moment of truth comes-
the girl of your dreams is right in
front of you:
Now what?!
Suddenly, all that advice feels far
away, hard to translate into reality.
How the heck do we really UNLEASH charisma?
By REMOVING our own BARRIERS to it.
So let’s DETONATE this volatile force
called CHARISMA.
Charisma is often a double-edged sword,
because in real life, charismatic people are
usually both LOVED and they are also HATED.
The most famous and powerful people you
know are all loved and hated, guaranteed.
If you are a nice NOBODY, then you
will not be disliked by ANYBODY.
The MOMENT you start to succeed at
ANYTHING, you will notice that some
people like you and others are jealous,
or spiteful, or they fear you for being
different, etc, etc, etc.
Have you noticed that?
If you improve your body at the gym,
some people will want to congratulate
you, learn from you, other people you
know might make fun of you for being
a muscle-head, or they might even try
to tell you how unhealthy it is to
exercise!
If you improve yourself in any way,
including the action of approaching women,
you will notice some people love this
and others will dislike you for this.
And therein lies the contradiction that is
the KEY to charisma.
Charisma is born when you FREE YOURSELF
to truly EXPRESS WHO YOU ARE.
And that means accepting the fallout of this.
Most people are afraid of criticism, afraid of
failure, afraid of rejection.
Hey, it’s human.
However, there is something far WORSE to
fear- and that is a life of you not being YOU.
That’s like not living at all, but most people
don’t think about this.
Instead, they try their damn hardest to FIT IN.
And fitting in means not being made FUN OF.
Now, if you make sure to never do anything
to made fun of, you will succeed in this, and
always be SAFE.
You’ll wear the normal jeans everyone is wearing.
You’ll take up the hobbies that are normal.
You’ll have normal friends.
You’ll say the normal things.
You’ll spend your time thinking about normal things.
If anyone seems STRANGE, you’ll push them
away lest you be associated with a possible
weirdo.
You’ll find out what’s popular in music,
what’s popular and normal everywhere,
and get a normal job, etc.
You’re safe from being labeled as the weirdo.
The thing is, there is a very FINE line between
being the COOLEST guy around and being
a supposed “weirdo”.
The coolest people usually are considered weird
by a LOT of people, on the surface anyway, but
deep down these same people often actually WISH
they could be like this person, and of course everyone
else ADMIRES this person and gets inspired by
this person.
Now, if think about some of the coolest people that
come to mind, you’ll find that they defy the normal
rules but they are so cool that for some reasons it’s
“okay” for them to do this.
And the thing is, they never ASKED for this
permission, and nobody ever really GAVE
it to them either! They just DID it, and
eventually people accepted and admired!
Have you ever seen the show “American Idol”?
Unknown singers from across the country
compete to win a recording contract.
Most of the singers want to WIN so badly,
they LOSE for an ironic reason:
It’s because they try so hard to be
what they think everyone else WANTS!
A little while ago, a singer named Chris Daughtry
was REJECTED by Simon Cowell, who is the
most outspoken judge on American Idol.
Simon thought Daughtry "lacked charisma".
Did Daughtry change up his method?
Change his style?
NOPE.
So when one of the biggest names and most influential
people in the music biz told him he did NOT think
he had talent, Daughtry just IMMERSED HIMSELF
in being EVEN MORE HIMSELF.
And even though he may have lost the show, he won
in the real world- record sales and concerts, selling
millions of records. And his first hit song was all
about being true to himself and his roots- "HOME":
And last year was an even more extreme example
of someone who DEFIED the temptation to fit in,
in just about every way you can imagine possible-
and he wasn't doing it to piss anyone off, he was
just being HIMSELF in every way:
Adam Lambert TOTALLY defied criticism
from Simon, who said he was “too theatrical”
and "not current" with what is popular, and
what did Adam do?
He POURED on MORE theatrics- from his
presentation to the way he dressed and of
course the style in which he sang.
Now, I totally know he is not straight, but
the fact is he is a fantastic example of
being fearless in being yourself and
letting that be expressed in a cool way.
He truly cared more about expressing
HIS style of performing music, rather
than just WINNING. And that is
actually the ironic truth about
winning, you often win the most
when you are passionate about
the thing itself and not just about
the winning that comes from being
great at that thing.
This fearless attitude in expression
took his performances on the show
THROUGH THE ROOF- it’s not just his
voice, you could tell he was drawing on
his own pain, his own history, his own
perspectives, and it came through in
everything he was doing. If this guy
was straight, he’d have more girls than
a thousand harems could hold.
It's extremely rare that an artist can do a
cover from an already famous song
and truly do it justice and give it his
own spin that feels authentic.
He was FEARLESS in being himself.
That makes a man very powerful and dangerous
in a GOOD way- because it gives you the confidence
to really LET YOU RELEASE YOUR PERSONALITY
IN FULL FORCE, COME HELL OR HIGH WATER.
People say ‘be yourself’ but it’s NOT EASY.
Most people who say it are not even doing it themselves.
When you really BECOME yourself, as ironic
and weird as that sounds, you become something
EXTRAORDINARY, and this is the charisma
that exudes from your every pore when this happens.
It shows in everything you do, even the subtle
expression on your face.
So, the FIRST way to apply this when it comes
to your interactions with women and when it
comes to “approaching a woman” is this:
1. ASK YOURSELF IF YOU ARE INTERESTED,
AND IF THE ANSWER IS YES, ACCEPT ALL
CONSEQUENCES.
So if you see a woman you’d like to approach,
and you don’t see a wedding ring or something
like that, then just ask yourself- are you attracted?
If you ARE, then ACCEPT all the consequences
that you FEAR might happen.
ACCEPT them all, because the alternative is WORSE.
So whether you think you’ll be arrested for
talking to her (you won’t but you might still
fear that you will- accept it and move ahead),
whether you fear that she will make fun of you,
whether you fear that everyone else is looking,
ACCEPT IT ALL, because there is one thing
that matters MORE than all that- and that is
you being YOURSELF.
If you don’t go up to her, you are actually
DENYING your own IDENTITY.
See, the way I look at it, it’s not about
WINNING THE GIRL, it’s about
BEING ME.
And THAT is the irony, because the more
it’s about you doing your thing and NOT
seeking approval, the BETTER
she will like you, because you will not be
trying to impress her, you will not be trying
to be somebody else, you will not do the
same old thing that everyone else is doing.
And you will be more genuine and authentic.
STEP TWO: MOVE AHEAD
The second step is CONTINUING to talk
to her in a way that is consistent with your
values, perspectives, sense of humor, etc.
So for example, if you are at the gym
and you see a woman you want to chat to,
you can just go over to her and say ‘Hey
instead of staring at you a thousand times,
I figured I’d just come over and say hi”
and from there you can talk about
working out, you can ask her about her
workout, the main thing is keep it AUTHENTIC.
You can even say that you don't have
time to chat much since you have to
get back to your workout.
In your brain, the moment you ACCEPT
all the potential NEGATIVE FALLOUT
of you being yourself, is the moment you
are FREE to really EXPRESS YOUR
AUTHENTIC IDENTITY- you will then
start to say the right things, do the right
things, you’ll be funnier, more charming,
more dominant, in an authentic way she
can feel a million times more than
she would from a guy trying his luck with
some pick up lines or other equally
false approaches.
Forget all this talk about “winning”, instead
let everyone ELSE worry about trying to fit
into YOUR paradigm of the world rather than
the other way around.
This is why it’s so important that you HAVE
a point of view.
I’m not talking about ignorant opinions, but
rather informed, educated, passionate thoughts
about things.
THIS is contagious, this is cool, this is
what wakes her UP and is like a breath
of fresh air in a world of boring CLONES.
Don’t be afraid to ROCK THE BOAT, but
don’t rock the boat JUST FOR THE SAKE
of rocking the boat. That looks “try hard”
and it in fact IS “try-hard” because it’s not
authentic.
A woman will be able to tell rather quickly
when a guy is not being authentic, because
any time you FAKE something, that thing
you are doing actually requires many other
things for it to seem REAL, so for example
if a guy tries to act like he’s a martial arts
master when he isn’t, he’ll end up doing
something that just doesn’t “vibe”- i.e.
he might be acting all macho when in
fact most martial arts masters don’t act
that way at all, BECAUSE they are
so secure.
The thing is to EMBRACE who you are
and to EMBRACE whatever it is you want
to learn and do, and not fear it.
This includes approaching and chatting to
a woman you’re interested in!
THREE: COMMIT TO IT FULLY
Again, if you REALLY believe in yourself, then
you don’t suddenly SOFTEN UP on being your
HARD CORE SELF just because she starts to
LIKE you.
This often happens when a guy starts to learn
about being successful with women, and then
he starts to show his confidence, and charisma
and he really BECOMES the “man” as I say,
but then at the very moment it starts to WORK,
and the woman starts to show interest in him,
he is SO HAPPY he is GETTING somewhere
with her that he is now TERRIFIED OF LOSING
HER.
So what does he do?
He gives UP all this cool stuff about him, he gives
UP his conviction in himself and his identity, and
now he starts to become a kiss-ass.
And you already know I don’t advocate being
a jerk at all, I actually think being a good guy
is where it’s at, but this good guy must come
from CONVICTION in himself, not from kiss ass!!!!!!
By the way, the very SAME thing happens
sometimes to STARS, whether they’re actors
or singers, or rock stars, etc. They start to
get famous, and they get huge deals and the
companies promoting them or the studios now
want to ENSURE success, so they STOP
taking chances and only pursue ‘safe’ type
music and movies for the masses.
This kind of thing happened to Stallone, to Eddie Murphy,
and several other stars, where the ORIGINAL QUALITY
about themselves that made them SUPERSTARS got faded
as they strayed from their identities- Stallone was never
supposed to just be some “action star” - he was a genius
who wrote ROCKY that won best picture.
Eddie Murphy was a raw, cutting edge comedian, he wasn’t
just doing kids flicks and remakes of famous movies for
Disney. When Stallone finally went back to his roots, he
started to slowly regain his identity as an actor.
Don’t allow yourself to stray from who
you really ARE, not even for the most
attractive woman on the planet.
The irony of course is that trying that hard to "please"
a woman will only push her away because it was
the REAL you she was attracted to, not the you
that was seeking to remake yourself in her image!
If you have a wild sense of humor, don’t
HIDE it from her, instead SHOW IT.
A lot of guys who are actually very
cool people suddenly CHANGE in front of
women and they become different entirely-
and it's a shame because actually women
DO want the real you, but most guys never
show the real them, only the weak version
of themselves, and they show the same boring
version of a guy that every OTHER guy is showing,
and every other guy is doing this for the same
reason- to fit in, to not be made fun of, to be cool.
It’s very ironic, but the more you try to be
someone, the worse it will be. This doesn’t
mean you can’t change and evolve and
grow as a person with time, in fact that
kind of change is good, because it comes
from YOU.
FOUR: REMOVE PRESSURE
The other great thing about you truly
committing to who you really are
and embracing all the crazy possibilities
that your imagination fears will happen
from being yourself – is that the woman
can SEE you are not “chasing” her,
you are not being mean, but you are not
chasing her either, which means she
can RELAX and make the decision
of whether she wants to talk to you
on her own.
And as every great salesman knows, the
best sales are NOT THE “HARD SELL”
but rather the sell that comes from the
customer herself wanting and making
the decision – and the irony is that
by not chasing her, she now must face
the possibility of LOSS.
This is not a tactic to manipulate her, it’s
the TRUTH, she may very WELL lose you if she
doesn’t do something here as well- she knows
she can’t just let it be ALL you, because you
aren’t willing to go THAT FAR, i.e. you are
not willing to keep on chasing approval from
someone who doesn’t already appreciate you.
When you try too hard to be what SHE wants,
you actually push her away, because she can
sense this decision is not something you want
HER to make, and she feels the pressure
she might have to do something she doesn’t
WANT to do.
But when you simply go nuts on being YOURSELF,
you not only do a better job making a cool impression
but you also allow her to create her OWN pressure
on herself to want you, as opposed to running from
YOUR pressure.
The best way to remove resistance is to create
no FORCE. Instead, let your force flow from
you being YOU- not the you that kisses up,
but the you that you would be with women
if you were willing to ACCEPT even the WORST
FEARS you had about you being yourself.
Again, the rock star comparison, think about
how totally UNCOOL it would be if
Guns'nRoses had been sitting around all
day doing press conferences and trying
to figure out what would sell and what
everyone wanted to hear! Imagine Axl Rose
doing “market research”.
The “market” whether it’s music lovers or
WOMEN LOOKING FOR MEN, they ALWAYS
want SOMETHING COMPELLING AND
UNIQUE.
How much do you believe in yourself if
what you do is based on a survey seeking
her approval?
Now, when you DO GENUINELY want
to give a compliment to a woman and it’s
not because you need her to give you
something BACK, then it’s perfectly
fine, when it’s not coming from worshipping
her or with a need to get something back.
FIVE: MIX IT ALL WITH PASSION/LOVE
This is VERY DIFFERENT from having this
submissive smile that comes really from fear and
the need to seek approval.
They say “love conquers all” but it’s misunderstood.
It’s not just about relationships, it’s about LOVE
in all its forms, including SELF-LOVE.
Let the LOVE flow ENDLESSLY, for yourself,
for your IDENTITY, FOR WHO YOU ARE,
for the things you love, and YES, for the
woman as well!
When you do things you LOVE, your entire
body language changes.
So for example, if you have a wacky sense of
humor, but are afraid women won’t get it,
TRY IT ANYWAY on them!
If you have some passionate love for something
that you fear others will find “weird”, who cares
if some might find it weird???? It’s who you
ARE, and chances are if you really are passionate
about it, you will SPARK that passion in women
as well at the very least to the point of them finding
you INTRIGUING AND DIFFERENT.
SIX: LARGER THAN LIFE
Now, the reality is that ‘reality’ can SUCK- it all
depends on which reality you want to focus on.
When you meet a woman, it’s not a cool thing
that you just REINFORCE in her mind that
life can be cruel, boring, unfair, tough, painful,
sad, etc.
However, if YOU can bring more FUN, MORE
COURAGE, MORE PLEASURE, MORE HUMOR,
MORE ADVENTURE, into your OWN perspectives
of things, then you can SHARE this with women.
Some people might argue that this is just a FANTASY
rather than living in reality.
But reality is whatever you are EXPERIENCING,
and if you spend a lifetime laughing and loving
and having great adventures, is that less real
than a life where you allowed yourself to
be bored, tired, upset, depressed, etc?
Learn to make a woman FEEL cool emotions
by focusing on the cool side of things that YOU
see, and you will have her eating out of your hand.
Let me illustrate the power this way:
The movie AVATAR has adventure, has romance,
has exotic locations, forests, wilderness, excitement,
danger, and ultimately a happy ending that within
the movie all feels REAL.
This movie has made over 2 BILLION dollars.
Now, there is another movie, it's more serious and
deals with grim REALITY, and it’s called The Hurt Locker.
It's won tons of Academy Awards, including best picture.
But it hasn't earned even 2% of what Avatar has.
Now, these movies are very different, it's apples
and oranges, I'm not judging one over the other-
I'm just saying one thing:
If you want to get a chance with a woman, take her
to an emotional place that is AWESOME, not depressing
or disturbing.
This doesn't mean you have to always
IGNORE reality, sometimes in the midst of the
most GRIM realities is the most inspiring and
AMAZING emotional moments we can have
in life, IF you know how to see it.
The point is though, to take a woman somewhere
INTOXICATINGLY EMOTIONALLY POSITIVE.
Take her there by focusing the conversation on
the awesome perspectives you have, whether they
be funny, intriguing, or that help inspire or become
more at peace, or that are sensual without being vulgar.
And if you would like to learn the FULL picture on
how to do this and how to approach and attract a
GREAT woman, then I suggest you download
my book, ‘Get A Great Girl,’ at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/Book.html
This book will show you how to SKYROCKET
your results with the best kind of woman, and it
has nothing to do with pick-up lines or sleazy
tactics.
It will show you the way to really meet the
best kinds of women, spark attraction in them,
as well as how to build a SUPER STRONG
foundation from the beginning so that things
STAY SMOOTH long term as well.
For my ADVANCED program on meeting
and approaching women ANYWHERE,
you need my SEDUCTION MASTERY
program. This program goes in-depth
into every detail of the approach, INCLUDING
mastering your ‘inner game’ as well.
It’s at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Mastery.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
Saturday, March 6, 2010
How To Banish Neediness
One of the worst tortures that any man
can go through on earth is being obsessed
with one woman who doesn't seem to
understand him, love him, or want him.
A similar torture is being obsessed with the
fear of LOSING a woman. This insecurity
is fueled by neediness, and the sad part is
that the fear can become a self-fulfilling
prophecy, as it will trigger unattractive
behaviors that will often push even a
good woman away.
In fact, the whole story of "Darth Vader" is
really sparked by his neediness for a woman!
His insecurities and fears cause him nightmares
that he will lose the woman he loves, and also
causes him to see infidelities that never even
existed.
So the most famous downfall of a filmic
character, the greatest filmic tragedy of all,
is really about a man who has lost out to his
neediness for a woman.
I don't say this as a joke, but to underline
how powerful and how painful this whole
issue is of wanting to feel that level of
security that a woman is going to never
leave you, or that she loves you, etc.
The reality is that the the ability to not be
OVERWHELMED by these emotions
is what truly marks our development
as great men.
It all boils down to getting over the FEAR
of this potential loss. Once we can can
ACCEPT this potential loss, and still
realize we can be okay, then we are
able to stop obsessing about it.
THEN we are ready for handling the dating
process, the relationship, and being with
the right woman.
We have to realize that our fears are not
the external world really, our fears are
what WE create ourselves in our heads,
we THINK we have all these things to fear.
Just like that scene in Empire Strikes Back,
where Luke enters the cave and Yoda tells
him he won't need his lightsaber or any
other weapons in there.
Luke doesn't believe him, of course, so he
takes his lightsaber into the cave, and
then sees what he thinks is Darth Vader
and then when he strikes at Vader his
greatest fear is made apparent- he sees
that behind Vader's mask is actually
his OWN reflection, and his fear of
course is that he will ALSO become
like Vader by giving into his own fears
as well.
It's a very poignant message when it comes
to women as well.
The fear of not being loved, or of losing love, is HELL.
Not only is it torturous, but that very feeling destroys a man of his confidence, and robs him of his charisma and sense of humor,
not only with her, but with ALL women, which makes his results even worse, which then makes him feel even worse, and so on.
So what I'd like to do today is help any man reading this to stop the addiction to being obsessed with a woman who is not loving him back.
It's often good guys who are doing this,
so it's especially important to me to
write this article.
Meanwhile jerks always think they are
great and that they are the prize, and
would NEVER pursue a woman who
isn't reciprocating, etc.
So, anytime you feel yourself obsessing
over ONE woman, I want you to take
notice of the following things:
1. How much time have you REALLY spent with
OTHER women lately?
2. How much time have you been FANTASIZING
about how GREAT and PERFECT things would
be if you just had HER?
3. How much ACTION have you actually took
to meet OTHER women?
These three actions form a "perfect storm" of
DISASTER to your emotions.
See, what happens is that rather than living in
the REALITY of having to take ACTION to
meet other women, it's much easier (even though
it's also simultaneously PAINFUL) to
fantasize about some dream concept with
some woman who you aren't actually
WITH.
See, the mind is a very interesting thing:
Given the choice to think about a perfect fantasy
or having to pursue something in reality, it will
ALWAYS choose fantasy, because no matter
how awesome a REALITY is, it can NEVER
match the fantasy that YOU YOURSELF have
created in your OWN mind.
It's the perfect fantasy because you created it.
So let's say you are obsessed with one woman,
whether it's a woman who you've had to divorce,
a woman who you love who has never loved you
back, or any other woman, 99 per cent of the time
the PAIN comes from the CONTRAST of
FANTASIZING about how AWESOME things
"could" be, and then comparing that to your reality.
And of course, since you haven't been working
on CHANGING that reality, that reality currently
feels PARTICULARLY bad.
Presto- this creates the emotion known as
NEEDINESS.
You now don't just LIKE a particular woman, you
now NEED HER for dear life.
And it really makes me sick how so many of the
BEST MEN ON EARTH are the ones who make
themselves suffer so much, it's because they
aren't arrogant and they allow themselves to
give a little TOO MUCH credit to a woman who
really hasn't earned it.
This to me, is not really nice, it's a kind of nice
that comes from a good man not KNOWING the reality of
his own awesome value, and from simultaneously
distorting the value of the wrong woman by
inflating her value.
So the key is to first become AWARE of
what you are doing- you are comparing
something that is not even REAL, something
that exists only in your mind, i.e. how
PERFECT things would be if you just
HAD this woman, with what life would
be like if you took action in real life
with some other women.
The REAL LIFE can't match or compare.
And the longer you allow yourself to stay
obsessed, the MORE you brainwash yourself
into thinking and FEELING that the things
you've projected onto a woman are indeed
TRUE and FACTUAL.
See, humans aren't very good at determining
REALITY, they think that their EMOTIONS
are always good indicators of TRUTH, and
though sometimes they are, they also sometimes
are TOTALLY WRONG.
So if you allow yourself to follow your emotions
of pining or obsessing for some woman who
hasn't done much to EARN that, you will
brainwash yourself into thinking she HAS
earned it, as if you are so low on the scale
of value that she is so awesome in comparison,
or you'll brainwash yourself of her value
in some other way, you'll actually convince
yourself that she really IS from a logical
point of view "worth it", when in reality
this is known as backwards rationalizing,
or "cognitive dissonance".
By the way, almost EVERYONE brainwashes
themselves, and it's almost never a good thing.
For example, some women are emotionally
irresponsible and they attribute the cause of
their negative emotions to everyone except
themselves.
If you want a quality woman in your life,
you'd be best warned to watch out for
a woman who sees herself as a victim of
everything.
The reality is that while some human beings
manage to barely walk away from an oven
in a concentration camp as a child and still
grow up emotionally stable, other people
will cry like the world is ending because
ten years ago they didn't get a fancy
video game system to play with as a kid.
Other people will blame the fact that they
weren't allowed to eat junk food as kid
for why they need to cheat on their spouse
or partner.
The bottom line is, it's not really your
CIRCUMSTANCES, it's your ATTITUDE
that determines the meaning of those
circumstances.
But if you let your emotions RULE YOU
rather than YOU ruling your EMOTIONS,
your emotions will pretend they are your
friends, and they will make you think that
indeed everything else in life is what is
bringing you down, but that it's not your
responsibility at all.
If you are looking for a great woman, then
be on the lookout for how consistent she is
in being in a positive frame of mind, and
also be on the lookout to see how consistent
she is with maintaining a sense of moral
fairness, i.e. does she bump ahead of other
people in line? Does she jump to conclusions
about things? Is the rational or is she usually
basing her decisions on whatever emotion
she's feeling in the moment?
Does she insist on using condoms?
Or does she go base things on a "feeling"???
Does she work hard or does she
"feel" no work is inspiring or
worth doing?
So, don't think that it's just you who must
do this battle to conquer emotions when
they can cloud your thinking, it's everyone,
but if you want to get rid of NEEDINESS,
then just start to notice how the needy
feeling you have for a woman is always
accompanied by a tendency to NOT
STAY IN THE REAL WORLD, and
to instead fantasize about some made
up concept of how awesome life would
be if you "just" had this woman.
This type of thinking will actually prevent
you from ever GETTING a great woman,
because a great woman has got her emotions
under control and would expect that you as
a MAN should FOR SURE have his.
Mind you, great men and great women are
EXTREMELY RARE.
But once you develop yourself to get into
that category, you then know how to immediately
detect one when you've found one. The difference
between her and other women and in fact between
her and most other PEOPLE, is MASSIVE.
Getting control over your neediness is so
important, that if you don't, you won't
notice the very REAL things that a woman
will be doing to you including things that
are not cool at all.
So for example, a woman who you've allowed
yourself to feel too much emotion for and
she hasn't earned it, you will become
BLIND to the fact she is not truly being
faithful, or if she is a hypocrite in
other ways.
But NEEDINESS in your soul will find
A MILLION EXCUSES for it.
This is the thing, as a great man, you have to
have the POTENTIAL WARMTH to unleash
in a woman who DESERVES it, but you also
have to have the potential COLDNESS of a
"jerk" to shut off your emotions so that you
don't become weak and make the wrong
decisions to pursue the wrong woman or
to tolerate LOW STANDARDS OF
BEHAVIOR.
The moment you find yourself getting
EMOTIONALLY WEAK, go jump in
a COLD SHOWER for an instant!
It will WAKE YOU UP OUT OF THE
SPELL!
So the lesson for today is to become
AWARE of the FALLACY of creating
fantasies in your mind based on zero
evidence, and becoming AWARE of
how this FICTION then robs you of
the desire to actually take action in
the REAL WORLD, which is less
than perfect, but still pretty damn
AWESOME, because it's actually
REAL.
A real woman, beautiful and with a great
personality but who is not perfect, is much
better than the DISTORTED concept of
PERFECTION that you've created in
your mind of some particular woman.
Take that FIRST STEP today by actually
CHALLENGING your emotions for
EVIDENCE.
So, if you are feeling NEEDY for a woman,
demand REAL EVIDENCE for why she is
so great. And make sure you are calm when
you are doing this, because if you do it when
needy, you'll CREATE LIES that you will
believe to back up your emotions.
Also, if you are feeling FEAR of approaching
a woman, DEMAND REAL EVIDENCE.
You know that FEAR is just
F alse
E vidence
A ppearing
R eal
Getting your inner game down tight is
MASSIVELY IMPORTANT.
Don't wake up after ten years to find out you've been
allowing your emotions to brainwash you and hold
you back with women and with life.
If you want to SKYROCKET your inner game
and confidence, as well as get the crucial insights
on how to approach women, get dates, get physical,
and have a fantastic relationship, then you need to
download my book, "Get A Great Girl" NOW.
This book is packed with fantastic advice that
you can use IMMEDIATELY to meet, attract,
and KEEP a quality woman.
It's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Book.html
And if you haven't got my SEDUCTION
MASTERY APPRENTICESHIP PROGRAM
yet, then do that now. This program is the
ADVANCED level on skyrocketing your
inner game and on attracting women.
It's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Mastery.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
P.S. To check out all the programs I've designed
to help you attract a true quality woman, go to:
http://getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.php
can go through on earth is being obsessed
with one woman who doesn't seem to
understand him, love him, or want him.
A similar torture is being obsessed with the
fear of LOSING a woman. This insecurity
is fueled by neediness, and the sad part is
that the fear can become a self-fulfilling
prophecy, as it will trigger unattractive
behaviors that will often push even a
good woman away.
In fact, the whole story of "Darth Vader" is
really sparked by his neediness for a woman!
His insecurities and fears cause him nightmares
that he will lose the woman he loves, and also
causes him to see infidelities that never even
existed.
So the most famous downfall of a filmic
character, the greatest filmic tragedy of all,
is really about a man who has lost out to his
neediness for a woman.
I don't say this as a joke, but to underline
how powerful and how painful this whole
issue is of wanting to feel that level of
security that a woman is going to never
leave you, or that she loves you, etc.
The reality is that the the ability to not be
OVERWHELMED by these emotions
is what truly marks our development
as great men.
of this potential loss. Once we can can
ACCEPT this potential loss, and still
realize we can be okay, then we are
able to stop obsessing about it.
THEN we are ready for handling the dating
process, the relationship, and being with
the right woman.
We have to realize that our fears are not
the external world really, our fears are
what WE create ourselves in our heads,
we THINK we have all these things to fear.
Just like that scene in Empire Strikes Back,
where Luke enters the cave and Yoda tells
him he won't need his lightsaber or any
other weapons in there.
Luke doesn't believe him, of course, so he
takes his lightsaber into the cave, and
then sees what he thinks is Darth Vader
and then when he strikes at Vader his
greatest fear is made apparent- he sees
that behind Vader's mask is actually
his OWN reflection, and his fear of
course is that he will ALSO become
like Vader by giving into his own fears
as well.
It's a very poignant message when it comes
to women as well.
Not only is it torturous, but that very feeling destroys a man of his confidence, and robs him of his charisma and sense of humor,
not only with her, but with ALL women, which makes his results even worse, which then makes him feel even worse, and so on.
So what I'd like to do today is help any man reading this to stop the addiction to being obsessed with a woman who is not loving him back.
It's often good guys who are doing this,
so it's especially important to me to
write this article.
Meanwhile jerks always think they are
great and that they are the prize, and
would NEVER pursue a woman who
isn't reciprocating, etc.
So, anytime you feel yourself obsessing
over ONE woman, I want you to take
notice of the following things:
1. How much time have you REALLY spent with
OTHER women lately?
2. How much time have you been FANTASIZING
about how GREAT and PERFECT things would
be if you just had HER?
3. How much ACTION have you actually took
to meet OTHER women?
These three actions form a "perfect storm" of
DISASTER to your emotions.
See, what happens is that rather than living in
the REALITY of having to take ACTION to
meet other women, it's much easier (even though
it's also simultaneously PAINFUL) to
fantasize about some dream concept with
some woman who you aren't actually
WITH.
See, the mind is a very interesting thing:
Given the choice to think about a perfect fantasy
or having to pursue something in reality, it will
ALWAYS choose fantasy, because no matter
how awesome a REALITY is, it can NEVER
match the fantasy that YOU YOURSELF have
created in your OWN mind.
It's the perfect fantasy because you created it.
So let's say you are obsessed with one woman,
whether it's a woman who you've had to divorce,
a woman who you love who has never loved you
back, or any other woman, 99 per cent of the time
the PAIN comes from the CONTRAST of
FANTASIZING about how AWESOME things
"could" be, and then comparing that to your reality.
And of course, since you haven't been working
on CHANGING that reality, that reality currently
feels PARTICULARLY bad.
Presto- this creates the emotion known as
NEEDINESS.
You now don't just LIKE a particular woman, you
now NEED HER for dear life.
And it really makes me sick how so many of the
BEST MEN ON EARTH are the ones who make
themselves suffer so much, it's because they
aren't arrogant and they allow themselves to
give a little TOO MUCH credit to a woman who
really hasn't earned it.
This to me, is not really nice, it's a kind of nice
that comes from a good man not KNOWING the reality of
his own awesome value, and from simultaneously
distorting the value of the wrong woman by
inflating her value.
So the key is to first become AWARE of
what you are doing- you are comparing
something that is not even REAL, something
that exists only in your mind, i.e. how
PERFECT things would be if you just
HAD this woman, with what life would
be like if you took action in real life
with some other women.
The REAL LIFE can't match or compare.
And the longer you allow yourself to stay
obsessed, the MORE you brainwash yourself
into thinking and FEELING that the things
you've projected onto a woman are indeed
TRUE and FACTUAL.
See, humans aren't very good at determining
REALITY, they think that their EMOTIONS
are always good indicators of TRUTH, and
though sometimes they are, they also sometimes
are TOTALLY WRONG.
So if you allow yourself to follow your emotions
of pining or obsessing for some woman who
hasn't done much to EARN that, you will
brainwash yourself into thinking she HAS
earned it, as if you are so low on the scale
of value that she is so awesome in comparison,
or you'll brainwash yourself of her value
in some other way, you'll actually convince
yourself that she really IS from a logical
point of view "worth it", when in reality
this is known as backwards rationalizing,
or "cognitive dissonance".
By the way, almost EVERYONE brainwashes
themselves, and it's almost never a good thing.
For example, some women are emotionally
irresponsible and they attribute the cause of
their negative emotions to everyone except
themselves.
If you want a quality woman in your life,
you'd be best warned to watch out for
a woman who sees herself as a victim of
everything.
The reality is that while some human beings
manage to barely walk away from an oven
in a concentration camp as a child and still
grow up emotionally stable, other people
will cry like the world is ending because
ten years ago they didn't get a fancy
video game system to play with as a kid.
Other people will blame the fact that they
weren't allowed to eat junk food as kid
for why they need to cheat on their spouse
or partner.
The bottom line is, it's not really your
CIRCUMSTANCES, it's your ATTITUDE
that determines the meaning of those
circumstances.
But if you let your emotions RULE YOU
rather than YOU ruling your EMOTIONS,
your emotions will pretend they are your
friends, and they will make you think that
indeed everything else in life is what is
bringing you down, but that it's not your
responsibility at all.
If you are looking for a great woman, then
be on the lookout for how consistent she is
in being in a positive frame of mind, and
also be on the lookout to see how consistent
she is with maintaining a sense of moral
fairness, i.e. does she bump ahead of other
people in line? Does she jump to conclusions
about things? Is the rational or is she usually
basing her decisions on whatever emotion
she's feeling in the moment?
Does she insist on using condoms?
Or does she go base things on a "feeling"???
Does she work hard or does she
"feel" no work is inspiring or
worth doing?
So, don't think that it's just you who must
do this battle to conquer emotions when
they can cloud your thinking, it's everyone,
but if you want to get rid of NEEDINESS,
then just start to notice how the needy
feeling you have for a woman is always
accompanied by a tendency to NOT
STAY IN THE REAL WORLD, and
to instead fantasize about some made
up concept of how awesome life would
be if you "just" had this woman.
This type of thinking will actually prevent
you from ever GETTING a great woman,
because a great woman has got her emotions
under control and would expect that you as
a MAN should FOR SURE have his.
Mind you, great men and great women are
EXTREMELY RARE.
But once you develop yourself to get into
that category, you then know how to immediately
detect one when you've found one. The difference
between her and other women and in fact between
her and most other PEOPLE, is MASSIVE.
Getting control over your neediness is so
important, that if you don't, you won't
notice the very REAL things that a woman
will be doing to you including things that
are not cool at all.
So for example, a woman who you've allowed
yourself to feel too much emotion for and
she hasn't earned it, you will become
BLIND to the fact she is not truly being
faithful, or if she is a hypocrite in
other ways.
But NEEDINESS in your soul will find
A MILLION EXCUSES for it.
This is the thing, as a great man, you have to
have the POTENTIAL WARMTH to unleash
in a woman who DESERVES it, but you also
have to have the potential COLDNESS of a
"jerk" to shut off your emotions so that you
don't become weak and make the wrong
decisions to pursue the wrong woman or
to tolerate LOW STANDARDS OF
BEHAVIOR.
The moment you find yourself getting
EMOTIONALLY WEAK, go jump in
a COLD SHOWER for an instant!
It will WAKE YOU UP OUT OF THE
SPELL!
So the lesson for today is to become
AWARE of the FALLACY of creating
fantasies in your mind based on zero
evidence, and becoming AWARE of
how this FICTION then robs you of
the desire to actually take action in
the REAL WORLD, which is less
than perfect, but still pretty damn
AWESOME, because it's actually
REAL.
A real woman, beautiful and with a great
personality but who is not perfect, is much
better than the DISTORTED concept of
PERFECTION that you've created in
your mind of some particular woman.
Take that FIRST STEP today by actually
CHALLENGING your emotions for
EVIDENCE.
So, if you are feeling NEEDY for a woman,
demand REAL EVIDENCE for why she is
so great. And make sure you are calm when
you are doing this, because if you do it when
needy, you'll CREATE LIES that you will
believe to back up your emotions.
Also, if you are feeling FEAR of approaching
a woman, DEMAND REAL EVIDENCE.
You know that FEAR is just
F alse
E vidence
A ppearing
R eal
Getting your inner game down tight is
MASSIVELY IMPORTANT.
Don't wake up after ten years to find out you've been
allowing your emotions to brainwash you and hold
you back with women and with life.
If you want to SKYROCKET your inner game
and confidence, as well as get the crucial insights
on how to approach women, get dates, get physical,
and have a fantastic relationship, then you need to
download my book, "Get A Great Girl" NOW.
This book is packed with fantastic advice that
you can use IMMEDIATELY to meet, attract,
and KEEP a quality woman.
It's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Book.html
And if you haven't got my SEDUCTION
MASTERY APPRENTICESHIP PROGRAM
yet, then do that now. This program is the
ADVANCED level on skyrocketing your
inner game and on attracting women.
It's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Mastery.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
P.S. To check out all the programs I've designed
to help you attract a true quality woman, go to:
http://getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.php
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