Approaching women seems tough, but
it doesn't have to be. What I'm going to
do here is share the most important
7 SECRETS with you for approaching
women. Screwing these up are the 7
most common causes for not attracting
a woman upon approaching her.
So, here are the 7 most common devastating
mistakes, as well as the RIGHT things to
do instead.
1. NOT GETTING INTO "JUICY"
CONVERSATION EARLY ENOUGH
So, let's say you are already approaching
women and starting conversations, you
might notice that women will just be
polite.
You aren't seeing their eyes light up.
Keep in mind that this woman has no idea
who you are, she has no idea that you have
gone through a lot in this life, that you are
not only a good person, but a pretty cool
person as well. She knows NOTHING
about you.
And you can't start listing your resume there.
So the ONLY thing SHE can judge you on here
is the conversation she's having with you and
how it FEELS to her.
So, you have to get her into "FEELING" state
pretty darn fast.
Now, you do NOT want to overcompensate
with becoming a CLOWN or PERFORMER.
You should start the conversation with something
low-key, like if you were at a card store and you
were commenting on the choice of card she is
holding, i.e. a father's day card, and telling her
she must have a close relationship with her dad
to buy such a card, etc.
THEN however you want to UP the ante pretty
fast, to BUILD from there. You want to get
her FEELING damn good. So you might go
from there into something that is either very
INTERESTING, or something is very funny,
or something that truly raises her self-esteem
and makes her feel better about herself, you
can CHOOSE whatever fits best for your
personality.
So, for example, giving the example of the
woman at the card store, you can go humorous
by telling her that she's just trying to butter
up her dad so he can buy her a Jaguar, or
you can go into the "intriguing" and genuinely
meaningful compliment that raises her self-esteem
by speaking about how girls who get along well
with their dads tend to be the girls who have less
drama issues- and this would PROMPT a
response from her that was a lot more involved
on her part- it wouldn't just be her trying to
get rid of you, since now she is actually engaged
in something meaningful to her.
Also, you could COMBINE the above, and go
from humorous/funny, to the more serious and
intriguing and raising self-esteem style conversation.
COMBINING emotions is actually a VERY
powerful thing, - imagine if you get a woman
laughing, then feeling intrigued, and then feeling
better about herself, all within a span of just
a few MINUTES.
If you do that, you are going to be MEMORABLE.
You are going to be the guy she wants to CALL,
and all the other guys that just ogled her or said
trivial stuff to her will not even be REMEMBERED.
If you aren't getting the conversation into
the right EMOTIONAL ZONE very
QUICKLY, it's no surprise that your
interactions aren't amounting to any
results.
2. TOO MUCH PICK UP ARTIST
"PLAY HARD TO GET" BEHAVIOR
This is a huge one. Most guys are trying
so hard to show they are not interested,
because they are told by the "dating gurus"
and pick up artists that this will make the
woman more interested- so the guys end
up standing way too far from the women,
and talking from too much of a distance,
and the guys try to also avoid ANY type
of comment that might sound like they
are interested.
The truth is that although you shouldn't
give compliments for the sake of compliments,
you SHOULD reward a woman for the things
that she really EARNED.
The KEYWORD here though is EARNED.
If you give compliments or if you seek
rapport for things she didn't EARN,
you are behaving as an underling,
a needy desperate guy.
HOWEVER, once she has EARNED it,
it's an entirely different matter.
So if she is telling you things that you really
find worthy of respect or interest, well then
you actually MUST show and tell her this,
because it is actually a way of letting her know
that she stands OUT from the rest, that she is
NOT just another woman, that you are NOT
just looking at her from a superficial point
of view.
3. INSENSITIVITY TO THE EMOTIONAL
VIBE OF THE SITUATION
This is something that is a MAJOR factor
in screwing up attraction.
This often stems from not being present
in the moment, and being too caught up
in trying to achieve a certain outcome.
This pressure to achieve a certain outcome
is like a constant ALARM blaring in your
ear that prevents you from actually listening
properly and from FEELING what a woman
is actually feeling and trying to convey to you.
A lot of communication, in fact most of it,
is not in the words themselves, so if you are
ONLY listening to a woman's words, then
you are often missing the point.
Here's a helpful hint- most of the time,
a woman is just trying to feel good, like
all humans do. So rather than focusing
on how you can show off how smart
you are, instead think about how you
can be CREATING A GOOD VIBE.
If she is talking about something a bit sad,
i.e. some tragedy or war, then don't show
off how much you know about that issue,
rather you should create RAPPORT to make
her feel understood, and then gently LEAD
the conversation to somewhere more
POSITIVE.
Look for the bright side of things, and
the reality is that if not for negative things,
there would BE no positive side, so if the
conversation is not going down the right
track, it's just another OPPORTUNITY
for you to create AWESOME emotions
where they didn't exist before, and that
makes you even cooler than every
other guy who couldn't do that.
A woman will not remember the details of
the conversation, she will only remember
how she FELT during it. So make it feel
GOOD.
Listen when she is speaking, listen for what
is the EMOTIONAL crux of what she is
saying, don't just be thinking of how you
can be the most cool guy to show how
you can give the most clever response.
The most clever response is the response
that simply FEELS good. You'll get
farther by NOT showing off then you
would by showing how clever and
"cool" you are. Don't put yourself
down of course, just don't make it
all about YOU. And that's how
she will remember YOU.
4. NOT PROGRESSING THE INTERACTION
An interaction has natural stages,
you start off low key, you build
up steam and connect to each other,
and then you have to get her contact
info.
Out of fear, most guys will just stay
in whatever stage they are in, because
it feels good to not be rejected- however,
if you don't PROGRESS the interaction
to getting her number, and from getting
her number, to getting the date, to
getting physical, to relationship, etc,
etc, then what is the point?
So often, guys will open up a conversation
with something low key, and the women
will be receptive, but then the guys
STAY in that zone the entire time
because it feels good to get that
validation and they don't want to risk
LOSING that sense of validation.
Which brings me to the motto:
"He who dares, wins."
So MOVE THE INTERACTION FORWARD.
5. NOT BEING FLIRTATIOUS
If you are trying to meet a woman, then it's
CRUCIAL that she understands that there is
a sexual tension to the interaction.
So, the key to being more flirty and sexual
is being more PLAYFUL in your interaction,
combined with having a bit of a mischievous
glint in your eye.
6. OVERCOMPENSATING INSECURITIES
This is a HUGE one. We all fear not being
accepted, because of whatever it is we are
insecure about. So what do we do? We
OVERCOMPENSATE for that insecurity,
and we don't even realize it. It usually
comes across as either being insecure
or what is worse, as being a JERK.
If you start a conversation by trying to
protect yourself against your fear, usually
it will work AGAINST you.
So, for example, let's say you are insecure
about how much money you earn. Well,
if you very early in a conversation said
something like "superficial things are so
over-rated, I would never be caught working
for a big corporation". If you're bald, if
you're short, if you're ANYTHING you
are insecure about- the reality is that it's
NOT an issue but if you START with,
"Hi, my name is Mac, would you date
a short guy?" then you clearly are showing
that this is a major obsession or fear.
Same with, "Hi, I work for minimum wage,
but I LOVE my job", that also shows that
you are obsessed with the money issue since
it's the first thing you brought up.
Just be comfortable in your own skin, and
don't bring up the issue at all. There's
a lot more to you than you think, a lot
more to you than the things you are
insecure about.
This rule also applies for not trying to
explain anything about yourself or situation
that you think is not cool- so if your are renting
a car because your regular better car is at the
shop, don't say, "This is just a rental- I have
a better car", just DON'T BRING IT UP,
otherwise it comes across as you feeling
inferior worth compared to what you
feel her worth is.
And when YOU feel your worth is low,
that is the ultimate litmus test to a woman
of your worth. YOU are the one who
has to know what you're worth. If you
don't feel it, how can she?
7. REVEALING TOO MUCH ABOUT YOURSELF TOO EARLY
Now, the problem with this is that it is
the behavior of someone who feels that
he is going to get rejected.
So, if you just approached a woman, don't
start telling her within 30 seconds, "Man,
I'm so tired, I just got in from LA" or,
"I'm so tired, I was up all night with
my agent on the phone closing a deal"
etc, etc.
It's OBVIOUS to her that you are throwing
around the words "LA" "AGENT" "closing
the deal", etc.
Those are 7 SUPER IMPORTANT
tips that you can now go out and apply
IMMEDIATELY, and you will notice
a MASSIVE difference, TODAY.
And yet, that is just the TIP of the ICEBERG.
If you want to be KING when it comes to
attracting the most fantastic quality women,
I suggest you get my program called
WARRIOR WITHIN immediately, at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
When a woman sees a man approach her, she
subconsciously is applying TONS of SCREENING
mechanisms to PREVENT the wrong guy from
wasting her time.
She has instinctively learned to do this from
EXPERIENCE.
She can DETECT IMMEDIATELY and instinctively
if a guy "gets it" when it comes to women.
This program will ensure you IMMEDIATELY
give off the right "signals" to women that show
you ARE the kind of man that TOTALLY "gets it"
when it comes to women.
The men who show that they "get it", get the
GREEN LIGHT from women, and they get it
INSTANTLY.
Get this program NOW and start enjoying the
life you DESERVE with women.
It's at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
To check out ALL my programs for approaching
and attracting fantastic women, go here:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.php
Till next time,
Michael Marks
Showing posts with label hard to get. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hard to get. Show all posts
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Saturday, July 21, 2012
The Ten Biggest Mistakes Men Make With Quality Women
Get ready to discover the ten biggest mistakes men make with the real quality women- women who are not only attractive, but also FAITHFUL and intelligent:
1. TRYING TO KEEP HER INSECURE
So much of the "pick up women" advice out there for men on the internet is all about how to make a woman feel LESS about herself, which stems from the fear that the woman feels she is too good for a guy.
Those strategies believe that if SHE feels insecure around a guy, then that GUY will then seem to her to be of more value than she feels SHE has, so supposedly she will now want him and be attracted.
Well, the reality is that this "make her feel less than you" concept not only usually fails to work even on the mean-spirited women who may very well DESERVE to be told off, but it is TOTALLY INSANE to use this type of tactic on a QUALITY woman who did nothing bad to you to begin with.
It's counter-productive because she will
usually catch on IMMEDIATELY.
Then, she will wreak vengeance and havoc
with your emotions to teach you a lesson.
At best, she will just immediately shut you
down and leave.
Even worse, what happens is that you
destroy your inner power this way,
because you are in effect telling
yourself that you don't have the
worth to keep her on your own,
and that you have to resort to
putting her down.
This actually makes you feel worth LESS
than you did before you ever used any
tactic like that, and the reality is
that your inner game ALWAYS shows
through, and she can detect how you
feel about your own worth.
She can detect it through your body
language that you display without
even thinking about it.
It's a result of how you are feeling
internally, and guess what? How you
feel internally ALWAYS ends up showing
in your mannerisms, in your expressions,
and in your vocal tonality.
I have a much BETTER solution to
all this- instead of putting her
down, you can bring BOTH OF YOU UP!
Just make sure you are NEVER doing this
from a weak, "KISSING UP" perspective,
which leads to my NEXT point:
2. THE MUTUAL COMPLIMENT
Most men NEVER use this, and that's
a HUGE mistake.
The mutual compliment is pure GOLD.
The mutual compliment means that
your message is saying something
cool and genuine about BOTH of you-
the woman AND yourself.
For example, let's say you are chatting with a
woman you just met, and you tell her that you
can see she has great taste in men. This is
saying something positive to her, but it's
also pretty damn confident of yourself to
say this as well, and it's funny too.
So you've done 3 things at once, all in a span
of just a few seconds and few words.
This is similar to, before kissing a woman, telling
her that you can tell a lot about a woman from the
way she kisses. When she asks "what do you mean"
you say, "Well, for example, you can tell if she
is really passionately into you, or if it's just about
the money."
Then, you proceed to kiss her, and when you pull away, you give her a mischievous grin and say, "Definitely, you're not about the money."
So again, you've said something cool about her,
and about yourself.
3. DON'T ACCEPT A SHRED OF DISRESPECT
This is a big one too. As soon as you play even
a BIT of the "head games" with a woman, or as
soon as you ACCEPT even a bit of this, it's
the beginning of the end of the whole connection.
The single greatest factor behind ALL these
head games is INSECURITY. Giving into it,
whether you decide to give her a taste of her
own medicine, or you accept it from her, it
all just FEEDS more of this insecurity.
There is no way to WIN with someone who
plays these games, the only way to WIN is
to get the heck out.
In my relationships, I NEVER play any games.
There's nothing like the TRUST that is built
upon this foundation. And any woman who
doesn't APPRECIATE this is going to be
a serious problem that you are best off
AVOIDING to begin with.
I learned these lessons the hard way because
my wrong behaviors and perspectives wreaked
HAVOC with my relationships.
And of course, the flip side to all this, is that
the lack of games is INSTANTLY appreciated
by the RIGHT kinds of women, because they
know how RARE this is.
And it's understood by these women as a sign
of your STRENGTH, because all games are
a sign of insecurity, and the lack of games is
a sign of massive strength and conviction in
yourself.
4. KEEP INITIAL COMMENTS ONLINE BRIEF BUT PERSONAL
I personally prefer to approach women
in the real world from regular life,
be it women you see at the bookstore,
coffee shop, supermarket, or anywhere
else, because this opens up the entire
UNIVERSE of women to you,
(http://getagreatgirl.com/realworld.html)
but if you are doing online dating,
then make sure to keep your initial
email BRIEF but PERSONAL.
Think about it from her perspective:
If she's an attractive woman, she probably
gets TOO MANY emails from guys, including
a lot of desperate guys.
She DOES want to meet the right guy, but the
first signal that goes off in her head from a
huge long email from some random guy is
that this guy is somehow desperate and can't
meet women in real life, so he's putting all
his eggs in one basket.
The other problem is when the email he sends
is not PERSONALIZED at all. It doesn't
indicate anything unique about his personality and
it doesn't indicate he actually read her profile
at all either. By the way, don't spend TOO
much time reading her profile unless it
really stands out herself, chances are she
said things like she enjoys traveling, and
other things that every single girl on the
planet says, that don't indicate anything
really important about her individuality.
And when I say to indicate your personality,
that means to create the FEELING of
what you are, don't just say you're a
funny guy, if you are funny, then make
a damn good joke. If you are a very
creative guy, then make your email
creative, don't just send a generic
email. From your subject line to
the description of yourself, to
all the rest of the profile, DEFY THE
STANDARD CONVENTIONS OF ONLINE DATING
while STILL getting the point across:
For example, you can write something as
a joke, i.e. writing that you were just
released from jail and not interested in
re-hooking up with your ex-wives and your
30 grand-kids, then say "just kidding",
and then write about who you really are,
etc.
5. TAKE ACTION RIGHT AWAY
This is another thing that seems to defy normal
logic. I'm not saying you have to sleep with women
right away, (in fact, I advise AGAINST it) but
rather the key is not to think, "Hmmm, I know
this girl, I'll chat to her for a few weeks, then
ask for her number, then, wait a week, then
call her, then maybe talk some more for a
few months, then maybe get to bed, then
maybe a relationship", etc, etc.
Reality doesn't work like that.
It's based on MOMENTUM.
So if you like a woman, GO FOR IT NOW,
get her number, go out for coffee THIS
WEEK, and if you like her and you share
things in common on a deep level, then
go to the next level.
If you meet a woman at a party, don't think,
"I chatted to her for a few minutes, so let's
not ruin this, I'll come back later for her
and then I'll ask for her number".
If you like her and she likes you, then get
her number NOW. If you're on a date
with her, and the vibe is great, then don't
wait till LATER to kiss her, you can kiss
her NOW.
Keep in mind, all this is coming NOT from
a needy sense, but from a sense of CONFIDENCE.
If you are truly delaying something because
you KNOW it will be better if you wait, that's
one thing, but 99% of the time, I see guys
HESITATING out of lack of belief, rather
than out of a true sense of making greater
impact by perfect timing.
A quality woman wants a man who TAKES
ACTION.
6. THINGS ARE NOT "ALL OR NOTHING"
To make things EASIER on ourselves, and to
spare ourselves from having to feel like we
need to take action, we LIE to ourselves by
painting things as "all or nothing."
"All or nothing" thinking is often
a sign of insecurity.
For example: "That party is stupid. House
parties are stupid. I'm not going to that
party, you can't meet ANYONE there."
This is also similar to how some people like to paint all women as being the same- i.e. that "ALL WOMEN WILL CHEAT ON YOU unless you do everything you can to control women."
Those kinds of MASSIVE over-generalizations, destructive beliefs, and false statements will prevent you from meeting and attracting quality women who DON'T cheat.
If you go to the bookstore one day and there
weren't a lot of women there, that doesn't mean
you can't meet women at the bookstore- it might
mean that you went to the WRONG bookstore
in a deserted area of town, or that you went at
the wrong time. Because you absolutely can
meet women at the bookstore. But telling
ourselves lies is a great way to rationalize
why we aren't doing anything to actually
take ACTION.
Things are also not always all or nothing
in your interactions with a woman - if she
said something that hurt your feelings, maybe
it's not exactly like you think. Maybe it is,
but maybe it's not. So remember, emotions
are dangerous, and when we feel we might
be hurt, we take ACTION to prevent that
pain.
That's what emotions do- they prompt us
to take ACTION.
Think about it- almost every time you actually
TAKE any action, it's EMOTIONALLY
fueled. Watching TV, feels good. Feeling
hungry? You go eat. Tired? You want to
go sleep. Feeling horny? You want sex.
What happens if you are feeling like
you might get REJECTED?
Then you make sure to take the action
that will SPARE you that rejection,
and the action that will spare you that
rejection is saying things like:
"All women are gold-diggers."
"You can't meet women anywhere."
"It's all a waste of time."
That way, you can make sure to never
take any action and be spared any
emotional pain.
So beware of how emotions are leading to
ALL OR NOTHING thinking, (also known
as "Black Or White" type thinking) because
it's one of the silent DESTROYERS, since
we don't even realize we are brainwashing
ourselves and telling lies to ourselves.
A quality woman also KNOWS full well
just how much strength it takes to
be the kind of man that does not
jump into black and white thinking.
It's one of those signs of being
a truly strong man in the greatest
sense of the words 'being a man'.
7. IF YOU'RE ONLINE, COME UP WITH A COOL NAME
The first thing besides your picture they'll
see, and if you have no pic then it's DEFINITELY
the first thing they'll see, is your online NAME.
So you need to stand out in a cool way.
One trick is to think of some good music albums
that haven't been OVERPLAYED recently in pop
culture, and then be a bit creative with that.
So for example:
"NO JACKET REQUIRED."
You might take that and go serious with that,
and follow with a profile that is all about
being yourself and being comfortable with
who you are and how you want a woman who
is the same, or you might take a comedic
route if that is your nature and jokingly
write:
"NO CLASS REQUIRED."
And then proceed to have a quick, but funny profile
saying what a caveman you are, that totally shows
you are NOT trying to qualify yourself, which
will get a lot of women laughing.
Then, after the playful bit, you might have a
few brief but powerful sentences that actually
gets down to business with what you like
and what you don't. i.e. You might say that
the one thing that IS required is HONESTY.
That you learned in cave-man school that
being HONEST is the one thing that counts,
in between sessions of eating mud-pies.
Another cool name would be something like "Spiritual Badboy" that combines two opposite yet attractive qualities that are so rare to find together.
The idea here is not that she will think
you are some kind of truly BAD person,
but rather she will get the playful
message that you are a man who has
depth AND who is also a fun, exciting
guy who she can picture herself with
in bed.
Just calling yourself a "bad boy" may very well just make a lot of women nervous, but a "spiritual bad boy" sounds intriguing and attractive at the same time.
8. IF YOU'RE INSECURE ABOUT SOMETHING,
DON'T BRING ATTENTION TO IT, AND DON'T
OVERCOMPENSATE.
For example, let's say you feel you are
too "old" for a certain woman.
Well don't try to pretend you're 18, and
don't lie about your age.
Doing those things would only make
you feel WORSE about yourself, because
you will feel the need to HIDE who you
are. And that emotion will ruin your
charisma.
Rather, be the coolest version of who you are
and use it to your advantage and don't act like
you have to hide who you are.
Don't obsess on it either, so for example,
a guy who keeps on saying he is young
at heart, etc, sounds similar to a guy who
has a non-prestigious job who keeps on
saying all the time that that money is
not a big deal.
If he wouldn't have brought it up, the woman
might not have even thought about it, but the
fact the guy is bringing this topic up shows
that it's clearly on HIS mind, it's clearly
an insecurity in HIS mind.
The first form of "social proof" you provide of how cool you are to a woman, is the social proof you provide from YOURSELF.
If you don't think you're cool, that's GUARANTEED to make sure the woman doesn't think you're cool either.
9. PLAYFUL CHILDHOOD REGRESSION
Natural primal communication is actually quite
CHILD-LIKE.
And the kind of communication that sparks attraction
and emotion often stems from allowing her to
enter this CHILD-LIKE STATE.
When we are in all ADULT AND FORMAL mode,
we BLOCK ourselves from actually feeling GOOD.
We're in LOGICAL mode.
But when you start to chat about FUN stuff that
links back to CHILDHOOD, it's an INNOCENT
way to actually get her to be more of an ADULT
in a flirty sense.
Devious, huh?
But all in a good way, when done responsibly.
You have to understand that you are trying to
achieve a lot in a little time with a woman who
is a total stranger, and to bypass all the logic
barriers that are normally in place.
So, for example, asking her who she'd rather
marry, Fred Flintstone or Barney Rubble,
and to give you the reasons why, or chatting
with her in the supermarket about how you
two can steal the cereal boxes and get all
the toys inside, will get her imagination
and mind into a more PLAYFUL state
and instead of looking at you as the next
psycho, you are now both playing.
And the reality is that great sexual chemistry is very much linked to playing as well, even when it gets aggressive, it's like aggressive playing.
It's saying the heck with all the "serious" stuff of the world and let's just enjoy and relax what comes naturally.
Of course, I get into all this on a way
deeper level in my materials.
In fact, you could playfully say to a woman
that if she doesn't know who Cookie Monster
is, or if she doesn't watch Sesame Street,
that she's too advanced for you.
This is a heck of a lot cooler than what
most guys do, trying so damn hard to
show how "cool" they are and how much
money they make, and what societies
they belong to, etc.
The great thing about being playful is
that it allows you to say things that are
true and yet not have to be completely
taken seriously. So it keeps the vibe
fun and honest rather than formal and
pretentious.
10. A WORD ABOUT ACTING "HARD TO GET."
The reality is that you shouldn't ACT.
Instead of trying to think, "Hmm, should
I do this "hard to get" behavior now?", you
should rather think to yourself why the
"hard to get" behavior became linked to
being attractive in the first place.
So for example, rather than thinking,
"Hmm, should I end this conversation with
her first so that she sees I'm not desperate?"
just realize where this behavior of ending
the conversation first came from for REAL.
It comes from KNOWING that you truly have
tons of choices with women.
Well, then, rather than play GAMES with
women, you should actually IMPROVE your
skills so that you DO have more choices.
THAT way, you can actually talk to her
for as long as you GENUINELY have time
for, without playing ANY games, and
then you will ALSO attract her rather
than playing games that sow the seeds
of mistrust.
Think of this as lifting weights- rather than
trying to LOOK like you're lifting weights
by getting FAKE weights that LOOK like
they weigh a lot, it's better to actually
TRAIN in the gym and BECOME stronger.
And if you're reading this right now and
would love to have the power of CHOICE
when it comes to getting the woman you
want, I suggest you get my WARRIOR WITHIN
program, at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
This program is ESSENTIAL and is designed
for men who are looking to meet and keep
a fantastic woman for a great relationship.
And to check out ALL my programs for meeting and attracting quality women, go here:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.php
Till next time,
Michael Marks
1. TRYING TO KEEP HER INSECURE
So much of the "pick up women" advice out there for men on the internet is all about how to make a woman feel LESS about herself, which stems from the fear that the woman feels she is too good for a guy.
Those strategies believe that if SHE feels insecure around a guy, then that GUY will then seem to her to be of more value than she feels SHE has, so supposedly she will now want him and be attracted.
Well, the reality is that this "make her feel less than you" concept not only usually fails to work even on the mean-spirited women who may very well DESERVE to be told off, but it is TOTALLY INSANE to use this type of tactic on a QUALITY woman who did nothing bad to you to begin with.
It's counter-productive because she will
usually catch on IMMEDIATELY.
Then, she will wreak vengeance and havoc
with your emotions to teach you a lesson.
At best, she will just immediately shut you
down and leave.
Even worse, what happens is that you
destroy your inner power this way,
because you are in effect telling
yourself that you don't have the
worth to keep her on your own,
and that you have to resort to
putting her down.
This actually makes you feel worth LESS
than you did before you ever used any
tactic like that, and the reality is
that your inner game ALWAYS shows
through, and she can detect how you
feel about your own worth.
She can detect it through your body
language that you display without
even thinking about it.
It's a result of how you are feeling
internally, and guess what? How you
feel internally ALWAYS ends up showing
in your mannerisms, in your expressions,
and in your vocal tonality.
I have a much BETTER solution to
all this- instead of putting her
down, you can bring BOTH OF YOU UP!
Just make sure you are NEVER doing this
from a weak, "KISSING UP" perspective,
which leads to my NEXT point:
2. THE MUTUAL COMPLIMENT
Most men NEVER use this, and that's
a HUGE mistake.
The mutual compliment is pure GOLD.
The mutual compliment means that
your message is saying something
cool and genuine about BOTH of you-
the woman AND yourself.
For example, let's say you are chatting with a
woman you just met, and you tell her that you
can see she has great taste in men. This is
saying something positive to her, but it's
also pretty damn confident of yourself to
say this as well, and it's funny too.
So you've done 3 things at once, all in a span
of just a few seconds and few words.
This is similar to, before kissing a woman, telling
her that you can tell a lot about a woman from the
way she kisses. When she asks "what do you mean"
you say, "Well, for example, you can tell if she
is really passionately into you, or if it's just about
the money."
Then, you proceed to kiss her, and when you pull away, you give her a mischievous grin and say, "Definitely, you're not about the money."
So again, you've said something cool about her,
and about yourself.
3. DON'T ACCEPT A SHRED OF DISRESPECT
This is a big one too. As soon as you play even
a BIT of the "head games" with a woman, or as
soon as you ACCEPT even a bit of this, it's
the beginning of the end of the whole connection.
The single greatest factor behind ALL these
head games is INSECURITY. Giving into it,
whether you decide to give her a taste of her
own medicine, or you accept it from her, it
all just FEEDS more of this insecurity.
There is no way to WIN with someone who
plays these games, the only way to WIN is
to get the heck out.
In my relationships, I NEVER play any games.
There's nothing like the TRUST that is built
upon this foundation. And any woman who
doesn't APPRECIATE this is going to be
a serious problem that you are best off
AVOIDING to begin with.
I learned these lessons the hard way because
my wrong behaviors and perspectives wreaked
HAVOC with my relationships.
And of course, the flip side to all this, is that
the lack of games is INSTANTLY appreciated
by the RIGHT kinds of women, because they
know how RARE this is.
And it's understood by these women as a sign
of your STRENGTH, because all games are
a sign of insecurity, and the lack of games is
a sign of massive strength and conviction in
yourself.
4. KEEP INITIAL COMMENTS ONLINE BRIEF BUT PERSONAL
I personally prefer to approach women
in the real world from regular life,
be it women you see at the bookstore,
coffee shop, supermarket, or anywhere
else, because this opens up the entire
UNIVERSE of women to you,
(http://getagreatgirl.com/realworld.html)
but if you are doing online dating,
then make sure to keep your initial
email BRIEF but PERSONAL.
Think about it from her perspective:
If she's an attractive woman, she probably
gets TOO MANY emails from guys, including
a lot of desperate guys.
She DOES want to meet the right guy, but the
first signal that goes off in her head from a
huge long email from some random guy is
that this guy is somehow desperate and can't
meet women in real life, so he's putting all
his eggs in one basket.
The other problem is when the email he sends
is not PERSONALIZED at all. It doesn't
indicate anything unique about his personality and
it doesn't indicate he actually read her profile
at all either. By the way, don't spend TOO
much time reading her profile unless it
really stands out herself, chances are she
said things like she enjoys traveling, and
other things that every single girl on the
planet says, that don't indicate anything
really important about her individuality.
And when I say to indicate your personality,
that means to create the FEELING of
what you are, don't just say you're a
funny guy, if you are funny, then make
a damn good joke. If you are a very
creative guy, then make your email
creative, don't just send a generic
email. From your subject line to
the description of yourself, to
all the rest of the profile, DEFY THE
STANDARD CONVENTIONS OF ONLINE DATING
while STILL getting the point across:
For example, you can write something as
a joke, i.e. writing that you were just
released from jail and not interested in
re-hooking up with your ex-wives and your
30 grand-kids, then say "just kidding",
and then write about who you really are,
etc.
5. TAKE ACTION RIGHT AWAY
This is another thing that seems to defy normal
logic. I'm not saying you have to sleep with women
right away, (in fact, I advise AGAINST it) but
rather the key is not to think, "Hmmm, I know
this girl, I'll chat to her for a few weeks, then
ask for her number, then, wait a week, then
call her, then maybe talk some more for a
few months, then maybe get to bed, then
maybe a relationship", etc, etc.
Reality doesn't work like that.
It's based on MOMENTUM.
So if you like a woman, GO FOR IT NOW,
get her number, go out for coffee THIS
WEEK, and if you like her and you share
things in common on a deep level, then
go to the next level.
If you meet a woman at a party, don't think,
"I chatted to her for a few minutes, so let's
not ruin this, I'll come back later for her
and then I'll ask for her number".
If you like her and she likes you, then get
her number NOW. If you're on a date
with her, and the vibe is great, then don't
wait till LATER to kiss her, you can kiss
her NOW.
Keep in mind, all this is coming NOT from
a needy sense, but from a sense of CONFIDENCE.
If you are truly delaying something because
you KNOW it will be better if you wait, that's
one thing, but 99% of the time, I see guys
HESITATING out of lack of belief, rather
than out of a true sense of making greater
impact by perfect timing.
A quality woman wants a man who TAKES
ACTION.
6. THINGS ARE NOT "ALL OR NOTHING"
To make things EASIER on ourselves, and to
spare ourselves from having to feel like we
need to take action, we LIE to ourselves by
painting things as "all or nothing."
"All or nothing" thinking is often
a sign of insecurity.
For example: "That party is stupid. House
parties are stupid. I'm not going to that
party, you can't meet ANYONE there."
This is also similar to how some people like to paint all women as being the same- i.e. that "ALL WOMEN WILL CHEAT ON YOU unless you do everything you can to control women."
Those kinds of MASSIVE over-generalizations, destructive beliefs, and false statements will prevent you from meeting and attracting quality women who DON'T cheat.
If you go to the bookstore one day and there
weren't a lot of women there, that doesn't mean
you can't meet women at the bookstore- it might
mean that you went to the WRONG bookstore
in a deserted area of town, or that you went at
the wrong time. Because you absolutely can
meet women at the bookstore. But telling
ourselves lies is a great way to rationalize
why we aren't doing anything to actually
take ACTION.
Things are also not always all or nothing
in your interactions with a woman - if she
said something that hurt your feelings, maybe
it's not exactly like you think. Maybe it is,
but maybe it's not. So remember, emotions
are dangerous, and when we feel we might
be hurt, we take ACTION to prevent that
pain.
That's what emotions do- they prompt us
to take ACTION.
Think about it- almost every time you actually
TAKE any action, it's EMOTIONALLY
fueled. Watching TV, feels good. Feeling
hungry? You go eat. Tired? You want to
go sleep. Feeling horny? You want sex.
What happens if you are feeling like
you might get REJECTED?
Then you make sure to take the action
that will SPARE you that rejection,
and the action that will spare you that
rejection is saying things like:
"All women are gold-diggers."
"You can't meet women anywhere."
"It's all a waste of time."
That way, you can make sure to never
take any action and be spared any
emotional pain.
So beware of how emotions are leading to
ALL OR NOTHING thinking, (also known
as "Black Or White" type thinking) because
it's one of the silent DESTROYERS, since
we don't even realize we are brainwashing
ourselves and telling lies to ourselves.
A quality woman also KNOWS full well
just how much strength it takes to
be the kind of man that does not
jump into black and white thinking.
It's one of those signs of being
a truly strong man in the greatest
sense of the words 'being a man'.
7. IF YOU'RE ONLINE, COME UP WITH A COOL NAME
The first thing besides your picture they'll
see, and if you have no pic then it's DEFINITELY
the first thing they'll see, is your online NAME.
So you need to stand out in a cool way.
One trick is to think of some good music albums
that haven't been OVERPLAYED recently in pop
culture, and then be a bit creative with that.
So for example:
"NO JACKET REQUIRED."
You might take that and go serious with that,
and follow with a profile that is all about
being yourself and being comfortable with
who you are and how you want a woman who
is the same, or you might take a comedic
route if that is your nature and jokingly
write:
"NO CLASS REQUIRED."
And then proceed to have a quick, but funny profile
saying what a caveman you are, that totally shows
you are NOT trying to qualify yourself, which
will get a lot of women laughing.
Then, after the playful bit, you might have a
few brief but powerful sentences that actually
gets down to business with what you like
and what you don't. i.e. You might say that
the one thing that IS required is HONESTY.
That you learned in cave-man school that
being HONEST is the one thing that counts,
in between sessions of eating mud-pies.
Another cool name would be something like "Spiritual Badboy" that combines two opposite yet attractive qualities that are so rare to find together.
The idea here is not that she will think
you are some kind of truly BAD person,
but rather she will get the playful
message that you are a man who has
depth AND who is also a fun, exciting
guy who she can picture herself with
in bed.
Just calling yourself a "bad boy" may very well just make a lot of women nervous, but a "spiritual bad boy" sounds intriguing and attractive at the same time.
8. IF YOU'RE INSECURE ABOUT SOMETHING,
DON'T BRING ATTENTION TO IT, AND DON'T
OVERCOMPENSATE.
For example, let's say you feel you are
too "old" for a certain woman.
Well don't try to pretend you're 18, and
don't lie about your age.
Doing those things would only make
you feel WORSE about yourself, because
you will feel the need to HIDE who you
are. And that emotion will ruin your
charisma.
Rather, be the coolest version of who you are
and use it to your advantage and don't act like
you have to hide who you are.
Don't obsess on it either, so for example,
a guy who keeps on saying he is young
at heart, etc, sounds similar to a guy who
has a non-prestigious job who keeps on
saying all the time that that money is
not a big deal.
If he wouldn't have brought it up, the woman
might not have even thought about it, but the
fact the guy is bringing this topic up shows
that it's clearly on HIS mind, it's clearly
an insecurity in HIS mind.
The first form of "social proof" you provide of how cool you are to a woman, is the social proof you provide from YOURSELF.
If you don't think you're cool, that's GUARANTEED to make sure the woman doesn't think you're cool either.
9. PLAYFUL CHILDHOOD REGRESSION
Natural primal communication is actually quite
CHILD-LIKE.
And the kind of communication that sparks attraction
and emotion often stems from allowing her to
enter this CHILD-LIKE STATE.
When we are in all ADULT AND FORMAL mode,
we BLOCK ourselves from actually feeling GOOD.
We're in LOGICAL mode.
But when you start to chat about FUN stuff that
links back to CHILDHOOD, it's an INNOCENT
way to actually get her to be more of an ADULT
in a flirty sense.
Devious, huh?
But all in a good way, when done responsibly.
You have to understand that you are trying to
achieve a lot in a little time with a woman who
is a total stranger, and to bypass all the logic
barriers that are normally in place.
So, for example, asking her who she'd rather
marry, Fred Flintstone or Barney Rubble,
and to give you the reasons why, or chatting
with her in the supermarket about how you
two can steal the cereal boxes and get all
the toys inside, will get her imagination
and mind into a more PLAYFUL state
and instead of looking at you as the next
psycho, you are now both playing.
And the reality is that great sexual chemistry is very much linked to playing as well, even when it gets aggressive, it's like aggressive playing.
It's saying the heck with all the "serious" stuff of the world and let's just enjoy and relax what comes naturally.
Of course, I get into all this on a way
deeper level in my materials.
In fact, you could playfully say to a woman
that if she doesn't know who Cookie Monster
is, or if she doesn't watch Sesame Street,
that she's too advanced for you.
This is a heck of a lot cooler than what
most guys do, trying so damn hard to
show how "cool" they are and how much
money they make, and what societies
they belong to, etc.
The great thing about being playful is
that it allows you to say things that are
true and yet not have to be completely
taken seriously. So it keeps the vibe
fun and honest rather than formal and
pretentious.
10. A WORD ABOUT ACTING "HARD TO GET."
The reality is that you shouldn't ACT.
Instead of trying to think, "Hmm, should
I do this "hard to get" behavior now?", you
should rather think to yourself why the
"hard to get" behavior became linked to
being attractive in the first place.
So for example, rather than thinking,
"Hmm, should I end this conversation with
her first so that she sees I'm not desperate?"
just realize where this behavior of ending
the conversation first came from for REAL.
It comes from KNOWING that you truly have
tons of choices with women.
Well, then, rather than play GAMES with
women, you should actually IMPROVE your
skills so that you DO have more choices.
THAT way, you can actually talk to her
for as long as you GENUINELY have time
for, without playing ANY games, and
then you will ALSO attract her rather
than playing games that sow the seeds
of mistrust.
Think of this as lifting weights- rather than
trying to LOOK like you're lifting weights
by getting FAKE weights that LOOK like
they weigh a lot, it's better to actually
TRAIN in the gym and BECOME stronger.
And if you're reading this right now and
would love to have the power of CHOICE
when it comes to getting the woman you
want, I suggest you get my WARRIOR WITHIN
program, at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
This program is ESSENTIAL and is designed
for men who are looking to meet and keep
a fantastic woman for a great relationship.
And to check out ALL my programs for meeting and attracting quality women, go here:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.php
Till next time,
Michael Marks
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