The Arousal-Safety Pendulum

One of the most MISUNDERSTOOD aspects of attraction is the whole BAD-BOY versus “CARING GUY” debate.  The real truth is that BOTH aspects are VITAL if you want a woman to be at MAXIMUM attraction and especially if you want the LONG-TERM success with a woman.

The reason for this is because if a woman feels you don’t care about her at all, then she can’t feel SAFE and COMFORTABLE with you, and that definitely includes her not feeling safe totally letting go and getting wild with you and letting all her inhibitions loose. 

The SAFETY feeling, ak.a. "the warm fuzzies" feeling, IS important.  

Let’s call this the “safety” part of the pendulum.

And YET, at the SAME TIME, if she feels you are SO CARING AND SO LOVING to the extent that you are totally SELFLESS, it can make her feel GUILTY about allowing HERSELF to truly ENJOY getting wild with you. 

This is because pleasure is obviously a SELFISH thing, but selfishness is not always a BAD thing, and in fact in the right place at the right time it can be the PERFECT thing. 

So when YOU demonstrate that YOU are not afraid or uncomfortable to be SELFISH in a sexual way, it allows her to feel FREE to also totally let go and experience that SAME level of pleasure as well.

PLUS, there is also something to be said about the pleasure a woman feels when she knows that you want to totally DEVOUR her and consume her with a SELFISH passion for her. 

She enjoys BOTH sides of your passion, the selfless and the selfish, but for now we are focusing on the selfish side because it is the less understood one in the context of how it is mutually beneficial for the man and the woman in this area. 

Let’s call this the “arousal” part of the pendulum. 

THIS is the reason so many so-called “bad boys” INITIALLY do well with women.  

It at first feels GOOD for a woman to have a man that is so LIBERATED to just BE his natural sexual self. 

It allows HER to indulge in her selfish desire for her man, without her feeling guilty or anything like that.

Also, it can make HER feel very DESIRED, since she feels she is the cause of the man's intense desire, instead of it being some kind of "charity" that the guy is doing for her. 

And, there is also the fact that women are attracted to men who convey "ALPHA-MALE" traits, which tends to mean being more dominant. 

The problem, though, is that EITHER one of these sides, the selfish or the selfless, ALONE, is NOT enough.   

Too much of the bad boy behavior and she will eventually start to feel UNLOVED, and so that can then make the sexual side of things become MEANINGLESS-and, even worse, it can make her feel CHEAP and it can lower her self-esteem. 

And self-esteem is the most PRECIOUS and POWERFUL force anyone has in this world. It must be CHERISHED and it must be RESPECTED.

Too much of the NICE GUY stuff, though, and she starts to feel like she now must be SUPER CAREFUL to please you and be super-nice to you, and then THAT forces her to STOP being able to truly ENJOY her OWN SELFISHNESS.

And again, to a degree, human selfishness is a GOOD thing, otherwise people wouldn’t do a thing to take care of themselves!  

So, the solution is to actually convey BOTH sides.  Things shift between AROUSAL and SAFETY, in what I call the Arousal-Safety Pendulum.

Show warmth in your voice, show empathy, but also show that you have no problems being assertive or comfortable with the sexual, and the way to do this is to playfully bring up the sexual in a conversation with her, once the conversation is going smoothly- but don’t LINGER on this topic either.

Also, when in a relationship with a woman, realize there is actually ROOM for ALL the aspects of your emotions- there are times when actually displaying a bit of jealousy can massively TURN ON a woman, if it is within control.  But if you get consumed with jealousy, it will make her feel CONTROLLED and make her feel she has to constantly attend to your needs more than hers.

There are times when you are going to have to do your UTMOST to restrain yourself from having an emotional reaction to her behavior.

There are times for being sensitive and supportive. And yet, sometimes, just for the EFFECT of letting her know she doesn’t OWN you and that you are still a selfish being, which ironically actually turns her on MORE, you should CONVEY that through your behavior.

For example, OCCASIONALLY, if she is complaining about her day, and it's not really a bad day, sometimes in this situation you might occasionally make a JOKE about it - which is the complete OPPOSITE reaction of what she was expecting--- and she might even say half-hardheartedly that you are so "mean", but then within MINUTES or even SECONDS later she will probably be even CRAZIER about you. 

And if it's seriously something bothering her, then OF COURSE you will be super-supportive- which is what you probably really want to do at INFINITE levels always if you are like a lot of good guys- and the hard part is actually realizing that the sexual dynamic is not the same thing as the regular dynamic you have with other people in your life.

This woman is not just another person, she's not just a female who is a friend.  This is not friendship, this is ATTRACTION.  

One of the toughest things to do here in a newsletter is put everything in context, which is why when you are in an actual boot camp or a private consultation it's so much easier since you get the full context.

Now, all this takes an IMMENSE amount of social intelligence and sensitivity to pull off properly, but the good thing about it is that you can GET THIS SKILL. 

Not only does this work in the initial approach, it gets even better in a long-term relationship, because you get to know a woman so well and if you truly love her and know her, you will KNOW by instinct when is a good time to do what. 

It just takes a little practice. And she will love you all the more for it.

Remember, a woman wants to feel LOVED, and she wants to give love, but she also wants to be able to feel uninhibited and not guilty about indulging in the SELFISH side of sexual feeling- this is an element of all human beings, not just women, of course.

She gets turned on by a man who is the SAME- a man who appreciates all elements of the physical and emotional sides of love, both giving and taking- a man who is not shy or afraid to be selfish and to indulge in his desires with her, and who is also at other times selfless and purely giving in these matters.

Let me show you how all this works in REAL LIFE when you attend my PRIVATE AND EXCLUSIVE boot camp.  You will learn from me how to do this, and you will see it all happening in front of you on real women.

Boot camp is PRIVATE and truly ONE-TO-ONE. That means just ONE student is allowed per boot camp, which means you get MAXIMUM ATTENTION, MAXIMUM CUSTOMIZATION and MAXIMUM EFFICIENCY in your learning.

In one weekend, learn how to attract women for the rest of your LIFE.

Bootcamp is at:

http://www.getagreatgirl.com/bootcamp-sign-up.html

For a private consultation, go here:

http://www.getagreatgirl.com/PrivateCoaching.html

And if you haven't yet downloaded my Attraction Accelerators program, then DEFINITELY do that NOW, at:

http://www.getagreatgirl.com/attraction-accelerators.html

Till next time,

Michael Marks

Love, Lust, And Your Success In Life

The whole reason I got into this field
had little to do with pure LUST.

It was actually the COMBINATION of love
AND lust, to be honest!

For any guy who just wants to get physical
with a woman who is attractive, the answer
is simple: Find promiscuous women.

What makes it even easier is that there
are PLACES especially designed for finding
promiscuous women, i.e. certain nightclubs,
and to make it even EASIER these women
INTENTIONALLY go to these places where
they know they will consume quantities of
alcohol.

So this kind of thing is not the best formula
for how to find the kind of woman that you can
truly build a LIFE together long-term.

This is why GET A GREAT GIRL was born.
My passion is not about just getting the
physical stuff.

I have always been attracted to something
GREATER, going back all the way to high school.

I wanted the TOTAL PACKAGE, a woman that
was attractive and who ALSO had all the right
personality traits for a great long term
relationship and who would be the right
kind of woman with whom to raise a family.

A woman who was kind, hard-working, loyal,
intelligent, health-conscious, etc.

ONE: BEHIND EVERY GREAT MAN IS A GREAT WOMAN

Here's something else:
I've also known and observed for many years that
it is usually TRUE that behind every great man
is a great woman.

It is ALSO true that when a man SCREWS UP
his relationship with a quality woman and
then LOSES that quality woman, his whole
LIFE goes down the drain.

One of the latest examples is TIGER WOODS.

By the way, in my example of Tiger Woods,
it's important not to take this situation and
judge him since it is impossible to know for
sure the kind of pressure and temptation he
was facing.  The point of this example is simply
to show what happens when a man is no longer
with the right woman, the point is NOT to judge
him for what happened.

He is not alone in what occurred to him, and
in fact the same thing happens to millions of
men, albeit on a smaller level because they
are not so famous.

He reaches the top of his field BY FAR.
Behind the scenes is a great woman who
stands by his side and raises his kids.

Then, the temptation of other women and pure
lust takes over, even though his wife is
gorgeous. 

His wife finds out, is devastated, his relationship
is ruined, his career TANKS.

People think he will never recover because his
golf game DROPS so massively.

It takes some serious TIME, but then guess what?
He slowly comes BACK.

But guess what is MOST important to realize about
this?  He is not alone.  He is not screwing around.
He is in a serious relationship with what appears
to be a really dedicated woman who was prepared
to deal with all the hassle she would get from
dating him at this time.

It is NOT a coincidence that his success coincides
with the time he has HARMONY and LOVE rather than
CHAOS and LUST as the only ruling factors in his life.

The same thing happens time and again with all kinds
of men in all kinds of fields from politics to sports
to business and everything else.

If you're a heterosexual man, being with the
right WOMAN is usually a MUST.  There are
always exceptions to the rule, but in GENERAL
this is a FACT.

The reason for this is because the human mind
is COMPLEX.  It is not JUST seeking love, it
is not JUST seeking LUST. It is not just seeking
security, and it is not just seeking adventure
and some adrenaline-stimulating risk.  It is
not just seeking rapport and support, and it
is not just seeking challenge.

It seeks the right BALANCE of all these things.
And this is why it is so important to find the
RIGHT woman.

So let me bring this full circle:

If you are looking to attract a woman, and if
you are looking for love combined with lust
rather than just lust or just love, I suggest
you USE my attraction strategies, but that
you use them on the kind of women who ALSO
have the right characteristics for ensuring
success in a long term relationship.

This way, you are focusing your energies on
the RIGHT kind of woman, who already HAS
all the right personality traits, but you
are now making her ATTRACTED TO YOU, so that
she is not with you simply out of LOGIC
(i.e. that she wants to have a relationship
where no one cheats on each other) but
rather she is ALSO with you out of her
own LUST for you which you INCREASED
because you also know how to MAGNIFY
a woman's attraction to you.

TWO: TAKE ON BODY LANGUAGE AND THE ROLES
OF THE CALM ALPHA

The next thing I want to explain is how
important it is to actually go beyond
your comfort level if you want to GROW.

What I mean in particular is that if you
want to become the "alpha male", a term
that I have mixed feelings about since
the term has often been wrongly used
to describe a jerk, the fact is that
scientific studies have shown that
if you take on the BEHAVIORS and
BODY LANGUAGE of someone who is not
only POWERFUL but who is also CALM
under pressure, you will ALSO begin
to BECOME this way.

I do not just mean this in a poetic sense.
I am talking CHEMICALLY.

You will experience an INCREASE in testosterone,
the chemical that is the ESSENCE of masculinity,
while SIMULTANEOUSLY experiencing a DROP in
CORTISOL, the destructive chemical that is
often released when people experience STRESS.

So you will become the kind of man who is
ASSERTIVE and CONFIDENT and who rises to
the challenge, but who ALSO does not
HARM his HEALTH when he experiences these
challenges.

There are plenty of men out there who are
very successful, but the CORTISOL they experience
from stress is destroying them.

THREE: ANOTHER DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

If you want to succeed with women, it is
important that you realize a fundamental
difference in their views toward sex.

Men basically feel that ATTRACTION is reason
enough to have sex with someone.

Most women however do NOT feel that way.

For a woman, usually, there needs to be
something ELSE involved.  A REASON, if you will.     

In fact, that REASON itself becomes PART
of the attraction.

It is important to realize this. It explains
why even a SUPERMODEL of a guy will quickly
be forgotten by a woman if the guy does not
FOLLOW up with her quickly and take things
to the next level of connection, but a
MAN on the other hand will remember a
HOT WOMAN for YEARS after he met her
even if he only saw her ONCE for a few
moments, AND he would be ready in an
INSTANT to have sex with her the moment
he saw her AGAIN.

This is a HUGE difference between men and women.

So what this means is that you MUST learn
the skills of how to CONVEY a lot about
yourself through CONVERSATION.

And I don't mean telling a woman a list of your
accomplishments like a resume.  Rather, I mean
INDIRECTLY you communicate to her, and you
actually will do this most effectively through
your STATE OF MIND which manifests itself
in your body language and tonality and which
affects your decisions instinctively on what
to say.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, a woman responds to a man
with a sense of PURPOSE and a sense of GENUINE
interest in her.

Remember, women can read your emotions VERY
EASILY, easier than men can read women.

So, it is not important that you have to be
a millionaire or a billionaire, but rather
that you MUST have a strong sense of WHY
you are doing what you are doing with your
life. 

Women are all about sensing EMOTIONS, so if
your emotions are NAMBY PAMBY, she will pick
that up. If you are not REALLY interested
in her, she will pick that up as well.

Women are not super-powered.  They can't tell
whether a man is a nice person or not right
off the bat.  But they CAN tell whether that
man feels POWERFUL and feels MOTIVATED and
feels INTERESTED in them.

A woman MUST have THESE kinds of reasons
to have sex with a man. It is usually
NOT enough of a reason for a woman to have
sex with a man just because she finds him
attractive when she looks at him.

FOUR: PRESSURE OR NO CHANGE

Finally, I want to end on one note:
If you don't put PRESSURE on yourself
to change, you are most likely NOT
going to change.

So, if you want to get good at attracting
women, and especially if you want to attract
a GREAT woman for a real relationship that
satisfies your love AND lust needs, you
MUST put pressure on yourself.

This is just one of the reasons my BOOTCAMP
is so important.  In BOOTCAMP, I will put
JUST the right amount of pressure on you.
I am not there to OVERWHELM your ability,
instead I am there to teach you and to also
PUSH YOU to what your REAL LIMIT really is.

Most people simply will NEVER push themselves
to their limit, it is human nature NOT to want
to work harder than we have to.

This is why throughout history, it has always
been NECESSITY that is the mother of GENIUS.
It was not VOLUNTARY INTEREST that was the
mother of genius.

When you take bootcamp with me, you will be
pushed to the point where you have no choice
but to GROW in skill.

Bootcamp is at:

http://getagreatgirl.com/bootcamp-sign-up.html

And if you are really serious about getting
a GREAT woman in your life, then get my
most specialized program that is DEVOTED
to this topic.

The name of this program is "Warrior Within",
and it includes 8 DVDs that will SKYROCKET
your success when it comes to getting the
kind of amazing woman who is the "total
package" that most men can only DREAM about.

It's at:

http://getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html

Till next time,

Michael Marks