Today's article deals with some real BIG topics,
from overcoming approach anxiety, to attracting
women in general, to being all you can be as a man.
Right now, I want you to draw a picture in
your mind of a woman so beautiful, so striking,
it OBLITERATES any other thought.
Make her as STUNNING as you possibly can.
Look her up and down, from head to toe.
Her smile, her hair, her every sexy curve.
Even think of the way she smells.
The way she sounds.
And she’s looking at you right now, giving
you a smile that feels like it’s sending out
golden rays of sunshine…
Now, all that awesome emotion you are feeling,
all that desire, that love, all that ENERGY, all
that focus, I want you to CAPTURE THAT,
and REDIRECT ALLLLLL OF IT, toward
YOURSELF.
The problem is that guys don’t do this.
They take all this awesome emotion, all this
FOCUS, all this ENERGY, all this INFINITE
POWER, and they not only GIVE IT AWAY
TO ANY WOMAN WHO IS ATTRACTIVE,
they actually FORCE FEED IT to these women,
unconsciously.
All that awesome emotion is POTENTIAL POWER.
But it gets LOST when you just give it away, rather
than HARNESSING it for yourself.
And the irony is, it is only by harnessing it that
you create the kind of ATTRACTION POWER
that makes a WOMAN FEEL ATTRACTED TO
YOU the same way you felt about HER.
Now, imagine you took that ENERGY and
EXCITEMENT and PASSION and DRIVE
and DETERMINATION and you used it to
live your life to the MAX.
See, most guys feel the desire and then basically
tell a woman without saying it in words :
“Hey, I feel massively attracted to you, will
you PLEASE do something about this to
HELP ME?”
And then if a woman says “No”, the guy then
tries HARDER to PLEAD with her, basically
saying “Oh but I will be EXTRA NICE TO YOU”
as if she’s doing HIM a favor, and he will
give her some COMPENSATION for this
FAVOR.
It’s clear that SHE is the one getting the
WORSE deal, from his perspective, that’s
in fact the REASON he keeps telling her
through his ACTIONS even if not his words
that he will do anything for her.
Now, obviously the solution is not to become
a JERK either. Becoming a JERK doesn’t
truly increase your value on it’s own, it’s
only because jerks are ALSO making sure
not to WASTE THEIR EMOTIONS AND
ENERGY on trying to get a woman by
KISSING UP TO HER.
So “jerks” are using this energy to increase
their attractive power through the following
ways:
Rather than thinking of ways to kiss up to women,
they think of ways to make more money, get more
fame, or to get OTHER women so that this woman
becomes more jealous and wants him more.
Also, the lack of neediness is IN ITSELF attractive
as well, because it creates a perception of greater
SCARCITY. After all, he is not pushing himself
on her, so the instinctive thought process on her
part is that he is more in demand than a guy who
is trying so hard to sell himself.
Now, imagine a guy who is NOT a jerk, and
who is ALSO focuses his primal “mating”
energy on increasing his value, his skills,
his prestige, his confidence, rather than
on trying to just be extra extra nice.
Being nice is easy, he can always do that
as well, but never INSTEAD of disciplining
his desires. Most guys don’t want to discipline
their desires, they just want to get the woman
NOW.
The reality is that often, if you are just
looking for something short term, you
CAN get this pretty fast. But keeping
a woman attracted long term takes
something else.
Attraction is about making the most of
yourself, in whatever ways that specifically
apply to you. Whether you are an athlete,
artist, entertainer, comedian, craftsman,
businessman, communicator, or you are the
best at WHATEVER skill you have, all that
is extremely attractive. And then mix that
with great social skills and masculinity.
It all boils down to survival and the way
emotions including attraction are related
to survival.
Start getting used to standing up for yourself.
It’s the first step to LOVING YOURSELF.
If you’re at the movie theater, or club, or
concert, or whatever, and someone
buds you in line, speak up. I can’t take
responsibility for what happens to you,
obviously, but the bottom line here is
that we’re all on earth for a short time,
so you need to learn to value YOUR
time here as well.
You’d be surprised what this does for your
self-esteem and also it sends a message out
that you ARE desirable. You are the
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE when it
comes to your own “image”.
If YOU don’t believe in you, then no one
else will.
No one told Bill Gates he would have Microsoft one day.
When Sly Stallone was almost starving and no agency
would hire him and he was sleeping in subways stations
rather than live a “normal life” in order to continue
his goal of eventually becoming an actor and making
movies, nobody told him, “Hey man, keep going, you’re
going to make ROCKY one day and be a huge star.”
They TOOK IT UPON THEMSELVES TO
LOVE THEMSELVES AND BELIEVE
IN THEMSELVES MORE THAN ANY
THING ELSE. They didn’t wait for some
woman to give them approval first.
This is why NEEDINESS must be
OBLITERATED from your thoughts.
If a woman that hasn’t even done anything MAJOR
to earn your affection sees you are so needy for her,
she already knows you are not the man for her.
After all, how can you be?
You’re going to be losing too much energy to
this weakness rather than become the kind
of man who is powerful enough to provide,
to protect, to stand up for himself and her.
MOVE THROUGH THE WORLD WITH
THIS MENTALITY OF SELF-LOVE
I'm not saying not to love OTHERS as well,
but the reality is that if you don’t love yourself,
you won’t be able to help others too much either.
You’ll be too weak and too messed up.
SHOW this mentality through your behaviors
and the things you say. So for example, let’s say
you’re driving and a woman pulls up beside you
in her car at a red light, don’t wait for the perfect
thing to say, just ASSUME YOU ARE THE BEST
THING TO HAPPEN TO HER, and say
whatever FLOWS from that frame of mind:
i.e. “Are you following me? You should
at least introduce yourself!”
If you’re at the gym, and on the bikes, and
a woman is about to get on a bike next to
you, don’t be afraid to be playful and say
something like “I’m using that bike too!”
The truth is, you could say ANYTHING
IF IT’S CLEAR IN YOUR TONALITY
THAT YOU ARE SURE OF YOUR
OWN WORTH. And if you’re not
sure of your own worth, then read the
following words:
ALL VALUE IS ARBITRARY, THEREFORE
YOU CAN DETERMINE YOUR OWN VALUE.
People pay for cigarettes, that kill them.
Fashion trends come and go.
One year it’s the rage, the next it’s ugly.
People do ALL KINDS OF THINGS with
passion, that make no sense.
The key is to have CONVICTION in whatever
you do and do it REPEATEDLY till it becomes
automatic instinct.
If you still think you have things to FEAR
regarding approaching women, then remember
that your FEARS HAVE NO EARS.
You can’t try TALKING to your fears.
Your fears won’t HEAR you.
The more you try to TALK to your fear,
the more your fears will take what you
say and try to DISTORT it into yet
ANOTHER REASON TO FEAR.
The fear will TRANSFORM your words and
recombine their 'DNA' content into
something emotionally TOXIC.
So for example, if you see a woman,
and you're hesitating to approach,
because you fear that maybe you will
get rejected, and and you start to
talk to the fear, i.e. by saying
"Okay, Let me find something COOL
to say"....your fear will then say
something like, "NAHHH that's not
cool enough!"
The only solution is ACTION and confronting
your fears. OVER AND OVER AGAIN,
till they finally get TIRED OF WASTING
THEIR TIME AND GIVE UP.
Your fears don’t hear words, they only
understand ACTION, when done AGAIN
AND AGAIN.
So if you’re afraid of approaching women
or kissing a woman or taking things further
with women in any sense, you’re going to
have to TAKE ACTION and do it, not just
think about it.
Every time you see a woman and you want
to talk to her, and you give yourself an excuse,
it only makes it HARDER to do it in the future.
STOP THE INTERNAL DIALOGUE NOW
AND TAKE ACTION NOW.
Start loving YOURSELF with the same
DRIVE that you USED to spend on women
who didn’t earn it from you.
This applies in your interactions with EVERYONE.
STOP talking to your fears with words, instead
TRAMPLE FEARS WITH ACTION.
See a woman you want to chat to?
Remember she doesn’t WANT a man
who is trying to kiss up to her, she wants
a man who believes in HIMSELF first.
So BE that man, and SHOW it.
And if you’re reading this right now, I
suggest you take your success with women
to the next level by downloading my program
"Obliterating Approach Anxiety".
This program will ENSURE you take action
when you see women anywhere in the future.
It's at:
How To Overcome "Approach Anxiety"
And if you haven’t yet downloaded my program,
"Attraction Accelerators", then do that immediately at:
Speed Up Women's Attraction To You
Till next time,
Michael Marks
Showing posts with label attract a great woman without playing games. Michael Marks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label attract a great woman without playing games. Michael Marks. Show all posts
Monday, March 12, 2012
Monday, October 24, 2011
The 7 Secrets To Approaching Women
Approaching women seems tough, but
it doesn't have to be. What I'm going to
do here is share the most important
7 SECRETS with you for approaching
women. Screwing these up are the 7
most common causes for not attracting
a woman upon approaching her.
So, here are the 7 most common devastating
mistakes, as well as the RIGHT things to
do instead.
1. NOT GETTING INTO "JUICY"
CONVERSATION EARLY ENOUGH
So, let's say you are already approaching
women and starting conversations, you
might notice that women will just be
polite.
You aren't seeing their eyes light up.
Keep in mind that this woman has no idea
who you are, she has no idea that you have
gone through a lot in this life, that you are
not only a good person, but a pretty cool
person as well. She knows NOTHING
about you.
And you can't start listing your resume there.
So the ONLY thing SHE can judge you on here
is the conversation she's having with you and
how it FEELS to her.
So, you have to get her into "FEELING" state
pretty darn fast.
Now, you do NOT want to overcompensate
with becoming a CLOWN or PERFORMER.
You should start the conversation with something
low-key, like if you were at a card store and you
were commenting on the choice of card she is
holding, i.e. a father's day card, and telling her
she must have a close relationship with her dad
to buy such a card, etc.
THEN however you want to UP the ante pretty
fast, to BUILD from there. You want to get
her FEELING damn good. So you might go
from there into something that is either very
INTERESTING, or something that is very funny,
or something that truly raises her self-esteem
and makes her feel better about herself, you
can CHOOSE whatever fits best for your personality.
EXAMPLE:
So, giving the example of the woman at
the card store, you can go HUMOROUS
by telling her that she's just trying
to butter up her dad so he can buy her
a Jaguar...
..Or you can go into the INTRIGUING and
genuinely meaningful compliment that raises her
self-esteem by speaking about how girls who get
along well with their dads tend to be the girls
who have less drama issues- and this would
PROMPT a response from her that was a lot
more involved on her part- it wouldn't just be
her trying to get rid of you, since now she is
actually engaged in something meaningful to her.
Also, you could COMBINE the above, and go
from humorous/funny, to the more serious and
intriguing and raising self-esteem style
conversation.
COMBINING emotions is a VERY powerful thing.
Imagine if you get a woman laughing, then get
her feeling intrigued, and then feeling better
about herself, all within a span of just a few
MINUTES.
You are going to be MEMORABLE.
You are going to be the guy she wants to CALL,
and all the other guys that just ogled her or said
trivial stuff to her will not even be REMEMBERED.
If you aren't getting the conversation into
the right EMOTIONAL ZONE very
QUICKLY, it's no surprise that your
interactions aren't amounting to any
results.
2. TOO MUCH PICK UP ARTIST
"PLAY HARD TO GET" BEHAVIOR
This is a huge one. Most guys are trying
so hard to show they are not interested,
because they are told by the "dating gurus"
and pick up artists that this will make the
woman more interested- so the guys end
up standing way too far from the women,
and talking from too much of a distance,
and the guys try to also avoid ANY type
of comment that might sound like they
are interested.
The truth is that although you shouldn't give
compliments for the sake of compliments,
you SHOULD reward a woman for the
things that she really EARNED.
The KEYWORD here though is EARNED.
If you give compliments or if you seek
rapport for things she didn't EARN,
you are behaving as an underling,
a needy desperate guy.
HOWEVER, once she has EARNED it,
it's an entirely different matter.
So if she is telling you things that you really
find worthy of respect or interest, well then
you actually MUST show and tell her this,
because it is actually a way of letting her know
that she stands OUT from the rest, that she is
NOT just another woman, that you are NOT
just looking at her from a superficial point
of view.
3. INSENSITIVITY TO THE EMOTIONAL
VIBE OF THE SITUATION
This is something that is a MAJOR factor
in screwing up attraction.
This often stems from not being present
in the moment, and being too caught up
in trying to achieve a certain outcome.
This pressure to achieve a certain outcome
is like a constant ALARM blaring in your
ear that prevents you from actually listening
properly and from FEELING what a woman
is actually feeling and trying to convey to you.
A lot of communication, in fact most of it,
is not in the words themselves, so if you are
ONLY listening to a woman's WORDS and not the
full depth of the tonality, expression, and
context behind those words, then you are often
missing what her real message is.
Here's a helpful hint- most of the time,
a woman is just trying to feel good, like
all humans do. So rather than focusing
on how you can show off how smart
you are, instead think about how you
can be CREATING A GOOD VIBE.
If she is talking about something a bit sad,
i.e. some tragedy or war, then don't show
off how much you know about that issue,
rather you should create RAPPORT to make
her feel understood, and then gently LEAD
the conversation to somewhere more
POSITIVE.
Look for the bright side of things, and
the reality is that if not for negative things,
there would BE no positive side, so if the
conversation is not going down the right
track, it's just another OPPORTUNITY
for you to create AWESOME emotions
where they didn't exist before, and that
makes you even cooler than every
other guy who couldn't do that.
A woman will not remember the details of
the conversation, she will only remember
how she FELT during it. So make it feel
GOOD.
Listen when she is speaking, listen for what
is the EMOTIONAL crux of what she is
saying, don't just be thinking of how you
can be the most cool guy to show how
you can give the most clever response.
The most clever response is the response
that simply FEELS good. You'll get
farther by NOT showing off then you
would by showing how clever and
"cool" you are. Don't put yourself
down of course, just don't make it
all about YOU. And that's how
she will remember YOU.
4. NOT PROGRESSING THE INTERACTION
An interaction has natural stages,
you start off low key, you build
up steam and connect to each other,
and then you have to get her contact
info.
Out of fear, most guys will just stay
in whatever stage they are in, because
it feels good to not be rejected. However,
if you don't PROGRESS the interaction
to getting her number, and from getting
her number, to getting the date, to
getting physical, to relationship, etc,
etc, then what is the point?
So often, guys will open up a conversation
with something low key, and the women
will be receptive, but then the guys
STAY in that zone the entire time
because it feels good to get that
validation and they don't want to risk
LOSING that sense of validation.
So MOVE THE INTERACTION FORWARD.
5. NOT BEING FLIRTATIOUS
If you are trying to meet a woman, then it's
CRUCIAL that she understands that there is
a sexual tension to the interaction.
So, the key to being more flirty and sexual
is being more PLAYFUL in your interaction,
combined with having a bit of a mischievous
glint in your eye.
6. OVERCOMPENSATING INSECURITIES
This is a HUGE one. We all fear not being
accepted, because of whatever it is we are
insecure about. So what do we do? We
OVERCOMPENSATE for that insecurity,
and we don't even realize it. It usually
comes across as either being insecure
or what is worse, as being a JERK.
If you start a conversation by trying to
protect yourself against your fear, usually
it will work AGAINST you.
So, for example, let's say you are insecure
about how much money you earn. Well,
if you very early in a conversation said
something like "superficial things are so
over-rated, I would never be caught working
for a big corporation". If you're bald, if
you're short, if you're ANYTHING you
are insecure about- the reality is that it's
NOT an issue but if you START with
"Hi, my name is Mac, would you date
a short guy?" then you clearly are showing
that this is a major obsession or fear.
Same with "Hi, I work for minimum wage,
but I LOVE my job" that also shows that
you are obsessed with the money issue since
it's the first thing you brought up.
Just be comfortable in your own skin, and
don't bring up the issue at all. There's
a lot more to you than you think, a lot
more to you than the things you are
insecure about.
This rule also applies for not trying to
explain anything about yourself or situation
that you think is not cool- so if your are renting
a car because your regular better car is at the
shop, don't say "this is just a rental- I have
a better car" just DON'T BRING IT UP,
otherwise it comes across as you feeling
inferior worth compared to what you
feel her worth is.
And when YOU feel your worth is low,
that is the ultimate litmus test to a woman
of your worth. YOU are the one who
has to know what you're worth. If you
don't feel it, how can she?
7. REVEALING TOO MUCH ABOUT
YOURSELF TOO EARLY
Now, the problem with this is that it is
the behavior of someone who feels that
he is going to get rejected.
So, if you just approached a woman, don't
start telling her within 30 seconds "man,
I'm so tired, I just got in from LA" or
"I'm so tired, I was up all night with
my agent on the phone closing a deal"
etc, etc.
It's OBVIOUS to her that you are throwing
around the words "LA" "AGENT" "closing
the deal", etc.
Well, those are 7 SUPER IMPORTANT
tips that you can now go out and apply
IMMEDIATELY, and you will notice
a MASSIVE difference, TODAY.
And yet, that is just the TIP of the ICEBERG.
If you want the FULL PICTURE on attracting the
most fantastic quality women, inside and out,
then I suggest you get my Warrior Within DVD Set-
this program is all about how to get a truly great
girlfriend and how to keep her.
This program will show you in EXPLICIT and
CLEAR DETAIL everything you need to know about
getting a woman who is the 'real thing'.
It's at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
P.S. To check out ALL my programs for
meeting and attracting the woman of your
dreams, including my live trainings and
the Real World Bootcamp, go here:
http://getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.php
it doesn't have to be. What I'm going to
do here is share the most important
7 SECRETS with you for approaching
women. Screwing these up are the 7
most common causes for not attracting
a woman upon approaching her.
So, here are the 7 most common devastating
mistakes, as well as the RIGHT things to
do instead.
1. NOT GETTING INTO "JUICY"
CONVERSATION EARLY ENOUGH
So, let's say you are already approaching
women and starting conversations, you
might notice that women will just be
polite.
You aren't seeing their eyes light up.
Keep in mind that this woman has no idea
who you are, she has no idea that you have
gone through a lot in this life, that you are
not only a good person, but a pretty cool
person as well. She knows NOTHING
about you.
And you can't start listing your resume there.
So the ONLY thing SHE can judge you on here
is the conversation she's having with you and
how it FEELS to her.
So, you have to get her into "FEELING" state
pretty darn fast.
Now, you do NOT want to overcompensate
with becoming a CLOWN or PERFORMER.
You should start the conversation with something
low-key, like if you were at a card store and you
were commenting on the choice of card she is
holding, i.e. a father's day card, and telling her
she must have a close relationship with her dad
to buy such a card, etc.
THEN however you want to UP the ante pretty
fast, to BUILD from there. You want to get
her FEELING damn good. So you might go
from there into something that is either very
INTERESTING, or something that is very funny,
or something that truly raises her self-esteem
and makes her feel better about herself, you
can CHOOSE whatever fits best for your personality.
EXAMPLE:
So, giving the example of the woman at
the card store, you can go HUMOROUS
by telling her that she's just trying
to butter up her dad so he can buy her
a Jaguar...
..Or you can go into the INTRIGUING and
genuinely meaningful compliment that raises her
self-esteem by speaking about how girls who get
along well with their dads tend to be the girls
who have less drama issues- and this would
PROMPT a response from her that was a lot
more involved on her part- it wouldn't just be
her trying to get rid of you, since now she is
actually engaged in something meaningful to her.
Also, you could COMBINE the above, and go
from humorous/funny, to the more serious and
intriguing and raising self-esteem style
conversation.
COMBINING emotions is a VERY powerful thing.
Imagine if you get a woman laughing, then get
her feeling intrigued, and then feeling better
about herself, all within a span of just a few
MINUTES.
You are going to be MEMORABLE.
You are going to be the guy she wants to CALL,
and all the other guys that just ogled her or said
trivial stuff to her will not even be REMEMBERED.
If you aren't getting the conversation into
the right EMOTIONAL ZONE very
QUICKLY, it's no surprise that your
interactions aren't amounting to any
results.
2. TOO MUCH PICK UP ARTIST
"PLAY HARD TO GET" BEHAVIOR
This is a huge one. Most guys are trying
so hard to show they are not interested,
because they are told by the "dating gurus"
and pick up artists that this will make the
woman more interested- so the guys end
up standing way too far from the women,
and talking from too much of a distance,
and the guys try to also avoid ANY type
of comment that might sound like they
are interested.
The truth is that although you shouldn't give
compliments for the sake of compliments,
you SHOULD reward a woman for the
things that she really EARNED.
The KEYWORD here though is EARNED.
If you give compliments or if you seek
rapport for things she didn't EARN,
you are behaving as an underling,
a needy desperate guy.
HOWEVER, once she has EARNED it,
it's an entirely different matter.
So if she is telling you things that you really
find worthy of respect or interest, well then
you actually MUST show and tell her this,
because it is actually a way of letting her know
that she stands OUT from the rest, that she is
NOT just another woman, that you are NOT
just looking at her from a superficial point
of view.
3. INSENSITIVITY TO THE EMOTIONAL
VIBE OF THE SITUATION
This is something that is a MAJOR factor
in screwing up attraction.
This often stems from not being present
in the moment, and being too caught up
in trying to achieve a certain outcome.
This pressure to achieve a certain outcome
is like a constant ALARM blaring in your
ear that prevents you from actually listening
properly and from FEELING what a woman
is actually feeling and trying to convey to you.
A lot of communication, in fact most of it,
is not in the words themselves, so if you are
ONLY listening to a woman's WORDS and not the
full depth of the tonality, expression, and
context behind those words, then you are often
missing what her real message is.
Here's a helpful hint- most of the time,
a woman is just trying to feel good, like
all humans do. So rather than focusing
on how you can show off how smart
you are, instead think about how you
can be CREATING A GOOD VIBE.
If she is talking about something a bit sad,
i.e. some tragedy or war, then don't show
off how much you know about that issue,
rather you should create RAPPORT to make
her feel understood, and then gently LEAD
the conversation to somewhere more
POSITIVE.
Look for the bright side of things, and
the reality is that if not for negative things,
there would BE no positive side, so if the
conversation is not going down the right
track, it's just another OPPORTUNITY
for you to create AWESOME emotions
where they didn't exist before, and that
makes you even cooler than every
other guy who couldn't do that.
A woman will not remember the details of
the conversation, she will only remember
how she FELT during it. So make it feel
GOOD.
Listen when she is speaking, listen for what
is the EMOTIONAL crux of what she is
saying, don't just be thinking of how you
can be the most cool guy to show how
you can give the most clever response.
The most clever response is the response
that simply FEELS good. You'll get
farther by NOT showing off then you
would by showing how clever and
"cool" you are. Don't put yourself
down of course, just don't make it
all about YOU. And that's how
she will remember YOU.
4. NOT PROGRESSING THE INTERACTION
An interaction has natural stages,
you start off low key, you build
up steam and connect to each other,
and then you have to get her contact
info.
Out of fear, most guys will just stay
in whatever stage they are in, because
it feels good to not be rejected. However,
if you don't PROGRESS the interaction
to getting her number, and from getting
her number, to getting the date, to
getting physical, to relationship, etc,
etc, then what is the point?
So often, guys will open up a conversation
with something low key, and the women
will be receptive, but then the guys
STAY in that zone the entire time
because it feels good to get that
validation and they don't want to risk
LOSING that sense of validation.
So MOVE THE INTERACTION FORWARD.
5. NOT BEING FLIRTATIOUS
If you are trying to meet a woman, then it's
CRUCIAL that she understands that there is
a sexual tension to the interaction.
So, the key to being more flirty and sexual
is being more PLAYFUL in your interaction,
combined with having a bit of a mischievous
glint in your eye.
6. OVERCOMPENSATING INSECURITIES
This is a HUGE one. We all fear not being
accepted, because of whatever it is we are
insecure about. So what do we do? We
OVERCOMPENSATE for that insecurity,
and we don't even realize it. It usually
comes across as either being insecure
or what is worse, as being a JERK.
If you start a conversation by trying to
protect yourself against your fear, usually
it will work AGAINST you.
So, for example, let's say you are insecure
about how much money you earn. Well,
if you very early in a conversation said
something like "superficial things are so
over-rated, I would never be caught working
for a big corporation". If you're bald, if
you're short, if you're ANYTHING you
are insecure about- the reality is that it's
NOT an issue but if you START with
"Hi, my name is Mac, would you date
a short guy?" then you clearly are showing
that this is a major obsession or fear.
Same with "Hi, I work for minimum wage,
but I LOVE my job" that also shows that
you are obsessed with the money issue since
it's the first thing you brought up.
Just be comfortable in your own skin, and
don't bring up the issue at all. There's
a lot more to you than you think, a lot
more to you than the things you are
insecure about.
This rule also applies for not trying to
explain anything about yourself or situation
that you think is not cool- so if your are renting
a car because your regular better car is at the
shop, don't say "this is just a rental- I have
a better car" just DON'T BRING IT UP,
otherwise it comes across as you feeling
inferior worth compared to what you
feel her worth is.
And when YOU feel your worth is low,
that is the ultimate litmus test to a woman
of your worth. YOU are the one who
has to know what you're worth. If you
don't feel it, how can she?
7. REVEALING TOO MUCH ABOUT
YOURSELF TOO EARLY
Now, the problem with this is that it is
the behavior of someone who feels that
he is going to get rejected.
So, if you just approached a woman, don't
start telling her within 30 seconds "man,
I'm so tired, I just got in from LA" or
"I'm so tired, I was up all night with
my agent on the phone closing a deal"
etc, etc.
It's OBVIOUS to her that you are throwing
around the words "LA" "AGENT" "closing
the deal", etc.
Well, those are 7 SUPER IMPORTANT
tips that you can now go out and apply
IMMEDIATELY, and you will notice
a MASSIVE difference, TODAY.
And yet, that is just the TIP of the ICEBERG.
If you want the FULL PICTURE on attracting the
most fantastic quality women, inside and out,
then I suggest you get my Warrior Within DVD Set-
this program is all about how to get a truly great
girlfriend and how to keep her.
This program will show you in EXPLICIT and
CLEAR DETAIL everything you need to know about
getting a woman who is the 'real thing'.
It's at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
P.S. To check out ALL my programs for
meeting and attracting the woman of your
dreams, including my live trainings and
the Real World Bootcamp, go here:
http://getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.php
Friday, September 30, 2011
A Very Special Limited Time Offer
As you know, my free newsletters tend to
be the very best in the industry, in terms of
quality, content, and real-world relevance
not only to meeting women, but to meeting
and keeping a great girl long term as well.
If you’ve been following the newsletters for
a while, I can assure you that as fantastic as
they are, they are just the tip of the proverbial
ICEBERG of what you will find in my programs.
The bottom line is TIME.
You can learn all these skills on your own, if
you decide to learn it all by trial and error and
try EVERYTHING you’ve ever heard of on
women, and see what works for you and
what doesn’t.
However, when I say it takes TIME, this
can easily take you YEARS if you decide
to learn it all through trial and error.
USUALLY, what happens, is that most guys
NEVER spend the amount of time required
to learn it the long way, because there simply
is NOT enough time in the day, and also
usually what happens is that LACK OF RESULTS
ends up DESTROYING the motivation to
continue trying.
The absolute FASTEST way to learn anything
is to be TOTALLY DEDICATED and to ALSO
have the right INSTRUCTOR- someone who
actually does it for REAL and not just in theory.
There is a reason getting instruction from someone
who does something for real is so valuable:
IT’S BECAUSE VERY FEW PEOPLE REALLY
ARE PROFESSIONALS AT ANYTHING.
Probably only about 10% of people who call
themselves anything are REALLY that thing
in the best sense.
Doesn’t matter what field it is, it’s the same
10% rule pretty much all the time.
I don’t just SAY I am a dating coach.
I really have PROVEN it, over and over again,
in the public eye, including independent coverage
by reporters and journalists from major newspapers
who followed my work with not just one but MANY
guys as they approached women to get numbers and
dates.
The way I look at it, TIME is even MORE
precious than MONEY, and I will save you
YEARS of time.
You can always make more money, but so far
they haven’t figured out how to really make
more TIME. Don’t waste the rest of your
life trying to figure it out THE LONG WAY
when you can be ENJOYING the life you
want with the woman of your choice NOW.
It really is up to you. If you want to SKYROCKET
your success with women immediately, I suggest you
take advantage of ALL my programs.
Each program is going to make you THAT MUCH
more powerful at attracting the woman of your choice
and ensuring she is WILD about you.
And now, I am offering a SPECIAL PACKAGE
that includes ALL my programs (except the
live Real World Bootcamp) together for a
LIMITED-TIME-ONLY offer that expires
October 15, 2011.
It’s at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/bundle.html
Time is precious, and I think being with a
woman that you’re really attracted to, and
who is equally attracted to you, makes life
a lot more FUN.
Why let even ONE more amazing woman slip
by you, when you can truly be a MASTER
at attracting the women you want?
Get this area of your life MASTERED
by getting the FULL picture once and
for ALL, at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/bundle.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
be the very best in the industry, in terms of
quality, content, and real-world relevance
not only to meeting women, but to meeting
and keeping a great girl long term as well.
If you’ve been following the newsletters for
a while, I can assure you that as fantastic as
they are, they are just the tip of the proverbial
ICEBERG of what you will find in my programs.
The bottom line is TIME.
You can learn all these skills on your own, if
you decide to learn it all by trial and error and
try EVERYTHING you’ve ever heard of on
women, and see what works for you and
what doesn’t.
However, when I say it takes TIME, this
can easily take you YEARS if you decide
to learn it all through trial and error.
USUALLY, what happens, is that most guys
NEVER spend the amount of time required
to learn it the long way, because there simply
is NOT enough time in the day, and also
usually what happens is that LACK OF RESULTS
ends up DESTROYING the motivation to
continue trying.
The absolute FASTEST way to learn anything
is to be TOTALLY DEDICATED and to ALSO
have the right INSTRUCTOR- someone who
actually does it for REAL and not just in theory.
There is a reason getting instruction from someone
who does something for real is so valuable:
IT’S BECAUSE VERY FEW PEOPLE REALLY
ARE PROFESSIONALS AT ANYTHING.
Probably only about 10% of people who call
themselves anything are REALLY that thing
in the best sense.
Doesn’t matter what field it is, it’s the same
10% rule pretty much all the time.
I don’t just SAY I am a dating coach.
I really have PROVEN it, over and over again,
in the public eye, including independent coverage
by reporters and journalists from major newspapers
who followed my work with not just one but MANY
guys as they approached women to get numbers and
dates.
The way I look at it, TIME is even MORE
precious than MONEY, and I will save you
YEARS of time.
You can always make more money, but so far
they haven’t figured out how to really make
more TIME. Don’t waste the rest of your
life trying to figure it out THE LONG WAY
when you can be ENJOYING the life you
want with the woman of your choice NOW.
It really is up to you. If you want to SKYROCKET
your success with women immediately, I suggest you
take advantage of ALL my programs.
Each program is going to make you THAT MUCH
more powerful at attracting the woman of your choice
and ensuring she is WILD about you.
And now, I am offering a SPECIAL PACKAGE
that includes ALL my programs (except the
live Real World Bootcamp) together for a
LIMITED-TIME-ONLY offer that expires
October 15, 2011.
It’s at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/bundle.html
Time is precious, and I think being with a
woman that you’re really attracted to, and
who is equally attracted to you, makes life
a lot more FUN.
Why let even ONE more amazing woman slip
by you, when you can truly be a MASTER
at attracting the women you want?
Get this area of your life MASTERED
by getting the FULL picture once and
for ALL, at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/bundle.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Real Life Example: Approaching A "10"
Just wanted to share a quick but important
letter on approaching a hottie before we get
into the article today:
***LETTER FROM A READER***
Hey Mike,
You know, the biggest thing I've learned
from your articles is the maturity that
a real man must show, that is, if he
wants to get what you call "a great girl",
and how maturity, charisma, and humor
all must combine when attracting a
quality woman.
While I occasionally have women give
me "looks", that's about it- if I don't
approach them, they won't approach me.
About one month ago, I saw this
meltingly beautiful twenty-something
brunette with glasses at the Starbucks
inside the bookstore, (smart
looking beautiful brunettes are my
weakness!) she was working on her
laptop, and looked up when I walked by-
I knew I caught her attention, because
I could see it in her eyes, but I
STILL didn't say anything, and she
just went back to her laptop, as if
I didn't exist.
This was the story of my life,
and I would only go for the women
that chased me- which happened
less often than winning the lottery,
and usually this was with girls
who had plenty alcohol in them.
I never really had women who were
attractive strangers approach me,
so I never had the power of choice
with women.
Women who are '10's never approach.
That would be like the bank giving
away money.
And so my confidence with women who
are strangers, like the girl at the
Starbucks inside the bookstore, isn't
that high. And yes, the bookstore
hottie, she was a 10, man.
I didn't want to let this particular
woman go, so after going through what
I would say to her for five minutes,
I finally said something, about her
laptop being good for the environment
because it had a green battery, but
all it got from her was a kind of
polite nod.
It's crazy man, because I could tell
from her face, that the "look" was
gone, it was clear that after 5 minutes
of thinking and thinking and doing
nothing, I had shown the opposite
of confidence.
Well, fast forward to last night-
I got on the subway train downtown and
saw a gorgeous brunette standing in
middle of the crowd, and I could
"hear" your message in my head,
about how the best women need the
combo of maturity, charisma, and
humor in the approach.
I took immediate action, walking
right up to her, not knowing
what to say but the first thing
on my mind was something I read
in your materials about not starting
with "pick-up" vibes, I remember
reading an article you wrote about
the "pick up that wasn't there
is the ultimate pick-up".
So I started talking to her about
how all of us in this crowded train
are helping the environment, and that
we should get reimbursed by the government
for all this.
Just like you said- don't start the
conversation as a pick-up about her.
This was great Michael, as she opened
up wonderfully from this, she replied
with "Yeah, tell me about it, meanwhile
the government probably gets limos!"
Then I playfully teased her on being
hired by the city transportation to
attract men to take the train, which
I know was a compliment on her looks,
but like you said, I didn't start with
this, and I also made it funny and
emotionally relevant because I accused
her of pretending to be this innocent
passenger just like the rest of us
working stiffs, but that in reality
she was this devious actress who
actually pollutes a lot and that
I would reveal her secret.
I transitioned to building a connection,
when she told me she actually quit
a modelling job because she'd rather
actually work with real people, and
I found out she's a nurse- and we
ended up chatting about all the
real heroes in this world who are
regular people and who aren't
famous like actors or actresses.
I had to keep reminding myself that
this woman was for real, as in my
mind any woman this attractive
had to be either a stripper or
an actress. It always blows my
mind to meet a woman who is
attractive and has the character
as well, a "genuine gem" like
you say.
It grew into an organic, authentic
conversation, because I liked her
now as a personality (in addition
to her being smoking hot) as well,
and asking for her number before she
got off was easy, because I could
feel there was a connection, and
she smiled and not only wrote it
down but also told me to call her!
So I owe this all to you Mike, thanks
and I'll definitely be getting your
new CD Set- I wish I had heard of
you ten years ago, I could have
had a great girl then with your help!
Peter T.
***MY COMMENTS***
Thanks first of all for the kind words,
and for sharing your experience.
You're absolutely right regarding the
first woman you mentioned- the comment
you said to her was fine, but by WAITING
for five minutes around her before
actually SAYING anything, you went
from being THE MAN to being something
a lot less cool.
Then, on top of that, there is the
issue of a woman not wanting to seem
EASY or 'cheap', so when she telegraphs
interest in you by even something as small
as looking at you, in a woman's world this
is all happening under a MAGNIFYING glass
because a woman's interest in a man gets
judged more than a man's interest in a
woman, because of the whole "it's men
who actively pursue" stereotype in
our culture, so a woman, in order to
fit in to the culture, always tries
to be more subtle.
This is CRUCIAL to understand.
Being able to understand the subtleties in
communicating with women is a huge part of
that 'maturity' that you are referring to.
You have to understand that she must be
subtle, and she would appreciate it if
you are subtle as well, that's why
it's important that the approach is
not so OBVIOUSLY a 'pick-up', and this
is also why the ATMOSPHERE, or the "vibe"
of the interaction is more important
than the actual words.
This doesn't mean words don't count,
it means that words are just one part
of the attraction/the approach.
So if she's sending signals, and a guy
doesn't get them IMMEDIATELY, then she
will often shut down, PLUS if the guy
is not responding because he's not
confident, that will actually turn
her off as well.
It's especially meaningful to hear that
you LEARNED from this experience, and
applied what you learned on the train!
BRAVO on the way you approached her,
the subtleties were excellent:
1. Starting very neutral and indirect
yet still interesting and spontaneous
with the comment about the crowded train
and the environment.
2. Slowly transitioning to the next level,
giving her a clear indication of your
interest and having a bit of a sexual
undertone to it, with the comment about
her being hired to get guys to take
public transportation, yet you also
made sure that you were:
3. NOT kissing up, by keeping the comment
playful rather than worshipping her, by
saying she in fact is this devious actress.
4. You then built a more meaningful, deeper
connection, with the perspective you shared
on the "hidden heroes" of this world, that
not only was meaningful on its own, but also
served as a genuine compliment to her actual
character, and also showed what kind of
person you are as well.
5. I also like the fact you weren't afraid
to refer to yourself as a "working stiff"
because when COMBINED with the obvious
confidence and guts and charm you showed,
by then showing that you were NOT arrogant
it actually then shows in a subtle way
that you have MASSIVE worth and that you
aren't arrogant about it.
This gets back to the opposite of being
the kind of guy who needs to overcompensate
for insecurities by saying how much of a
bigshot he is.
You IMPLIED GENUINE value by the whole
style of conversation, she already feels
there must be worth to you, and now because
you haven't actually said that MUCH about
yourself, you have also applied something
I speak about in Actions For Attraction,
which is using "MINIMUM GAME":
By not speaking more than you need to you,
and not talking too much about yourself,
(a little is important, but a lot is
too much of a good thing and works
against you) you then seem cooler and you
also leave some awesome MYSTERY about you.
So that was an excellent job you did.
Today's newsletter gets into this and
many other important points too.
One of the great things about conducting
bootcamps is that I’m constantly seeing
the TRUTH of what works and what doesn’t
with attracting the women you want.
Allow me to share again how to actually
DEMONSTRATE to a woman that you have
a deep inner core confidence and comfort
in your own skin, as well as compelling
personality, when you first APPROACH her:
1. NEVER START A DAYTIME APPROACH
WITH GOING IN “DIRECT”
The fact of the matter is that women are
conditioned to NOT appear to be “easy”.
It’s the worst insult it seems, for them,
to be even remotely considered as trashy.
(In private, when she knows you already,
this can be fun of course for you both!)
SO, if you walk STRAIGHT UP TO A WOMAN
and begin to go into “pick up mode” during
the daytime, i.e. whether she is at a bookstore,
coffee shop, etc, you will usually get STRUCK
down.
It can make you think that women are mean
or something, but it’s all because in reality
most women are actually trying to show you
they are classy!
This is because of CONDITIONING.
Going straight into “getting her” is
just “not something you do”.
There is a simple solution, however:
You must give a woman a PRETEXT for
the conversation, when you start out,
that has NOTHING TO DO WITH
“PICKING HER UP”.
This is why I say the best “pick-up” is actually
the pick-up that WASN’T THERE.
From her point of view, it must seem like
the whole interaction was just so natural
and it just unfolded in a way that LED to
getting to know you and wanting to know
you more.
It was a “natural progress”, rather than forced.
This is what she must be able to tell herself,
and in fact, this DOES make a lot of sense,
because it means she wants to KNOW who
you are rather than just jump into bed with
you without knowing anything.
That’s why it’s important to start the interaction
with something that has nothing to do with
picking her up or demonstrating interest in
her, or in getting something from her, as it’s
putting the cart before the horse and triggers
her alarms that this guy seems to be only
interested in one thing, and that also seems
desperate and a sign of being a low-value guy
as well, and definitely would make her low on
the totem pole of status in our society.
You can start the interaction with a million
things, as long as they are interesting so
that you even from the start are demonstrating
personality. For example, you can start with
a comment about the situation, whether it
is about the book she is reading, the greeting
card she is choosing, or whether it’s the long
wait for the bus at the bus stop you are at,
or whether it’s the long line-up at the bank,
or a playful remark on the the contents of her
grocery cart. I get into full details of this in
my materials.
The first thing you say doesn’t have to be
AMAZING, (it’s great if it is, but it doesn’t
have to be) it just has to be INTERESTING
and not something that is sexual.
All you are doing here is getting INTO the
conversation without getting shut DOWN.
Even the very WALK UP to her, should be
casual. In fact, when you walk up to her,
let’s say in the bookstore or coffee shop,
don’t go directly up to her which might
surprise her, instead let her sense your
presence for a moment or two, where
you can be checking out a book yourself
or sipping your beverage, and THEN
begin the interaction on the most casual
level, possibly with your body not even
facing her yet, just your face facing her.
2. STIMULATE HER EMOTIONS
NOW, once you are IN the conversation, even
just a MINUTE into it, you are now “IN A
CONVERSATION” so NOW you can start to
INCREASE the intensity.
You should be facing her with your body now.
You can start to playfully tease her on what
she replied to your comment. NOW is the time
to pull out your funniest, wittiest, most
intriguing comments.
All delivered in the right confident tonality.
As soon as she is emotionally engaged,
you are making IMPACT and she is
INSTINCTIVELY OPENING UP the opportunity
for you.
3. BUILD THE CONNECTION
After a few minutes of this, it’s time to get
DEEPER, and to learn more about her and for
her to learn more about you. She will be
asking you questions and revealing things
about herself, and possibly she will be trying
to impress you to by qualifying herself a lot,
which is a great sign of her interest.
You should be truly listening to her, and
paying attention to her body language as
well. Try to understand the core of what
she is really saying, because most people
actually communicate far more with their
body language than just with their words,
so her facial expressions and tonality will
tell you so much more about what she is
truly trying to communicate with you.
She could be telling you about her childhood,
but what she is really saying is that she likes
you, or what she is really saying is that she
values her family, etc, etc.
LISTENING in this deeper way is a virtually lost art,
and it’s one of the most important skills you can
have.
They say that Bill Clinton was (and probably still is)
a fantastic listener, and could make EVERY person
in the room feel like they were totally understood,
even if he disagreed with them.
4. AMPLIFY THE SEXUAL VIBE
At this point, you can amplify these "vibes"
by looking her over in a subtle way that still
shows class, by the tonality of your voice,
the subtle expression on your face, the
super confidence in your eye-contact
as you hold her hand for slightly longer
than normal, when saying “nice to meet you”,
etc.
And you can now FLIRT big time too.
i.e. If she says something like “what time
can I call you at night” you can say
“I’m an all night man” with a smirk.
Etc.
5. WHEN WORKING THE “CLUB” SCENE,
YOU CAN GO STRAIGHT INTO PLAYFUL.
In a club, the very CONTEXT itself is designed
for socializing, so you don’t need an excuse
to approach. A woman doesn’t feel like a
“slut” or “easy” for chatting to you in a club,
because it’s DESIGNED for chatting, and it’s
socially approved, and there are standards
for “coolness” in clubs (which is why clubs
work so hard to RETAIN their status as cool).
So you can skip the first step of making it
clearly not a pick-up. In a club, it’s fine
to be meeting strangers, but you MUST
do it with FLAIR, the standard of fun and
energy and flair is higher in a club. The
truth is, this is damn easy FUN, but the
hard part for beginners is learning to
GET RID OF FEELING SELF-CONSCIOUS
and to stop repressing themselves.
You have to let your FUN SIDE GO FREEEEE.
6. VOCAL TONALITY
The amazing thing is that your TONALITY is like
the DNA that indicates to a woman EVERYTHING
about what you are feeling at the moment.
And if you don’t feel sure or secure or confident
or playful, it will SHOW in your tonality.
So, for example, right now, can you say
“TWO PLUS TWO EQUALS FOUR” with
TOTAL CONVICTION?????????
The answer is probably YES, right?
Because you BELIEVE it’s true, you are
able to SAY it with total conviction.
There are no doubts or fluctuations in your tonality
when you say that sentence.
Well, you must speak with SIMILAR conviction
when chatting up a woman you want to attract.
Notice, how when you’re talking to a woman
you are interested in, your voice may suddenly
LOSE this ‘TWO PLUS TWO EQUALS FOUR”
level of conviction, level of ZERO self-doubt.
PRACTICE, even in the mirror, as if you are
chatting to a woman, and notice how you
go OFF from the “TWO PLUS TWO EQUALS FOUR”
level of conviction, and then SLAP YOURSELF
every time you go OFF that level of conviction,
and get BACK to that level of total belief in
what you are saying.
Women, especially attractive women, have
NO INTEREST in men who are not sure of
themselves.
This has sexual connotations, it has life skills
connotations, it has survival connotations, all
of them SUBCONSCIOUS and all of them
IMPORTANT if you want to attract a woman.
7. ALL ROADS LEAD TO FEELING GOOD
The cardinal rule of the interaction
is that it must feel good at all times.
Don't let anything destroy that vibe.
During your initial approach, you have to
expect that women will say and do all kinds
of what seems like strange stuff, and you
most not let this ruin the vibe.
Deep down, she is hoping you GET this.
Usually, her remarks of this sort just boil
down to her trying to show you she is somehow
“cool” or that she is “not easy”
That’s fine, and you should understand that.
As long as she is not DISRESPECTING you,
it’s all good. However, any sign of disrespect
and you should leave her to waste some other
guy’s time.
At the same time, when you are not feeling
secure, it’s easy to see lots of innocent things
as actually being an insult.
Let me give you an example:
Let’s say you approach a group of women at
a club with a playful opener, i.e. who would
make a better husband, Fred Flintstone or
Barney Rubble, etc, etc, and while most
women will totally get it and smile and
have fun with this, the occasional woman
might say something like this:
“This is good, do you ask this to all the women
you meet?”
Just realize she is not being mean, she is either
just being playful in her own way, or she is
trying to show you she is smart because she
knows what’s up, or whatever.
It could also be that she is trying to see if
all you have is that one “line” and you are
a “one trick pony” with nothing ELSE to
offer personality-wise.
It doesn’t matter, because ALL ROADS LEAD
TO HAVING A GOOD TIME, and ALL ROADS
LEAD TO YOU CONTINUING TO BE “THE MAN”
WHO IS UNSTOPPABLE.’
So what you should do to this kind of thing is
say “That’s awesome you got that! High five”
and then high five her and CONTINUE to
keep the fun conversation going on, i.e.
“Barney is the kind of guy that doesn’t show
off, yet he masterminds EVERYTHING, and
you know BETTY is having the wild nights
with him, that’s what they don’t show
on camera!”
The number one principle is to go WITH the
flow, there is no real debate, you instead
interpret it everything as something GREAT,
and then CONTINUE the interaction and
go further into attracting her.
This actually shows superior social skills and
shows confidence and leadership, all at once.
8. STATUS
A feeling of you holding status is another thing
that many women require in order to be with a
man.
Status has to do with a great many variables,
from the way you HOLD yourself, body language,
confidence, your career, salary, the social circle
you belong to, your ability to lead a group, etc.
So there is always a way to make IMPACT
in this department.
I don’t believe you should ever LIE, what
you should do though is give yourself JUSTICE.
So if a woman asks what you do, and it’s early
in the convo, and let’s say you are a teacher,
you might say “I BUILD THE FUTURE”.
And if she asks, “What you do you mean?”
You might reply with “I shape the minds of
our future, the scientists, Nobel prize winners
of tomorrow, the men and women of tomorrow,
the artists, the workers, the politicians, the
doctors, everyone”.
Being INDIRECT and giving DETAILS like this
add emotional IMPACT and DRAMA and mean
so much more than just saying the word
“teacher”.
The whole “game” of attraction is about
CONTROLLING THE PSYCHOLOGICAL FRAME
while being 100% HONEST and true to
yourself.
The truth is that most VALUE is arbitrary, it’s
all about who is better able to FRAME that
value. Look at cigarettes, they have ZERO
value, in fact they are destructive, but they
succeeded in making people think they are
COOL to millions of people.
And if you are reading this right now, you
can probably see that I am all about giving
you the steps for taking ACTION with women,
no matter where you meet them.
No hype, no gimmicks, just solid CONTENT.
If you want the FULL PICTURE on attracting
the highest quality women, I suggest you get
my 'Warrior Within' program on DVD.
It's JAM-PACKED with the most powerful
strategies on how to attract the very
best women, anytime, anywhere.
It’s over 8 HOURS of my best strategies
and insights on approaching, attracting,
and keeping a quality woman as your girlfriend.
It's at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
And if you'd like an introduction to my core
concepts, go here:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/Wizard.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
P.S.
To learn IN PERSON, go here:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/realworld.html
letter on approaching a hottie before we get
into the article today:
***LETTER FROM A READER***
Hey Mike,
You know, the biggest thing I've learned
from your articles is the maturity that
a real man must show, that is, if he
wants to get what you call "a great girl",
and how maturity, charisma, and humor
all must combine when attracting a
quality woman.
While I occasionally have women give
me "looks", that's about it- if I don't
approach them, they won't approach me.
About one month ago, I saw this
meltingly beautiful twenty-something
brunette with glasses at the Starbucks
inside the bookstore, (smart
looking beautiful brunettes are my
weakness!) she was working on her
laptop, and looked up when I walked by-
I knew I caught her attention, because
I could see it in her eyes, but I
STILL didn't say anything, and she
just went back to her laptop, as if
I didn't exist.
This was the story of my life,
and I would only go for the women
that chased me- which happened
less often than winning the lottery,
and usually this was with girls
who had plenty alcohol in them.
I never really had women who were
attractive strangers approach me,
so I never had the power of choice
with women.
Women who are '10's never approach.
That would be like the bank giving
away money.
And so my confidence with women who
are strangers, like the girl at the
Starbucks inside the bookstore, isn't
that high. And yes, the bookstore
hottie, she was a 10, man.
I didn't want to let this particular
woman go, so after going through what
I would say to her for five minutes,
I finally said something, about her
laptop being good for the environment
because it had a green battery, but
all it got from her was a kind of
polite nod.
It's crazy man, because I could tell
from her face, that the "look" was
gone, it was clear that after 5 minutes
of thinking and thinking and doing
nothing, I had shown the opposite
of confidence.
Well, fast forward to last night-
I got on the subway train downtown and
saw a gorgeous brunette standing in
middle of the crowd, and I could
"hear" your message in my head,
about how the best women need the
combo of maturity, charisma, and
humor in the approach.
I took immediate action, walking
right up to her, not knowing
what to say but the first thing
on my mind was something I read
in your materials about not starting
with "pick-up" vibes, I remember
reading an article you wrote about
the "pick up that wasn't there
is the ultimate pick-up".
So I started talking to her about
how all of us in this crowded train
are helping the environment, and that
we should get reimbursed by the government
for all this.
Just like you said- don't start the
conversation as a pick-up about her.
This was great Michael, as she opened
up wonderfully from this, she replied
with "Yeah, tell me about it, meanwhile
the government probably gets limos!"
Then I playfully teased her on being
hired by the city transportation to
attract men to take the train, which
I know was a compliment on her looks,
but like you said, I didn't start with
this, and I also made it funny and
emotionally relevant because I accused
her of pretending to be this innocent
passenger just like the rest of us
working stiffs, but that in reality
she was this devious actress who
actually pollutes a lot and that
I would reveal her secret.
I transitioned to building a connection,
when she told me she actually quit
a modelling job because she'd rather
actually work with real people, and
I found out she's a nurse- and we
ended up chatting about all the
real heroes in this world who are
regular people and who aren't
famous like actors or actresses.
I had to keep reminding myself that
this woman was for real, as in my
mind any woman this attractive
had to be either a stripper or
an actress. It always blows my
mind to meet a woman who is
attractive and has the character
as well, a "genuine gem" like
you say.
It grew into an organic, authentic
conversation, because I liked her
now as a personality (in addition
to her being smoking hot) as well,
and asking for her number before she
got off was easy, because I could
feel there was a connection, and
she smiled and not only wrote it
down but also told me to call her!
So I owe this all to you Mike, thanks
and I'll definitely be getting your
new CD Set- I wish I had heard of
you ten years ago, I could have
had a great girl then with your help!
Peter T.
***MY COMMENTS***
Thanks first of all for the kind words,
and for sharing your experience.
You're absolutely right regarding the
first woman you mentioned- the comment
you said to her was fine, but by WAITING
for five minutes around her before
actually SAYING anything, you went
from being THE MAN to being something
a lot less cool.
Then, on top of that, there is the
issue of a woman not wanting to seem
EASY or 'cheap', so when she telegraphs
interest in you by even something as small
as looking at you, in a woman's world this
is all happening under a MAGNIFYING glass
because a woman's interest in a man gets
judged more than a man's interest in a
woman, because of the whole "it's men
who actively pursue" stereotype in
our culture, so a woman, in order to
fit in to the culture, always tries
to be more subtle.
This is CRUCIAL to understand.
Being able to understand the subtleties in
communicating with women is a huge part of
that 'maturity' that you are referring to.
You have to understand that she must be
subtle, and she would appreciate it if
you are subtle as well, that's why
it's important that the approach is
not so OBVIOUSLY a 'pick-up', and this
is also why the ATMOSPHERE, or the "vibe"
of the interaction is more important
than the actual words.
This doesn't mean words don't count,
it means that words are just one part
of the attraction/the approach.
So if she's sending signals, and a guy
doesn't get them IMMEDIATELY, then she
will often shut down, PLUS if the guy
is not responding because he's not
confident, that will actually turn
her off as well.
It's especially meaningful to hear that
you LEARNED from this experience, and
applied what you learned on the train!
BRAVO on the way you approached her,
the subtleties were excellent:
1. Starting very neutral and indirect
yet still interesting and spontaneous
with the comment about the crowded train
and the environment.
2. Slowly transitioning to the next level,
giving her a clear indication of your
interest and having a bit of a sexual
undertone to it, with the comment about
her being hired to get guys to take
public transportation, yet you also
made sure that you were:
3. NOT kissing up, by keeping the comment
playful rather than worshipping her, by
saying she in fact is this devious actress.
4. You then built a more meaningful, deeper
connection, with the perspective you shared
on the "hidden heroes" of this world, that
not only was meaningful on its own, but also
served as a genuine compliment to her actual
character, and also showed what kind of
person you are as well.
5. I also like the fact you weren't afraid
to refer to yourself as a "working stiff"
because when COMBINED with the obvious
confidence and guts and charm you showed,
by then showing that you were NOT arrogant
it actually then shows in a subtle way
that you have MASSIVE worth and that you
aren't arrogant about it.
This gets back to the opposite of being
the kind of guy who needs to overcompensate
for insecurities by saying how much of a
bigshot he is.
You IMPLIED GENUINE value by the whole
style of conversation, she already feels
there must be worth to you, and now because
you haven't actually said that MUCH about
yourself, you have also applied something
I speak about in Actions For Attraction,
which is using "MINIMUM GAME":
By not speaking more than you need to you,
and not talking too much about yourself,
(a little is important, but a lot is
too much of a good thing and works
against you) you then seem cooler and you
also leave some awesome MYSTERY about you.
So that was an excellent job you did.
Today's newsletter gets into this and
many other important points too.
One of the great things about conducting
bootcamps is that I’m constantly seeing
the TRUTH of what works and what doesn’t
with attracting the women you want.
Allow me to share again how to actually
DEMONSTRATE to a woman that you have
a deep inner core confidence and comfort
in your own skin, as well as compelling
personality, when you first APPROACH her:
1. NEVER START A DAYTIME APPROACH
WITH GOING IN “DIRECT”
The fact of the matter is that women are
conditioned to NOT appear to be “easy”.
It’s the worst insult it seems, for them,
to be even remotely considered as trashy.
(In private, when she knows you already,
this can be fun of course for you both!)
SO, if you walk STRAIGHT UP TO A WOMAN
and begin to go into “pick up mode” during
the daytime, i.e. whether she is at a bookstore,
coffee shop, etc, you will usually get STRUCK
down.
It can make you think that women are mean
or something, but it’s all because in reality
most women are actually trying to show you
they are classy!
This is because of CONDITIONING.
Going straight into “getting her” is
just “not something you do”.
There is a simple solution, however:
You must give a woman a PRETEXT for
the conversation, when you start out,
that has NOTHING TO DO WITH
“PICKING HER UP”.
This is why I say the best “pick-up” is actually
the pick-up that WASN’T THERE.
From her point of view, it must seem like
the whole interaction was just so natural
and it just unfolded in a way that LED to
getting to know you and wanting to know
you more.
It was a “natural progress”, rather than forced.
This is what she must be able to tell herself,
and in fact, this DOES make a lot of sense,
because it means she wants to KNOW who
you are rather than just jump into bed with
you without knowing anything.
That’s why it’s important to start the interaction
with something that has nothing to do with
picking her up or demonstrating interest in
her, or in getting something from her, as it’s
putting the cart before the horse and triggers
her alarms that this guy seems to be only
interested in one thing, and that also seems
desperate and a sign of being a low-value guy
as well, and definitely would make her low on
the totem pole of status in our society.
You can start the interaction with a million
things, as long as they are interesting so
that you even from the start are demonstrating
personality. For example, you can start with
a comment about the situation, whether it
is about the book she is reading, the greeting
card she is choosing, or whether it’s the long
wait for the bus at the bus stop you are at,
or whether it’s the long line-up at the bank,
or a playful remark on the the contents of her
grocery cart. I get into full details of this in
my materials.
The first thing you say doesn’t have to be
AMAZING, (it’s great if it is, but it doesn’t
have to be) it just has to be INTERESTING
and not something that is sexual.
All you are doing here is getting INTO the
conversation without getting shut DOWN.
Even the very WALK UP to her, should be
casual. In fact, when you walk up to her,
let’s say in the bookstore or coffee shop,
don’t go directly up to her which might
surprise her, instead let her sense your
presence for a moment or two, where
you can be checking out a book yourself
or sipping your beverage, and THEN
begin the interaction on the most casual
level, possibly with your body not even
facing her yet, just your face facing her.
2. STIMULATE HER EMOTIONS
NOW, once you are IN the conversation, even
just a MINUTE into it, you are now “IN A
CONVERSATION” so NOW you can start to
INCREASE the intensity.
You should be facing her with your body now.
You can start to playfully tease her on what
she replied to your comment. NOW is the time
to pull out your funniest, wittiest, most
intriguing comments.
All delivered in the right confident tonality.
As soon as she is emotionally engaged,
you are making IMPACT and she is
INSTINCTIVELY OPENING UP the opportunity
for you.
3. BUILD THE CONNECTION
After a few minutes of this, it’s time to get
DEEPER, and to learn more about her and for
her to learn more about you. She will be
asking you questions and revealing things
about herself, and possibly she will be trying
to impress you to by qualifying herself a lot,
which is a great sign of her interest.
You should be truly listening to her, and
paying attention to her body language as
well. Try to understand the core of what
she is really saying, because most people
actually communicate far more with their
body language than just with their words,
so her facial expressions and tonality will
tell you so much more about what she is
truly trying to communicate with you.
She could be telling you about her childhood,
but what she is really saying is that she likes
you, or what she is really saying is that she
values her family, etc, etc.
LISTENING in this deeper way is a virtually lost art,
and it’s one of the most important skills you can
have.
They say that Bill Clinton was (and probably still is)
a fantastic listener, and could make EVERY person
in the room feel like they were totally understood,
even if he disagreed with them.
4. AMPLIFY THE SEXUAL VIBE
At this point, you can amplify these "vibes"
by looking her over in a subtle way that still
shows class, by the tonality of your voice,
the subtle expression on your face, the
super confidence in your eye-contact
as you hold her hand for slightly longer
than normal, when saying “nice to meet you”,
etc.
And you can now FLIRT big time too.
i.e. If she says something like “what time
can I call you at night” you can say
“I’m an all night man” with a smirk.
Etc.
5. WHEN WORKING THE “CLUB” SCENE,
YOU CAN GO STRAIGHT INTO PLAYFUL.
In a club, the very CONTEXT itself is designed
for socializing, so you don’t need an excuse
to approach. A woman doesn’t feel like a
“slut” or “easy” for chatting to you in a club,
because it’s DESIGNED for chatting, and it’s
socially approved, and there are standards
for “coolness” in clubs (which is why clubs
work so hard to RETAIN their status as cool).
So you can skip the first step of making it
clearly not a pick-up. In a club, it’s fine
to be meeting strangers, but you MUST
do it with FLAIR, the standard of fun and
energy and flair is higher in a club. The
truth is, this is damn easy FUN, but the
hard part for beginners is learning to
GET RID OF FEELING SELF-CONSCIOUS
and to stop repressing themselves.
You have to let your FUN SIDE GO FREEEEE.
6. VOCAL TONALITY
The amazing thing is that your TONALITY is like
the DNA that indicates to a woman EVERYTHING
about what you are feeling at the moment.
And if you don’t feel sure or secure or confident
or playful, it will SHOW in your tonality.
So, for example, right now, can you say
“TWO PLUS TWO EQUALS FOUR” with
TOTAL CONVICTION?????????
The answer is probably YES, right?
Because you BELIEVE it’s true, you are
able to SAY it with total conviction.
There are no doubts or fluctuations in your tonality
when you say that sentence.
Well, you must speak with SIMILAR conviction
when chatting up a woman you want to attract.
Notice, how when you’re talking to a woman
you are interested in, your voice may suddenly
LOSE this ‘TWO PLUS TWO EQUALS FOUR”
level of conviction, level of ZERO self-doubt.
PRACTICE, even in the mirror, as if you are
chatting to a woman, and notice how you
go OFF from the “TWO PLUS TWO EQUALS FOUR”
level of conviction, and then SLAP YOURSELF
every time you go OFF that level of conviction,
and get BACK to that level of total belief in
what you are saying.
Women, especially attractive women, have
NO INTEREST in men who are not sure of
themselves.
This has sexual connotations, it has life skills
connotations, it has survival connotations, all
of them SUBCONSCIOUS and all of them
IMPORTANT if you want to attract a woman.
7. ALL ROADS LEAD TO FEELING GOOD
The cardinal rule of the interaction
is that it must feel good at all times.
Don't let anything destroy that vibe.
During your initial approach, you have to
expect that women will say and do all kinds
of what seems like strange stuff, and you
most not let this ruin the vibe.
Deep down, she is hoping you GET this.
Usually, her remarks of this sort just boil
down to her trying to show you she is somehow
“cool” or that she is “not easy”
That’s fine, and you should understand that.
As long as she is not DISRESPECTING you,
it’s all good. However, any sign of disrespect
and you should leave her to waste some other
guy’s time.
At the same time, when you are not feeling
secure, it’s easy to see lots of innocent things
as actually being an insult.
Let me give you an example:
Let’s say you approach a group of women at
a club with a playful opener, i.e. who would
make a better husband, Fred Flintstone or
Barney Rubble, etc, etc, and while most
women will totally get it and smile and
have fun with this, the occasional woman
might say something like this:
“This is good, do you ask this to all the women
you meet?”
Just realize she is not being mean, she is either
just being playful in her own way, or she is
trying to show you she is smart because she
knows what’s up, or whatever.
It could also be that she is trying to see if
all you have is that one “line” and you are
a “one trick pony” with nothing ELSE to
offer personality-wise.
It doesn’t matter, because ALL ROADS LEAD
TO HAVING A GOOD TIME, and ALL ROADS
LEAD TO YOU CONTINUING TO BE “THE MAN”
WHO IS UNSTOPPABLE.’
So what you should do to this kind of thing is
say “That’s awesome you got that! High five”
and then high five her and CONTINUE to
keep the fun conversation going on, i.e.
“Barney is the kind of guy that doesn’t show
off, yet he masterminds EVERYTHING, and
you know BETTY is having the wild nights
with him, that’s what they don’t show
on camera!”
The number one principle is to go WITH the
flow, there is no real debate, you instead
interpret it everything as something GREAT,
and then CONTINUE the interaction and
go further into attracting her.
This actually shows superior social skills and
shows confidence and leadership, all at once.
8. STATUS
A feeling of you holding status is another thing
that many women require in order to be with a
man.
Status has to do with a great many variables,
from the way you HOLD yourself, body language,
confidence, your career, salary, the social circle
you belong to, your ability to lead a group, etc.
So there is always a way to make IMPACT
in this department.
I don’t believe you should ever LIE, what
you should do though is give yourself JUSTICE.
So if a woman asks what you do, and it’s early
in the convo, and let’s say you are a teacher,
you might say “I BUILD THE FUTURE”.
And if she asks, “What you do you mean?”
You might reply with “I shape the minds of
our future, the scientists, Nobel prize winners
of tomorrow, the men and women of tomorrow,
the artists, the workers, the politicians, the
doctors, everyone”.
Being INDIRECT and giving DETAILS like this
add emotional IMPACT and DRAMA and mean
so much more than just saying the word
“teacher”.
The whole “game” of attraction is about
CONTROLLING THE PSYCHOLOGICAL FRAME
while being 100% HONEST and true to
yourself.
The truth is that most VALUE is arbitrary, it’s
all about who is better able to FRAME that
value. Look at cigarettes, they have ZERO
value, in fact they are destructive, but they
succeeded in making people think they are
COOL to millions of people.
And if you are reading this right now, you
can probably see that I am all about giving
you the steps for taking ACTION with women,
no matter where you meet them.
No hype, no gimmicks, just solid CONTENT.
If you want the FULL PICTURE on attracting
the highest quality women, I suggest you get
my 'Warrior Within' program on DVD.
It's JAM-PACKED with the most powerful
strategies on how to attract the very
best women, anytime, anywhere.
It’s over 8 HOURS of my best strategies
and insights on approaching, attracting,
and keeping a quality woman as your girlfriend.
It's at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
And if you'd like an introduction to my core
concepts, go here:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/Wizard.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
P.S.
To learn IN PERSON, go here:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/realworld.html
Saturday, July 9, 2011
What Is The "Real World Bootcamp"?
The Real World Bootcamp is not a magic pill. It's non stop IMMERSION in the world of approaching women who are total strangers, with a very special twist: You're getting expert coaching, the result of over ten years experience, every step of the way.
In the Real World Bootcamp, you learn how to master the skills for successfully approaching women right out of the blue, anywhere, who are total strangers- and then ATTRACTING them.
The bootcamp makes you self-sufficient because it teaches you exactly what you need to do to optimize your approaches to women who are complete strangers, anywhere, so that you can maximise the chances of getting them attracted, connected, and wanting to know you more.
In 2 days, will you get the same results as a man who has been practicing after expert instruction for ten years? Ummm, no, but then again anyone who tells you otherwise probably is just looking to take your money. However, what you WILL have in common with the man who has practiced for ten years, is that you will finally know EXACTLY what to DO at every stage of the interaction, similar to how personal training in the gym shows you proper TECHNIQUE for all the different exercises.
So you might not be lifting a thousand pounds on your first workout, but because of the expert personal training, you now KNOW exactly what to do, PROPERLY, in order to get stronger. With continued PRACTICE, you will then be able to lift very heavy weights. WithOUT the expert instruction, one will never optimize their results, and will also likely get injured and then not be able to work out at all, possibly for years.
Just going out to the gym with no clue what you are doing can result in not only very little to no progress, but can actually result in making a guy WORSE OFF than had he never gone to the gym at all.
Similarly, going out to approach women without expert training can result in a lot of negative habits that actually push women AWAY, plus it can create negative emotional associations in your OWN mind with approaching, to the point that a guy never does it again, and misses out on the entire world of possibilities with all the women that are out there, all the women that he does not get to meet through rare "luck" situations.
This bootcamp teaches you how to open up thousands of opportunities that are available everyday with women if you have the training and the practice that you follow up the training with.
It's at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/realworld.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
In the Real World Bootcamp, you learn how to master the skills for successfully approaching women right out of the blue, anywhere, who are total strangers- and then ATTRACTING them.
The bootcamp makes you self-sufficient because it teaches you exactly what you need to do to optimize your approaches to women who are complete strangers, anywhere, so that you can maximise the chances of getting them attracted, connected, and wanting to know you more.
In 2 days, will you get the same results as a man who has been practicing after expert instruction for ten years? Ummm, no, but then again anyone who tells you otherwise probably is just looking to take your money. However, what you WILL have in common with the man who has practiced for ten years, is that you will finally know EXACTLY what to DO at every stage of the interaction, similar to how personal training in the gym shows you proper TECHNIQUE for all the different exercises.
So you might not be lifting a thousand pounds on your first workout, but because of the expert personal training, you now KNOW exactly what to do, PROPERLY, in order to get stronger. With continued PRACTICE, you will then be able to lift very heavy weights. WithOUT the expert instruction, one will never optimize their results, and will also likely get injured and then not be able to work out at all, possibly for years.
Just going out to the gym with no clue what you are doing can result in not only very little to no progress, but can actually result in making a guy WORSE OFF than had he never gone to the gym at all.
Similarly, going out to approach women without expert training can result in a lot of negative habits that actually push women AWAY, plus it can create negative emotional associations in your OWN mind with approaching, to the point that a guy never does it again, and misses out on the entire world of possibilities with all the women that are out there, all the women that he does not get to meet through rare "luck" situations.
This bootcamp teaches you how to open up thousands of opportunities that are available everyday with women if you have the training and the practice that you follow up the training with.
It's at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/realworld.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
Saturday, July 2, 2011
How To Get A QUALITY Woman For A Fantastic Relationship
For some reason, before "Get A Great Girl"
existed, the PICK UP ARTIST focus was on:
"HOW TO GET A SMORGASBOARD OF WOMEN!!!"
"WHY WOULD YOU WANT JUST ONE WOMAN?"
"THE DESIRE FOR ONE WOMAN IS THE RESULT
OF SCARCITY THINKING!"
These days though, some of them
seem to ALSO be saying that what
they teach not only gets guys the
"playa" lifestyle, but ALSO gets
a guy a QUALITY WOMAN FOR A GREAT
LONG TERM EXCLUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.
Now here's the thing:
I want everyone to be happy and successful.
Really, I do.
Happy people make a better world.
And I even think that the general "have
fun and be confident" message is cool
no matter what kind of interaction
or relationship a guy is seeking
with a woman or with many women.
But that's where it ends.
You can't mix oil and water, and you can't
mix player strategies with the strategies
for being the kind of man who attracts and
keeps a woman for a long term relationship.
Getting "L-A-I-D like a PLAYA!" has virtually
nothing to do with keeping a woman attracted
long term in a great relationship.
That's because the players are concerned
with immediate 'ACTION', and guys seeking
relationships are concerned with long
term ATTRACTION.
A woman looking for long term attraction
is concerned with far more things than a
woman who is just looking for immediate
'action'.
Now, the reason for the existence of
'Get A Great Girl' is truly what it says-
a GREAT girl, the kind of woman who is
not only beautiful but is also a GREAT
person who does not play GAMES on you.
A woman who is HONESTY and LOYAL
and TRUSTWORTHY and KIND.
And ALSO the kind of woman who is
still STRONG and WISE and who can
see a sleazeball from a mile away.
And also, she is a woman who is
playful and has that SPARK of
fun and vitality to her.
Getting a great girl is very DIFFERENT
from just trying to get "l-a-i-d" by
many different women.
It's different because the truth is,
that no matter WHAT you do on a first
approach to a woman, it will NOT BE
ENOUGH to get her, if she is a quality
woman.
She has TOO MUCH AT STAKE to make an
instant decision on whether this will
be the man for her.
When it comes to a real long term relationship,
there are MORE emotions that must be met,
including far deeper levels of trust and
rapport.
See, this is part of why I am not limited
to the "pick up artist" view of attraction.
Pick up artists who are mostly concerned
with getting l-a-i-d by quantities of women
really tend to focus on a lot of nighttime
clubbing or other girls where they can
basically get physical fast.
This is not a sin or anything, as long
as both parties are being honest.
I've tried it myself. It can be fun if you're
in a certain stage, really, it's fine.
What's NOT cool though, is giving advice
to men and telling them that what works
to get physical fast with certain women
is the SAME thing as what it takes to
actually get and attract a great long
term girlfriend.
This is simply NOT THE CASE, because a woman
who is giving herself in a relationship is
giving FAR, FAR more of herself, her time,
her energy, her FUTURE, her EMOTIONS, when
it is something long term, perhaps a union
for life!
She needs to see the BIG PICTURE about a guy,
and although a FANTASTIC first impression is
IMPORTANT AS HECK, it's ALSO important that
the guy shows he indeed IS the man for her
over the course of the REAL "courtship"
which takes days, weeks, and months.
Even as a FIRST impression, the things you
want to convey if you are trying to attract
a woman who is looking for IMMEDIATE gratification
are very different than if you are looking
to attract a woman who is seeking the greater
picture long term.
And of course, ultimately, attracting a woman
long term is a WAY OF LIFE, the same way that
if you want to keep your PHYSIQUE, you can't stop
going to the gym.
So let me tell you:
First of all, you have to be SCREENING the
women you meet to make sure THEY are the
right women.
And when you DO meet a woman who IS the
right woman, you must not only behave
in a way that is ATTRACTIVE and sexy,
but you must ALSO show her that you are
TRUSTWORTHY, and that you have not been
corrupted by warped beliefs about all
women.
You have to be unshakeable in your noble
convictions. You have to be a leader.
You have to be calm. You have to be
passionate. You have to stand apart
from the crowd, yet you have to be
able to DRAW the crowd in as well.
Another thing you need are THE FACTS.
You see, once guy KNOWS a woman is no good,
usually he has no problem passing her by and
going on to the next woman to find someone better.
But because guys are so brainwashed, they
actually end up accepting into their lives
the kind of women that actually end up
messing them up. All because the guy
believes the hogwash the woman says,
who herself is often just repeating the
brainwashed messages she has had
implanted into her.
The woman is treating him horribly,
but the guy still doesn't get it, because
she has robbed him of any self-esteem,
so he can't even SEE how badly she
is treating him. It's as if he thinks
that life with her is soooooooo
IMPORTANT that it's worth
selling his SOUL AND HIS
DIGNITY to her.
I get TONS of email from guys about
"this one special woman" that in reality
is probably not so special. And the reason
I say this is because usually the man is pining
over her and she has done nothing for him.
So what makes her so special?
I feel like SHAKING THE GUY out of his
DELUSIONAL state.
This is why I say, "Get a GREAT girl!".
You have to get out of the "soup" of NEEDINESS
and jump into the other mode, which is more along
the lines of "I'm a man, and although I am a sexual
being, and although I fully understand the power of
a great relationship, and I can be the greatest guy on
earth in one, there's no way in hell I'm going to
settle for some woman who doesn't treat me as
I deserve and as well as I treat her."
Again, don't get me wrong:
It's GREAT to meet a woman who IS all
those good things, but the fact is, men are
being held HOSTAGE to a MYTH. The
MYTH that they NEED a woman's approval
so badly that they are wiling to be with the
WRONG woman.
And man, let me tell you something BIG:
SOME women are using this MYTH
to MILK guys for everything the guy has-
emotionally, financially, and taking all
the guy's TIME and ENERGY as well.
What these women are doing is PRETENDING
to be innocent and good, all the while
NOT being such a person. You see, it's
IMPORTANT for them to pretend, because
they know that a GOOD guy is not a STUPID
guy. They know that if the guy knew she
was no good, the guy WOULD in fact
dump her.
And not only would the guy dump her,
but he would then realize that a lot of
women are like this and he would
stop being such a target.
If all men did THIS, then you can bet your
assets that most women would be busting
their gut trying to EARN men's interest
rather than EXPECTING to get it for
NOTHING.
Of course, there are ALSO a LOT of really
warped GUYS out there. In fact, this is one
reason why I DESPISED much of what was
being taught as "advice for men" out there, because
the advice made a lot of GOOD MEN think
that all women were nuts, and that therefore
ALL women MUST be dealt with in GAMES
and manipulation.
This, in turn, led to a lot of INNOCENT women
being hurt by INNOCENT men who were really
thinking that this was the only way to communicate
with women!
These innocent women then became just as embittered
as the men, and these women probably started to think
that all MEN were nuts, and probably starting to act
in MANIPULATIVE ways to more men, creating
yet MORE embittered men in a never ending
DESTRUCTIVE cycle.
I WANT TO STOP THIS VICIOUS CYCLE.
At the same time, you cannot rationalize away
a woman's bad behavior. Just like a woman
should not rationalize away a guy's bad
behavior. You have to recognize a problem
and not think it's going to change, because
it won't, not unless the person owns up to
it and changes it themselves.
So what I'm going to do right here is
give you a few TIPS on how to know
if you're with a quality woman or not.
Because really, if a woman is not treating
you right, there's no reason on earth to
be with her.
1. If you constantly feel bad around a
woman, and she constantly claims to
not have a clue about what she's doing
to make you feel that way, chances
are that in REALITY she knows
EXACTLY what she's doing.
If your self-esteem was high enough,
you'd see it from a million miles away,
but since she has hacked away your
self-esteem since you met her, you
can barely recognize when someone
is abusing you anymore.
WAKE UP, my friend, if this is happening
to YOU.
If you ACCEPT this into your life, all
you will do is activate cognitive dissonance
in your own head and start to believe that
in fact somehow she is WORTH the abuse,
and that you are NOT worth more than this.
2. Here's another thing to beware of:
Abusive women ACCUSING YOU of what in
fact is THEIR "Modus Operandi".
Dishonest people love to accuse others
of what THEY are doing themselves, to
deflect attention off of their own guilt.
When a woman is doing something wrong
to you, and she knows it, and you bring
it up with her, the number one tactic that
all abusers to their victims is accuse them
of the very thing THEY ARE DOING TO THE VICTIM.
So, for example, if she is dishonest, she
will accuse YOU of dishonesty. If she
is making you feel confusion, she will
accuse you of making her feeling
confusion. Etc, etc.
So, if you see this kind of thing going
on a lot, it's not some kind of coincidence,
it's very much a part of her METHOD.
3. INCONGRUENCIES in their behavior.
You know how I always talk about actually
BEING "The Man" rather than faking it?
How I focus on your ACTUAL development
instead of on memorizing a pick up line?
It's because if you aren't REAL, it shows
anyway!
Similarly, if a woman isn't REALLY a
good person, it will SHOW no matter
WHAT she says about how great she
is as a person.
A lot of people lie to themselves and they
accept the excuses that another person
gives them, but ultimately, your GUT
tells you a lot about a person. Your
"gut" is really all the things you have
registered about the woman but that
you may not have formally recognized
or observed consciously.
Plus, if you look to see if she is consistent
or not, you will see if she is a good person
or not. Do her words really match her
behaviors? Forget about who she SAYS
she is "deep down". Does a good person
REALLY do and say the kind of things
she does and says?
By the way, words DO matter, they reflect
what's going on in her head. So words
AND actions count. But those words
really only count if the actions match
up.
Regarding her behaviours, ask yourself,
"Would a good person do this"?
4. Do they only respond to CONSEQUENCES?
If a woman only responds to CONSEQUENCES,
she's no good.
You are not there to be her kindergarten teacher
teaching her how to be a decent human being
and giving her "hard lessons".
FORGET such a woman, even if she RESPONDS
to your consequences.
When I meet a woman, the best thing she can
have going for her is the vibes she gives off
in the department of human respect RIGHT
FROM THE GET GO. And of course, she
gets it in return.
Any woman who has to be "punished" in
order for her to behave, is a woman who simply
is trying to get away with AS MUCH AS SHE CAN.
It's a woman who KNOWS what
good behaviour is, but will only
do it from CONSEQUENCES,
not from her own natural desire
to be decent.
5. If the only reason you are with a
woman is because she says she wants
to be with you, it's NOT enough. Plenty
of women can want to be with you
but still have no desire to treat you
right. Some women want to be with
a guy because they feel they can
control him. Not cool at all.
Okay, so those are some important
red flags to watch out for with a
woman, but as always, it's CRUCIAL
to me to be as ACCURATE as possible
about how things work and what's
going on.
There ARE some QUALITY women out there,
but they are as rare as it is for a great woman
to meet a QUALITY GUY. It may damn well
be even HARDER for women to meet a guy
that really has his act together and is cool
and is still a GOOD guy.
And before you can even KNOW if a woman
is good or not, you're going to have to MEET
her and ATTRACT this woman.
And that means while you can't be NAÏVE,
you also can't go around with a chip on your
shoulder. A lot of guys will hear the things
I have to say above, such as how so many
women can be so horrible, and then feel
like acting like TOTAL A-HOLES to
women.
But that's NOT going to work.
You can't have a chip on your shoulder, or
you will turn OFF even the women out
there who have great values and great
personalities.
But at the same time, acting TOO smiley
makes you seen NAÏVE, as if you are
easy prey for a woman to take advantage
of. Not cool.
This is part of the reason why going into an
interaction TOO "smiley" makes a woman
figure that you are either naïve or crazy.
Especially when you approach a woman
in a low key environment, i.e. a bookstore
as opposed to a dance club. The overly
smiley approach can make you seem
pretentious as well.
But you can't go in with a chip on your
shoulder either. Your past experiences
with women, if not positive, still do
NOT equal your future experiences
or the CURRENT experience that
you are having in the pickup at
that moment.
If you're looking to meet women, one way to
be in the right frame of mind is to focus on the
vibe of the MOMENT and totally forget about
thoughts of "Is this going to be my WIFE" or
anything extreme like that, because those kind
of thoughts will ruin any spontaneity and rob
your interaction of the natural fun that it
would normally be.
AFTER the interaction is OVER, then
at THAT point you can go over what
happened and see if you think she
has potential.
But in the moment of the interaction,
go in with FUN.
It doesn't have to add up to anything
beyond the moment, and that attitude
actually makes it more likely for that
moment to be a GOOD one, leading to
ANOTHER good moment.
Which leads to the next step, such
as having a coffee together and finding
out more about each other, and laughing,
which leads to holding her hands, which
leads to kissing, which leads to making
out hardcore, which leads to sex, which
leads to more sex, which may lead to
a relationship, etc etc.
Get the picture?
Step by step, as opposed to worrying
about the massive and often emotionally
overwhelming goal.
And, if at any point, she raises RED
FLAGS in your mind, you can STOP the
"courtship" in its tracks.
And by the way, when you do the 'pickup',
NEVER qualify yourself. It's sooooo
sucky. Most of the time, what happens
is that you feel the PRESSURE to
show her you are COOL and that
you have value. So you give into
temptation and you try to show
her you are cool by mentioning
things about yourself as if you
are selling yourself to her.
But in addition to understanding these
'strategies', you yourself have to become
the kind of man that IS what a great woman
is looking for.
And the FIRST place that you have to focus on
is INSIDE yourself, the BELIEFS you have about
women.
One of the MAJOR beliefs promoted by pick up
artists are that ALL women CHEAT.
Now, although it's important for guys who are
"nice guys" who are too naive and who think
all women are made from sugar and spice
(I myself used to think this, I used to think
that ALLwomen just really wanted to meet
a good guy) to WAKE UP TO THE REALITY
that there are many women who DO cheat,
it's important not to EXAGGERATE.
Believing that ALL women cheat pretty much
DESTROYS the chance of having any peace
of mind or any successful long term relationship.
If one believes that ALL women cheat, now even
the HONEST LOYAL WOMEN will be viewed
as the ENEMY who must be manipulated.
Since Get A Great Girl has been on the scene,
this message of "all women cheat" hasn't been
SHOUTED as loudly by them. It might be because
of my work, I can't prove it, but I think it
has something to do with it.
Before my work and Get A Great Girl came out,
where was ANYONE who was giving my message????
There was NO ONE, there was only the "nice guys"
advice, and the "pick up artist" advice, there
was nothing that really sought to see the
big picture for men who really wanted to
meet a great woman and keep her.
Who knows if this is a coincidence, but with
a quick search on google, you CAN prove that
the belief that 'ALL women cheat' is DEEP within
pick up artist history.
I myself got brainwashed by this belief,
and it wreaked havoc on my interactions
and relationships with women.
There was NO "attraction coach" dealing
with the TRUTH on how to get a girlfriend
for something LONG term. So I had to
learn it the hard way.
I was brainwashed to believe the lie that
"all women cheat", because it seemed to FIT
with all my experiences with women, but what
I didn't realize is that it only SEEMED this
way--not because it was REALITY--- but because I
MYSELF HAD CREATED A VIEW OF WOMEN THAT FIT INTO
SUCH A DESCRIPTION OF REALITY.
Ultimately, my own anxieties and experiences
made me VULNERABLE to believing these lies.
And it didn't help that I really WAS with
a woman who was pretty abusive and deceptive,
but that did not mean that ALL women were
this way!!!
However, our early experiences, just like
FIRST IMPRESSIONS, tend to really AFFECT
OUR EMOTIONS and really make us think
that our first impression IS the truth
about ALL of that reality.
Guess what else, though?
Most pick up artists these days will like to
cover their tracks and their image, especially
to the newspaper or media, by saying that they
are just about "self-development", and they
will sprinkle in recommendations of some
genuinely awesome authors such as Wayne Dyer,
or other great thinkers.
This is kind of how tobacco used to advertise
and sponsor FITNESS and SPORTS events, to link
cigarrettes with all these good things. This
is now illegal in many places.
But with the "bait and switch" tactics of
fooling people, even the New York Times will
get fooled.
Most journalists at newspapers unfortunately tend to
be more concerned with selling papers or with
promoting their own agenda, than with journalistic
integrity.
If you really DO want a great girlfriend
that is trustworthy as well as many other
good things, you simply CANNOT also believe
that all women are cheaters.
The belief that all women can be made
to cheat so easily will CORRUPT your
views on women and will make you feel
the need to PLAY GAMES on them.
These games will slowly RIP APART the fabric
of trust and playfulness that are so essential
in a healthy relationship.
This does NOT mean that all women are great!
Absolutely NOT!
That's why I created GET A GREAT GIRL, because
it's not only a METHOD, it's also a MISSION
to alert guys all over the world that they
should GET AWAY from the women who are abusing
them and move on to a BETTER woman!
Once the wrong woman gets a hold of your mind
and of your emotions, it can be TORTURE to
break free.
And then, once you finally do, you certainly
don't want to make the same mistake again,
and you certainly don't want to get caught
up with the WRONG woman.
Getting a fantastic LONG TERM girlfriend,
requires a VERY DIFFERENT approach than
being a player. In fact, it's two different
worlds.
If you want a fantastic relationship, then you
need to meet the right woman. You also need
to have the right INFORMATION about how to
attract and KEEP a great woman.
That's where I come in, and that's where
my book Get A Great Girl comes in.
It's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Book.html
The ADVANCED level, what I like to call
the "sequel" to that book, is my program
WARRIOR WITHIN, which can be found here:
http://getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
By the way, I really did learn the hard way,
and I really do believe with all my heart that
the material I teach is essential for any
man who really does want to get a great girl,
for something long-lasting.
Sincerely,
Michael Marks
existed, the PICK UP ARTIST focus was on:
"HOW TO GET A SMORGASBOARD OF WOMEN!!!"
"WHY WOULD YOU WANT JUST ONE WOMAN?"
"THE DESIRE FOR ONE WOMAN IS THE RESULT
OF SCARCITY THINKING!"
These days though, some of them
seem to ALSO be saying that what
they teach not only gets guys the
"playa" lifestyle, but ALSO gets
a guy a QUALITY WOMAN FOR A GREAT
LONG TERM EXCLUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.
Now here's the thing:
I want everyone to be happy and successful.
Really, I do.
Happy people make a better world.
And I even think that the general "have
fun and be confident" message is cool
no matter what kind of interaction
or relationship a guy is seeking
with a woman or with many women.
But that's where it ends.
You can't mix oil and water, and you can't
mix player strategies with the strategies
for being the kind of man who attracts and
keeps a woman for a long term relationship.
Getting "L-A-I-D like a PLAYA!" has virtually
nothing to do with keeping a woman attracted
long term in a great relationship.
That's because the players are concerned
with immediate 'ACTION', and guys seeking
relationships are concerned with long
term ATTRACTION.
A woman looking for long term attraction
is concerned with far more things than a
woman who is just looking for immediate
'action'.
Now, the reason for the existence of
'Get A Great Girl' is truly what it says-
a GREAT girl, the kind of woman who is
not only beautiful but is also a GREAT
person who does not play GAMES on you.
A woman who is HONESTY and LOYAL
and TRUSTWORTHY and KIND.
And ALSO the kind of woman who is
still STRONG and WISE and who can
see a sleazeball from a mile away.
And also, she is a woman who is
playful and has that SPARK of
fun and vitality to her.
Getting a great girl is very DIFFERENT
from just trying to get "l-a-i-d" by
many different women.
It's different because the truth is,
that no matter WHAT you do on a first
approach to a woman, it will NOT BE
ENOUGH to get her, if she is a quality
woman.
She has TOO MUCH AT STAKE to make an
instant decision on whether this will
be the man for her.
When it comes to a real long term relationship,
there are MORE emotions that must be met,
including far deeper levels of trust and
rapport.
See, this is part of why I am not limited
to the "pick up artist" view of attraction.
Pick up artists who are mostly concerned
with getting l-a-i-d by quantities of women
really tend to focus on a lot of nighttime
clubbing or other girls where they can
basically get physical fast.
This is not a sin or anything, as long
as both parties are being honest.
I've tried it myself. It can be fun if you're
in a certain stage, really, it's fine.
What's NOT cool though, is giving advice
to men and telling them that what works
to get physical fast with certain women
is the SAME thing as what it takes to
actually get and attract a great long
term girlfriend.
This is simply NOT THE CASE, because a woman
who is giving herself in a relationship is
giving FAR, FAR more of herself, her time,
her energy, her FUTURE, her EMOTIONS, when
it is something long term, perhaps a union
for life!
She needs to see the BIG PICTURE about a guy,
and although a FANTASTIC first impression is
IMPORTANT AS HECK, it's ALSO important that
the guy shows he indeed IS the man for her
over the course of the REAL "courtship"
which takes days, weeks, and months.
Even as a FIRST impression, the things you
want to convey if you are trying to attract
a woman who is looking for IMMEDIATE gratification
are very different than if you are looking
to attract a woman who is seeking the greater
picture long term.
And of course, ultimately, attracting a woman
long term is a WAY OF LIFE, the same way that
if you want to keep your PHYSIQUE, you can't stop
going to the gym.
So let me tell you:
First of all, you have to be SCREENING the
women you meet to make sure THEY are the
right women.
And when you DO meet a woman who IS the
right woman, you must not only behave
in a way that is ATTRACTIVE and sexy,
but you must ALSO show her that you are
TRUSTWORTHY, and that you have not been
corrupted by warped beliefs about all
women.
You have to be unshakeable in your noble
convictions. You have to be a leader.
You have to be calm. You have to be
passionate. You have to stand apart
from the crowd, yet you have to be
able to DRAW the crowd in as well.
Another thing you need are THE FACTS.
You see, once guy KNOWS a woman is no good,
usually he has no problem passing her by and
going on to the next woman to find someone better.
But because guys are so brainwashed, they
actually end up accepting into their lives
the kind of women that actually end up
messing them up. All because the guy
believes the hogwash the woman says,
who herself is often just repeating the
brainwashed messages she has had
implanted into her.
The woman is treating him horribly,
but the guy still doesn't get it, because
she has robbed him of any self-esteem,
so he can't even SEE how badly she
is treating him. It's as if he thinks
that life with her is soooooooo
IMPORTANT that it's worth
selling his SOUL AND HIS
DIGNITY to her.
I get TONS of email from guys about
"this one special woman" that in reality
is probably not so special. And the reason
I say this is because usually the man is pining
over her and she has done nothing for him.
So what makes her so special?
I feel like SHAKING THE GUY out of his
DELUSIONAL state.
This is why I say, "Get a GREAT girl!".
You have to get out of the "soup" of NEEDINESS
and jump into the other mode, which is more along
the lines of "I'm a man, and although I am a sexual
being, and although I fully understand the power of
a great relationship, and I can be the greatest guy on
earth in one, there's no way in hell I'm going to
settle for some woman who doesn't treat me as
I deserve and as well as I treat her."
Again, don't get me wrong:
It's GREAT to meet a woman who IS all
those good things, but the fact is, men are
being held HOSTAGE to a MYTH. The
MYTH that they NEED a woman's approval
so badly that they are wiling to be with the
WRONG woman.
And man, let me tell you something BIG:
SOME women are using this MYTH
to MILK guys for everything the guy has-
emotionally, financially, and taking all
the guy's TIME and ENERGY as well.
What these women are doing is PRETENDING
to be innocent and good, all the while
NOT being such a person. You see, it's
IMPORTANT for them to pretend, because
they know that a GOOD guy is not a STUPID
guy. They know that if the guy knew she
was no good, the guy WOULD in fact
dump her.
And not only would the guy dump her,
but he would then realize that a lot of
women are like this and he would
stop being such a target.
If all men did THIS, then you can bet your
assets that most women would be busting
their gut trying to EARN men's interest
rather than EXPECTING to get it for
NOTHING.
Of course, there are ALSO a LOT of really
warped GUYS out there. In fact, this is one
reason why I DESPISED much of what was
being taught as "advice for men" out there, because
the advice made a lot of GOOD MEN think
that all women were nuts, and that therefore
ALL women MUST be dealt with in GAMES
and manipulation.
This, in turn, led to a lot of INNOCENT women
being hurt by INNOCENT men who were really
thinking that this was the only way to communicate
with women!
These innocent women then became just as embittered
as the men, and these women probably started to think
that all MEN were nuts, and probably starting to act
in MANIPULATIVE ways to more men, creating
yet MORE embittered men in a never ending
DESTRUCTIVE cycle.
I WANT TO STOP THIS VICIOUS CYCLE.
At the same time, you cannot rationalize away
a woman's bad behavior. Just like a woman
should not rationalize away a guy's bad
behavior. You have to recognize a problem
and not think it's going to change, because
it won't, not unless the person owns up to
it and changes it themselves.
So what I'm going to do right here is
give you a few TIPS on how to know
if you're with a quality woman or not.
Because really, if a woman is not treating
you right, there's no reason on earth to
be with her.
1. If you constantly feel bad around a
woman, and she constantly claims to
not have a clue about what she's doing
to make you feel that way, chances
are that in REALITY she knows
EXACTLY what she's doing.
If your self-esteem was high enough,
you'd see it from a million miles away,
but since she has hacked away your
self-esteem since you met her, you
can barely recognize when someone
is abusing you anymore.
WAKE UP, my friend, if this is happening
to YOU.
If you ACCEPT this into your life, all
you will do is activate cognitive dissonance
in your own head and start to believe that
in fact somehow she is WORTH the abuse,
and that you are NOT worth more than this.
2. Here's another thing to beware of:
Abusive women ACCUSING YOU of what in
fact is THEIR "Modus Operandi".
Dishonest people love to accuse others
of what THEY are doing themselves, to
deflect attention off of their own guilt.
When a woman is doing something wrong
to you, and she knows it, and you bring
it up with her, the number one tactic that
all abusers to their victims is accuse them
of the very thing THEY ARE DOING TO THE VICTIM.
So, for example, if she is dishonest, she
will accuse YOU of dishonesty. If she
is making you feel confusion, she will
accuse you of making her feeling
confusion. Etc, etc.
So, if you see this kind of thing going
on a lot, it's not some kind of coincidence,
it's very much a part of her METHOD.
3. INCONGRUENCIES in their behavior.
You know how I always talk about actually
BEING "The Man" rather than faking it?
How I focus on your ACTUAL development
instead of on memorizing a pick up line?
It's because if you aren't REAL, it shows
anyway!
Similarly, if a woman isn't REALLY a
good person, it will SHOW no matter
WHAT she says about how great she
is as a person.
A lot of people lie to themselves and they
accept the excuses that another person
gives them, but ultimately, your GUT
tells you a lot about a person. Your
"gut" is really all the things you have
registered about the woman but that
you may not have formally recognized
or observed consciously.
Plus, if you look to see if she is consistent
or not, you will see if she is a good person
or not. Do her words really match her
behaviors? Forget about who she SAYS
she is "deep down". Does a good person
REALLY do and say the kind of things
she does and says?
By the way, words DO matter, they reflect
what's going on in her head. So words
AND actions count. But those words
really only count if the actions match
up.
Regarding her behaviours, ask yourself,
"Would a good person do this"?
4. Do they only respond to CONSEQUENCES?
If a woman only responds to CONSEQUENCES,
she's no good.
You are not there to be her kindergarten teacher
teaching her how to be a decent human being
and giving her "hard lessons".
FORGET such a woman, even if she RESPONDS
to your consequences.
When I meet a woman, the best thing she can
have going for her is the vibes she gives off
in the department of human respect RIGHT
FROM THE GET GO. And of course, she
gets it in return.
Any woman who has to be "punished" in
order for her to behave, is a woman who simply
is trying to get away with AS MUCH AS SHE CAN.
It's a woman who KNOWS what
good behaviour is, but will only
do it from CONSEQUENCES,
not from her own natural desire
to be decent.
5. If the only reason you are with a
woman is because she says she wants
to be with you, it's NOT enough. Plenty
of women can want to be with you
but still have no desire to treat you
right. Some women want to be with
a guy because they feel they can
control him. Not cool at all.
Okay, so those are some important
red flags to watch out for with a
woman, but as always, it's CRUCIAL
to me to be as ACCURATE as possible
about how things work and what's
going on.
There ARE some QUALITY women out there,
but they are as rare as it is for a great woman
to meet a QUALITY GUY. It may damn well
be even HARDER for women to meet a guy
that really has his act together and is cool
and is still a GOOD guy.
And before you can even KNOW if a woman
is good or not, you're going to have to MEET
her and ATTRACT this woman.
And that means while you can't be NAÏVE,
you also can't go around with a chip on your
shoulder. A lot of guys will hear the things
I have to say above, such as how so many
women can be so horrible, and then feel
like acting like TOTAL A-HOLES to
women.
But that's NOT going to work.
You can't have a chip on your shoulder, or
you will turn OFF even the women out
there who have great values and great
personalities.
But at the same time, acting TOO smiley
makes you seen NAÏVE, as if you are
easy prey for a woman to take advantage
of. Not cool.
This is part of the reason why going into an
interaction TOO "smiley" makes a woman
figure that you are either naïve or crazy.
Especially when you approach a woman
in a low key environment, i.e. a bookstore
as opposed to a dance club. The overly
smiley approach can make you seem
pretentious as well.
But you can't go in with a chip on your
shoulder either. Your past experiences
with women, if not positive, still do
NOT equal your future experiences
or the CURRENT experience that
you are having in the pickup at
that moment.
If you're looking to meet women, one way to
be in the right frame of mind is to focus on the
vibe of the MOMENT and totally forget about
thoughts of "Is this going to be my WIFE" or
anything extreme like that, because those kind
of thoughts will ruin any spontaneity and rob
your interaction of the natural fun that it
would normally be.
AFTER the interaction is OVER, then
at THAT point you can go over what
happened and see if you think she
has potential.
But in the moment of the interaction,
go in with FUN.
It doesn't have to add up to anything
beyond the moment, and that attitude
actually makes it more likely for that
moment to be a GOOD one, leading to
ANOTHER good moment.
Which leads to the next step, such
as having a coffee together and finding
out more about each other, and laughing,
which leads to holding her hands, which
leads to kissing, which leads to making
out hardcore, which leads to sex, which
leads to more sex, which may lead to
a relationship, etc etc.
Get the picture?
Step by step, as opposed to worrying
about the massive and often emotionally
overwhelming goal.
And, if at any point, she raises RED
FLAGS in your mind, you can STOP the
"courtship" in its tracks.
And by the way, when you do the 'pickup',
NEVER qualify yourself. It's sooooo
sucky. Most of the time, what happens
is that you feel the PRESSURE to
show her you are COOL and that
you have value. So you give into
temptation and you try to show
her you are cool by mentioning
things about yourself as if you
are selling yourself to her.
But in addition to understanding these
'strategies', you yourself have to become
the kind of man that IS what a great woman
is looking for.
And the FIRST place that you have to focus on
is INSIDE yourself, the BELIEFS you have about
women.
One of the MAJOR beliefs promoted by pick up
artists are that ALL women CHEAT.
Now, although it's important for guys who are
"nice guys" who are too naive and who think
all women are made from sugar and spice
(I myself used to think this, I used to think
that ALLwomen just really wanted to meet
a good guy) to WAKE UP TO THE REALITY
that there are many women who DO cheat,
it's important not to EXAGGERATE.
Believing that ALL women cheat pretty much
DESTROYS the chance of having any peace
of mind or any successful long term relationship.
If one believes that ALL women cheat, now even
the HONEST LOYAL WOMEN will be viewed
as the ENEMY who must be manipulated.
Since Get A Great Girl has been on the scene,
this message of "all women cheat" hasn't been
SHOUTED as loudly by them. It might be because
of my work, I can't prove it, but I think it
has something to do with it.
Before my work and Get A Great Girl came out,
where was ANYONE who was giving my message????
There was NO ONE, there was only the "nice guys"
advice, and the "pick up artist" advice, there
was nothing that really sought to see the
big picture for men who really wanted to
meet a great woman and keep her.
Who knows if this is a coincidence, but with
a quick search on google, you CAN prove that
the belief that 'ALL women cheat' is DEEP within
pick up artist history.
I myself got brainwashed by this belief,
and it wreaked havoc on my interactions
and relationships with women.
There was NO "attraction coach" dealing
with the TRUTH on how to get a girlfriend
for something LONG term. So I had to
learn it the hard way.
I was brainwashed to believe the lie that
"all women cheat", because it seemed to FIT
with all my experiences with women, but what
I didn't realize is that it only SEEMED this
way--not because it was REALITY--- but because I
MYSELF HAD CREATED A VIEW OF WOMEN THAT FIT INTO
SUCH A DESCRIPTION OF REALITY.
Ultimately, my own anxieties and experiences
made me VULNERABLE to believing these lies.
And it didn't help that I really WAS with
a woman who was pretty abusive and deceptive,
but that did not mean that ALL women were
this way!!!
However, our early experiences, just like
FIRST IMPRESSIONS, tend to really AFFECT
OUR EMOTIONS and really make us think
that our first impression IS the truth
about ALL of that reality.
Guess what else, though?
Most pick up artists these days will like to
cover their tracks and their image, especially
to the newspaper or media, by saying that they
are just about "self-development", and they
will sprinkle in recommendations of some
genuinely awesome authors such as Wayne Dyer,
or other great thinkers.
This is kind of how tobacco used to advertise
and sponsor FITNESS and SPORTS events, to link
cigarrettes with all these good things. This
is now illegal in many places.
But with the "bait and switch" tactics of
fooling people, even the New York Times will
get fooled.
Most journalists at newspapers unfortunately tend to
be more concerned with selling papers or with
promoting their own agenda, than with journalistic
integrity.
If you really DO want a great girlfriend
that is trustworthy as well as many other
good things, you simply CANNOT also believe
that all women are cheaters.
The belief that all women can be made
to cheat so easily will CORRUPT your
views on women and will make you feel
the need to PLAY GAMES on them.
These games will slowly RIP APART the fabric
of trust and playfulness that are so essential
in a healthy relationship.
This does NOT mean that all women are great!
Absolutely NOT!
That's why I created GET A GREAT GIRL, because
it's not only a METHOD, it's also a MISSION
to alert guys all over the world that they
should GET AWAY from the women who are abusing
them and move on to a BETTER woman!
Once the wrong woman gets a hold of your mind
and of your emotions, it can be TORTURE to
break free.
And then, once you finally do, you certainly
don't want to make the same mistake again,
and you certainly don't want to get caught
up with the WRONG woman.
Getting a fantastic LONG TERM girlfriend,
requires a VERY DIFFERENT approach than
being a player. In fact, it's two different
worlds.
If you want a fantastic relationship, then you
need to meet the right woman. You also need
to have the right INFORMATION about how to
attract and KEEP a great woman.
That's where I come in, and that's where
my book Get A Great Girl comes in.
It's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Book.html
The ADVANCED level, what I like to call
the "sequel" to that book, is my program
WARRIOR WITHIN, which can be found here:
http://getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
By the way, I really did learn the hard way,
and I really do believe with all my heart that
the material I teach is essential for any
man who really does want to get a great girl,
for something long-lasting.
Sincerely,
Michael Marks
Sunday, April 10, 2011
So, What's The Whole Deal With "Get A Great Girl"?
As you may know, I'm pretty passionate about
those rare women who are truly great women,
especially inside, and when they have it going
on outside as well, it's really remarkable.
I say this today because more than ever,
it seems that dating gurus tend to put
all women in one box.
The truth is, however, that it's not about
just "getting" a woman, it's about getting
the RIGHT woman.
The wrong woman will destroy a man
faster than anything else.
And yet, most men are so concerned about
"how do I GET a woman" before even
finding out if this is the kind of woman
they really WANT!
The media does not tend to report on the truth
about how many women abuse men, so it's
no wonder that guys think the focus should
all be on just GETTING a woman, when
in reality the focus should be on SCREENING
a woman, and finding out if she IS a quality
woman in the first place.
The irony is that most women are actually
CAREFULLY checking you to see if you
are seriously thinking about what kind of
person she is, and so the biggest irony of
all is that part of attracting a woman is the
very ACTION of NOT trying to get her
so fast, and rather to focus on finding out
if she IS even a good woman or not.
THAT is actually part of what attracts a
woman to a guy- the action of QUALIFYING
her! But it has to be real, it can't be just
a game played to try to impress.
And if there are any doubts as to just how
much ABUSE is going on by women to men,
and how important it is to SCREEN a woman
and to make sure you are getting a GREAT
woman as opposed to an ABUSIVE woman,
just check out this article that is based on
legitimate psychological research and not on
sensationalism like the National Enquirer.
http://tinyurl.com/3tw2wze
And when you're done there, you'll
probably want to to know how to
get a GREAT girl, and to do that,
I suggest you get my Warrior Within
program IMMEDIATELY, at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
those rare women who are truly great women,
especially inside, and when they have it going
on outside as well, it's really remarkable.
I say this today because more than ever,
it seems that dating gurus tend to put
all women in one box.
The truth is, however, that it's not about
just "getting" a woman, it's about getting
the RIGHT woman.
The wrong woman will destroy a man
faster than anything else.
And yet, most men are so concerned about
"how do I GET a woman" before even
finding out if this is the kind of woman
they really WANT!
The media does not tend to report on the truth
about how many women abuse men, so it's
no wonder that guys think the focus should
all be on just GETTING a woman, when
in reality the focus should be on SCREENING
a woman, and finding out if she IS a quality
woman in the first place.
The irony is that most women are actually
CAREFULLY checking you to see if you
are seriously thinking about what kind of
person she is, and so the biggest irony of
all is that part of attracting a woman is the
very ACTION of NOT trying to get her
so fast, and rather to focus on finding out
if she IS even a good woman or not.
THAT is actually part of what attracts a
woman to a guy- the action of QUALIFYING
her! But it has to be real, it can't be just
a game played to try to impress.
And if there are any doubts as to just how
much ABUSE is going on by women to men,
and how important it is to SCREEN a woman
and to make sure you are getting a GREAT
woman as opposed to an ABUSIVE woman,
just check out this article that is based on
legitimate psychological research and not on
sensationalism like the National Enquirer.
http://tinyurl.com/3tw2wze
And when you're done there, you'll
probably want to to know how to
get a GREAT girl, and to do that,
I suggest you get my Warrior Within
program IMMEDIATELY, at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
Thursday, March 17, 2011
The Assertive Man
One of the key traits that defines a
MAN as opposed to a player or a
“nice guy” is that a MAN is assertive,
a player is manipulative, and a nice
guy is submissive.
The nice guy tends to only get the
few women who happen to feel sorry
for him in a poor puppy kind of way.
The manipulative player type ends up
showing some form of confidence compared
to the nice guy but ultimately his true
colors show and he loses a quality woman.
The MAN however, he’s an expert at driving
through life in the ASSERTIVE lane.
Here’s where people get confused though:
They think that the only way to be assertive
is to be “in your face” or “nasty”, and this
makes it really hard to consistently be
assertive for them.
And yet, being assertive is a MASSIVE factor
in what turns on women, and it’s not only
your being assertive with women, but when
women seeing you being ASSERTIVE with
everyone in your life- including at the workplace,
with your friends, family, associates, etc.
What tends to happen with a lot of good guys
is that at some point in our lives a long time
ago, we learned that it’s better to NOT be
assertive, this way we wouldn’t be considered
a “threat” to the bullies, we wouldn’t get
any undue attention, and we would be more
“submissive” just to get along.
Unfortunately, we often eventually EXPLODE
after years and years of bottling up our own
self-esteem and repressing our own dignity
and even repressing our own desires.
Which ends up causing us to go to the OPPOSITE
extreme and blowing up on the people we feel
are being unfair to us. And when we explode,
our behavior is not seen as assertive, it’s seen
as imbalanced and irrational and nasty.
The real answer is to be more ASSERTIVE in general,
which solves so many problems and prevents the
build-up that can explode later otherwise.
Let me give you an example of a technique
of being more assertive:
THE BROKEN RECORD
In “the broken record” technique, you simply
make sure you know what you want, and you
keep on repeating that every time you hear
the other person saying they want you to do
something else.
This also involves another strategy called
using the “I” statement, because you are
saying it’s YOU who wants or feels something,
thereby taking on full responsibility for how
you feel, and this actually is empowering
because it means you have the right to
express yourself and not have to blame
anyone else for it, and that others should
respect the way you feel.
So here’s how the broken record and the
I statement could work together in a situation:
Let’s say you approach a woman and you chat
and you want to see her again.
Now, you know what you want- you want to
see her again.
Watch how being assertive is actually attractive
here:
You say:
“I enjoyed meeting you. We should meet up.
How’s Tuesday night for some Starbucks and
wonderful conversation with yours truly?”
She says: “Oh, Tuesday night I tutor piano lessons.”
The non assertive guy already feels REJECTED
and then, maybe but not likely, says something,
but it’s very UNSPECIFIC at best, like, “Maybe we can
meet up sometime”.
Being more assertive, he would say:
“I want to see you again. How about before your lesson.”
(Notice the absence of a question mark, it's almost
a STATEMENT rather than a question.)
Or even:
“I want to meet up. How about after?
Tuesday is a great day for me, but if it doesn’t
work by you, then let me know what day does.”
If she says a day that does NOT work for you,
like for example Monday, a non assertive man
might AGREE to it just because he doesn’t want
to displease the woman or lose her, and of course
the fear shows up in subtle ways, so even when
he says “yes” he has actually LOST the woman
because she can tell in his body language that
something has just been given up in terms of
his own dignity.
This PERSISTENCE with a relaxed demeanor
shows CONFIDENCE, it shows that you believe
you have value, it shows also on a subtle level
that you get what you want in life, which is
another sign of a winner. And none of this
is being a jerk.
Similarly, when a woman sees how you deal
with pressure from OTHER people in your
life, it can be a turn on for her to see that you
are assertive with them as well.
So let’s say at work everyone is used to taking
advantage of you helping them with their work,
and asking you to do an unfair amount of work.
One of the things you can do here is again
the broken record:
Example:
“Ted, I need you to help me this weekend again
with completing the project.”
You: “I can’t do that, as I have a major family
engagement this weekend”.
“But this is really important, I don’t know what’s
going on.”
"I understand, and I really have a major engagement
this weekend that is going to take all my time.”
You’ll notice that after you keep on STICKING
to your “broken record that keeps repeating.”
they will eventually BREAK and give in.
They may say something like:
“Okay, but can you at least sign these forms
that allow me to use the resource centre this
weekend?”
You: “Yes, I can do that.”
Then they will say thank you, and you’ll say
“you’re welcome.”
Notice how in the above statements, you
were using *I* statements and repeating
like a broken record, sticking to your point.
Here’s another thing:
Once you’ve stated your assertive position,
don’t EXPLAIN it for a half hour.
Instead, seal your lips.
By going on and on explaining yourself, you
are actually WEAKENING the entire assertive
core to your message.
This INCLUDES of course in your interactions
with women when you are in a RELATIONSHIP
as well!
Being assertive never ends, from the moment
you meet her, to long after you are having
wild nights together and beyond.
But the thing is, it’s important to realize that
this is a TRANSFORMATION that must come
GRADUALLY and consistently, with an intelligent
ROAD-MAP for how to go about all this so that
you STICK to the path of becoming The Assertive
Man.
Now unlike all the hype out there for everything
from bodybuilding magazines that feature steroid
injected men who claim they got their results
from some workout routine, or the hype out
there from folks who sell pick up artist tactics
and claim they got supermodels from using
pick up artist tactics instead of the real truth
which is that they got nothing of the sort,
what I am teaching you here, as you can see,
actually makes SENSE.
It’s not HYPE.
It’s based on REAL RESEARCH in the real world.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg.
I have MOUNTAINS-FULL of effective strategies
and insights on this topic, including explicit
clear examples of how to apply ALL the
different strategies for skyrocketing your
assertiveness with women all without
coming across as a jerk or arrogant,
and all in a way that feels it’s consistent
with your personality.
To get this, as well as TONS more pure gold on
skyrocketing your success with quality women, I
suggest you get my Actions For Attraction CD Set
by going here:
http://getagreatgirl.com/ActionsForAttraction.html
This package contains a mighty combination
of special skills that you will use immediately
when approaching women, and you owe it
to yourself to use them to get the woman
of your dreams.
To check out all my programs for getting
and keeping a fantastic woman, go here:
http://getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.html
For now, tomorrow, and for always, BE THE MAN.
Michael Marks
MAN as opposed to a player or a
“nice guy” is that a MAN is assertive,
a player is manipulative, and a nice
guy is submissive.
The nice guy tends to only get the
few women who happen to feel sorry
for him in a poor puppy kind of way.
The manipulative player type ends up
showing some form of confidence compared
to the nice guy but ultimately his true
colors show and he loses a quality woman.
The MAN however, he’s an expert at driving
through life in the ASSERTIVE lane.
Here’s where people get confused though:
They think that the only way to be assertive
is to be “in your face” or “nasty”, and this
makes it really hard to consistently be
assertive for them.
And yet, being assertive is a MASSIVE factor
in what turns on women, and it’s not only
your being assertive with women, but when
women seeing you being ASSERTIVE with
everyone in your life- including at the workplace,
with your friends, family, associates, etc.
What tends to happen with a lot of good guys
is that at some point in our lives a long time
ago, we learned that it’s better to NOT be
assertive, this way we wouldn’t be considered
a “threat” to the bullies, we wouldn’t get
any undue attention, and we would be more
“submissive” just to get along.
Unfortunately, we often eventually EXPLODE
after years and years of bottling up our own
self-esteem and repressing our own dignity
and even repressing our own desires.
Which ends up causing us to go to the OPPOSITE
extreme and blowing up on the people we feel
are being unfair to us. And when we explode,
our behavior is not seen as assertive, it’s seen
as imbalanced and irrational and nasty.
The real answer is to be more ASSERTIVE in general,
which solves so many problems and prevents the
build-up that can explode later otherwise.
Let me give you an example of a technique
of being more assertive:
THE BROKEN RECORD
In “the broken record” technique, you simply
make sure you know what you want, and you
keep on repeating that every time you hear
the other person saying they want you to do
something else.
This also involves another strategy called
using the “I” statement, because you are
saying it’s YOU who wants or feels something,
thereby taking on full responsibility for how
you feel, and this actually is empowering
because it means you have the right to
express yourself and not have to blame
anyone else for it, and that others should
respect the way you feel.
So here’s how the broken record and the
I statement could work together in a situation:
Let’s say you approach a woman and you chat
and you want to see her again.
Now, you know what you want- you want to
see her again.
Watch how being assertive is actually attractive
here:
You say:
“I enjoyed meeting you. We should meet up.
How’s Tuesday night for some Starbucks and
wonderful conversation with yours truly?”
She says: “Oh, Tuesday night I tutor piano lessons.”
The non assertive guy already feels REJECTED
and then, maybe but not likely, says something,
but it’s very UNSPECIFIC at best, like, “Maybe we can
meet up sometime”.
Being more assertive, he would say:
“I want to see you again. How about before your lesson.”
(Notice the absence of a question mark, it's almost
a STATEMENT rather than a question.)
Or even:
“I want to meet up. How about after?
Tuesday is a great day for me, but if it doesn’t
work by you, then let me know what day does.”
If she says a day that does NOT work for you,
like for example Monday, a non assertive man
might AGREE to it just because he doesn’t want
to displease the woman or lose her, and of course
the fear shows up in subtle ways, so even when
he says “yes” he has actually LOST the woman
because she can tell in his body language that
something has just been given up in terms of
his own dignity.
This PERSISTENCE with a relaxed demeanor
shows CONFIDENCE, it shows that you believe
you have value, it shows also on a subtle level
that you get what you want in life, which is
another sign of a winner. And none of this
is being a jerk.
Similarly, when a woman sees how you deal
with pressure from OTHER people in your
life, it can be a turn on for her to see that you
are assertive with them as well.
So let’s say at work everyone is used to taking
advantage of you helping them with their work,
and asking you to do an unfair amount of work.
One of the things you can do here is again
the broken record:
Example:
“Ted, I need you to help me this weekend again
with completing the project.”
You: “I can’t do that, as I have a major family
engagement this weekend”.
“But this is really important, I don’t know what’s
going on.”
"I understand, and I really have a major engagement
this weekend that is going to take all my time.”
You’ll notice that after you keep on STICKING
to your “broken record that keeps repeating.”
they will eventually BREAK and give in.
They may say something like:
“Okay, but can you at least sign these forms
that allow me to use the resource centre this
weekend?”
You: “Yes, I can do that.”
Then they will say thank you, and you’ll say
“you’re welcome.”
Notice how in the above statements, you
were using *I* statements and repeating
like a broken record, sticking to your point.
Here’s another thing:
Once you’ve stated your assertive position,
don’t EXPLAIN it for a half hour.
Instead, seal your lips.
By going on and on explaining yourself, you
are actually WEAKENING the entire assertive
core to your message.
This INCLUDES of course in your interactions
with women when you are in a RELATIONSHIP
as well!
Being assertive never ends, from the moment
you meet her, to long after you are having
wild nights together and beyond.
But the thing is, it’s important to realize that
this is a TRANSFORMATION that must come
GRADUALLY and consistently, with an intelligent
ROAD-MAP for how to go about all this so that
you STICK to the path of becoming The Assertive
Man.
Now unlike all the hype out there for everything
from bodybuilding magazines that feature steroid
injected men who claim they got their results
from some workout routine, or the hype out
there from folks who sell pick up artist tactics
and claim they got supermodels from using
pick up artist tactics instead of the real truth
which is that they got nothing of the sort,
what I am teaching you here, as you can see,
actually makes SENSE.
It’s not HYPE.
It’s based on REAL RESEARCH in the real world.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg.
I have MOUNTAINS-FULL of effective strategies
and insights on this topic, including explicit
clear examples of how to apply ALL the
different strategies for skyrocketing your
assertiveness with women all without
coming across as a jerk or arrogant,
and all in a way that feels it’s consistent
with your personality.
To get this, as well as TONS more pure gold on
skyrocketing your success with quality women, I
suggest you get my Actions For Attraction CD Set
by going here:
http://getagreatgirl.com/ActionsForAttraction.html
This package contains a mighty combination
of special skills that you will use immediately
when approaching women, and you owe it
to yourself to use them to get the woman
of your dreams.
To check out all my programs for getting
and keeping a fantastic woman, go here:
http://getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.html
For now, tomorrow, and for always, BE THE MAN.
Michael Marks
Thursday, December 23, 2010
How To Meet And Attract A QUALITY Woman
***LETTER FROM A READER***
Hey Michael,
I know you're not a big fan of the nightclubs
for meeting a quality woman, but I think you'll
agree that what I have to say only proves your
point even more. All I can say is that I wish
I had your materials before this disaster went
down:
So this past weekend my buddies and I went
down to the club and near closing time, up
beside me comes this pretty little number that
I was chatting up inside with her friends and
just being playful in that innocent way you
describe. Let me backtrack on what happened
inside the club a bit-
I started the convo with some stuff that I took
directly from your book- telling her that the only
reason I was talking to her was because she
reminded me of Barney Rubble's wife-Betty,
from the Flintstones! And that she was so much
cooler than Wilma because Barney never had a
real job and that it was cool by her!
She was eating it all up, and then on top of
that I told her that if she was a good girl,
I might take her out for a Brontosaurus burger
one day because I know the only reason she
puts up with Barney is because she can't
cook! I had her playfully punching me in
the arm and grazing against me the whole
evening.
Everything was going great, I was following
the principles in your book and never trying
to prove how great I was or trying to get the
"upper hand", and keeping the vibe warm,
confident and playful, knowing that she could
never get insulted from a comment that the
cartoon version of herself could not cook.
And I also remembered your point in the book
about "the teasing cycle" and how important it
is to not just joke around but to naturally progress
into a real conversation to see where you share
important values in common- she's the kind of
person who appreciates life's little treasures
that most people overlook, and that's really
important to me because it means that you never
take life for granted.
But here's the thing, I refused to believe that
this was actually working because of what
you had taught, I kept thinking that it was actually
happening in SPITE of what you taught. After all,
this girl was gorgeous, and I mean head to toe,
and I started to let the fear creep in, that I needed
to show her that I wasn't kissing up to her. I started
to think that the reason for my success so far was
that I had the "player vibe" about me.
So let me fast forward - I felt that I was
trying too hard to talk to her, (I realize now
that I wasn't) and I gave in to my "pick up
artist" training from all those "experts" out
there, and I decided to do a "take away"
and talk to some other girls just to make
sure that she knew I wasn't desperate for
her, and that this would get her to chase
me even harder.
Well, when I did that, she had this confused,
disappointed look on her face when I told her
I had to talk to some other friends, but she said
okay and then I never heard from her for the rest
of the night! I don't know where these "pick up
artists" get their crazy ideas from.
But I felt like since she wasn't chasing me, that
it would be even worse now if I came running
back to her. And I wasn't interested in any of
the other girls as much.
Anyway, the thing was that on my way out
of the club around closing time with my buddies,
I see her roll up beside me, her girlfriends not
far away, and she remembers our convo, saying
to me "How about that Brontosauraus burger?"
Michael, my heart was pounding, I wasn't sure
if she was joking or serious that she wanted to
join me, so I said "sure Betty, but remember
I expect you to clean the house!" And then
I find myself with this knockout walking
beside me and my friends suddenly in luck
as her girlfriends are now talking to my
buddies.
We reach the burger joint, and I'm feeling
so much pressure and conflicting thoughts.
I'm thinking "Is this girl trying to use me
to buy her food? I'm not going to be abused
by those tricks just because she's got the
looks" and my mind just keeps thinking
worse and worse and worse thoughts about
her, that this is all just another way for her
to use men for a free meal or something.
And then it happens- we reach the cash
register, and I blurt out "I don't believe
in prostitution" to which she seems
really confused (of course, I totally get
it and understand why now). So I then
make it even worse by EXPLAINING
it all to her, telling her that women use
men all the time, and she starts to feel
defensive, telling me that I have some
issues against women, which makes me
even angrier, and now the whole vibe
is going to hell. And in my gut, I knew
I was destroying the whole thing, but
somehow I felt that otherwise, if I didn't
"show her that I was tough" she would
eventually take advantage of me.
The crazy thing Michael, is that I don't
even know she wasn't going to pay! It's
possible she would have. The whole
argument though made me seem petty
and before I knew it she was hailing a
cab and high-tailing out of there, gone
forever. And the other thing that drove
me nuts is that I realize looking back
that I actually showed weakness, not
toughness at all, but being so petty.
I was so pissed off about the whole thing,
I couldn't sleep all night. All I could think
about was how I let this fantastic creature slip
through my fingers, and how I had committed
an error so clearly explained in your book-
I had allowed black and white thinking to
let me turn a little question about this woman
into an indictment on her, and sentencing
her to the verdict of being guilty, all
because I could not take the uncertainty
of the pressure in that situation.
I took a perfectly good woman and turned
her into some type of threat that didn't exist.
So for all your readers out there, they should
know that even in a club, where the atmosphere
is so casual, a better quality woman will run out
the door when you fall prey to "pick up artist"
tactics, then I can only imagine how much
MORE important it is to show a great woman
that you get to know in a more normal "date"
situation will expect that you show superior
character, class, and confidence.
Daniel T.,
Houston, Texas
>>>MY COMMENTS<<<
First of all, thank you for the huge props
for my book and for your honesty. A lot
of the lessons in my book come from years
of misery and mistakes and from listening
to the advice of some really, really wise
people that I had the good fortune of
meeting.
Regarding the emotions you were feeling
when things were going well, I understand
them, as I used to make the same mistakes.
What happens is that we want to protect
ourselves, and we start to focus on how to
protect ourselves from the bad stuff, from
the pain, rather than focus on how to get to
the good stuff. So we become obsessed
with preventing pain- we focus on pain
avoidance. And that type of attitude
feeds images in our mind of all types
of horrible things, we start to think of
all the times we had bad experiences with
women, we start to think of all the horrible
possibilities, so we then revert to INSECURE
behavior. Also known as "pick up artist games"
behavior, ironic as that seems, but true.
So for example, how much does a burger
cost? Five bucks? It's trivial, unless the
woman gives you reason to believe she
is not respecting you in general. And
it's very possible she would have paid
it anyway, like you said.
The whole thing reminds me of something
that Wayner Dyer (a very cool and wise man)
once articulated: "All of us are like oranges.
And just like the only thing that comes out of
oranges under pressure is orange juice, the
only thing that pressure can bring out in
you is what's already there- you can't
blame some external source for what's
bringing it out in you".
So in other words, it's not that girl that was
making you feel all those horrible emotions,
those fears and insecurities were already there
inside, most likely made much WORSE by the
"pick up artists" and wannabe "dating gurus"
and SHE simply created the moment of what
you felt was the "squeeze", even though this
squeeze or pressure was actually the product
of something GOOD- i.e. SHE LIKED YOU.
So the key is to realize that as soon as you
catch yourself wanting to give in to insecurities
you can always follow the principle of the
24 hour rule- don't react to the negative feelings
inside of you at the moment, you can always
do it 24 hours later- and guess what? 24 hours
later you almost ALWAYS realize there was
nothing to react to in the first place, and it
would have just made you seem insecure,
needy, and uncool.
The best part of this 24 hour training rule,
is that it actually MAKES YOU MORE
SECURE in the first place, it trains your
mind and emotions to not give in to fears.
The more you follow this 24 hour rule, the
FASTER you will see the truth about the
situation, the faster you will see that it
was actually a toxic negative emotion-
you'll start to get over these things
INSTANTLY. It won't take 24 hours
anymore.
Another good rule of thumb to remember
is that if you are feeling any type of EXTREME
reactionary feeling when a woman does
something, it's probably not an accurate
emotion, and certainly it's a mistake to
base your behavior on that extreme emotion.
The great thing though about this situation
is that you LEARNED from it, if you let that
pain be a reminder to NOT give in to pick up
artist tactics that tell you to "put her in her place"
or to use "cleverly disguised" put downs on her.
It sounds like all you have to do is get back out
there and meeting women, and just stick to what
you know WORKS, what you read inside the
book- the great news is that this is all about
real inner growth and development and not
some type of pick up artist "disguise" of your
personality.
I look forward to hearing from you again
as you continue put the materials to work-
just make sure that next time you get the
girl, BELIEVE her! When a woman is making
herself that available to you, it's because
she WANTS you!
***NEXT LETTER***
Master Mike!!!
Do you realize what power you are giving guys?
I got your book almost two weeks ago, and couldn't
put it down once I started. And then my damn work
schedule kicked in- I've been really busy with work
lately, even working weekends, (I work in IT and
often have to be on call) but I made sure to read
your book during every break I had. And then this
past Friday I got the chance to leave work early
and that's when I had the opportunity to put your
stuff to the test:
I decided to relax and visit the bookstore on my way
home- as soon as I entered, I almost lost my breath
as I saw this gorgeous curly brunette, athletic looking,
in the section of the store selling gift-wrap.
Now, normally in the past, I would just stand there
and watch, tormenting myself on what to do. But
after reading your book, I realized what my pattern
always was - I would picture the absolute worse scenario
which to me was the idea of everyone looking at
me thinking I was a fool, or the idea of her thinking
to herself "why is this guy bothering me, I hate
it!"
It's amazing, that I never even realized I HAD this
pattern, and so I could never stop it, and I could never
stop the automatic feelings of indignity that followed.
And your book made me realize not only my pattern,
but also how I unconsciously was allowing this pattern
to create a guaranteed "failure to take action" response
every time, because I would let the pattern of thoughts
keep going and growing, and my conditioned response
to that was to prevent a disaster by not talking to her.
Of course, as you explain in your book, that never
really worked for long to make me feel any more secure,
it just gave me that momentary escape and relief from
having to take action, and the next time I would see
a woman the fear would be even worse, since I had
never had to actually stare it down.
This time, though, I was ready. I was ready with your
strategy- for the first time, I knew that any excuse I
would give myself would not only not bring me any
closer to this woman, but I also knew from your book
that in fact if I did not take action, I was actually
making it even harder for my emotions and brain
to take action in the future. I made the decision
that all the pain in the world from her potential
reaction was still better than a life of fearing
her reaction and never approaching women.
So I went over to her and followed your advice
of not trying to be "mr. gangsta" and not imitating
the arrogant put downs that the pick up artists
and dating gurus tell us all to do. Instead, I
focused on injecting some dominance, upbeatness,
and sensuality in my voice and gave her the
chance to "come into my world" as you say.
And I observed the situation so that what I
could say would be connected to the situation.
So instead of the put downs and arrogance,
I decided to genuinely give her some of the
infinite abundance of "good vibes" that I
have - and told her that someone who's thinking
that hard of the right wrapping paper must have
a really good friend! And I really said it with
a confident feeling, because I knew I was not
kissing up, I was genuinely complimenting
her on something that I thought was a sign
of her own goodness.
She seemed a bit surprised, I guess she didn't
realize I was right there, but she turned around
and gave me a warm smile and told me that she
was going to a friend's birthday and then I
couldn't even make out what she was saying
because my heart was pounding so hard and
all I could do was see her lips, her gorgeous
face.
I wanted to just say thanks and leave so badly,
because it felt so good to not have this thing
crash, but I knew that would be the wrong thing.
I managed to make out a few words that she
was saying, something about "she's a good friend"
and "helped her so much with rides to work"
so I just kept on sharing the vibe and actually
making a connection because I also really
value great and deep friendship, and I started
telling her that we are lucky if we have even
one great friend, and how what is the whole
point of life if we are just to enjoy it alone.
And that's when even though my heart was
still beating like crazy, I felt myself knowing
that this woman was enjoying being with me,
and it felt like a ton of bricks was being lifted
off my shoulder. Feeling that good, I started
to unleash the playful stuff, I knew it would
be interpreted right because it was coming
from a place inside of me that was real,
and because I knew she would know that
I meant it with love and not anger.
So I told her, "you know, we're having
a pretty good conversation here, and it's
all without being mean, nasty, or vulgar.
It's kinda nice, isn't it?" And she laughed
and said yes it was, and then she wanted
to know if I did this to "all the women in
the bookstore".
In the past, this would have been a major
catastrophe, as if I was "found out" and had
to cover my moves.
But now, after reading your book, I just
realized that women, especially a great woman
looking for quality connection with a man,
wants to know what type of guy she is dealing
with. This is a good thing in reality, otherwise
it would mean that no women had any standards.
So I was honest and secure, I told her calmly
that I didn't, but that we'd both be lucky if we
were to have these kinds of convos every day,
to which she of course agreed.
Man, Michael, this is so absolutely different
from the whole pick up artist and dating guru
advice, this whole interaction was beautiful man.
You really mean it when you describe how it's
up to us to bring out the best in a woman.
I got her number and when I called her on
Saturday afternoon, she didn't avoid the call
or play games, we spent 15 minutes on the
phone, and we're supposed to meet for coffee
this week.
Thank you man!!! This really is the stronger
way, the way of the truly confident, classy,
"Man", and not the games of a boy who thinks
in terms of insecure, immature notions and
thinks of making love as "scoring" and whose
concept of interacting on a deep level with a
woman is either putting her down, acting
arrogant, or on the other extreme, kissing up
to her with superficial compliments.
You'll be hearing from me this week for a
consultation, because I want to ace this!
Matthew S., New York.
>>>MY COMMENTS<<<
There's nothing like seeing guys who have
taken the words I have written down and truly
GET IT and are putting it into action. When
you really get it, you start to see results
IMMEDIATELY.
One key point I want to emphasize is the
idea from the book that you applied brilliantly-
and that is the idea of bringing out the BEST
in a woman.
This is the RIGHT way to approach
a quality woman.
By leading the interaction from the very
beginning in a morally strong way, you led
the pathway to only lead to good places.
You started by talking about friendships,
and valuing them, and not about how men
and women cheat and who cheats more
or other negative stuff that things like
certain shows on TV try to pretend are cool.
In reality, no one thinks those things are
cool, but many men and women don't want to
appear uncool by being the one to stand up
against it. And yet, the very fact that you
STAND OUT as DIFFERENT from the
outset actually shows that you have more
courage.
This stuff is massively important, as the
reality is that the pain of other people is
never a joke, and when try to be cool by
appealing to that type of conversation
and gossip, as many pick up artists try
to teach, you are destroying the fabric
of the interaction in terms of having
a foundation of trust. So even if the
woman does talk to you, she is in the
back of her mind feeling uneasy, and
sooner or later the whole thing falls
to pieces.
That type of type of "I'm so cool" attitude is
kamikaze and suicide to any future relationship
with the woman, because it fosters a belief that
the interaction is based on manipulation, and
how much trust can that lead to? Without trust,
the whole thing is a fragile house of cards that
is guaranteed to fall apart.
But what you did, was you LED the way,
you showed a totally different attitude, and
you weren't apologetic for NOT being the
abrasive "I'm so cool” style approach
to women.
And this is what she REALLY WANTS and
can't find. She can either only find
pushover "nice guys" or weird guys with
their pick up artist games, when all she
really wants is a MAN. A man with
class and who is emotionally mature,
whose sense of what is cool does not
depend on what OTHERS think, no
matter HOW much the TV might try
to change his attitude.
***NEXT LETTER***
Hey Michael,
There's this girl that I met and I'm wondering
what to do. We went out once so far.
The first time we went out for coffee, and
I tried to keep the conversation light and relaxed,
but her cell phone rang three different times, and
she also noticed some guy inside at the coffee
shop she recognized and she went right over
to him and gave him a hug and I just felt the
whole thing was too much for me so I just
told her that I had to meet some friends and
cut the date short.
Now, here's my question, I read a lot of
dating guru advice and they all seem to say that
I should not have made a big deal to show
that it bothered me, and the pick up artists
say that I should have ignored it and kept
on escalating the interaction and tried to
take her home if I could, and that once
I slept with her, it would make her treat
me very differently.
The thing is though that even in the
conversation, it was a bit strange, I was
telling her that I could tell a lot about a
person from the way they talk about
things, and she said to me that she
can tell a lot about a guy's personality
from the way he is having sex with
her.
This whole thing seemed bizarre to
me. Was this woman testing me? Was
the way she went over to the guy to hug
him some kind of test?
Can you clear any of this up????
Kevin R., Miami
>>>MY REPLY<<<
See, this is EXACTLY the kind of thing
that the supposed dating gurus and pick
up artists screw up good guys on.
Trust me, this woman has SERIOUS issues
and is the kind of person who will MESS
with your head big-time.
The pick up artists are willing to sell your
soul for the sake of getting sex with a woman,
so of course THEY will say "just ignore" it
all, and to "keep escalating" toward the
physical.
Let me tell you the REALITY:
While you SHOULD try to progress an interaction
with a woman from stage to stage, DEFINITELY,
you should NOT do this when you detect the
woman has ISSUES.
In fact, you should run like hell away from this
woman, and most likely this woman has had her
own heart torn to shreds and is now out taking
vengeance out on all kinds of innocent men like
you.
She is hurting and needs help.
The first red flag was when her cell phone went
off repeatedly while she was out on the date with
you. The fact it happened repeatedly is already
not good. The fact that she clearly did not make
a serious effort to APOLOGIZE for it just shows
how not serious she is, and shows how she is
simply playing around and seeing how far
she can push.
But don't think of this as a "test", she is not
testing anything any more than a bully tests a
victim. i.e. Yeah, it might be a test, but the only
way to WIN this test is to ERADICATE her from
your life, before you allow her to poison your
image of all women, including all the women
with fantastic morals, high self-esteem, and
integrity who are out there.
Think of this test as actually a woman showing
you her TRUE COLOURS and so she is actually
FAILING a test- she is failing YOUR test of
a quality woman!!!!
And the answer to the question that I'm sure
is burning in your mind regarding "Would
she treat me differently if I just got
past the "sex" stage with her?" is NO.
She would NOT be different with you.
She would STILL be the same person
with the SAME attitude.
The NEXT red flag was this hug business that
she actually LEFT you to go and make sure to
do the big warm fuzzies to some dude while
out on a date to you, and again, apparently
she made NO EXPLANATION of this at all
to you.
The crazy thing, is that this would be super
obvious to you if you read my book and that
by following the "pick up artist" advice, you
actually DEGRADE yourself and your own
personal standards that you start to think that
maybe you SHOULD put up with this vile
filth of messed up behavior.
Finally, you need to ALSO realize that
it's important that you DO NOT WASTE
energy on these kinds of women IF you
want a quality woman for a long term
healthy relationship: The reason is because
the only way you will have the strength
to BE the kind of man with great integrity
and with feeling secure is if you spend your
time in the company of good people.
Staying with or pursuing those with spoiled
values will only mess up your internal compass
of what is normal and what is not, and then when
you meet a GREAT woman, you will be doing
all the WRONG things. Things that might
be normal for those with inferior values, but
that are ABNORMAL for those with superior
values.
And one more thing- a great woman will want
to KNOW that you are totally clear on what YOU
want in life. She is not looking for a namby-pamby
insecure guy who is willing to buckle his own values
just for some approval from any woman with the
looks who comes his way.
It's very hard to truly mask your identity, it comes
out in tiny subtleties in your behavior and intonation
of voice and mannerisms, so if you ARE the kind
of guy that doesn't have his own values and self-esteem
together and WILL buckle under pressure and will
pursue the wrong type of woman, well then I
can assure you that a great woman will DETECT
this in you, and you will not stand a chance with
her.
On the other hand, if you are absolutely clear on
what you want, and you BECOME the kind of guy
that would never even THINK of putting up with
any woman that chips away at his self-esteem
no matter how beautiful she is, no matter how
slight that self-esteem damage is, then a great
woman will be far MORE attracted to you.
If you want to get a great woman, you need
to focus on that, and not on the WRONG women
that will drain you of everything precious -
your energy, your time, and your emotions.
And I can think of no better path for you to
take than by getting my DVD Training Program
for becoming the kind of man that attracts the
very BEST type of woman.
It's called WARRIOR WITHIN, and it's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
And if you haven't yet downloaded my book,
'Get A Great Girl', then do that immediately at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Book.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
P.S. To find out about all my programs for
getting a fantastic woman, go here:
http://getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.php
Hey Michael,
I know you're not a big fan of the nightclubs
for meeting a quality woman, but I think you'll
agree that what I have to say only proves your
point even more. All I can say is that I wish
I had your materials before this disaster went
down:
So this past weekend my buddies and I went
down to the club and near closing time, up
beside me comes this pretty little number that
I was chatting up inside with her friends and
just being playful in that innocent way you
describe. Let me backtrack on what happened
inside the club a bit-
I started the convo with some stuff that I took
directly from your book- telling her that the only
reason I was talking to her was because she
reminded me of Barney Rubble's wife-Betty,
from the Flintstones! And that she was so much
cooler than Wilma because Barney never had a
real job and that it was cool by her!
She was eating it all up, and then on top of
that I told her that if she was a good girl,
I might take her out for a Brontosaurus burger
one day because I know the only reason she
puts up with Barney is because she can't
cook! I had her playfully punching me in
the arm and grazing against me the whole
evening.
Everything was going great, I was following
the principles in your book and never trying
to prove how great I was or trying to get the
"upper hand", and keeping the vibe warm,
confident and playful, knowing that she could
never get insulted from a comment that the
cartoon version of herself could not cook.
And I also remembered your point in the book
about "the teasing cycle" and how important it
is to not just joke around but to naturally progress
into a real conversation to see where you share
important values in common- she's the kind of
person who appreciates life's little treasures
that most people overlook, and that's really
important to me because it means that you never
take life for granted.
But here's the thing, I refused to believe that
this was actually working because of what
you had taught, I kept thinking that it was actually
happening in SPITE of what you taught. After all,
this girl was gorgeous, and I mean head to toe,
and I started to let the fear creep in, that I needed
to show her that I wasn't kissing up to her. I started
to think that the reason for my success so far was
that I had the "player vibe" about me.
So let me fast forward - I felt that I was
trying too hard to talk to her, (I realize now
that I wasn't) and I gave in to my "pick up
artist" training from all those "experts" out
there, and I decided to do a "take away"
and talk to some other girls just to make
sure that she knew I wasn't desperate for
her, and that this would get her to chase
me even harder.
Well, when I did that, she had this confused,
disappointed look on her face when I told her
I had to talk to some other friends, but she said
okay and then I never heard from her for the rest
of the night! I don't know where these "pick up
artists" get their crazy ideas from.
But I felt like since she wasn't chasing me, that
it would be even worse now if I came running
back to her. And I wasn't interested in any of
the other girls as much.
Anyway, the thing was that on my way out
of the club around closing time with my buddies,
I see her roll up beside me, her girlfriends not
far away, and she remembers our convo, saying
to me "How about that Brontosauraus burger?"
Michael, my heart was pounding, I wasn't sure
if she was joking or serious that she wanted to
join me, so I said "sure Betty, but remember
I expect you to clean the house!" And then
I find myself with this knockout walking
beside me and my friends suddenly in luck
as her girlfriends are now talking to my
buddies.
We reach the burger joint, and I'm feeling
so much pressure and conflicting thoughts.
I'm thinking "Is this girl trying to use me
to buy her food? I'm not going to be abused
by those tricks just because she's got the
looks" and my mind just keeps thinking
worse and worse and worse thoughts about
her, that this is all just another way for her
to use men for a free meal or something.
And then it happens- we reach the cash
register, and I blurt out "I don't believe
in prostitution" to which she seems
really confused (of course, I totally get
it and understand why now). So I then
make it even worse by EXPLAINING
it all to her, telling her that women use
men all the time, and she starts to feel
defensive, telling me that I have some
issues against women, which makes me
even angrier, and now the whole vibe
is going to hell. And in my gut, I knew
I was destroying the whole thing, but
somehow I felt that otherwise, if I didn't
"show her that I was tough" she would
eventually take advantage of me.
The crazy thing Michael, is that I don't
even know she wasn't going to pay! It's
possible she would have. The whole
argument though made me seem petty
and before I knew it she was hailing a
cab and high-tailing out of there, gone
forever. And the other thing that drove
me nuts is that I realize looking back
that I actually showed weakness, not
toughness at all, but being so petty.
I was so pissed off about the whole thing,
I couldn't sleep all night. All I could think
about was how I let this fantastic creature slip
through my fingers, and how I had committed
an error so clearly explained in your book-
I had allowed black and white thinking to
let me turn a little question about this woman
into an indictment on her, and sentencing
her to the verdict of being guilty, all
because I could not take the uncertainty
of the pressure in that situation.
I took a perfectly good woman and turned
her into some type of threat that didn't exist.
So for all your readers out there, they should
know that even in a club, where the atmosphere
is so casual, a better quality woman will run out
the door when you fall prey to "pick up artist"
tactics, then I can only imagine how much
MORE important it is to show a great woman
that you get to know in a more normal "date"
situation will expect that you show superior
character, class, and confidence.
Daniel T.,
Houston, Texas
>>>MY COMMENTS<<<
First of all, thank you for the huge props
for my book and for your honesty. A lot
of the lessons in my book come from years
of misery and mistakes and from listening
to the advice of some really, really wise
people that I had the good fortune of
meeting.
Regarding the emotions you were feeling
when things were going well, I understand
them, as I used to make the same mistakes.
What happens is that we want to protect
ourselves, and we start to focus on how to
protect ourselves from the bad stuff, from
the pain, rather than focus on how to get to
the good stuff. So we become obsessed
with preventing pain- we focus on pain
avoidance. And that type of attitude
feeds images in our mind of all types
of horrible things, we start to think of
all the times we had bad experiences with
women, we start to think of all the horrible
possibilities, so we then revert to INSECURE
behavior. Also known as "pick up artist games"
behavior, ironic as that seems, but true.
So for example, how much does a burger
cost? Five bucks? It's trivial, unless the
woman gives you reason to believe she
is not respecting you in general. And
it's very possible she would have paid
it anyway, like you said.
The whole thing reminds me of something
that Wayner Dyer (a very cool and wise man)
once articulated: "All of us are like oranges.
And just like the only thing that comes out of
oranges under pressure is orange juice, the
only thing that pressure can bring out in
you is what's already there- you can't
blame some external source for what's
bringing it out in you".
So in other words, it's not that girl that was
making you feel all those horrible emotions,
those fears and insecurities were already there
inside, most likely made much WORSE by the
"pick up artists" and wannabe "dating gurus"
and SHE simply created the moment of what
you felt was the "squeeze", even though this
squeeze or pressure was actually the product
of something GOOD- i.e. SHE LIKED YOU.
So the key is to realize that as soon as you
catch yourself wanting to give in to insecurities
you can always follow the principle of the
24 hour rule- don't react to the negative feelings
inside of you at the moment, you can always
do it 24 hours later- and guess what? 24 hours
later you almost ALWAYS realize there was
nothing to react to in the first place, and it
would have just made you seem insecure,
needy, and uncool.
The best part of this 24 hour training rule,
is that it actually MAKES YOU MORE
SECURE in the first place, it trains your
mind and emotions to not give in to fears.
The more you follow this 24 hour rule, the
FASTER you will see the truth about the
situation, the faster you will see that it
was actually a toxic negative emotion-
you'll start to get over these things
INSTANTLY. It won't take 24 hours
anymore.
Another good rule of thumb to remember
is that if you are feeling any type of EXTREME
reactionary feeling when a woman does
something, it's probably not an accurate
emotion, and certainly it's a mistake to
base your behavior on that extreme emotion.
The great thing though about this situation
is that you LEARNED from it, if you let that
pain be a reminder to NOT give in to pick up
artist tactics that tell you to "put her in her place"
or to use "cleverly disguised" put downs on her.
It sounds like all you have to do is get back out
there and meeting women, and just stick to what
you know WORKS, what you read inside the
book- the great news is that this is all about
real inner growth and development and not
some type of pick up artist "disguise" of your
personality.
I look forward to hearing from you again
as you continue put the materials to work-
just make sure that next time you get the
girl, BELIEVE her! When a woman is making
herself that available to you, it's because
she WANTS you!
***NEXT LETTER***
Master Mike!!!
Do you realize what power you are giving guys?
I got your book almost two weeks ago, and couldn't
put it down once I started. And then my damn work
schedule kicked in- I've been really busy with work
lately, even working weekends, (I work in IT and
often have to be on call) but I made sure to read
your book during every break I had. And then this
past Friday I got the chance to leave work early
and that's when I had the opportunity to put your
stuff to the test:
I decided to relax and visit the bookstore on my way
home- as soon as I entered, I almost lost my breath
as I saw this gorgeous curly brunette, athletic looking,
in the section of the store selling gift-wrap.
Now, normally in the past, I would just stand there
and watch, tormenting myself on what to do. But
after reading your book, I realized what my pattern
always was - I would picture the absolute worse scenario
which to me was the idea of everyone looking at
me thinking I was a fool, or the idea of her thinking
to herself "why is this guy bothering me, I hate
it!"
It's amazing, that I never even realized I HAD this
pattern, and so I could never stop it, and I could never
stop the automatic feelings of indignity that followed.
And your book made me realize not only my pattern,
but also how I unconsciously was allowing this pattern
to create a guaranteed "failure to take action" response
every time, because I would let the pattern of thoughts
keep going and growing, and my conditioned response
to that was to prevent a disaster by not talking to her.
Of course, as you explain in your book, that never
really worked for long to make me feel any more secure,
it just gave me that momentary escape and relief from
having to take action, and the next time I would see
a woman the fear would be even worse, since I had
never had to actually stare it down.
This time, though, I was ready. I was ready with your
strategy- for the first time, I knew that any excuse I
would give myself would not only not bring me any
closer to this woman, but I also knew from your book
that in fact if I did not take action, I was actually
making it even harder for my emotions and brain
to take action in the future. I made the decision
that all the pain in the world from her potential
reaction was still better than a life of fearing
her reaction and never approaching women.
So I went over to her and followed your advice
of not trying to be "mr. gangsta" and not imitating
the arrogant put downs that the pick up artists
and dating gurus tell us all to do. Instead, I
focused on injecting some dominance, upbeatness,
and sensuality in my voice and gave her the
chance to "come into my world" as you say.
And I observed the situation so that what I
could say would be connected to the situation.
So instead of the put downs and arrogance,
I decided to genuinely give her some of the
infinite abundance of "good vibes" that I
have - and told her that someone who's thinking
that hard of the right wrapping paper must have
a really good friend! And I really said it with
a confident feeling, because I knew I was not
kissing up, I was genuinely complimenting
her on something that I thought was a sign
of her own goodness.
She seemed a bit surprised, I guess she didn't
realize I was right there, but she turned around
and gave me a warm smile and told me that she
was going to a friend's birthday and then I
couldn't even make out what she was saying
because my heart was pounding so hard and
all I could do was see her lips, her gorgeous
face.
I wanted to just say thanks and leave so badly,
because it felt so good to not have this thing
crash, but I knew that would be the wrong thing.
I managed to make out a few words that she
was saying, something about "she's a good friend"
and "helped her so much with rides to work"
so I just kept on sharing the vibe and actually
making a connection because I also really
value great and deep friendship, and I started
telling her that we are lucky if we have even
one great friend, and how what is the whole
point of life if we are just to enjoy it alone.
And that's when even though my heart was
still beating like crazy, I felt myself knowing
that this woman was enjoying being with me,
and it felt like a ton of bricks was being lifted
off my shoulder. Feeling that good, I started
to unleash the playful stuff, I knew it would
be interpreted right because it was coming
from a place inside of me that was real,
and because I knew she would know that
I meant it with love and not anger.
So I told her, "you know, we're having
a pretty good conversation here, and it's
all without being mean, nasty, or vulgar.
It's kinda nice, isn't it?" And she laughed
and said yes it was, and then she wanted
to know if I did this to "all the women in
the bookstore".
In the past, this would have been a major
catastrophe, as if I was "found out" and had
to cover my moves.
But now, after reading your book, I just
realized that women, especially a great woman
looking for quality connection with a man,
wants to know what type of guy she is dealing
with. This is a good thing in reality, otherwise
it would mean that no women had any standards.
So I was honest and secure, I told her calmly
that I didn't, but that we'd both be lucky if we
were to have these kinds of convos every day,
to which she of course agreed.
Man, Michael, this is so absolutely different
from the whole pick up artist and dating guru
advice, this whole interaction was beautiful man.
You really mean it when you describe how it's
up to us to bring out the best in a woman.
I got her number and when I called her on
Saturday afternoon, she didn't avoid the call
or play games, we spent 15 minutes on the
phone, and we're supposed to meet for coffee
this week.
Thank you man!!! This really is the stronger
way, the way of the truly confident, classy,
"Man", and not the games of a boy who thinks
in terms of insecure, immature notions and
thinks of making love as "scoring" and whose
concept of interacting on a deep level with a
woman is either putting her down, acting
arrogant, or on the other extreme, kissing up
to her with superficial compliments.
You'll be hearing from me this week for a
consultation, because I want to ace this!
Matthew S., New York.
>>>MY COMMENTS<<<
There's nothing like seeing guys who have
taken the words I have written down and truly
GET IT and are putting it into action. When
you really get it, you start to see results
IMMEDIATELY.
One key point I want to emphasize is the
idea from the book that you applied brilliantly-
and that is the idea of bringing out the BEST
in a woman.
This is the RIGHT way to approach
a quality woman.
By leading the interaction from the very
beginning in a morally strong way, you led
the pathway to only lead to good places.
You started by talking about friendships,
and valuing them, and not about how men
and women cheat and who cheats more
or other negative stuff that things like
certain shows on TV try to pretend are cool.
In reality, no one thinks those things are
cool, but many men and women don't want to
appear uncool by being the one to stand up
against it. And yet, the very fact that you
STAND OUT as DIFFERENT from the
outset actually shows that you have more
courage.
This stuff is massively important, as the
reality is that the pain of other people is
never a joke, and when try to be cool by
appealing to that type of conversation
and gossip, as many pick up artists try
to teach, you are destroying the fabric
of the interaction in terms of having
a foundation of trust. So even if the
woman does talk to you, she is in the
back of her mind feeling uneasy, and
sooner or later the whole thing falls
to pieces.
That type of type of "I'm so cool" attitude is
kamikaze and suicide to any future relationship
with the woman, because it fosters a belief that
the interaction is based on manipulation, and
how much trust can that lead to? Without trust,
the whole thing is a fragile house of cards that
is guaranteed to fall apart.
But what you did, was you LED the way,
you showed a totally different attitude, and
you weren't apologetic for NOT being the
abrasive "I'm so cool” style approach
to women.
And this is what she REALLY WANTS and
can't find. She can either only find
pushover "nice guys" or weird guys with
their pick up artist games, when all she
really wants is a MAN. A man with
class and who is emotionally mature,
whose sense of what is cool does not
depend on what OTHERS think, no
matter HOW much the TV might try
to change his attitude.
***NEXT LETTER***
Hey Michael,
There's this girl that I met and I'm wondering
what to do. We went out once so far.
The first time we went out for coffee, and
I tried to keep the conversation light and relaxed,
but her cell phone rang three different times, and
she also noticed some guy inside at the coffee
shop she recognized and she went right over
to him and gave him a hug and I just felt the
whole thing was too much for me so I just
told her that I had to meet some friends and
cut the date short.
Now, here's my question, I read a lot of
dating guru advice and they all seem to say that
I should not have made a big deal to show
that it bothered me, and the pick up artists
say that I should have ignored it and kept
on escalating the interaction and tried to
take her home if I could, and that once
I slept with her, it would make her treat
me very differently.
The thing is though that even in the
conversation, it was a bit strange, I was
telling her that I could tell a lot about a
person from the way they talk about
things, and she said to me that she
can tell a lot about a guy's personality
from the way he is having sex with
her.
This whole thing seemed bizarre to
me. Was this woman testing me? Was
the way she went over to the guy to hug
him some kind of test?
Can you clear any of this up????
Kevin R., Miami
>>>MY REPLY<<<
See, this is EXACTLY the kind of thing
that the supposed dating gurus and pick
up artists screw up good guys on.
Trust me, this woman has SERIOUS issues
and is the kind of person who will MESS
with your head big-time.
The pick up artists are willing to sell your
soul for the sake of getting sex with a woman,
so of course THEY will say "just ignore" it
all, and to "keep escalating" toward the
physical.
Let me tell you the REALITY:
While you SHOULD try to progress an interaction
with a woman from stage to stage, DEFINITELY,
you should NOT do this when you detect the
woman has ISSUES.
In fact, you should run like hell away from this
woman, and most likely this woman has had her
own heart torn to shreds and is now out taking
vengeance out on all kinds of innocent men like
you.
She is hurting and needs help.
The first red flag was when her cell phone went
off repeatedly while she was out on the date with
you. The fact it happened repeatedly is already
not good. The fact that she clearly did not make
a serious effort to APOLOGIZE for it just shows
how not serious she is, and shows how she is
simply playing around and seeing how far
she can push.
But don't think of this as a "test", she is not
testing anything any more than a bully tests a
victim. i.e. Yeah, it might be a test, but the only
way to WIN this test is to ERADICATE her from
your life, before you allow her to poison your
image of all women, including all the women
with fantastic morals, high self-esteem, and
integrity who are out there.
Think of this test as actually a woman showing
you her TRUE COLOURS and so she is actually
FAILING a test- she is failing YOUR test of
a quality woman!!!!
And the answer to the question that I'm sure
is burning in your mind regarding "Would
she treat me differently if I just got
past the "sex" stage with her?" is NO.
She would NOT be different with you.
She would STILL be the same person
with the SAME attitude.
The NEXT red flag was this hug business that
she actually LEFT you to go and make sure to
do the big warm fuzzies to some dude while
out on a date to you, and again, apparently
she made NO EXPLANATION of this at all
to you.
The crazy thing, is that this would be super
obvious to you if you read my book and that
by following the "pick up artist" advice, you
actually DEGRADE yourself and your own
personal standards that you start to think that
maybe you SHOULD put up with this vile
filth of messed up behavior.
Finally, you need to ALSO realize that
it's important that you DO NOT WASTE
energy on these kinds of women IF you
want a quality woman for a long term
healthy relationship: The reason is because
the only way you will have the strength
to BE the kind of man with great integrity
and with feeling secure is if you spend your
time in the company of good people.
Staying with or pursuing those with spoiled
values will only mess up your internal compass
of what is normal and what is not, and then when
you meet a GREAT woman, you will be doing
all the WRONG things. Things that might
be normal for those with inferior values, but
that are ABNORMAL for those with superior
values.
And one more thing- a great woman will want
to KNOW that you are totally clear on what YOU
want in life. She is not looking for a namby-pamby
insecure guy who is willing to buckle his own values
just for some approval from any woman with the
looks who comes his way.
It's very hard to truly mask your identity, it comes
out in tiny subtleties in your behavior and intonation
of voice and mannerisms, so if you ARE the kind
of guy that doesn't have his own values and self-esteem
together and WILL buckle under pressure and will
pursue the wrong type of woman, well then I
can assure you that a great woman will DETECT
this in you, and you will not stand a chance with
her.
On the other hand, if you are absolutely clear on
what you want, and you BECOME the kind of guy
that would never even THINK of putting up with
any woman that chips away at his self-esteem
no matter how beautiful she is, no matter how
slight that self-esteem damage is, then a great
woman will be far MORE attracted to you.
If you want to get a great woman, you need
to focus on that, and not on the WRONG women
that will drain you of everything precious -
your energy, your time, and your emotions.
And I can think of no better path for you to
take than by getting my DVD Training Program
for becoming the kind of man that attracts the
very BEST type of woman.
It's called WARRIOR WITHIN, and it's at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
And if you haven't yet downloaded my book,
'Get A Great Girl', then do that immediately at:
http://getagreatgirl.com/Book.html
Till next time,
Michael Marks
P.S. To find out about all my programs for
getting a fantastic woman, go here:
http://getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.php
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)